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It's your job isn't it

@lifwae

This used to be a lazy account but now my phone is this Bentley turning all my social networks into Good Omens. Welcome and pick your favourites among a careful selection of all things Ineffable Husbands !!
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charlottec21

LAST TIME I REBLOGGED THIS THE LAST COMPARISON WASNT ON THERE

This is the best thing I have ever seen

@klubbhead You used a cinnamon roll for Rey and not Leia?

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Dam it it got better

S T O P

Do Darth Maul next!

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This is why I love Tumblr. Do Yoda next please or Boba Fett.

Oh god. I can’t even think of something for them lol

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thej-key

Yoda gotta be raisin bread.

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nexar-k
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ENOUGH

NO

😬

do grand moff tarkin.

The last one got me.

I CAN’T

B R E A T H E

XD

i was mildly amused until the last one, at which point i broke

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agir1ukn0w

The post of legend has come again

OH GOD IT GOT BETTER

This is best post on this shit hole of an app

Holy shit

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kopykunoichi

Me: Why do I still have a Tumblr account?

This post: *exists*

Me: Oh yeah.

sjflksjaldj it keeps coming back, better than before

I AM SCREECHING

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spankerella

The last time I reblogged this, the canned bread was not there. That got me.

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quu-san

It’s not bread but honestly I’m not sure we’re keeping track anymore

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kurara123

may I? 

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silvyri

Luke’s a cake, just like his mother before him

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neil-gaiman

Over 90 glorious people Cosplaying GOOD OMENS pass the brush. And apples, books, donuts, and even babies...

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neil-gaiman

Hello, Mr Gaiman. I was having a pretty bad day (an effect of +50 days in lockdown, I suppose) and the. I saw that Simpsons episode where you "steal" Lisa's story. I had a big laugh at the end when your character says that you heisted your way to the bestsellers list again and that the best part was that you didn't know how to read. Was it really you voicing the character? If so, did you have fun? Thanks in advance!

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That was indeed me playing the Simpsons Universe version of Neil Gaiman. And I had an enormous amount of fun doing it.

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neil-gaiman

What was the point of the story Coraline? Because the first time I ever saw it, it was a DVD birthday gift from my mother, given with the description, "I saw this movie and thought of you, because the little girl in the movie is an ungrateful daughter like you are." I haven't been able to watch it more than once since then, and I keep finding mixed interpretations...

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The point of it was to write a story for my daughters to tell them that being brave didn’t mean that you weren’t scared, it meant that you were scared but you did the right thing anyway; that people who give you lots of attention sometimes do not have your best interests at heart while people who give you less attention than you would like may still love you; that it is a good thing to save your family from the darkness, and that you have to forgive your dad if he’s writing things and can’t always stop to play with you.

I’ve not noticed any ungrateful daughters either in the book or in the film. I suspect your mother may be inclined to see them where they do not exist.

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You fucked a lot of kids up, Neil.

Just sayin.

Perhaps. But almost 20 years after the book came out, and ten years after the movie came out, I can say that Coraline has given a lot of kids a refuge from the darkness, and helped them be brave and get through awful times. 

So I’m good with that.

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reblogged

Crowley’s Roman Look is Very Strange

I didn’t. I didn’t want to be this person. But Aziraphale is sitting RIGHT THERE looking like A TOTALLY RESPECTABLE Roman citizen circa 40 AD. Maybe the hair might be unusual, but the Romans LOVED blonde hair. They thought it was cool and foreign and exotic in sort of a sexy way.

But Crowley is so historically confused. And I think the production design is too good and Neil Gaiman is too on top of his game for this to be accidental. It must mean something. 

I - HAIR

What is on your head Crowley. Are you the emperor? Are you a victorious general currently participating in a victory parade? 

Sure, you sometimes see laurel wreathes in portraits. But FUNERAL portraits.

That crown is a symbolic thing, to celebrate your victories in life. It’s not STREET WEAR. 

And okay. It’s 40-41 AD. Caligula is emperor. Military chic is in. If you’re a guy, you’re wearing your hair short and un-styled (LIKE AZIRAPHALE.) Those dramatic little spit curls wouldn’t show up until at least Nero. 

But actually, pulling back for a second - are you appreciating the absurdity that is this hairstyle? Because it took me a second to notice that only the FRONT HALF is curled.

Which is a Roman hairstyle. But it’s a Roman LADY hairstyle. 

