May I request 3. Laughing until you’re sad because you know you’re gonna miss this moment -- idol!hanjisung x reader please? :D i'm a sucker for angst lol

HaPpY

Number: 3. Laughing until you’re sad because you know you’re gonna miss this moment

Member: Han Jisung

Genre: ANGST, lovers to exes, kinda slow-burn

“They allowed it! Baby, they really said yes!” Your boyfriend yelled over the phone, his voice cracking due to excitement. You screamed as well, the happiness that you felt for him indescribable.

Han Jisung, the man you had known your entire life and had been dating for about two years, was finally allowed by his parents to move countries and follow his dream.

But what you didn’t realise at the time was the fact that this decision would be the beginning of the end.

You were his biggest supporter, always motivating him to keep making music, even if he struggled at first. He said it was thanks to you that he kept working hard, using you as the muse of his songs, which finally made his parents recognise his potential. You were so proud of him, and you couldn’t wait to stand by his side and witness him grow even more as he starts to build his career.

You were young, it was normal that you believed in something like that.

He moved just a few months later, eager to audition for the company he wanted to join. Luckily, he passed the auditions on the first try, and it was immediately followed by the start of his training. You were still by his side, though not physically, but calling him as much as you could.

Back then, living so far away from each other wasn’t as hard as you expected it to be. Hearing about his accomplishments made it all worth it, and that’s also what you used to tell him every night before the two of you fell asleep on the phone.

It wasn’t long after that when his training became much more intensive, not giving him the opportunity to talk to you as much as he used to. Of course, it made the both of you sad, but you also expected that much. It was okay, even if he only called you a few times a week.

The few times a week slowly but surely became a few times a month, and that’s when you realised how hard it really was to be the girlfriend of a soon-to-be idol.

You gave it everything you had to keep the relationship going, texting him as much as you could, updating him on what was going on in your life. And you know he tried too, always calling you on the nights he didn’t immediately fall asleep due to exhaustion.

The both of you refused to acknowledge the emotional distance that was forming between you, not once mentioning the topic of breaking up. You stayed together, acting like everything was fine, even if you didn’t hear from him for weeks straight. The truth was that it was draining you, the insecure thoughts and “what-if”s never leaving your mind. But even as you were falling into a mild depression because if it, you loved him too much to put an end to your relationship.

It went on like that for a long while, until it was exactly two and a half years after he left that he was allowed to visit again.

You were waiting with his parents at the airport, nervously chewing at your fingernails. You didn’t know what to expect.

How will he act? What if he’s changed? Or will he be the same as before? What if it’s awkward between us? I haven’t spoken to him in so long, will I even recognise him? Does he even want me to be here? He’s probably going to break up with me, isn’t he?

Then, as your eyes were nervously darting around, you saw a man with a black beanie and mask covered face running towards you. Your eyes widened when you recognised the keychain hanging from his bag, the one you gifted him years ago.

He picked you up, burying his face in your neck while holding you tightly by your waist. You could feel his tears dripping down your collarbones, mixing with your own.

You heard a loud sob as he put you down, still holding onto you tightly. “I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, baby. I-I’ve been such a bad boyfriend, I know, but let me make it up to you now. I’m back baby, shh, it’s okay. I love you so much. I’m so sorry, my y/n”

Only then you realised that it was your own sob that you heard, knees almost buckling as you just kept on crying. You missed him so much.

Together with his parents whom he greeted after you calmed down, you left the airport to go home.

Jisung did not leave your side for the rest of that evening, holding your hand as you get out of the car, cuddling you from behind while you helped his mom get food ready, and even subtly hooking your leg around his under the kitchen table during dinner.

He also talked a lot, mentioning everything that you and his parents hadn’t already heard of during his time as a trainee. He talked about his friends, the group he had become a part of, how tough his dance classes were and even some crazy idol stories he had heard in the company.

It was a nice dinner, everyone was having a great time reminiscing old memories and sharing new ones. But then, Jisung nervously took your hand, announcing that he had some news. His voice was trembling.

“Mom, dad. My y/n” he started off, looking at you before continuing, “I-I’m debuting. My group made it, and we’re debuting soon. That’s why they gave me this vacation, because we have our first comeback next month”

You gasped, shoving your chair back while standing up, jumping into the arms of your boyfriend who did the same. You were crying once more, and although it was from happiness this time, you couldn’t help but worry about your future together. Your grip around his shoulders tightened, and so did his.

He let you hold him for as long as you needed, his own tears also threatening to spill. What was going to become of you?

His parents were still cheering in the back, congratulating their son while you let go of him. He should spend some more time with his parents, you thought, since he will only become busier as time goes by.

His vacation was two weeks in total, and even though you had told him that he should spend it with his family, Jisung insisted that he wanted to see you every day. And he did, inviting you over without a single day skipped.

During those two weeks, he apologised a lot. He apologised for not having enough time, and for not being able to treat you better. But even then, the topic of breaking up was avoided at all cost.

Until it was the last evening of his break when he asked you to stay the night.

The both of you were cuddling on his bed, your head on his shoulder while his was resting on top of yours. Your legs were tangled, your arms holding each other as if it’s your last day alive. And somehow, as you mentally prepared for the conversation you had been dreading, you felt like it was exactly that. Your last day feeling alive.

“Hey, Jisung?” Your voice was heavy as you spoke.

You felt his hands start to tremble as he tightened his grip on you, already having an idea of what was coming.

“Yes, angel?” He whispered.

There was a minute of silence. You gulped, holding back tears while trying to think of what to say. Jisung was already shaking by then, his hand finding yours and holding it unbearably tight against his chest, allowing you to feel the wild beating of his heart.

“Y-you know I love you a lot, right? And I will always support you no matter what you do”

He felt the first tear land on his arm.

“I know you love me too, b-but” you sucked in a breath, “sometimes, love is just not enough, you know?”

He moved the hand that he was holding from his chest to his lips, kissing it softly before nodding.

“I know, sweetheart” he said quietly.

“I hope you achieve your dream, and become famous. And I hope you will always be happy and healthy. I will continue to keep rooting for you and your friends from the sidelines, I promise. I am so proud of you, Han Jisung”

He watched your eyes close, still refusing to let the tears fall, before he took a deep breath to prepare for his next words.

“Thank you for continuously putting up with me until now, and for being my motivation to do what I love. I wouldn’t have come this far if it wasn’t for you. I wouldn’t even be who I am if it wasn’t for you sticking by my side. And I promise that even after I leave, my songs will continue to be about you. It’s the only thing I’m good at, and I want to dedicate it to the person who was willing to remain by my side through everything. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to do the same for you. And I’m sorry for leaving, when the only thing you ever did was stay”

He pressed another kiss against the palm of your hand.

You looked up at him, giving him a wide smile to show him it was okay, regardless of the tears that were now finding their way down your cheeks. He watched you with a frown, the sight of your forced happiness twisting his heart in the most painful way imaginable.

Then, he kissed away a couple of your tears before pressing his forehead against yours.

“Can you promise me something?”

You closed your eyes, trying to steady your breathing.

“Depends on what it is”

His hand went to your cheek, stroking it slightly.

“After I leave, I want you to hate me for it. Hate me for leaving you. That way, it’ll be easier to forget me, yeah?”

You shook your head.

“I don’t think I can”

“Then promise me you will try”

“I’m sorry Ji, I can’t. I did not support you through everything just to turn my back towards you in the end for my own selfishness”

“But isn’t that exactly what I did to you?”

You looked up at him softly, watching his guilt filled eyes tear up too.

“My love, that’s a totally different situation. You have a dream you want to chase, and I am immensely happy for you. I’m not going to hurt either of us by being hopeful, but in the future our paths could cross again. Your career isn’t like that, it’s now or never”

He sighed, closing his eyes as your hand went to his hair, playing with it softly. Then, he shook his head.

“Then, I will keep being hopeful. One day, I will be famous. I will become so famous that you’ll be able to brag about being the meaning behind my songs and the core of my succes. I want you to tell everyone how you made me feel so loved that I had to write it down and let the world know. Then, I will come back here during a world tour, and I will invite you to my concert. I will make it big and win you back, y/n. I will make our paths cross again”

You smiled softly at him, not wanting to hurt yourself by believing his words, but appreciating them nonetheless.

During the rest of that evening, you just held each other. Somewhere along the way you fell asleep, but Jisung couldn’t bring himself to do the same. Not when this could be his last time holding you.

