JUST three days after the death of his beloved mum, Louis Tomlinson left the nation in tears with an emotional performance of his first ever solo track.
The One Direction bad boy bravely stepped on stage in front of seven million viewers on the final of The X Factor, fulfilling Johannah Deakin’s dying wish.
But it turns out that was not her only loving act for her heart-throb son from her deathbed.
The 25-year-old today reveals his mum, who suffered from leukaemia, initiated a secret reconciliation with his former best friend Zayn Malik, who he had not spoken to for a year since Zayn bitterly quit 1D.
In an emotional interview, Louis recalls: “My mum said, ‘You’ve got to get back in contact with Zayn. Life’s too f*****g short’.
“A mother’s intuition is just f*****g crazy. It always felt supernatural to me. My mum always knew what I was feeling and what I wanted.”
He says: “I can’t stand to hold a grudge with anyone. It doesn’t sit with me right.
But Louis says: “I would always see the good in Zayn and also watch him shoot himself in the foot with some of his decisions, but he’s just a little misunderstood.”
The pair always had a close bond in the band, cemented by a scandal three years ago when they were caught on video seemingly smoking a joint and joking about marijuana
Reflecting on the incident, Louis says: “Zayn was always good for me in the band because he was my go-to if I wanted to p**s around, lark around.
“I could always break the rules a little bit with Zayn.
“So after that whole thing, it was that brotherly love. We will always have that love for each other.
“I can’t speak on behalf of him but we really care about each other.”
The death of Johannah also saw Louis come together with all his One Direction bandmates — Harry Styles, Liam Payne and Niall Horan — for the first time.
While there were differences of opinion about the decision to put Simon Cowell’s globe-conquering group on an indefinite hiatus at the end of 2015, Louis thinks their personal relationship is stronger now.
He explains: “Unless you’re a really bitter person, which none of us are, we’ve gone through so much with each other . . . so I like to think naively that we are better friends than maybe we were in the past.” Despite being worth £40million, Louis downs a Nando’s wrap and chain-smokes as we chat.
“But thank God that the decision was made for me because it’s just a blessing to be this age and to be able to have a child.
“What I loved about my relationship with my mum — she had me very young when she was 19 — is that it never felt like there was a generation gap.
“I witnessed that with so many of my friends. You know, ‘My mum just doesn’t get it’.
“Hopefully because of the closeness in age, I will be able to give that to Freddie, too.”
It was his late mother’s career as a midwife that Louis thinks prepared him for fatherhood at a young age.
He says: “There are a lot of men for who the idea of having a child is really intimidating but I’ve grown up around kids.
“My mum was a midwife, so I’d forever be holding kids if she wasn’t popping them out herself.
“It took that kind of fear away from me because what I saw in my mum is that all it takes is relentless consideration and love.
“The actual science of it isn’t too f*****g hard. Fundamentally it’s about being as good as you possibly can.”
Not that Louis feels like an adult yet, admitting: “I just still don’t ever like saying that I feel like I’ve grown up.
“I think there’s definitely still that naivety and immaturity to me. When I’m with me lads and I want to feel like a young 25-year- old then absolutely.
“But when I’m with Freddie and I want to feel like a really credible, good dad, I feel like I do that as well. So it’s almost kind of playing two different roles.”
When Louis lost his mum, many close to him were worried about how he would cope.
I ask if he’s thought about having kids with her and he replies immediately: “Of course.
“Me mum had a big family, I like the idea of quite a big family, just not quite as big as my mum’s.”
That’s not to say the last few months have been straightforward.
As a result, Louis’ public image has taken a battering at times, which he says “exasperates me and it’s hard for me to completely understand”.
But he adds: “Throughout the time after my mum died I felt the support. It stretched past the fan base. People did have my back, it was a really nice feeling.”
Louis believes it is his working- class background from Doncaster that has prepared him for this tough period of grief.
He says: “My mum worked two jobs, we lived upstairs above a newsagents. All that life in Doncaster, working class and seeing the struggle, just teaches you to have thick skin.
“Of course I could dwell on anything and go, ‘I feel really gloomy about that’.
“But I just have this ability, that has to have been forced by my mum, to just get on with s**t.
“Obviously that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt, and that I don’t think about it.
“But I know me mum wouldn’t want me to walk around being gloomy all the time, so I try my best just to pick myself up when I can.”
He takes a breath, looks down sadly, lights another cigarette then adds: “Of course, there are times . . . and that’s why Eleanor has been so fantastic for me.
“And my best mate Olly and my sister because when I do need to talk, I have those people.
“I’m thankful that my mum pushed everything on to me because I know I’m dealing with it really well.
“But will it come back and crash down on me in two or three years? I don’t know.
“As far as I am right now, I feel like I’ve got an understanding over the situation and perspective.”
Throwing himself into work and “keeping busy” has helped him, too.
He says: “I have those times now where I get a song and I’m like, ‘I can’t wait to send it to my mum’.
“Like I still have those moments where I’m like, ‘She would really f*****g love this’.
Louis has decided to pour his heart out on his new album, including paying tribute to Eleanor.
He says: “There’s another song on the album called Always You and it’s kind of about my story of travelling the world and just being a f*****g idiot and going, ‘Of course it was always you’.
“Here’s the thing, when you listen to my album, you won’t have to read between the lines.
“You’ll know what’s about Eleanor, you’ll know what’s about me, you’ll know what’s about the fans, you know it might hint a little bit about the relationship with my mum.
“I want to make everything as honest and obvious as possible.”
But there’s one thing Louis is certain about — he doesn’t want to moan about his life.
He says: “I could sit and dwell and say, ‘I’ve had such a s**t ride’ and ‘It was f*****g really difficult in One Direction at times and it was really difficult with my mum, and Freddie was sprung upon me and blah blah blah’.
“But I don’t f*****g need that sympathy, quite frankly, do you know what I mean?
“Yes maybe mine is a little bit harder or harsher, but everyone has their own f*****g s**t to deal with.
“So I think it’s just one of those things where if you want to continue to hopefully succeed in life, you’ve got to try and work past it as practically as you can.”
