Crusading is an Unhealthy Coping Mechanism

HEHEHEHHEHEHE okay okay okay i have something really really funny to say let me figure out how to translate it to tumblr.

ms paint. okay hold on

JESUS 69!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHAHAHHA

[id: first image is a crude drawing of a cross labeled "cross". second image is a crude drawing of a cross labeled "inverted cross". last image has both the cross and inverted cross next to each other and is labeled "JESUS 69". end id.]

peter wanted to be crucified upside down for this reason and this reason alone

It’s funny to me that I’ve met people named Grace, Faith, Patience and Chastity. It is so funny that Puritan names have survived so long and are still so popular if you take a step back and think about it. She’s getting Starbucks today and accusing a townsperson of witchcraft tomorrow.

AND DESTINY, I’ve met so many Destinys.

Nobody even chooses the COOL Puritan names like Punishment, Humiliation, Refuge, Relief, Obedience. And it’s always girls getting Puritan names nowadays. When am I going to see a baby boy named Submit To His Will.

Thats the name of an ex-fundamentalist kinky gay if ever I heard one

kinky evil former Puritan vampire

i found out i had a quaker cousin from the 1600s named Wrestling. as in, from the torah, Jacob’s wrestling with an angel. She also had a brother named Repentance and one of her sisters was named Fear.

Absolutely losing my mind over Love, Patience, Fear, Wrestling and fucking Jonathan

cant even dm my friends anymore they immediately start roleplaying being medieval serfs

not making this up btw

You do it to yourself

omfg i forgot that i never showed tumblr my greatest achievement. my pride and joy, my pi-ass de résistance

you're welcome

Hey I hate to tell you this but your boyfriend was taking up too much space in the archives. Yeah, yeah we put him on microfiche. He can be stored for a lot longer than traditional media would allow, but you need special equipment to view him. Sorry

did you guys know abt this pther interpretation of caesars last words

Yamakawa Sutematsu (Oyama Sutematsu) early 1900's. First Japanese woman to graduate from university with a bachelor’s degree. Lifelong promoter of women's education. Photo restoration by デジミ

One thing I love about Judaism is that long involved conversations about things like “can a zombie attend shul?” or “can i use my pet dragon to light candles on shabbat?” or “is meat from a replicator kosher?” are seen as completely normal.

Yes, but it should avoid contact with a Cohen if it can, and if the dragon is a Gentile sure, why not, a pet dragon is an ideal Shabbos goy, since it probably lives with you, and will get a kick out of helping. If it’s a Jewish dragon, though, no, it’s better for you to do it yourself rather than cause another Jew to violate Shabbat.

Wait wait… if a jew owned the dragon as a pet wouldn’t using the beast’s labor to light candles be pretty explicitly prohibited?

Good point. Is the dragon property, or is it a roommate?

I think it was ruled that one may allow a dragon to ignite a fire if (a) the dragon is non-sapient, and preventing them from lighting the fire would be animal cruelty, or (b) the dragon is sapient, non-Jewish and not in indentured service.

And one cannot bring a dragon into a household for the express purpose of lighting candles at a later date, since the Jew would be directly benefiting from the dragon’s actions on Shabbat. 

But if the dragon just happens to live there already and feels the urge to light candles, it should not be stopped from doing so – as the sages said: “the same candle that benefits one can be used to benefit one hundred.“ (Shulchan Aruch HaRav, 276:6) 

some pdfs are dusty. this is a fact despite their lack of physicality. you understand

drawings of flowers and cherries at the margins of a manuscript made to look like real material objects affixed to the page

in a book of hours, flanders, ca. 1520

source: Vienna, Österr. Nationalbibl., Cod. 2730, f. 7r-9r.

this is also like when people were trying to argue that the low life expectancy in the pre industrial age was only due to child mortality and that most adults lived something close to normal life spans if they survived child hood, and like they absolutely did not! you can literally just go click on any large royal family on wikipedia and see how many of them were dying in their 20s due to disease, war and childbirth, and that’s just a weighed sample of the nobility who generally had a less stressful life

Also dying in your 50s, 60s or early 70s is still young by modern standards.

We have to remember that the preindustrial era had no cure for any cancer, heart disease, diabetes. And surviving an infectious disease can still leave you with messed up organs.

Portrait of a Young Woman, Jean-Etienne Liotard 

Girl with a Pearl Earring, Johannes Vermeer 

#they look like theyve been having a chat about u and u just walked in

I’m on mobile, somebody edit them into this please

Y'all take too long

Same energy

No worries guys, they’re there too

MOAR

Teachers have tried this and are amazed when their classes don’t go feral like in the book.  It’s almost as if the book was supposed to be satire and not a treaty on the nature of humanity.

there’s a timeskip

THERE’S A TIMESKIP

THERE’S A TIMESKIP

THERE’S A TIMESKIP

after losing control of the signal fire there’s a FUCKING TIMESKIP and when the next chapter starts everyone’s hair is several inches longer and their clothes have rotted to shreds and they’re still just kind of chilling!!!!

IT TAKES THE TERRIBLE IMPERIALISM MIND-POISONED EXCESSIVELY BRITISH BOYS IN THE ACTUAL BOOK SEVERAL MONTHS TO COMMIT A SINGLE ACT OF INTENTIONAL VIOLENCE, EVEN THE ONE (1) CHILD WRITTEN AS AN ACTUAL SOCIOPATH

AND then when they DO turn on each other it is because

THERE’S AN UNSPECIFIED WORLD WAR HAPPENING

AND A PILOT’S CORPSE CRASH LANDS ON THE ISLAND POST-DOGFIGHT AND THE CHILDREN MISTAKE THE PARACHUTE FOR A MONSTER AND SPIRAL INTO PARANOIA

BECAUSE CHILDREN INHERIT THE LEGACY AND TRAUMA OF VIOLENCE FROM THE ADULTS WAGING WAR AROUND THEM

HURR DURR IN THE REAL WORLD IT WOULD NEVER HAPPEN LIKE IN LORD OF THE FLIES -

IT DIDN’T HAPPEN THAT WAY IN LORD OF THE FLIES EITHER YOU JUST HAVEN’T READ IT SINCE HIGH SCHOOL IF EVER AND DON’T REMEMBER WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED IN THE GODDAMN BOOK

#tbf the dude wrote it to be a dick

yes. yes he did. i’m also gonna direct you to the real life ‘lord of the flies’ which occured in the 1960s, when six tongan schoolboys got stranded on a desert island for over a year before being rescued by an australian fisherman (who, it should be noted, later took on all six as crewmembers because the reason they were out in the first place was because they wanted to see the world, and named his ship the Ata after the island they were stranded on). nobody died. the only injuries that occurred were accidental, and when one of the boys broke his leg falling down a cliff, the others braced it and looked after him so well that it healed perfectly. if they argued, then they would literally go to opposite sides of the island until they’d cooled off. after leaving the island, they remained friends for the rest of their lives. here’s a photo of them as adults, with their rescuer (who is third from the left) and other members of his crew.

i read about this in rutger bregman’s human kind, a book i cannot recommend highly enough, but if you don’t want to go and read a whole book about the inherent goodness of humanity (which again, you really should) then the relevant excerpt can be found here.