He watched you all night, trying to imprint every detail of your face into his brain. He refused to forget about the heart shaped mole on your collarbone, or those few hairs in your eyebrows that were a shade brighter than the rest. Eventually, Han took the sketchbook and pen on his bedside table and tried to draw you as you slept, focussing on all those details he never wanted to forget. Underneath the sketch he wrote down what he felt in that moment, wether it would end up in a song or a poem still unknown, but it was dedicated to you. Everything he did was with you in mind; his first and only love.

The next morning you woke up to him sleeping with his back against the headboard, his sketchbook and pen on his lap and his head bent in an awkward way. You took a look at the sketchbook, noticing the drawing of your sleeping self with something written underneath.

“You were beautiful till the end”

You got up from bed, helping him lay down and covering him with a blanket before making your way towards the bathroom. You looked at yourself in the mirror, noticing your swollen eyes paired with eye bags. You were sick of crying by now, refusing to spend your last day together with a heavy heart, so you freshened up before making way towards the kitchen.

You made breakfast for the two of you, since Jisung’s parents were both at work until the evening. It was simple, just some pancakes that you know he would love.

You turned off the stove after successfully flipping the last one, placing the plate with pancakes on the table. Then, you made your way back towards his room.

You stood in the doorway for a minute, just admiring him. You noticed that he slightly changed after leaving for so long; having grown a bit taller, a bit broader and with shadows of facial hair now visible along his jawline.

You wondered how much more he would change after he becomes an idol. Though, you won’t be there to see it anymore, except on your phone screen. You shook your head at the thought, remembering your earlier promise to yourself.

You walked up to where Jisung was still asleep, gently poking his cheek to wake him up. “Hey, Jisung, get up”

He grumbled something, swatting your finger away.

“I made breakfast, c’mon, the pancakes will get cold”

He opened one eye at the mention of pancakes, watching you as you leaned over him with a bright smile.

He nodded then, closing his eyes again while stretching his body, before sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “I’m coming, give me a minute”

Right as you left the room, you caught him whispering to himself. “I never deserved you”

When he finally joined the kitchen table, you spent the entire morning cracking silly jokes, attempting to cheer him up. At first, it was hard to do so when all Jisung did was stare at you with longing eyes. You could basically hear all the swirling thoughts in his head as he looked at you with so many emotions at once.

You almost failed, about to give up, until you accidentally slipped on some butter you had unknowingly dropped on the floor while making pancakes. You let out a high-pitch squeak as you did so, saving yourself from the fall at the very last minute but ending up in an awkward position instead.

Jisung bursted out laughing, clutching his stomach as he watched you struggle with the shiny floor, slightly slipping two more times before you successfully cleaned it up.

You were giggling along with him, feeling accomplished for making him laugh, even though it was on accident.

He leaned back in his chair then, trying to catch his breath while looking at you with a smile. It was a wistful one, but it was a smile nonetheless.

The rest of the day was spent inside, locked away from the world as the two of you decided to forget every worry or insecurity clouding your minds. It felt like the old days. Just the both of you, talking and having fun as if you were the only people left on earth.

“Okay, confession. I was the one who sent you that anonymous rose during valentine’s back when we were 14. I was too embarrassed to admit it”

You gasped. “You?! But weren’t you in your ‘I hate girls, they’re annoying’ phase back then?”

Jisung shrugged, a playful smile on his lips. “I hated girls that weren’t you, and I was in denial of my feelings”

You giggled at that, the memories of grumpy 14 year old Jisung replaying in your mind.

“I also have a confession, remember Jenny, the girl who always had pink chapstick on? The one you used to find cute?”

He nodded.

“She gave me a love letter, asking me to pass it to you, but I kinda ripped it and threw it in the trash”

Jisung’s eyes widened before he was laughing once again, with you doing the same.

“There’s no way!” He yelled out, slapping the couch. “You ruined my childhood romance, you homewrecker!”

You took one of the pillows behind you, throwing it at him. “Shut up, don’t let me remind you of your own jealous actions” you laughed.

“What jealous actions? I’m not jealous, I’ve never been jealous before. What is jealousy, even?” He said sarcastically, rolling his eyes with a grin.

“Oh? So you don’t remember kicking Brian for asking me out?”

Jisung bit his lips, trying not to laugh.

“Or that one time this little 5 year old told me I was pretty, and you sulked about it for almost an entire week?”

He slapped his hand over his mouth.

“Ah, and the best one! Remember when you made a fake account acting like you were a girl, just to flirt with the guy who kept dm’ing me so he would leave me alone? Like, who even does something like that?!”

That was the comment that made the both of you give in, laughing until you were doubled over from the inability to breathe. Jisung accidentally slapped you a few times, making you laugh even harder as he almost fell off the couch trying to check up on you.

You were still giggling slightly when you took a look at Jisung. He was also recovering, staring ahead while avoiding your gaze in case it’ll make him laugh again.

Even though you tried so hard to not think about his departure tonight, your chest felt hollow as you watched the person who was about to break your heart in pieces catching his breath.

You took a look at the clock hanging close by the door, slightly feeling your smile drop as you noticed that his parents would be home in less than an hour.

Jisung was calm now, about to look in the direction you were staring at until you turned towards him and tried to smile brightly, hoping to distract him from looking.

His own smile reappeared as he watched you, eyes glancing over your entire face. He was quiet for a while.

“You’re so beautiful”

You froze for a second, not expecting the sudden compliment. Although it should’ve made you feel happy, it only deepened the hollow feeling in your chest. You saved you smile from falling, though, not wanting Jisung to notice.

“You’re quite good looking yourself. I bet you’ll get all the girls once you’re a rockstar”

He shook his head, shooting you a playful grin.

“I hate girls, they’re annoying”

The both of you softly giggled at that before quieting down again, allowing a few minutes of peaceful silence before Jisung slowly scooted closer, suddenly picking you up and placing you in his lap. You didn’t refuse it, instead throwing your arms around his shoulders, legs on either side of him while burying your face into his neck. You felt at home.

“It’s okay, you can drop the act now. I won’t be able to see it like this” he whispered, caressing your sides as he gently swayed the both of you side to side.

Your smile dropped at the speed of light, being replaced with a pout as you tried to keep your tears from falling. You refused to give in, wanting him to remember this day as the start of a new journey, instead of the ending of an old one.

It wasn’t long after that when you heard the engine of his parents’ cars outside. You felt his jaw clench.

He patted your back slightly, silently asking you to get off so he could get the bags from his room. He watched your face carefully before letting go, his heart breaking at the sight of the forced smile which once again reappeared on your lips.

“I’ll be right back”

You watched his dad help him put the bags into the car a little while later, his mom packing a few snacks for him. You were still smiling while watching all of it happen.

Jisung opened the car door for you, following you into the backseat while his parents sat in front. He took the seat in the middle, placing his head on your shoulder and taking your hand in his, wanting to be as close as possible for the remaining time you had left.

The ride to the airport took a while, his parents excitedly asking him questions on the way. You zoned out after some time, watching the scenery outside. All while still smiling.

The moment you arrived at the airport you could slightly feel the corners of your mouth slip, but you didn’t let go yet.

Together, you walked towards the entrance. Jisung didn’t let go of your hand, gripping it tightly. You noticed his trembling, so you let your thumb caress the back of his knuckles to soothe him. Your cheeks were starting to hurt.

He slowly came to a stop in front of it, gently letting go of your hand so he could say goodbye to his parents first. You watched them from afar, his mother already crying while his dad was trying not to.

After a lot of hugs, kisses and goodbyes, he walked back towards you, taking your hands back in his while facing you with a smile as forced as yours.

“Thank you for everything. I will work hard out there, so please keep supporting me”

You nodded, this time giving him a small, genuine smile. “Of course I will. Once you become famous, I’ll be sure to let everyone know that I was your first ever fangirl”

He chuckled quietly, his eyes softening before they went from your eyes to your lips. He gulped.“I know I really shouldn’t but… Can I be selfish one last time?”

“Please do” you desperately whispered, your lips starting to tremble.

He took a hold of your cheeks carefully, slowly pressing his lips against yours. It wasn’t a long kiss, but you felt every emotion he tried to convey through it.

He unwillingly let you go, his eyes clearly showing how much it hurt him to do so.

“Please take care of yourself well, and always be happy, okay? You’re the prettiest when you’re smile”

You nodded, leaning into the hug he was offering.

“I promise I will make it big. I’ll make up for everything I’ve put you through, it’ll all be worth it. Just watch me”

You nodded against his chest, his arms slowly leaving your side as his flight was called.

“I love you” you whispered, wanting those to be the last words you tell him with your smile still present.