(It tends to get called ‘Flavian Hair’ because the Flavian era ladies of the 70s-90s got pretty extreme about it, but you still had less… dramatic versions in the 40s.)

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That’s you, Crowley. That’s your style reference. Honestly, if you had just kept your hair long everybody would have thought you were a cool barbarian chieftain or something. 

II - CLOTHES

The black is fine. It’s eccentric, but fine. Romans wore black. Wearing black was Cato the Younger’s *thing.* It gets associated with mourning and/or protest, but it would have been really visually confusing to have Crowley wear some other color. This gets a pass.

Nope, my question is about his articles of clothing. There’s a charcoal grey garment that seems to be a toga + undershirt. It’s looped over Crowley’s arm, which is a classic toga give away. 

That part’s fine. But over the top, he’s wearing a true black… short cape? Shawl? it’s really hard to tell, because whatever it is, he is NOT wearing it correctly (is it folded in half?) Also, that irregular red zigzag pattern is very strange and I do not recognize it from anywhere. Seriously, I can’t even decide on a continent for this garment.

III - JEWELRY

Emperor Nero usually gets credit for inventing the first sunglasses, after he started watching gladiators fight though a green gemstone. He won’t be emperor for about ten years. But hey, he probably got the idea from somewhere. And dark glasses are just a really sensible way to hide your snakey eyes. This is also the first time we see Crowley put up some proper emotional barriers, so it’s a good place for the glasses to be introduced. (@theladyzephyr has a wonderful meta that goes into a lot more detail here.) 

So the sunglasses are good. BUT THAT BROOCH.

Okay. This is Aziraphale wearing a fibula plate brooch

It’s a really Roman style, and a really Roman shape (a “pelta”)

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I’ve never seen one that looks like angel wings, but a Roman citizen is going to look at that and see a soppily patriotic Imperial Eagle. How nice that this lovely man from Germania/Greece has made some money and become such an exemplary citizen!

But Crowley is wearing a penannular (pin-and-ring) brooch

That’s not roman. That’s a style from the British Isles (Irish, Pictish, Scottish, Welsh.) It says barbarian, boonies, outskirts of the civilized world. 

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And nobody @ me with pictures of pin-and-ring brooches from Rome. Those are small, cheap, and undecorated. They’re the cultural equivalent of safety pins. This is patterned like a snake, and it’s the size of Crowley’s palm. 

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AND THAT’S ANOTHER THING. They didn’t do snake-themed jewelry in the British isles. Snakes didn’t have the best cultural associations there, and there weren’t too many of them there to begin with. This isn’t something Crowley picked up because “hey, a snake, cool,” and then got attached too. This must have been commissioned special. 

But you know who LOVED snake jewelry? 

ROMANS. 

Romans associated snakes with healing and rebirth - clinics sometimes had lil snakes crawling around on the ground to give the place good vibes. 

You cannot tell me that Crowley could have existed in Rome for any length of time and not picked up some of this jewelry. Which leads me to my conclusion:

IV - CROWLEY IS EXTREMELY NEW IN TOWN

The unfashionable pin and hair? The clothing draped the wrong way? The cultural colorblindness of wearing a laurel crown when you’re not supposed to? Crowley looks like a tacky tourist because he is one. He’s not staying here long, he “just nipped in for a quick temptation.”

He’s in a bad mod because he’s had an awful day, everyone keeps looking at him funny, the temptation was a complete bust, he has culture shock, and now he’s just trying to get a drink. But they don’t have any PROPER drinks like ALE or MEAD here, so he just orders “whatever’s drinkable.” He’s even not sure what they drink in Rome. 

But then Aziraphale shows up and invites him to lunch some place fashionable. So everything’s going to be okay.

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neil-gaiman

Good Omens fandom is the Best Fandom.

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neil-gaiman

Here are some pictures from my phone with Michael Sheen in them...

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neil-gaiman

A few photos from my phone, backstage at Good Omens. I'll try and get the time to do a few more of these. For now, lots of lovely David Tennant and a 1941 David and Michael...

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agoatsguide

Geralt/Jaskier: books vs Netflix adaptation

In the wake of the new Netflix series, Geralt/Jaskier has suddenly become one of the most popular ships in the Witcher fandom. As someone who’s been shipping these two idiots for almost fifteen years, I couldn’t be more pleased. However, I can’t help but notice the majority of the fandom acting as if the adaptation had invented love between Geralt and Jaskier, and I must call bullshit.

