It's Your Boy

we hate crypto

every time i see this i literally cry its so funny

i could never be in the army what if my stomach hurt

what if my stomach hurt and they made us run around. i would kill myself

Can't even, but here goes. First please for god and country never join up. Second after the first three hundred push ups and three hundred sit ups on the first day you will forget about your tummy. Third stop swallowing after sucking off your bed bunky and the sour tummy wont happen to begin with let him nut in your ass like a sailor.

thank you for your service

no offense but all those cottagegirl basic bitches crying over hoziers feature on an edm song is SO FUNNY

LMDJSHWINDOWNEKEKEKWK. LIKE LNFOAOSOODOSOAO

[Id: four cropped screenshots of tiktoks cropped so it only shows the caption and the forehead of people looking in distress.

1: fellow wlw... are we prepared to decanonize our patron Saint?

2: Andrew, I love you so much you funky feminist forest man, but this does not sound like it's about corpses or forests or religious trauma

3: what the fuck kinda eddy she she bs is this I want Mr forest nymph to come back it's been almost 3 years man

4: how are we supposed to sad girl autumn in these conditions bog god? / end id]

The way women talk about Hozier is the closest to racism against the Irish that we’ve experienced in the United States since Victorian times

in rare moments, it's particularly pleasing to be called a bitch. you are standing there and the dude is fuming because you won't let him take home someone too drunk to stand. you are standing there and not letting karen yell at the barista about the mask policy and this lady absolutely wants to kill you so badly.

standing there and you're objectively, 100%, doing-the-right thing - and you're a bitch! and it's kind of like - you know what, thank you, i am a bitch right now. now you got my hackles up, bark bark. you are standing there, telling this asswipe of a person not to be a bigot - that if things have to get hairy, they will get hairy like a wolf. you've been good for a lot of your life! very well-behaved. your teachers called you a delight once. you get nervous ordering takeout over the phone.

but right now you're a bitch! you are wearing someone else's skin. you are not a name, a person. just a bitch. and it's well and truly freeing. it's rare - very - but it happens to hit just-right. and you're standing there with your ears roaring from adrenaline and you're like, oh. i'm a bitch! i'm a bitch! i'm being a huge fucking bitch! and now, my love! i'm gonna be your big fucking bitch of a problem!

So rare do I ever come across a post that gives me psychic damage with every sentence

@r-u-s-h-m-o-r-e​

Remember that text post from a few years back that was about how eventually this website would turn on John Mulaney the minute he did anything that showed he was a human person instead of the idealized pedestal we put him on. 

It’s happening now and I’m just seeing some awful takes about what’s going on with him and it’s like: guys you aren’t entitled to know what’s going on with his private life, and it’s very entitled to feel personally betrayed about a relationship you are not a part of. Just leave the man alone. Leave everyone alone for fucks sake. 

You would not believe the reactions on tiktok. “Thinking about him rebounding is making me physically ill,” “Ugh, you can’t trust any man,” *deletes a John Mulaney slide from a powerpoint titled Men I Trust*

just realized you don’t need to say 6am or 6pm. we already know the m is there so just write like 6a or 6p. can’t believe no one figured this trick out before.

or you could do the easy thing and say 0600 and 1800

yeah like adding a bunch of unnecessary zeroes is easy. you piece of shit. you fucking coward

After your death, your brain was scanned, so you could be revived with it when technology will allow it. Hundred years later you are awaken in new body to find out that your brain scan is in public domain and now there are millions of you.

If this concept intriguing to you at all, and you like video games, then you should seriously consider playing SOMA.

When I finished it, I just sat in front of the screen for nearly an hour trying to parse what I’d just taken in, which was a melancholy but beautiful discussion about the nature of what makes us human, and what perseverance and survival can come to mean when everything - and I mean everything, changes on you.

[the developers have also included a “safe mode” where the monsters chasing you don’t hurt you, so you can still just experience the story and the choices, and it takes nothing away from the experience]

that’s weird man!

this is literally what a funeral in the sims looks like

My God they actually look like dogs now

Lord, the changes! DO PUGS NEXT!!!

ACTUALLY! A breeder in Germany started to breed healthier pugs called “retro mops” and currebtly ppl are trying to get AKC and UKC to recongnize them as the new standard.

heres the comparison:

Reblogging with updates! Healthy bulldogs AND healthy pugs! ❤️

its always "objects in the mirror are closer than they appear" until im fucking parallel parking and it looks like im all up on their ass and when i get out of the car theres enough space for me to start a small business like qdagwbsbeje AAAAAAA

help me legally change my name so my m*rderer birth father can stop finding me

hey folks uhhhh so my birth father has figured out where I go to school and I've been putting this off for years but I need to finally change my name!!!! I don't need a literal murderer popping into my life every few years and scaring the shit out of me. if anyone else has any ideas outside of changing my name legally on how to make it harder for him to find me, PLEASE message me. otherwise, I'd love the financial help—I make the measliest fucking paycheck on planet earth and the filing fees plus publishing it in a local paper (state law) will come out to $429. don't feel bad at ALL if you can't donate, but PLEASE consider reblogging. this is really scary lol and I'd like to take at least the first step to helping myself. even outside of the safety aspect, it's his last name and I'd like to free myself of that

venmo: pcassandra

paypal

hey folks!!! I'm at $50/$429!!!! 💘💘💘💘 I'm gonna go to bed but thanks so so so much

$250/429!!!!!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

hey folks!!! this has lost traction, pretty please keep reblogging 🥺

I love when straight cis women try to make fun of my partners “childish”/“unmanly” hobbies like collecting lego and collectible figures, meanwhile their husbands literally collect assault rifles and weapons and tactical gear they’re too stupid to use properly and I could out shoot their sedentary clumsy goofy asses despite not having stepped in a shooting range in nearly a decade

NOT TO MENTION my partner’s hobbies are actually safe and fun and fucking awesome, and he tries to make me feel included in them but doesn’t pressure me, and his face is cute as fuck when he’s happy and watching him patiently interact with children in the Lego store gives me baby fever 🤒 but have fun with your gun swinging paranoid prepper white boy who can’t cook an egg

My husband was belittled and bullied by all of his previous partners into quitting his favorite hobby, collecting hot wheels.

Shortly after we started dating a dear friend of mine who was a lifetime collector passed away, leaving me with his collection. When my now-husband helped me go through them he mentioned how he used to collect them with his father, and it broke my heart to hear the sadness in his voice as he talked about it.

I told him that my friend would have loved for his collection to go to someone who was just as passionate about them as he was rather than to an estate sale or on ebay.

The following Valentines day I bought him a hot wheels car with his other gift and he lit up like it was Christmas. From that point on it became just something we did together, digging through hot wheels bins and garage sales. I even have a small collection of Dino-themed hot wheels of my own!

Now he collects and customizes them, sells some to his friends in the hobby to support his "habit" as he calls it hahaha. He has over a thousand in his collection now, He even got into carpentry so that he could build display cases for them!

Anyway I love men, especially when they have hobbies that are "weird" or "childish"

If someone makes you ditch your “weird” or “childish” hobbies they don’t deserve to be in your life. Let them go back to their sad boring ways alone.

So that’s basically how it went down