“I love you too, more than anyone in this world. Please, always be happy”

It was the last thing he said before turning around, leaving you to stare at his trembling shoulders while you couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. You were still smiling through them as he turned around to wave, but as soon as he passed the corner you broke down, your smile turning into loud sobs as the story of your first love officially ended.

🐰’s note: ignore the fact that this was supposed to be a drabble and turned out to be a whole ass fic instead, anyways WHY DO YALL LOVE ANGST SO MUCH i keep breaking my own heart for your entertainment 😔 oh and if you really want to cry try reading the english lyrics for HaPpY right after <3

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I dunno if anyone has asked this but can I ask for #20 w hyunjin?

almost

Number: 20. The feeling of wanting something you can’t have

Member: Hwang Hyunjin

Genre: angst

Laying in your bed emotionlessly, you were trying to block out the playful shouts that were coming from the room beside yours. It was your brother’s room, currently filled with the laughter of his close friend, oblivious to the fact that it’s the reason his little sister is feeling like her heart got wrenched out of her chest.

The person who decided to come by after a year of not visiting, the same man you’ve had a crush on for years, unbeknownst to anyone.

Anyone but himself, at least.

Hyunjin had always known about your crush, ever since your brother introduced him to your family when you were 16. He was 18 at the time, finding it innocently cute that his friend’s little sister had a crush on him. You also knew nothing more than that was possible, so you never did anything about your feelings and left him alone.

It was hard, though. Every time he came over to hang out with your brother, you couldn’t help but glance over once in a while. And every time, he caught you.

Almost two years passed like that, just longing glances, knowing that it was all you could do.

You were a bit over 18 when you felt like things were slowly changing.

The two of you unconsciously started interacting more often, even at times your brother wasn’t even present. He would come to your house ahead of time, claiming that he thought your brother finished his job earlier. But still, he would stay and talk to you until his friend arrived. You thought it was just politeness.

That was until he started to arrive earlier and earlier, sometimes two hours before his friend even ended his shift.

He would ask you a lot of questions during those times, explaining that he was just bored and wanted to waste time. He would ask about school, your side job, your friends, and even about your love life, knowing that you would just get flustered. He would tease you about having a crush, knowing very well that it was him.

He started texting you more often too, just to ask about your day and if you had eaten. It was driving you crazy, and for the first time since your silly crush started you felt like you stood a chance.

Maybe that’s why it hurt so much when it all ended.

It wasn’t sudden. It stopped the way it started; everything that was slowly built up, was now fading away.

It started with the text messages, what were once long conversations were now short answers and being left on delivered for days on end. Then, he would only come over after your brother was already home, and he would go straight to his room, making sure not to be seen by you.

In the end, he refused to come over at all, claiming that he had become too busy. And when you had casually asked your brother about him one time, you had to hear through him that Hyunjin had moved to the city to become an idol.

As soon as he told you, you had texted Hyunjin. Just a short “Congratulations”. You were happy for him of course, as he was always talk about his love for dancing and performing.

You were happy, but that night was the hardest you had ever cried. The man you had wanted for years was now even further out of your reach.

The upcoming months were spent trying to get over him, and it actually helped that he wasn’t coming over anymore. But it was nowhere near easy.

Every time your brother was on the phone laughing loudly at what Hyunjin said on the other side, you felt your chest ache as if it was begging to be filled with the warmth he once provided. And it didn’t help when he would ask about you too.

“Oh, y/n? Yeah, she’s been okay. Her school is going well, but she seems down lately. I don’t know what’s wrong. She says it’s just university stress. I feel bad for her, but I don’t really know how to cheer her up”

That evening you got a message from Hyunjin for the first time since you congratulated him. Just one question. “Are you eating well?”

It was enough to bring you back to square one, ruining all the effort you had put into getting over him.

You texted him back, telling him you were doing just fine, but he wasn’t convinced. That night, at exactly 12:34am, he called you.

“I don’t believe you, you’re rarely stressed about school. What’s up really?”

“It’s nothing Hyunjin, I just don’t feel too well”

He could hear the wobble in your voice. He was silent for a few minutes.

“Is it me?” You heard him ask quietly. But you heard, and it was enough for you to break down.

“I don’t know, is it? What do you think, Hyunjin? That I would be okay after being ghosted like that? Why did you make me believe I stood a chance? Why were you so nice to me, knowing how I felt? Why didn’t you just tell me before you left?”

He listened to you sob quietly after your rant, not really sure if you even wanted him to say anything.

“You know I liked you, I’ve liked you for years and you knew I did. Were you just leading me on? Were you playing with me? I had long accepted that I wasn’t anything to you, that I would never be able to have you. Why did you make me believe I did, Hyunjin?”

You heard him sigh on the other side of the phone.

“I’m sorry y/n… I- I just, it wasn’t a game to me, okay? I don’t want you to think that way, please. I was interested in you too. But then I got the offer to apply at JYPE, and I just couldn’t pass it up. I’m sorry that you had to hear it from your brother, I know I should’ve at least told you myself. I regret that I didn’t, and I wanted to apologise all this time but I didn’t know how. I just didn’t want to hurt you even more”

“And yet, you did. You did hurt me. But I forgive you, and I hope you will be the most successful idol in the industry, I truly do. But it’s going to take me a while to get over you and until then, please just… no, please just don’t call me ever again”

“No! No, y/n, listen please. I really do care about you-”

“You caring about me is not enough, Hyunjin. I’ve wanted you for years, and I still do. I don’t care if I sound desperate. But you and I both know it just won’t be possible. It won’t work out. You won’t have time, and I’m not a puppy who’s going to wait for her owner to come by. I’m sorry if it sounds harsh, but even though it’s killing me that I won’t ever be able to have you, it would kill me even more if I were to do that to myself. I’ve waited years for you, please don’t expect me to wait even more”

He was quiet for a while, not knowing what to say. He knew you were right.

“You’re right… I just- I really am sorry, y/n. I hope you know that”

You knew he was genuine, you could hear it in the way his voice trembled.

“it would’ve been easier for me if you weren’t”

You hung up then, not even waiting for an answer as you struggled to breathe through your tears.

Not being able to have him wasn’t even the worst part, what hurt even more was the fact that you almost did.

🐰’s note: this one’s for my lovely Sage <3 hope you like it!! It was definitely a challenge for me at first 😭

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May I request 3. Laughing until you’re sad because you know you’re gonna miss this moment -- idol!hanjisung x reader please? :D i'm a sucker for angst lol

HaPpY

Number: 3. Laughing until you’re sad because you know you’re gonna miss this moment

Member: Han Jisung

Genre: ANGST, lovers to exes, kinda slow-burn

“They allowed it! Baby, they really said yes!” Your boyfriend yelled over the phone, his voice cracking due to excitement. You screamed as well, the happiness that you felt for him indescribable.

Han Jisung, the man you had known your entire life and had been dating for about two years, was finally allowed by his parents to move countries and follow his dream.

But what you didn’t realise at the time was the fact that this decision would be the beginning of the end.

You were his biggest supporter, always motivating him to keep making music, even if he struggled at first. He said it was thanks to you that he kept working hard, using you as the muse of his songs, which finally made his parents recognise his potential. You were so proud of him, and you couldn’t wait to stand by his side and witness him grow even more as he starts to build his career.

You were young, it was normal that you believed in something like that.

He moved just a few months later, eager to audition for the company he wanted to join. Luckily, he passed the auditions on the first try, and it was immediately followed by the start of his training. You were still by his side, though not physically, but calling him as much as you could.

Back then, living so far away from each other wasn’t as hard as you expected it to be. Hearing about his accomplishments made it all worth it, and that’s also what you used to tell him every night before the two of you fell asleep on the phone.

It wasn’t long after that when his training became much more intensive, not giving him the opportunity to talk to you as much as he used to. Of course, it made the both of you sad, but you also expected that much. It was okay, even if he only called you a few times a week.

The few times a week slowly but surely became a few times a month, and that’s when you realised how hard it really was to be the girlfriend of a soon-to-be idol.

You gave it everything you had to keep the relationship going, texting him as much as you could, updating him on what was going on in your life. And you know he tried too, always calling you on the nights he didn’t immediately fall asleep due to exhaustion.

The both of you refused to acknowledge the emotional distance that was forming between you, not once mentioning the topic of breaking up. You stayed together, acting like everything was fine, even if you didn’t hear from him for weeks straight. The truth was that it was draining you, the insecure thoughts and “what-if”s never leaving your mind. But even as you were falling into a mild depression because if it, you loved him too much to put an end to your relationship.

It went on like that for a long while, until it was exactly two and a half years after he left that he was allowed to visit again.

You were waiting with his parents at the airport, nervously chewing at your fingernails. You didn’t know what to expect.