Sure enough, the Netflix series has blessed us with Joey Batey, whose Jaskier is a wonderful bisexual disaster, hopelessly in love with his Witcher. His feelings for Geralt are clear as day, impossible to miss. That’s not the case for book Jaskier. Not because book Jaskier doesn’t experience the same love and yearning, but because book Jaskier can’t afford to let it show, just as he can’t afford to exclaim his full name to a bunch of strangers, or show the darker, more insecure side of his personality to anyone but Geralt. What the Netflix Jaskier puts on display, the book Jaskier tries to keep hidden, and you can only see it when he slips up.

The main difference between the books and the show, however, is not the portrayal of Jaskier. It’s Geralt.

The show chose to present the relationship between the bard and his witcher as very one-sided, with Jaskier obviously pining for Geralt, and Geralt being too emotionally constipated to even call Jaskier a friend. That’s not the case in the books – the first time we get a mention of Jaskier is when Nenneke announces his arrival to Ellander and asks whether Geralt wishes to see him, to which Geralt responds right away with ‘Of course. He’s my friend’. ‘Opposites attract,’ he tells Nenneke a moment later, when she wonders what on earth brings these two together.

Is the love between Geralt and Jaskier romantic in the books? Not necessarily. It’s not any less deep or precious because of it, though.

What’s important to keep in mind, is that Geralt’s relationships generally fall under two categories: those driven by destiny, and those driven by negative emotions. The first category is people like Vesemir, to whom Geralt is bound by the Law of Surprise, Ciri, bound to Geralt by the same law, and, in a way, Yennefer, whom he can no longer escape, after the wish he made. Yennefer could also fall under the second category, though. Her relationship with Geralt is strong and fierce, but ultimately toxic, full of jealousy, doubt, and often resentment. The other relationships stem from either pity, or Geralt’s self-loathing, and more often than not Geralt enters them just so that he can hate himself for it later, the way he did with Renfri, for example.

There are two notable exceptions in his life, however. First being Nenneke, the priestess of Melitele, the mother-figure in Geralt’s life. Nenneke is the missing puzzle-piece to Vesemir, Geralt’s other parent-figure, she’s the person Geralt needs to complete his illusion of a family he wants so badly, she’s the person whose approval Geralt craves, with whom he’s not afraid to be vulnerable. The other exception, is Jaskier.

What makes Jaskier special is that Geralt doesn’t need him. Jaskier doesn’t fit into a specific archetype, he’s not bound to Geralt by a greater force, he might very well be a casual acquaintance like Mousesack. And yet, whenever their paths cross, Geralt chooses to keep Jaskier in his life.

This friendship and platonic love that stems from it, defy all logic. On one hand, we have Geralt, who spends his entire life pushing regular humans away, convinced that they must despise him deep down, and doing his best to not get involved. Geralt, who sees a bard in trouble, and saves his sorry ass, without thinking. And on the other – there’s Jaskier, a coward, who meets the infamous Butcher of Blaviken, and follows him to the end of the world, as if that’s the most natural thing to do.

In the show, it’s Jaskier, who approaches Geralt, who invites himself to tag along, who doesn’t get discouraged even when he gets punched in the gut. In the books, two lonely men run into each other while running away from their problems, and decide to travel together. And they will keep running into each other, time and time over, because they feel safe around each other. Geralt keeps Jaskier safe physically, saving him from monsters, fleeing with him from war. Jaskier, on the other hand, keeps Geralt safe from his worst enemy – himself. He’s not afraid to call Geralt out on his bullshit and be brutally honest, when it’s needed. The story we first see Jaskier in is called ‘The Voice of Reason’. And that’s precisely what Jaskier is for our Witcher who’d otherwise brood and spiral.

And the book Geralt appreciates it. He never treats Jaskier the way Netflix Geralt does, he’s never violent, or intentionally cruel. When they get captured by the Elves in Dol Blathanna, Geralt pleads with Filavandrel without calling Jaskier ‘just a bard’. When they encounter the djinn and Jaskier gets hurt, Geralt seeks help and bargains with Yennefer not because it was his wish that injured Jaskier, not because he feels guilty, but because he genuinely cares for his bard and simply has to do all he can to save him. He’s willing to pay whatever price Yennefer demands, but only after he gets Jaskier into safety.

