all the photos of him are like this, I love that this guy understood he had been born with the face of a wizard or axe murderer and just leaned fully into it

he knew EXACTLY what he was doing

when a statue in his honour was put up in Mexico they made sure to include Asya

osha compliant blowjob

Before Steven was born Amethyst used to say ‘fuck’ all the time & so when he was a baby Greg had to sit her down and explain that she has to stop swearing around Steven because he’s young & impressionable

So Amethyst is like “but that’s my favourite word, when will be stop being young & impressionable so I can say it again??”

And Greg is like “uhh I don’t know, 15 I guess? 15 is probably old enough” 

“Got it”

flash forward to Steven’s fifteenth birthday and he is woken at dawn by Amethyst yelling “wake the FUCK up Steven it’s FUCKING TIME”

& he spends the entire day losing his mind

Steven: w-what’s happening

Garnet: *deadpan* Amethyst just got her favourite word back

Amethyst: *running around the house* FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Greg: what’s going on

Amethyst: you said once Steven was 15 I could say fuck again

Greg, who only hazily recalls the conversation in question: ……i DID?

Amethyst: *runs outside* FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK *distant sounds of spooked birds*

Pearl: Steven the *whispering* F-word is a bad word that Amethyst USED to say before-

Steven: I know what fuck means Pearl

Amethyst: *stopping dead in her tracks* WHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATT??

Pearl: who taught you that word mister!!

Steven: um… Lars and Sadie… *mumbling* five years ago…

Amethyst: I’ve been denying myself my favourite word for FIVE YEARS for NOTHING??

Greg: uh even if he knows what it means it’s still not really appropriate for you t-

Amethyst: *running outside* FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCK

Steven: …

Greg: …

Pearl: …

Garnet: …*quietly* fuck

Everyone else: O_O

Garnet: what. I missed it too

also Amethyst made a banner that says HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY STEVEN in very large writing

Connie: what’s going on

Steven: Amethyst is allowed to say fuck now

Connie: oh! are we all allowed to say fuck now??

Greg & Pearl in unison: NO!!

Peridot: what’s fuck

RIP yahoo answers

Can all the tumblr homosexuals agree to stop buying chick fil a. It's so depressing that across the board lgbt people and supporters are indifferent to chick fil a and feel fine buying it. Can we at least stigmatize it here

For those who actually like chick fil a sauce and refuse to boycott because of that:

It's ranch dressing, honey mustard, and barbecue sauce. Now free yourself

Fuck Chick-fil-A. That homophobic chicken isn't even that good, y'all are literally simping over chicken that tastes like it was made at a White cookout

The sauce:

The chicken (deep fried):

Air fryer version:

Fresh lemonade:

Lemonade milkshake:

Whatever thing you love at chikfila you can make yourself fairly trivially (if! you are able to cook! which I know not everyone can).

Simply look for a "copycat recipe" for the item, eg, "chikfila copycat chicken recipe."

There are literally thousands of extremely dedicated food bloggers out there who have long ago perfected there at home versions of stuff.

Chik Fil A contributes to groups who think trans people should be forcibly sterilised

No chicken is that fucking good

Thank you, /r/ProgrammerHumor, I love you endlessly.

Redditors competing to make the worst volume sliders possible...

special delivery for @soffies!!!

So I got called into jury duty…

And I was put in the seat instantly, of course. I said, “your honor, I can’t be a juror on a two week trial, I have opera rehearsal.” And she said, “opera huh, well, sing something for us.”

And I did. In a federal court of law, in front of the judge, 75 jurors, the lawyers and the fucking DEFENDANT, I sang o mio babbino caro.

And the judge excused me.

@districtswiftie13

YO I DIDNT EMBARRASS MYSELF IN FEDERAL COURT SO YALL CAN DOUBT ME.

I know a lot of opera singers, and singing a full-on aria in a court room with only a hint of provocation is EXACTLY what they would do.

I know a lot of judges, and demanding an impromptu opera solo on a whim is also something they would do.

(And also one of the main reasons you can be excused from jury duty is economic hardship–basically, it would cause you unreasonable financial damage. If you’re a professional singer, a two week gap in your rehearsal schedule could do that for sure.)

As a muso, I absolutely believe this. I’ve got my accordion out of my carry-on and played a tune when airport security couldn’t recognise its weird mass of levers. Singers and musicians are just Like That.

Accurate.

My friend got stopped at the Canadian border coming back into the US. Border patrol took one look at his tattoed, ear-gagued, mutton chop wearing, hipster self, and said “I don’t believe you’re an opera singer. Sing something for me.” His wife immediately put down her knitting and plugged her ears, because Matt’s a contrabasso, and he does NOT sing quietly. Every other booth along the border stop had a head poking out of it within twenty seconds. And they let them pass without further contest.

The unwillingness of some people to believe that literally anything remotely interesting happens in other people’s lives is truly astounding.

Can we all please just take a moment to appreciate that OP’s url is literally @melodramaticsoprano and yet she still was doubted?  

Single Question Personality Quiz

*Using whatever metric you chose. Your favorite band might not be your "Top Artist". It also might not be the band you've seen live the most times. Chose with your heart.

women should lift weights because it prevents osteoporosis in old age and makes you a more capable person in everyday life please shut up about butts and waists and hourglasses i'm going to fucking kill

;___;♡♡♡♡

I don't know who needs to hear this today, but PRONE is lying on your STOMACH, and SUPINE is lying on your BACK

Whats the saddest meal you can think of?

…………cheesy peasy…..

i want what david cronenberg has

Somehow, more disturbing. And still owned by Disney. Literally on brand.

I WAS SEARCHING FOR A SU CLIP BUT THIS IS SO MUCH MORE FUNNIER THAN WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR

thank you scherz et al. for bringing us the frogs Mini ature, Mini mum and of course, the Mini scule

Glad to see we made one scientist very happy