How will he act? What if he’s changed? Or will he be the same as before? What if it’s awkward between us? I haven’t spoken to him in so long, will I even recognise him? Does he even want me to be here? He’s probably going to break up with me, isn’t he?

Then, as your eyes were nervously darting around, you saw a man with a black beanie and mask covered face running towards you. Your eyes widened when you recognised the keychain hanging from his bag, the one you gifted him years ago.

He picked you up, burying his face in your neck while holding you tightly by your waist. You could feel his tears dripping down your collarbones, mixing with your own.

You heard a loud sob as he put you down, still holding onto you tightly. “I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, baby. I-I’ve been such a bad boyfriend, I know, but let me make it up to you now. I’m back baby, shh, it’s okay. I love you so much. I’m so sorry, my y/n”

Only then you realised that it was your own sob that you heard, knees almost buckling as you just kept on crying. You missed him so much.

Together with his parents whom he greeted after you calmed down, you left the airport to go home.

Jisung did not leave your side for the rest of that evening, holding your hand as you get out of the car, cuddling you from behind while you helped his mom get food ready, and even subtly hooking your leg around his under the kitchen table during dinner.

He also talked a lot, mentioning everything that you and his parents hadn’t already heard of during his time as a trainee. He talked about his friends, the group he had become a part of, how tough his dance classes were and even some crazy idol stories he had heard in the company.

It was a nice dinner, everyone was having a great time reminiscing old memories and sharing new ones. But then, Jisung nervously took your hand, announcing that he had some news. His voice was trembling.

“Mom, dad. My y/n” he started off, looking at you before continuing, “I-I’m debuting. My group made it, and we’re debuting soon. That’s why they gave me this vacation, because we have our first comeback next month”

You gasped, shoving your chair back while standing up, jumping into the arms of your boyfriend who did the same. You were crying once more, and although it was from happiness this time, you couldn’t help but worry about your future together. Your grip around his shoulders tightened, and so did his.

He let you hold him for as long as you needed, his own tears also threatening to spill. What was going to become of you?

His parents were still cheering in the back, congratulating their son while you let go of him. He should spend some more time with his parents, you thought, since he will only become busier as time goes by.

His vacation was two weeks in total, and even though you had told him that he should spend it with his family, Jisung insisted that he wanted to see you every day. And he did, inviting you over without a single day skipped.

During those two weeks, he apologised a lot. He apologised for not having enough time, and for not being able to treat you better. But even then, the topic of breaking up was avoided at all cost.

Until it was the last evening of his break when he asked you to stay the night.

The both of you were cuddling on his bed, your head on his shoulder while his was resting on top of yours. Your legs were tangled, your arms holding each other as if it’s your last day alive. And somehow, as you mentally prepared for the conversation you had been dreading, you felt like it was exactly that. Your last day feeling alive.

“Hey, Jisung?” Your voice was heavy as you spoke.

You felt his hands start to tremble as he tightened his grip on you, already having an idea of what was coming.

“Yes, angel?” He whispered.

There was a minute of silence. You gulped, holding back tears while trying to think of what to say. Jisung was already shaking by then, his hand finding yours and holding it unbearably tight against his chest, allowing you to feel the wild beating of his heart.

“Y-you know I love you a lot, right? And I will always support you no matter what you do”

He felt the first tear land on his arm.

“I know you love me too, b-but” you sucked in a breath, “sometimes, love is just not enough, you know?”

He moved the hand that he was holding from his chest to his lips, kissing it softly before nodding.

“I know, sweetheart” he said quietly.

“I hope you achieve your dream, and become famous. And I hope you will always be happy and healthy. I will continue to keep rooting for you and your friends from the sidelines, I promise. I am so proud of you, Han Jisung”

He watched your eyes close, still refusing to let the tears fall, before he took a deep breath to prepare for his next words.

“Thank you for continuously putting up with me until now, and for being my motivation to do what I love. I wouldn’t have come this far if it wasn’t for you. I wouldn’t even be who I am if it wasn’t for you sticking by my side. And I promise that even after I leave, my songs will continue to be about you. It’s the only thing I’m good at, and I want to dedicate it to the person who was willing to remain by my side through everything. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to do the same for you. And I’m sorry for leaving, when the only thing you ever did was stay”

He pressed another kiss against the palm of your hand.

You looked up at him, giving him a wide smile to show him it was okay, regardless of the tears that were now finding their way down your cheeks. He watched you with a frown, the sight of your forced happiness twisting his heart in the most painful way imaginable.

Then, he kissed away a couple of your tears before pressing his forehead against yours.

“Can you promise me something?”

You closed your eyes, trying to steady your breathing.

“Depends on what it is”

His hand went to your cheek, stroking it slightly.

“After I leave, I want you to hate me for it. Hate me for leaving you. That way, it’ll be easier to forget me, yeah?”

You shook your head.

“I don’t think I can”

“Then promise me you will try”

“I’m sorry Ji, I can’t. I did not support you through everything just to turn my back towards you in the end for my own selfishness”

“But isn’t that exactly what I did to you?”

You looked up at him softly, watching his guilt filled eyes tear up too.

“My love, that’s a totally different situation. You have a dream you want to chase, and I am immensely happy for you. I’m not going to hurt either of us by being hopeful, but in the future our paths could cross again. Your career isn’t like that, it’s now or never”

He sighed, closing his eyes as your hand went to his hair, playing with it softly. Then, he shook his head.

“Then, I will keep being hopeful. One day, I will be famous. I will become so famous that you’ll be able to brag about being the meaning behind my songs and the core of my succes. I want you to tell everyone how you made me feel so loved that I had to write it down and let the world know. Then, I will come back here during a world tour, and I will invite you to my concert. I will make it big and win you back, y/n. I will make our paths cross again”

You smiled softly at him, not wanting to hurt yourself by believing his words, but appreciating them nonetheless.

During the rest of that evening, you just held each other. Somewhere along the way you fell asleep, but Jisung couldn’t bring himself to do the same. Not when this could be his last time holding you.

He watched you all night, trying to imprint every detail of your face into his brain. He refused to forget about the heart shaped mole on your collarbone, or those few hairs in your eyebrows that were a shade brighter than the rest. Eventually, Han took the sketchbook and pen on his bedside table and tried to draw you as you slept, focussing on all those details he never wanted to forget. Underneath the sketch he wrote down what he felt in that moment, wether it would end up in a song or a poem still unknown, but it was dedicated to you. Everything he did was with you in mind; his first and only love.

The next morning you woke up to him sleeping with his back against the headboard, his sketchbook and pen on his lap and his head bent in an awkward way. You took a look at the sketchbook, noticing the drawing of your sleeping self with something written underneath.

“You were beautiful till the end”

You got up from bed, helping him lay down and covering him with a blanket before making your way towards the bathroom. You looked at yourself in the mirror, noticing your swollen eyes paired with eye bags. You were sick of crying by now, refusing to spend your last day together with a heavy heart, so you freshened up before making way towards the kitchen.

You made breakfast for the two of you, since Jisung’s parents were both at work until the evening. It was simple, just some pancakes that you know he would love.

You turned off the stove after successfully flipping the last one, placing the plate with pancakes on the table. Then, you made your way back towards his room.

You stood in the doorway for a minute, just admiring him. You noticed that he slightly changed after leaving for so long; having grown a bit taller, a bit broader and with shadows of facial hair now visible along his jawline.

You wondered how much more he would change after he becomes an idol. Though, you won’t be there to see it anymore, except on your phone screen. You shook your head at the thought, remembering your earlier promise to yourself.

You walked up to where Jisung was still asleep, gently poking his cheek to wake him up. “Hey, Jisung, get up”

He grumbled something, swatting your finger away.

“I made breakfast, c’mon, the pancakes will get cold”

He opened one eye at the mention of pancakes, watching you as you leaned over him with a bright smile.

He nodded then, closing his eyes again while stretching his body, before sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “I’m coming, give me a minute”

Right as you left the room, you caught him whispering to himself. “I never deserved you”

When he finally joined the kitchen table, you spent the entire morning cracking silly jokes, attempting to cheer him up. At first, it was hard to do so when all Jisung did was stare at you with longing eyes. You could basically hear all the swirling thoughts in his head as he looked at you with so many emotions at once.

You almost failed, about to give up, until you accidentally slipped on some butter you had unknowingly dropped on the floor while making pancakes. You let out a high-pitch squeak as you did so, saving yourself from the fall at the very last minute but ending up in an awkward position instead.

Jisung bursted out laughing, clutching his stomach as he watched you struggle with the shiny floor, slightly slipping two more times before you successfully cleaned it up.