What the show misses is the softness and casual intimacy that is a big part of Geralt and Jaskier’s relationship in the books. They feel perfectly comfortable touching, they share a bed on multiple occasions, they share clothes, they ride Roach together many a time, and if Jaskier is conscious during those rides, he always clings to Geralt’s waist. They’re always looking out for each other, often making small sacrifices just to give the other what he needs at the moment.

The Netflix Geralt treats Jaskier as a mildly amusing nuisance. The book Geralt gets exasperated at times (hey, who wouldn’t?), but he’s never dismissive – he knows Jaskier is talented, intelligent, and well educated, and he cares for his opinion. ‘I’m a poet, Geralt. Does it matter what I think?’ Jaskier asks when facing the golden dragon. ‘It does,’ Geralt says. And it’s Jaskier’s ‘Don’t kill… Can you?’ that affects Geralt’s final decision, not Yennefer’s ‘Kill that dragon for me’.

The book Geralt would’ve never said something like ‘If life could give me one blessing, it would be to take you off my hands’. The book Geralt enjoys Jaskier’s company. ‘You must’ve lost your mind, Jaskier,’ he says instead. ‘You must’ve lost your mind, if you think I’d leave you’. Because the book Geralt loves his bard, out of his free will, he chooses to love that absolute disaster. And that disaster loves him back, without jealousy, without strings attached, without destiny’s sword and axe hanging above their necks. Because not all relationships have to be grand and tragic, and full of heartbreak.

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in case you haven’t heard it today, or don’t fully realise it yet: i promise you that most people in this world are kind, loving and understanding. the people around you want you to succeed, they do not want you to fail. your friends don’t hate you, they love you, and they want to see you grow and prosper. 

the world is not as bad as it seems. don’t forget that.

Sounds fake but ok

good news: it’s not fake. everything i said is true. being dismissive towards good things is a damaging mindset to have. you’ll feel a lot better if you have some trust and if you’re willing to consider optimistic viewpoints.

Is this what non depressed people feel like ? Damn. You’re so lucky

i’m extremely mentally ill and extremely depressed at that. deflecting good advice that encourages you to think positively about life by claiming that the person who said it is not depressed (when i very much am) is also a very damaging mindset to have.

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langsandlit

OP is the opposite of the “Then Perish” meme. All of OP’s replies read as “Then Prosper”.

Hey all y'all, it turns out that saying positive things and encouraging others with them even when you don’t quite believe them yourself is an excellent coping strategy for clinical depression. I know it’s hard to understand when you’re in the pit, and if I’m honest it’s still hard for me to grok, but the more you say positive things, the more they start being true. If that means lying to yourself, lie! Your brain chemistry is already lying to you about bad things, you may as well lie right back about good ones.

“Your brain chemistry is already lying to you about bad things, you may as well lie right back about good ones.“ 

Wow. That is a really fucking good point. 

THEN PROSPER

Casual reminder that depression and PTSD *literally actually* warp your perception of reality.

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raeynbowboi

How to Play as Elsa in DnD 5e

This is somewhat of a joke build because it’s super simple. Elsa has one power, so you just need to build something that can maximize her use of that power.

I haven’t seen Frozen 2, and I won’t. Sequel movies are tier 2 canon, so I don’t care about it for her build. So, Elsa’s magic is an unexplained thing she was born with, so she’s not exactly human. That makes her a Variant Human, so we’ll give her +1 INT and +1 CON, a skill for Deception so she can lie about it, and Elemental Adept so the cold won’t bother her anyway.

The Elsa I know is a selfish person who isn’t exactly good, so Chaotic Neutral.

Elsa is crowned Queen of Arendale, so clearly a Noble.

Wizard     Lore Mastery

The beauty of this subclass is that you can literally turn any spell that deals elemental damage into Cold damage. So, while Elsa’s spell list includes Lightning, Fire, Thunder, Radiant, and Necrotic damage, all of it becomes Cold damage spells, making her ice powers extremely flexible and expansive.

Stats

Her best stat is going to be Intelligence, which she casts with. And that’s about the only stat that matters. Because Elsa is as flat as can be. She barely has an arc or personality in the first movie. Give her CON and DEX for the build’s sake, but that’s us furiously trying to fill in the gaps of her non-existent character.

