"anyone can be a babygirl but it takes a man to be a single mother"
Things Bruce Wayne has definitely said that you can't change my mind about-
-
"Wait so you mean to tell me I can't pay a robber to rob this bank at another time?"
"Wait, isn't this one of your me-me's? Tim! Tim This is the language of your people!"
"Alfred I don't know where any part of anything is!"
"Alexa, play Desperate Sea Toad,"
"Alfred, call the guy!"
"Cassandra is a perfect little angel, Mister Luthor! How dare you try to suggest that she- my innocent daughter who could do no wrong- would slap you. Tsk, that's just absurd,"
"Children whom I care for and adore very much... Why is Damian duck taped to the ceiling?"
"Tim, we've talked about this. We are not going to buy the local Starbucks just so you can have access to their raw Expresso shots,"
"Jaylad, why do you always think I'm going to gift you a crowbar for any significant holiday or event?" :(
*Bonus*
"Dad- Alfred- Alfred! The kids' name is Bat-Son for crying out loud!"
"What do you mean I can't adopt him?!"
“Sir are you sure we should go through with this?”
Me as a CEO buying the FNAF franchise to make it more complicated so MatPat will curse me out in his videos: “Absolutely”
whenever i see another tiktok girlie talking about how she wishes to have been a fangirl in 2010s i feel like a seasoned veteran overhearing a foolish youngin boasting about wanting to go to war for glory and adventure. you naive little idiot. you know nothing. you understand nothing. you weren't there in the trenches. i have seen things, terrible things. i cannot plug in my phone charger at night without being plagued by the visions of Him
Bruce once said, half-jokingly, that anyone who wanted to marry any of his kids had to beat hik in single combat first. Unfortunately, joking on the Bat looks dead serious to everyone not in his circle, so now Wally is busy learning Muay Thai, Roy is brushing up on Krav Maga, and Conner has resigned himself to living in sin. Steph just figures she'd ask Cass to fight her battles for her.
Conner: I’m sorry. I love you, but we can never marry.
Tim, thinking about who he might need to politely go ask Jason to take care of:
Conner, entirely serious: I’m never going to be able to beat your dad.
Tim, hearing “beat UP” because he was thinking about Jason punching Luthor:
Tim: I feel like further explanation might be necessary here.
Wally: Okay. I think I’m ready to fight Batman.
Dick, only half paying attention: *nods* I understand completely. I have the same urge all the time.
Jason: What do you MEAN you can’t marry me because Batman will beat you?
Roy: But Bruce said-
Jason: I don’t care what Bruce said. Actually, no. I do care. How DARE he-
*cut to Jason fighting Batman*
Roy: So does this count, or…
Bruce, at six am in a bathrobe and slippers: Steph, what are you doing here?
Steph: Outsourcing.
Cass: *comes flying at Batman from two stories above*
I need it to be documented that for the Steph and Cass bit I am 100% picturing him in the robe and towel with his cowl still on, Lego Batman Movie style. Thank you that is all.
Every total badass needs their himbo Malewife and I am PROUD to say - I am that Himbo Malewife
Jason, in therapy: Dick is the golden child, I could never come close to his level of perfection nor be a good son my second time around... Not that I hate him for it, kinda hard now since he's there to support me, made me come to therapy.
Damian, asked who's the good child: well it's Richard of course, he's what I inspired to be.
Tim, talking about the greatest Robin: he started and set what every Robin should be, it's insane how he adapted to this lifestyle!
Cass, asked who's her favorite sibling: I don't have a favorite but Dick is one I can count on for anything, he's a good brother.
Steph: oh I know goodie two shoes won't do anything that would be anywhere near stealing, come on Wally, stop lying.
Duke: I don't think Dick can do anything wrong, I might be signal but he's the light of Gotham so I can't believe he's done anything wrong, I mean he ran away but that was mostly Bec Bruce hurt his feelings. No, I think the only thing he ever did anything wrong in his life was maybe stepping on an ant, he's a good guy and an amazing big brother, dramatic as hell but still a good guy.
Dick's good child times
Bruce, at his last straw: the Geneva Convention was not a checklist for your war crimes! You're 8yo, you shouldn't be a wanted man by the government!
Dick, sassy pants: correction, one I'm a wanted child, okay. Two, I didn't use it as a checklist, I added onto that list. I improve that list.
Bruce: your a wanted criminal, you set a man on fire!
Dick: whatever geezer, can you leave now I'm doing my homework or now it's an issue for you
Bruce: it is now, you are grounded, no, your beyond grounded your... Your forever grounded!
Dick: wow, you went to a the best college out there and the best you come up with is "forever grounded", why I'm even studying at this point if you're supposed to be smarter than anyone in the world.
Bruce: you're a nightmare.
Dick: and you're losing to an 8yo, now tell the government to shove it where the sun doesn't shine and leave me alone.