You were giggling along with him, feeling accomplished for making him laugh, even though it was on accident.

He leaned back in his chair then, trying to catch his breath while looking at you with a smile. It was a wistful one, but it was a smile nonetheless.

The rest of the day was spent inside, locked away from the world as the two of you decided to forget every worry or insecurity clouding your minds. It felt like the old days. Just the both of you, talking and having fun as if you were the only people left on earth.

“Okay, confession. I was the one who sent you that anonymous rose during valentine’s back when we were 14. I was too embarrassed to admit it”

You gasped. “You?! But weren’t you in your ‘I hate girls, they’re annoying’ phase back then?”

Jisung shrugged, a playful smile on his lips. “I hated girls that weren’t you, and I was in denial of my feelings”

You giggled at that, the memories of grumpy 14 year old Jisung replaying in your mind.

“I also have a confession, remember Jenny, the girl who always had pink chapstick on? The one you used to find cute?”

He nodded.

“She gave me a love letter, asking me to pass it to you, but I kinda ripped it and threw it in the trash”

Jisung’s eyes widened before he was laughing once again, with you doing the same.

“There’s no way!” He yelled out, slapping the couch. “You ruined my childhood romance, you homewrecker!”

You took one of the pillows behind you, throwing it at him. “Shut up, don’t let me remind you of your own jealous actions” you laughed.

“What jealous actions? I’m not jealous, I’ve never been jealous before. What is jealousy, even?” He said sarcastically, rolling his eyes with a grin.

“Oh? So you don’t remember kicking Brian for asking me out?”

Jisung bit his lips, trying not to laugh.

“Or that one time this little 5 year old told me I was pretty, and you sulked about it for almost an entire week?”

He slapped his hand over his mouth.

“Ah, and the best one! Remember when you made a fake account acting like you were a girl, just to flirt with the guy who kept dm’ing me so he would leave me alone? Like, who even does something like that?!”

That was the comment that made the both of you give in, laughing until you were doubled over from the inability to breathe. Jisung accidentally slapped you a few times, making you laugh even harder as he almost fell off the couch trying to check up on you.

You were still giggling slightly when you took a look at Jisung. He was also recovering, staring ahead while avoiding your gaze in case it’ll make him laugh again.

Even though you tried so hard to not think about his departure tonight, your chest felt hollow as you watched the person who was about to break your heart in pieces catching his breath.

You took a look at the clock hanging close by the door, slightly feeling your smile drop as you noticed that his parents would be home in less than an hour.

Jisung was calm now, about to look in the direction you were staring at until you turned towards him and tried to smile brightly, hoping to distract him from looking.

His own smile reappeared as he watched you, eyes glancing over your entire face. He was quiet for a while.

“You’re so beautiful”

You froze for a second, not expecting the sudden compliment. Although it should’ve made you feel happy, it only deepened the hollow feeling in your chest. You saved you smile from falling, though, not wanting Jisung to notice.

“You’re quite good looking yourself. I bet you’ll get all the girls once you’re a rockstar”

He shook his head, shooting you a playful grin.

“I hate girls, they’re annoying”

The both of you softly giggled at that before quieting down again, allowing a few minutes of peaceful silence before Jisung slowly scooted closer, suddenly picking you up and placing you in his lap. You didn’t refuse it, instead throwing your arms around his shoulders, legs on either side of him while burying your face into his neck. You felt at home.

“It’s okay, you can drop the act now. I won’t be able to see it like this” he whispered, caressing your sides as he gently swayed the both of you side to side.

Your smile dropped at the speed of light, being replaced with a pout as you tried to keep your tears from falling. You refused to give in, wanting him to remember this day as the start of a new journey, instead of the ending of an old one.

It wasn’t long after that when you heard the engine of his parents’ cars outside. You felt his jaw clench.

He patted your back slightly, silently asking you to get off so he could get the bags from his room. He watched your face carefully before letting go, his heart breaking at the sight of the forced smile which once again reappeared on your lips.

“I’ll be right back”

You watched his dad help him put the bags into the car a little while later, his mom packing a few snacks for him. You were still smiling while watching all of it happen.

Jisung opened the car door for you, following you into the backseat while his parents sat in front. He took the seat in the middle, placing his head on your shoulder and taking your hand in his, wanting to be as close as possible for the remaining time you had left.

The ride to the airport took a while, his parents excitedly asking him questions on the way. You zoned out while after some time, watching the scenery outside. All while still smiling.

The moment you arrived at the airport you could slightly feel the corners of your mouth slip, but you didn’t let go yet.

Together, you walked towards the entrance. Jisung didn’t let go of your hand, gripping it tightly. You noticed his trembling, so you let your thumb caress the back of his knuckles to soothe him. Your cheeks were starting to hurt.

He slowly came to a stop in front of it, gently letting go of your hand so he could say goodbye to his parents first. You watched them from afar, his mother already crying while his dad was trying not to.

After a lot of hugs, kisses and goodbyes, he walked back towards you, taking your hands back in his while facing you with a smile as forced as yours.

“Thank you for everything. I will work hard out there, so please keep supporting me”

You nodded, this time giving him a small, genuine smile. “Of course I will. Once you become famous, I’ll be sure to let everyone know that I was your first ever fangirl”

He chuckled quietly, his eyes softening before they went from your eyes to your lips. He gulped.“I know I really shouldn’t but… Can I be selfish one last time?”

“Please do” you desperately whispered, your lips starting to tremble.

He took a hold of your cheeks carefully, slowly pressing his lips against yours. It wasn’t a long kiss, but you felt every emotion he tried to convey through it.

He unwillingly let you go, his eyes clearly showing how much it hurt him to do so.

“Please take care of yourself well, and always be happy, okay? You’re the prettiest when you’re smile”

You nodded, leaning into the hug he was offering.

“I promise I will make it big. I’ll make up for everything I’ve put you through, it’ll all be worth it. Just watch me”

You nodded against his chest, his arms slowly leaving your side as his flight was called.

“I love you” you whispered, wanting those to be the last words you tell him with your smile still present.

“I love you too, more than anyone in this world. Please, always be happy”

It was the last thing he said before turning around, leaving you to stare at his trembling shoulders while you couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. You were still smiling through them as he turned around to wave, but as soon as he passed the corner you broke down, your smile turning into loud sobs as the story of your first love officially ended.

🐰’s note: ignore the fact that this was supposed to be a drabble and turned out to be a whole ass fic instead, anyways WHY DO YALL LOVE ANGST SO MUCH i keep breaking my own heart for your entertainment 😔 oh and if you really want to cry try reading the english lyrics for HaPpY right after <3

bunnies: @abcdefgiwsmcty @seo--changbin @ashracha @aerayv

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May I request 3. Laughing until you’re sad because you know you’re gonna miss this moment -- idol!hanjisung x reader please? :D i'm a sucker for angst lol

HaPpY

Number: 3. Laughing until you’re sad because you know you’re gonna miss this moment

Member: Han Jisung

Genre: ANGST, lovers to exes, kinda slow-burn

“They allowed it! Baby, they really said yes!” Your boyfriend yelled over the phone, his voice cracking due to excitement. You screamed as well, the happiness that you felt for him indescribable.

Han Jisung, the man you had known your entire life and had been dating for about two years, was finally allowed by his parents to move countries and follow his dream.

But what you didn’t realise at the time was the fact that this decision would be the beginning of the end.

You were his biggest supporter, always motivating him to keep making music, even if he struggled at first. He said it was thanks to you that he kept working hard, using you as the muse of his songs, which finally made his parents recognise his potential. You were so proud of him, and you couldn’t wait to stand by his side and witness him grow even more as he starts to build his career.

You were young, it was normal that you believed in something like that.

He moved just a few months later, eager to audition for the company he wanted to join. Luckily, he passed the auditions on the first try, and it was immediately followed by the start of his training. You were still by his side, though not physically, but calling him as much as you could.

Back then, living so far away from each other wasn’t as hard as you expected it to be. Hearing about his accomplishments made it all worth it, and that’s also what you used to tell him every night before the two of you fell asleep on the phone.

It wasn’t long after that when his training became much more intensive, not giving him the opportunity to talk to you as much as he used to. Of course, it made the both of you sad, but you also expected that much. It was okay, even if he only called you a few times a week.

The few times a week slowly but surely became a few times a month, and that’s when you realised how hard it really was to be the girlfriend of a soon-to-be idol.

You gave it everything you had to keep the relationship going, texting him as much as you could, updating him on what was going on in your life. And you know he tried too, always calling you on the nights he didn’t immediately fall asleep due to exhaustion.