Name: Elsa Race: Variant Human Background: Noble Alignment: Chaotic Neutral Class: Lore Mastery Wizard (20) Base Stats: Strength: 8 (-1) Dexterity: 15 (+2) Constitution: 20 (+5) Intelligence: 20 (+5) Wisdom: 10 (0) Charisma: 10 (0) Saving Throws: Strength: -1 Dexterity: +2 Constitution: +5 Intelligence: +11 Wisdom: +6 Charisma: 0 Combat Stats: HP: 182 AC: 12 Speed: 30 Initiative: +5 Proficiency Bonus: +6 Passive Perception: 10 Dark Vision: 0 feet Proficiencies and Expertise: Arcana (Wizard) Deception (Variant Human) History (Noble) Investigation (Wizard) Persuasion (Noble) Skills: Acrobatics: +2                   Medicine: 0 Animal Handling: 0            Nature: +5 Arcana: +17                       Perception: 0 Athletics: -1                        Performance: 0 Deception: +6                    Persuasion: +6 History: +17                       Religion: +5 Insight: 0                            Sleight of Hand: +2 Intimidation: 0                    Stealth: +2 Investigation:+11               Survival: 0

Spell Slots

1st (4) 2nd (3) 3rd (3) 4th (3) 5th (3) 6th (2) 7th (2) 8th (1) 9th (1)

Elsa’s Spellbook

Cantrips                             3rd Level                              6th Level   Firebolt                               Call Lightning                      Chain Lightning   Frostbite                             Fireball                                Investiture of Flame   Infestation                           Flame Arrows                     Investiture of Ice   Lightning Lure                     Lightning Bolt                     Ostil’s Freezing Sphere   Ray of Frost                        Sleet Storm                        Sunbeam 1st Level                               Vampiric Touch                   Wall of Ice   Absorb Elements              4th Level                             7th Level   Burning Hands                    Blight                                  Crown of Stars   Ice Knife                              Elemental Bane                  Delayed Fireball Blast   Mage Armor                        Ice Storm                          8th Level   Ray of Sickness                  Ostil’s Resilient Sphere       Control Weather   Shield                                  Sickening Radiance            Incendiary Cloud   Witch Bolt                            Vitriolic Sphere                 9th Level 2nd Level                             5th Level                               Meteor Storm   Aganazzar’s Scorcher         Cone of Cold   Dragon’s Breath                   Dawn   Flaming Sphere                   Enervation   Melf’s Acid Arrow                 Immolation   Ray of Enfeeblement           Negative Energy Flood   Scorching Ray                     Wall of Light   Shatter   Snilloc’s Snowball Storm

Features:

Alchemical Casting: Spend a spell slot to increase spell damage, range, or DC. Arcane Recovery: Recover 10 or fewer level 5 or lower spell slots on short rest. Elemental Adept: Enemy creatures can’t resist your Cold damage. Lore Mastery: Expertise in Arcana, roll Initiative with either DEX or INT. Master of Magic: Cast a non-wizard spell with an available spell slot. Position of Privilege: You are welcome in high society, common folk go out of their way to make you comfortable, and you can get an audience with other nobles. Prodigious Memory: Replace a prepared spell with one you’ve learned. Signature Spells: Cast Fireball and Lightning Bolt once without a spell slot Spell Mastery: Cast Burning Hands and Shatter once without a spell slot. Spell Secrets: Change an elemental spell’s damage type or saving throw DC.

This was a nice, quick build, so I’m happy with how it came out. And as always, I do take requests. Also, this build can work pretty much for Jack Frost as well, or any other character who only uses ice powers.

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@lifwae 😂😂😂

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lifwae

Literally my family and me EVERY CHRISTMAS.

My family : ’…there’s only books on your Christmas list. Are you sure you don’t want anything else, more original?’

Me : ’…no, books will really make me happy.’

My family : ‘what about make up though? It sounds like a good idea. Or jewels? ’

Me : ‘Books. BOOKS. B-O-OK-S.’

My family : 'no no wait I know!! A jewel box!! What about soap tho? Hm. It’s so hard to find gifts for you.’

Me : 😅

😂😂

Very surprised you didn’t ask for the good omens DVDs when they told you “something other than books” lmao

You're right, I did ask for the dvd!! Thx for the reminder hahaha

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@lifwae 😂😂😂

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lifwae

Literally my family and me EVERY CHRISTMAS.

My family : '...there's only books on your Christmas list. Are you sure you don't want anything else, more original?'

Me : '...no, books will really make me happy.'

My family : 'what about make up though? It sounds like a good idea. Or jewels? '

Me : 'Books. BOOKS. B-O-OK-S.'

My family : 'no no wait I know!! A jewel box!! What about soap tho? Hm. It's so hard to find gifts for you.'

Me : 😅

😂😂