DIARY ENTRY 046
Can he think of me??? for once i want to be the one running through his mind…
love,
A
DIARY ENTRY 045
life’s been too unpredictable… im so tired of living at this point… yeah maybe cos im lonely there’s no one to comfort me and i need a long ass hug but there’s no one to hug me… it’s getting too ridiculous at this point… i mean one day i might end it but i been saying that a lot of times and im still here… i dont want to be here anymore im so sorry… i just want to run away from all my problems and go to another country… i want to forget everything and just disappear… im so thankful for a lot of my friends but at the same time im sorry for being a burden… im just realising that maybe being a burden is always gonna be what i do… maybe thats why ppl always leave me… maybe im too much of a burden that ppl always hate me… its all my fault im sorry pls dont be my friend anymore… fuck everything at the point
love,
A
DIARY ENTRY 044
I need to let you go but at the same time im not ready to let you go im still not over you its getting kind of frustrating… im tired of thinking abt you and not really getting you off my mind…. im doing a lot of shit just to forget you… got deeper into kpop just to forget you and its not helping and i hate you for it…. i think i just hate myself not at you for getting too attached to you and it’s all my fault… for liking you for falling for you while you are not even here…. its just so tiring to be here without seeing you and when i do see you i break down and go on a fucking rampage…. so if you ever liked me as a friend just talk to me pls… oh wait maybe you just think of me as a psa and im fine with that can you think of me… pls think of me… i just want you to think of me… pls just think of me… v pls think of me…. just think of me…. its getting to unfair at this point…. im not here to wait for you can you just come to me even just for a little while if not i would literally go crazy… im crazy for you already and my friends are hating me for it…. they hate me talking abt you all the fucking time…. but what am i supposed to do??? im thinking of you all the time now…. maybe i regret not talking to you but can we just meet one last time??? just for my heart to let go… but i dont know if i see one last time, i would cry in front of you…. while typing this i already feel like crying…. ok enough abt you
love,
A
DIARY ENTRY 042
here i am a week later... crying myself to bed, having migraines, not having a normal eating schedule... sometimes i can’t even cry so i just stare blankly into my ceiling where i can physically hear my heart breaking... tbh i can’t even sleep in the same bed as my sister cos she’s in a happy relationship and it makes me feel jealous... don’t get me wrong i’m happy for her she’s even getting married but when’s my turn... i know im just turning 20 and it’s still early to give up... yes i know being in a relationship is hard work and not only rainbows but i’m willing to go through it if the other person is...
Love,
A
DIARY ENTRY 041
2021 had a bad start to it... i’m fine... i got rejected again... what’s new... but this time he was good at not hurting my feelings... but seriously this time i thought something could happen... i was hoping which made it worse... don’t ever hope... the problem was we actually were hanging out and having fun... he even asked my friend if i was okay when i ignored him for 3 weeks(?)... i was ignoring him cos i wanted to avoid my feelings as you know i fall fast... and i wasnt ready to fall for someone who won’t like me again and guess what... i fell harder than ever... guess i’m someone who will never be loved... i’m seriously contemplating that...
Love,
A
DIARY ENTRY 040
Hi, it's been a hell of a ride huh?!?
2020 may not be the best year but it was okay. I'm fine these days im happy but im sad maybe im just indifferent
Things has been chaotic but at least we got through it...
Stay Safe and Healthy
Love, A
your feelings for girls are not perverse, gross, or bad. they’re healthy and beautiful. nurture them like you would a small plant or a sick baby animal. be kind to yourself above all else.
“”“i won’t abandon you”“” try telling that to my abandonment issues
Diary Entry #039
hihi!!! this has been a long time huh?!?
me liking a girl was my last update... my country is too homophobic to be accepting of lgbt+ ppl and i cannot express my feelings for a girl openly. its hard... tbh i dont know what i am... i like both female and male but tbh i don't care if u have a dick or vagina or nothing ffs as long as u treat me right or make me feel special i will literally love u immediately... so am i pansexual or bisexual? lets figure it out... haiss and because of my homophobic country a lot of my friends are closeted bcos they are too scared of being pointed at... i have told my closest friends and i think my sis suspects but not my parents... so im considered one of the brave ones just cos i embraced my sexuality... but yes i have dated a girl and it was a good relationship and i loved it... so im just gonna leave this here so bye.....
Love,A...
Diary Entry #038
Hi... I havent posted for long... but I can tell you that im much happier these days hahah... no i did not get a boyfriend... i've been occupying myself with 7 crackheads... Even though there were bad days, it was a little bearable... hahaha... haiss but seriously liking a girl is hard...
nahimoffthis-deactivated2018091
You wanna come over and just go to sleep?