The both of you refused to acknowledge the emotional distance that was forming between you, not once mentioning the topic of breaking up. You stayed together, acting like everything was fine, even if you didn’t hear from him for weeks straight. The truth was that it was draining you, the insecure thoughts and “what-if”s never leaving your mind. But even as you were falling into a mild depression because if it, you loved him too much to put an end to your relationship.

It went on like that for a long while, until it was exactly two and a half years after he left that he was allowed to visit again.

You were waiting with his parents at the airport, nervously chewing at your fingernails. You didn’t know what to expect.

How will he act? What if he’s changed? Or will he be the same as before? What if it’s awkward between us? I haven’t spoken to him in so long, will I even recognise him? Does he even want me to be here? He’s probably going to break up with me, isn’t he?

Then, as your eyes were nervously darting around, you saw a man with a black beanie and mask covered face running towards you. Your eyes widened when you recognised the keychain hanging from his bag, the one you gifted him years ago.

He picked you up, burying his face in your neck while holding you tightly by your waist. You could feel his tears dripping down your collarbones, mixing with your own.

You heard a loud sob as he put you down, still holding onto you tightly. “I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, baby. I-I’ve been such a bad boyfriend, I know, but let me make it up to you now. I’m back baby, shh, it’s okay. I love you so much. I’m so sorry, my y/n”

Only then you realised that it was your own sob that you heard, knees almost buckling as you just kept on crying. You missed him so much.

Together with his parents whom he greeted after you calmed down, you left the airport to go home.

Jisung did not leave your side for the rest of that evening, holding your hand as you get out of the car, cuddling you from behind while you helped his mom get food ready, and even subtly hooking your leg around his under the kitchen table during dinner.

He also talked a lot, mentioning everything that you and his parents hadn’t already heard of during his time as a trainee. He talked about his friends, the group he had become a part of, how tough his dance classes were and even some crazy idol stories he had heard in the company.

It was a nice dinner, everyone was having a great time reminiscing old memories and sharing new ones. But then, Jisung nervously took your hand, announcing that he had some news. His voice was trembling.

“Mom, dad. My y/n” he started off, looking at you before continuing, “I-I’m debuting. My group made it, and we’re debuting soon. That’s why they gave me this vacation, because we have our first comeback next month”

You gasped, shoving your chair back while standing up, jumping into the arms of your boyfriend who did the same. You were crying once more, and although it was from happiness this time, you couldn’t help but worry about your future together. Your grip around his shoulders tightened, and so did his.

He let you hold him for as long as you needed, his own tears also threatening to spill. What was going to become of you?

His parents were still cheering in the back, congratulating their son while you let go of him. He should spend some more time with his parents, you thought, since he will only become busier as time goes by.

His vacation was two weeks in total, and even though you had told him that he should spend it with his family, Jisung insisted that he wanted to see you every day. And he did, inviting you over without a single day skipped.

During those two weeks, he apologised a lot. He apologised for not having enough time, and for not being able to treat you better. But even then, the topic of breaking up was avoided at all cost.

Until it was the last evening of his break when he asked you to stay the night.

The both of you were cuddling on his bed, your head on his shoulder while his was resting on top of yours. Your legs were tangled, your arms holding each other as if it’s your last day alive. And somehow, as you mentally prepared for the conversation you had been dreading, you felt like it was exactly that. Your last day feeling alive.

“Hey, Jisung?” Your voice was heavy as you spoke.

You felt his hands start to tremble as he tightened his grip on you, already having an idea of what was coming.

“Yes, angel?” He whispered.

There was a minute of silence. You gulped, holding back tears while trying to think of what to say. Jisung was already shaking by then, his hand finding yours and holding it unbearably tight against his chest, allowing you to feel the wild beating of his heart.

“Y-you know I love you a lot, right? And I will always support you no matter what you do”

He felt the first tear land on his arm.

“I know you love me too, b-but” you sucked in a breath, “sometimes, love is just not enough, you know?”

He moved the hand that he was holding from his chest to his lips, kissing it softly before nodding.

“I know, sweetheart” he said quietly.

“I hope you achieve your dream, and become famous. And I hope you will always be happy and healthy. I will continue to keep rooting for you and your friends from the sidelines, I promise. I am so proud of you, Han Jisung”

He watched your eyes close, still refusing to let the tears fall, before he took a deep breath to prepare for his next words.

“Thank you for continuously putting up with me until now, and for being my motivation to do what I love. I wouldn’t have come this far if it wasn’t for you. I wouldn’t even be who I am if it wasn’t for you sticking by my side. And I promise that even after I leave, my songs will continue to be about you. It’s the only thing I’m good at, and I want to dedicate it to the person who was willing to remain by my side through everything. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to do the same for you. And I’m sorry for leaving, when the only thing you ever did was stay”

He pressed another kiss against the palm of your hand.

You looked up at him, giving him a wide smile to show him it was okay, regardless of the tears that were now finding their way down your cheeks. He watched you with a frown, the sight of your forced happiness twisting his heart in the most painful way imaginable.

Then, he kissed away a couple of your tears before pressing his forehead against yours.

“Can you promise me something?”

You closed your eyes, trying to steady your breathing.

“Depends on what it is”

His hand went to your cheek, stroking it slightly.

“After I leave, I want you to hate me for it. Hate me for leaving you. That way, it’ll be easier to forget me, yeah?”

You shook your head.

“I don’t think I can”

“Then promise me you will try”

“I’m sorry Ji, I can’t. I did not support you through everything just to turn my back towards you in the end for my own selfishness”

“But isn’t that exactly what I did to you?”

You looked up at him softly, watching his guilt filled eyes tear up too.

“My love, that’s a totally different situation. You have a dream you want to chase, and I am immensely happy for you. I’m not going to hurt either of us by being hopeful, but in the future our paths could cross again. Your career isn’t like that, it’s now or never”

He sighed, closing his eyes as your hand went to his hair, playing with it softly. Then, he shook his head.

“Then, I will keep being hopeful. One day, I will be famous. I will become so famous that you’ll be able to brag about being the meaning behind my songs and the core of my succes. I want you to tell everyone how you made me feel so loved that I had to write it down and let the world know. Then, I will come back here during a world tour, and I will invite you to my concert. I will make it big and win you back, y/n. I will make our paths cross again”

You smiled softly at him, not wanting to hurt yourself by believing his words, but appreciating them nonetheless.

During the rest of that evening, you just held each other. Somewhere along the way you fell asleep, but Jisung couldn’t bring himself to do the same. Not when this could be his last time holding you.

He watched you all night, trying to imprint every detail of your face into his brain. He refused to forget about the heart shaped mole on your collarbone, or those few hairs in your eyebrows that were a shade brighter than the rest. Eventually, Han took the sketchbook and pen on his bedside table and tried to draw you as you slept, focussing on all those details he never wanted to forget. Underneath the sketch he wrote down what he felt in that moment, wether it would end up in a song or a poem still unknown, but it was dedicated to you. Everything he did was with you in mind; his first and only love.

The next morning you woke up to him sleeping with his back against the headboard, his sketchbook and pen on his lap and his head bent in an awkward way. You took a look at the sketchbook, noticing the drawing of your sleeping self with something written underneath.

“You were beautiful till the end”

You got up from bed, helping him lay down and covering him with a blanket before making your way towards the bathroom. You looked at yourself in the mirror, noticing your swollen eyes paired with eye bags. You were sick of crying by now, refusing to spend your last day together with a heavy heart, so you freshened up before making way towards the kitchen.

You made breakfast for the two of you, since Jisung’s parents were both at work until the evening. It was simple, just some pancakes that you know he would love.

You turned off the stove after successfully flipping the last one, placing the plate with pancakes on the table. Then, you made your way back towards his room.

You stood in the doorway for a minute, just admiring him. You noticed that he slightly changed after leaving for so long; having grown a bit taller, a bit broader and with shadows of facial hair now visible along his jawline.

You wondered how much more he would change after he becomes an idol. Though, you won’t be there to see it anymore, except on your phone screen. You shook your head at the thought, remembering your earlier promise to yourself.

You walked up to where Jisung was still asleep, gently poking his cheek to wake him up. “Hey, Jisung, get up”

He grumbled something, swatting your finger away.

“I made breakfast, c’mon, the pancakes will get cold”

He opened one eye at the mention of pancakes, watching you as you leaned over him with a bright smile.

He nodded then, closing his eyes again while stretching his body, before sitting up and rubbing his eyes. “I’m coming, give me a minute”

Right as you left the room, you caught him whispering to himself. “I never deserved you”

When he finally joined the kitchen table, you spent the entire morning cracking silly jokes, attempting to cheer him up. At first, it was hard to do so when all Jisung did was stare at you with longing eyes. You could basically hear all the swirling thoughts in his head as he looked at you with so many emotions at once.