Bruce: I'll... I'll forbid you to see your friends then, ha whatcha going to do about that one.
Dick: leave to see them like always, just like I do to do my "crimes". This game getting boring, take the lost.
Bruce: this isn't over young man!
Dick: uh huh, yeah.
Man has vivid nightmares about this smol 8yo, Jason nor Damian's past or future could top things Dick did for fun, he knows the moment Dick decides to take the good boy act up he won't be able to save the world nor will any heroes.
Dick: Hey, you wanted to talk?
Tim: Yeah. I wanted your advice on something.
Dick: You've come to the right place. How can I be of service?
Tim: I want to have a teenage rebellious phase, but I don't want to do anything morally reprehensible. I just don't know where to start
Dick: Might I suggest a ridiculously low v-neck?
Tim: Not all of us are as comfortable with our tiddies halfout like you
Rogue: We have Nightwing tied up, unconscious and drugged in the basement. You think about touching us and he’s done.
Tim: So you have Batman’s child, Superman’s nephew, the big brother to a whole slew of bats, brother to the original Teen Titans and the second batch of them, best friends with whatever we’re calling the red head Flash to distinguish him from the other Flash, mentor to Young Justice and a favorite of the Justice League? Did you think this through at all? I’m positive that there is a fleet of Kryptonians coming here now, so uh surrender him I guess if you like your bones in one piece?
I’m not sure I’m strong enough to handle Damian crying or Dick immediately putting an arm around him and gently holding him and asking him how he can help.
Bruce: *messing around at a gala as a child, pushes into an old scary lady*
Lady: *scowling* I hope you get a child exactly like you.
*years later*
Dick: *stubborn with anger issues*
Bruce: oh no
Jason: I hate you! You’re not my dad
Bruce: *remembering all the times he yelled that at alfred* oh nooo
Tim: *stays up for days obsessing over cases, drinks coffee like it’s disappearing tomorrow*
Bruce: *quietly moved away his files and mugs* oh nooooo
Cass: *charges into a death match to become the best fighter she can*
Bruce: *remembering every training he did before Batman* ....pleaseeee
Damian: I hate school! I don’t need it *gets expelled from every school he goes to*
Bruce: *remembers EXACTLY how many times he got expelled and for why* ....fuck
Bruce: *stared at Duke and Steph*
I’m not sure I’m strong enough to handle Damian crying or Dick immediately putting an arm around him and gently holding him and asking him how he can help.
WOAH OH MY GOD I COSPLAY! I went to a con the other week and got some pretty fun pictures of me in Wolfwood cosplay! ^^
hey do u mind holding this 💣
yea sure for how long 🫴
oh just 5 :)
Two instances where I would've committed a whole murder for Dick Grayson:
The New Titans #55
Grayson #9
I know the fandom trope of "Tim hates Dick for what he said in Red Robin" but like
He probably felt hurt for a minute but the second he saw Dick again it was instant forgiveness. He is in awe of his big brother, he thinks he has it all together (even though he very much doesn't), he thinks the world of Dick. in the alt universe vampire comic Tim probably forgave Dick for crushing his scull in. Tim at his core is a Dick Grayson Stan first, human second.
Jason and Tim being secret die hard Dick Grayson fans is just so funny to me.
Like robin!jason was probably all like “HOLY SHIT it’s the original Robin! He’s a grown up! He’s so amazing! He does so many cool flips!”
It’s being star-struck because yes while Bruce can do it too it’s nowhere near as good as Dick doing even a simple stunt and Jason being blown away in awe.
There was always a certain intimidating aura Dick had around him, which he still hadn’t noticed. Yet being the eldest makes him the coolest to his younger siblings, even though they never admit they’d follow that man into oblivion.
Tim however was a fan of Dick Grayson first and Robin second.
The moment he sees a child dive off the ground, embracing the wind as his own and moving as seamlessly as a fish does in water it is the only act which gets him to stop crying at the circus.
Watching this eight year old laugh in the face of death, in defiance of fear and simply soar so gracefully, as if he had invisible wings that helped him dance across the sky, it was a sight Tim could never forget.
And when he realises this child, took all the fear and anguish of his parents death and became Robin, Tim feels his heart pounding in his chest.
Still laughing in defiance, Dick Grayson blended in with the shadows better than darkness, and Gotham claimed him as one of her cryptic. He watches in awe the kids compassion, the empathy and realises there is absolutely no way the kid isn’t an angel sent from above.
Even now, when they see him Jason refuses to acknowledge the tiny skip his heartbeat does hearing his name, tries to push down the child like sense of wonder he still feels and the pride of actually being his family.
Tim knows he’s human now. That Dick Grayson can fall. But like Sherlock said , “It isn’t the fall that kills you. It’s the landing.”
And Dick Grayson always nails the landing.
So when Dick compliments them both on their work, calls them his “little wings”, invites them to family night and winks before leaving, both of them stare at each other before caving in and going gaga over it.