You almost failed, about to give up, until you accidentally slipped on some butter you had unknowingly dropped on the floor while making pancakes. You let out a high-pitch squeak as you did so, saving yourself from the fall at the very last minute but ending up in an awkward position instead.

Jisung bursted out laughing, clutching his stomach as he watched you struggle with the shiny floor, slightly slipping two more times before you successfully cleaned it up.

You were giggling along with him, feeling accomplished for making him laugh, even though it was on accident.

He leaned back in his chair then, trying to catch his breath while looking at you with a smile. It was a wistful one, but it was a smile nonetheless.

The rest of the day was spent inside, locked away from the world as the two of you decided to forget every worry or insecurity clouding your minds. It felt like the old days. Just the both of you, talking and having fun as if you were the only people left on earth.

“Okay, confession. I was the one who sent you that anonymous rose during valentine’s back when we were 14. I was too embarrassed to admit it”

You gasped. “You?! But weren’t you in your ‘I hate girls, they’re annoying’ phase back then?”

Jisung shrugged, a playful smile on his lips. “I hated girls that weren’t you, and I was in denial of my feelings”

You giggled at that, the memories of grumpy 14 year old Jisung replaying in your mind.

“I also have a confession, remember Jenny, the girl who always had pink chapstick on? The one you used to find cute?”

He nodded.

“She gave me a love letter, asking me to pass it to you, but I kinda ripped it and threw it in the trash”

Jisung’s eyes widened before he was laughing once again, with you doing the same.

“There’s no way!” He yelled out, slapping the couch. “You ruined my childhood romance, you homewrecker!”

You took one of the pillows behind you, throwing it at him. “Shut up, don’t let me remind you of your own jealous actions” you laughed.

“What jealous actions? I’m not jealous, I’ve never been jealous before. What is jealousy, even?” He said sarcastically, rolling his eyes with a grin.

“Oh? So you don’t remember kicking Brian for asking me out?”

Jisung bit his lips, trying not to laugh.

“Or that one time this little 5 year old told me I was pretty, and you sulked about it for almost an entire week?”

He slapped his hand over his mouth.

“Ah, and the best one! Remember when you made a fake account acting like you were a girl, just to flirt with the guy who kept dm’ing me so he would leave me alone? Like, who even does something like that?!”

That was the comment that made the both of you give in, laughing until you were doubled over from the inability to breathe. Jisung accidentally slapped you a few times, making you laugh even harder as he almost fell off the couch trying to check up on you.

You were still giggling slightly when you took a look at Jisung. He was also recovering, staring ahead while avoiding your gaze in case it’ll make him laugh again.

Even though you tried so hard to not think about his departure tonight, your chest felt hollow as you watched the person who was about to break your heart in pieces catching his breath.

You took a look at the clock hanging close by the door, slightly feeling your smile drop as you noticed that his parents would be home in less than an hour.

Jisung was calm now, about to look in the direction you were staring at until you turned towards him and tried to smile brightly, hoping to distract him from looking.

His own smile reappeared as he watched you, eyes glancing over your entire face. He was quiet for a while.

“You’re so beautiful”

You froze for a second, not expecting the sudden compliment. Although it should’ve made you feel happy, it only deepened the hollow feeling in your chest. You saved you smile from falling, though, not wanting Jisung to notice.

“You’re quite good looking yourself. I bet you’ll get all the girls once you’re a rockstar”

He shook his head, shooting you a playful grin.

“I hate girls, they’re annoying”

The both of you softly giggled at that before quieting down again, allowing a few minutes of peaceful silence before Jisung slowly scooted closer, suddenly picking you up and placing you in his lap. You didn’t refuse it, instead throwing your arms around his shoulders, legs on either side of him while burying your face into his neck. You felt at home.

“It’s okay, you can drop the act now. I won’t be able to see it like this” he whispered, caressing your sides as he gently swayed the both of you side to side.

Your smile dropped at the speed of light, being replaced with a pout as you tried to keep your tears from falling. You refused to give in, wanting him to remember this day as the start of a new journey, instead of the ending of an old one.

It wasn’t long after that when you heard the engine of his parents’ cars outside. You felt his jaw clench.

He patted your back slightly, silently asking you to get off so he could get the bags from his room. He watched your face carefully before letting go, his heart breaking at the sight of the forced smile which once again reappeared on your lips.

“I’ll be right back”

You watched his dad help him put the bags into the car a little while later, his mom packing a few snacks for him. You were still smiling while watching all of it happen.

Jisung opened the car door for you, following you into the backseat while his parents sat in front. He took the seat in the middle, placing his head on your shoulder and taking your hand in his, wanting to be as close as possible for the remaining time you had left.

The ride to the airport took a while, his parents excitedly asking him questions on the way. You zoned out while after some time, watching the scenery outside. All while still smiling.

The moment you arrived at the airport you could slightly feel the corners of your mouth slip, but you didn’t let go yet.

Together, you walked towards the entrance. Jisung didn’t let go of your hand, gripping it tightly. You noticed his trembling, so you let your thumb caress the back of his knuckles to soothe him. Your cheeks were starting to hurt.

He slowly came to a stop in front of it, gently letting go of your hand so he could say goodbye to his parents first. You watched them from afar, his mother already crying while his dad was trying not to.

After a lot of hugs, kisses and goodbyes, he walked back towards you, taking your hands back in his while facing you with a smile as forced as yours.

“Thank you for everything. I will work hard out there, so please keep supporting me”

You nodded, this time giving him a small, genuine smile. “Of course I will. Once you become famous, I’ll be sure to let everyone know that I was your first ever fangirl”

He chuckled quietly, his eyes softening before they went from your eyes to your lips. He gulped.“I know I really shouldn’t but… Can I be selfish one last time?”

“Please do” you desperately whispered, your lips starting to tremble.

He took a hold of your cheeks carefully, slowly pressing his lips against yours. It wasn’t a long kiss, but you felt every emotion he tried to convey through it.

He unwillingly let you go, his eyes clearly showing how much it hurt him to do so.

“Please take care of yourself well, and always be happy, okay? You’re the prettiest when you’re smile”

You nodded, leaning into the hug he was offering.

“I promise I will make it big. I’ll make up for everything I’ve put you through, it’ll all be worth it. Just watch me”

You nodded against his chest, his arms slowly leaving your side as his flight was called.

“I love you” you whispered, wanting those to be the last words you tell him with your smile still present.

“I love you too, more than anyone in this world. Please, always be happy”

It was the last thing he said before turning around, leaving you to stare at his trembling shoulders while you couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. You were still smiling through them as he turned around to wave, but as soon as he passed the corner you broke down, your smile turning into loud sobs as the story of your first love officially ended.

🐰’s note: ignore the fact that this was supposed to be a drabble and turned out to be a whole ass fic instead, anyways WHY DO YALL LOVE ANGST SO MUCH i keep breaking my own heart for your entertainment 😔 oh and if you really want to cry try reading the english lyrics for HaPpY right after <3

bunnies: @abcdefgiwsmcty @seo--changbin @ashracha @aerayv

please tell me if you wish to be added/removed from the taglist🫶🏼

Hiii can I pls request reader being at uni when Hyunjin calls and asks her to pick him up because he’s feeling sick (maybe he has food poisoning or something?) and she rushes to pick him up and takes care of him 💜

cuddles and confessions

Member: Hwang Hyunjin

Genre: fluff, best friends to lovers

Word count: 1.9k

“There’s no way he likes me”

That’s what you tell your friends as you’re sitting together at one of the tables in the cafeteria, enjoying your well deserved break before your class in the late afternoon.

“You should keep saying that” said Jeongin nonchalantly, before taking a huge bite of his sandwich.

“Hey, don’t be so demotivating” glared the man beside beside him. “Didn’t you literally tell me last week that they’d be cute?”

“No, I mean, in movies the girl who says stuff like that usually ends up with him within the week. So keep saying that shit, it’ll definitely happen” he smirked, making Han laugh in realisation.

“That’s absurd” you giggle along, “I’m just.. I don’t want to get disappointed, you know? Sometimes I do feel like there’s something more between us, but other times… he makes me so confused. I can’t figure out where he draws the line between best friends and a love interest. Sometimes it feels like he’s trying to make me flustered on purpose, to flirt with me, I guess? But then he goes and gives his number to Sophie?” You rant, running a hand through your locks.

Han and Jeongin share a look before turning back to you. “He’s either trying to make you jealous, or he has a valid reason” Han shrugs.

“I agree, I’ve seen the way he interacts with you and he’s long gone. Like, he holds every door open for you! That’s some man-with-a-crush behaviour”

“He’s done that ever since we met, it’s not that special” you roll your eyes.

“Does he do it for anyone else?”

That hesitate, trying to remember a moment where he did.

“I mean, there was this one time he held the door for this woman because her hands were full, and he even picked up the bag of diapers she dropped” you cross your arms defensively.

Both boys let out a groan in unison. “Bag of diapers she says, she probably has a child!”

“So? He could be into milfs!”

All three of you bursted out laughing before you noticed the sound of your phone ringing from your bag. You checked the caller ID and froze, showing the boys who was calling.

“Ho ho, speak of the devil” Jeongin smirked.

With the previous conversation still fresh in your mind, you had to gather yourself before accepting the call.

“H-hey Hyunjin, what’s up?”

“Hi, y/n? Are you still at school?”

“Yeah, I am” you frowned at his weak voice, “is everything okay? You don’t sound too good”

“I’m not feeling good either” he sighed, “what time is your afternoon class? If it’s not too inconvenient for you, could you take me home, please? You’re the only one who came by car today and I feel too dizzy to take the bus”

You were already gathering your belongings and putting them in your bag while he spoke, “It’s in two hours or so, where are you now? I’ll come and get you”

“Thanks, you’re the best. I’m in the C building, I’ll wait by the reception”

“Alright, I’m on my way now” you say before hanging up, turning to the boys who were listening to your conversation. “He’s not feeling well, so I’m going to take him home. I’ll see you later in class”

Jeongin raised his eyebrows at you, before turning to Han. “Wanna bet for 3 pizza’s that she’ll be in a relationship by this evening?”

You felt your face flush at the words of your friend. “No way!”

Han shrugged, “I agree with him. If we win, you’ll buy us those pizza’s, got it?”

“Fine” you said confidently, “if I’m in a relationship by tonight then I’ll treat you after class, but there’s just no way it’s gonna happen”

You walk away from the table, still hearing them chuckle behind you.

After a short ride to the campus a bit further from yours, you park your car close to the entrance before walking toward the reception. You could spot Hyunjin sitting on one of the chairs from a mile away, his blond hair sticking out like a sore thumb.

“Hey, you okay there?” You asked as you approached him, watching his pale face grimace as he holds his stomach, before turning to you and nodding.

“Yeah, just have a bad stomachache. And I wasn’t the only one, I think there was something wrong with today’s lunch. Thank you for coming though, y/n” he looked at you, holding your reached out hand for stability while getting up.

“Don’t mention it. I’ll take you home, come on” you smiled shyly as he put his arm over your shoulder while slowly walking towards your car.

You helped him into the passenger seat before he shut his eyes, obviously in pain. “Did they give you any medicine? Want me to get some on the way?” You worried for him after getting into your own seat, fastening your seatbelt.

“They did, you don’t have to get any. I just want to sleep” he said, before groaning. “Shit, Felix said he was going to have friends over today…”

You hesitated to start the car. “If you want… you can take a nap at my dorm? I can drop you off at yours on my way to class”

Hyunjin looked at you, uncertainty in his eyes. “Won’t I be a bother?”

You shook your head. “Of course not, you’re sick, and God knows you won’t be able to take care of yourself properly… I’ll stay with you until I have to get to class, okay?”

Hyunjin’s eyes softened, shooting a small smile your way. “Okay. Thank you, I appreciate it”

You started the car then, making your way towards your dorm. You open the front door, quickly making sure that it wasn’t messy before letting your friend in, making him lay on your bed.

He immediately cuddled into the blankets, making himself comfortable. It made you jealous of your own bed, although you would never admit that out loud.

“Do you need anything? Water? More blankets? A bucket, in case you feel nauseous again?”

Hyunjin chuckled slightly, before taking you hand in his. “Can you just… check if I have a fever?”

Your heartbeat quickened as you felt his fingers softly lead your hand towards his forehead, placing it there. You gulped.

“N-no, you’re not hot” you stammered.

“Am I not?” His eyes twinkled, smiling slyly at his own joke. Your eyes widened, realising the error in your wording.

You took your hand from his forehead before flicking it, making him wince. “Ow!”

“You’re not sick at all” you rolled your eyes.

He chuckled at that. “Are sick people not allowed to make jokes?”

You huffed before standing up, about to leave the room before he pulled you wrist, making you fall onto the bed with a yelp. “Where you going?”

“To the kitchen. I should have some tea left, it could help ease your pain”

He shook his head. “It’s alright, I don’t need any”

You frowned. “What do you mean? You’re sick, let me get it for you” you attempted to get back up again but he wrapped his arms around your waist.

“No, stay here. The medicine is slowly working, it’s not hurting as much anymore. I just feel tired, but please stay here for a while, okay?”

You sighed, admitting defeat as you let him lay his head on your lap, pressing his face against your belly. “W-what are you doing? It tickles” you giggled nervously.

“Just feel like cuddling, or do you want me to let go?” He asked quietly, his grip loosening.

You hesitated before placing your hand on his head slowly, stroking his hair as he relaxed against you.

“Can I admit something?” He asked after a while.

You nodded, before realising he couldn’t see you with his head still facing your stomach. “Yeah?”

“Chan offered to take me home, but I refused him” he said, his grip tightening again.

You frowned, confused as to why he would refuse his close friend and classmate. “Why?”

He mumbled something you couldn’t hear, so you inched your face closer to his. “What? I didn’t hear you”

He turned his head to face you, only to widen his eyes as he realised how close you had gotten. Your eyes were staring straight into his, your noses almost touching. It made you flustered too, about to look away when one of his hands went to the back of your neck, keeping you in place.

“I- I wanted you to do it. I wanted your attention, I guess. Wanted you to take care of me” he admitted quietly, the tips of his ears turning a cute shade of pink.

Your eyes widened again when you realised what he said, although it took a while to process it. “W-what?”

He sighed, his hand leaving your neck and covering his own face out of embarrassment. “I like you”

You needed a minute to process those three words. Then, you let out a relaxed sigh, slowly giggling as you realised that your friends were right.

He peeked curiously from in between his fingers, wondering if your giggling was a good or a bad sign. Then, you placed your own hand on top of his, slowly pulling it away. “I like you too” you smiled giddily.

He relaxed, closing his eyes again before looking at you once more with a smile. “Damn, I felt like I was about to pass out. Confessing should be a sport”

That made you laugh as you quickly pecked his forehead. “That’s because you’re sick and should rest. Take a nap”

Hyunjin groaned as you placed his head on the pillow before getting up, tucking him in while giggling at his pouted lips. “There’s no way you’re making me sleep after confessing, it somehow feels like a rejection”

You were about to flick his forehead again when Hyunjin grabbed your hand and intertwined your fingers instead, kissing the fingers that were pointed at him.

“Let’s cuddle, c’mon, shouldn’t you take care of me? That includes cuddling, cause otherwise I get cold. If I do, I’ll get even more sick. It’ll be your fault”

You groaned, but let him continue kissing your hand. “Hyun, I’ll fall asleep if we do. But I have class later, and I need to treat stupid Jeongin and Han now because of you”

Hyunjin raised his eyebrows. “Because of me? How so?”

You blushed and looked away, remembering your earlier conversation with your friends. “They kind of… bet on us. Said we would become a couple by tonight’s class, and I’ll have to treat them after if we do”

Hyunjin chuckled, not surprised by the silly bet of their friends. “A bet, huh? But… if you don’t go to class in the first place, they won’t know… and you have a sick boyfriend now. You’re really willing to leave him here to hang out with other guys? You should be taking care of him instead” He tutted at you, pulling at your arm.

You gave him a sly smile, finally giving in. “You’re going to be such a bad influence on me, Hyun. But you’re also a genius and just saved me some money, so scoot over”

Hyunjin smirked in victory, making room for you before pulling your back against his chest and wrapping his arms around you.

“By the way, I have a question” you said after getting comfortable, gently playing with his fingers.

“Yeah?”

“Who’s Sophie?”

“The one in Marketing?”

“Yeah”

“My project partner, why?”

“She’s bragging to others that she got your number”

Hyunjin chuckled at that before pulling you tighter against him, burying his face in your neck.

“Then brag to her that I’m your boyfriend tomorrow”

🐰’s note: I really enjoyed writing this although tomorrow is literally my law exam and I still haven’t done shit cause my two projects aren’t finished yet 😀 but I hope you still enjoyed it, at least it would’ve been worth it 💔

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