God bless Mat on The Great British Bake Off for whipping out a genuine Victorian pie tin from 1850 for his Victorian meat pie to be baked in and saying this:

Douglas Adams is the best when it comes to describe characters

they need to teach classes on Douglas Adams analogies okay

“He leant tensely against the corridor wall and frowned like a man trying to unbend a corkscrew by telekinesis.”

“Stones, then rocks, then boulders which pranced past him like clumsy puppies, only much, much bigger, much, much harder and heavier, and almost infinitely more likely to kill you if they fell on you.”

“He gazed keenly into the distance and looked as if he would quite like the wind to blow his hair back dramatically at that point, but the wind was busy fooling around with some leaves a little way off.”

“It looked only partly like a spaceship with guidance fins, rocket engines and escape hatches and so on, and a great deal like a small upended Italian bistro.”

“If it was an emotion, it was a totally emotionless one. It was hatred, implacable hatred. It was cold, not like ice is cold, but like a wall is cold. It was impersonal, not as a randomly flung fist in a crowd is impersonal, but like a computer-issued parking summons is impersonal. And it was deadly - again, not like a bullet or a knife is deadly, but like a brick wall across a motorway is deadly.”

And, of course: “The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.”

the one that will always stay with me is “Arthur Dent was grappling with his consciousness the way one grapples with a lost bar of soap in the bath,” i feel like that was the first time i really understood what you could do with words.

I will reblog this every time I see it because these are some of my favorite sentences in the English language.

if i switched bodies with someone they’d probably ask why everything hurts nd i would just be like “thats just how she works”

When students say that we aren't going to have time to cover everything before the end of the semester

I’m like:

other girls: starbucks, iPhone, one direction, uggs and yoga pants, John Green, boys, fake tan

me: pale, glasses, wigs, reading papers in latin, fighting for the populace, guillotines. i am maximilien robespierre

i’d be a terrible superhero i’d be at home and see the signal calling me in the sky and be like “i literally just sat down”

Hamlet, Act I, Scene II (via incorrectshakespeare)

Literally heard a convo at the library where a guy was telling a girl that he’s an omega and the girl telling him that she’s a beta, and my mind just did not automatically connect the context to fraternity pledge classes at all and I just whispered to myself “what the fuck?? What the fuck??”

me at school: when i get home im gonna be productive’

me at home: good nite 

me: *overestimates the length of a yellow light and completely 100% runs a red light* me while driving away: I AM A BEACON OF SIN I AM A BEACON OF SIN I AM A BEACON OF SIN I AM A BEACON OF SIN I AM A BEACON OF SIN I AM A BEACON OF SIN I AM A BEACON OF SIN I

i forgot how fucking weird november is theres no afternoon its just night after 2pm

Listen everyone there’s a very nasty ghost out there around Europe, Very spooky guy. And let me tell you folks, all those kings? All those Czars? They’re all afraid of it. They won’t even tell you about it.

i like in hamilton how they tell us that the islanders all chipped in to make sure that hamilton could go to the mainland and Make Something Of Himself like HE IS TOO TALENTED TO REMAIN HERE

but then much later its like… “he used to give 6 hour long speeches” and ur like… ok… sure. “would you like to donate to a good cause ma’am” “what cause” “sending alexander hamilton to another continent” “heres my life savings”

#buy my silence for $8000 a month

the weather forcast for tomorrow is sunny with a few clouds and *squints at ram liver* your inevitable fall from grace due to offending Zeus

so many people overlook the genuine love of friends. how platonic relationships sometimes are more permanent. friendships like “hang on let me send you a nude i want you to tell me if this underwear looks good”. friendships like no, don’t, the peach looks literally so much better on you, you pop in peach. friendships like dump him but i understand why it’s hard for you to let go of deep relationships so i’ll be here until you do dump him and i’ll be the only one not to say “i told you so.” friendships like call me at three in the morning because of a spider, like hey saw this and thought of you but it’s a spongebob meme, like people think we’re dating and we honestly haven’t corrected them, like tell you the truth even if it’s a hard one to hear, like trust you with my life. friendships like wait i have the perfect outfit for you to wear on your date i’m driving the 45 minutes so we can play dressup and talk about flirting. like i know when to comfort you and when to distract you. like you’re kind of my favorite person but like also don’t tell anyone i said that i will deny it you’re gross and a jerk. like i know you’re sad come over i made cider and halloweentown is queued up and ready to go. like i will use your body as a shield between myself and the scary movie but i have also jumped someone for speaking badly to you. like you’ve been my rock my sword and the person who drags my drunk ass home. like that love that’s just two people who can sit in a room together with a bottle of wine in our bodies talking about how directors make poor color choices in movies. that’s love. don’t write it off because they don’t make movies around it. but that’s love.

THE LIST OF THINGS NINTENDO PREDATES INCLUDES, BUT IS NOT LIMITED TO:

THE SHERLOCK HOLMES FRANCHISE

UNITED STATES PRESIDENT DWIGHT D. EISHENHOWER’S BIRTH

THE NOVEL “DRACULA”

THE NOVELS “THE TIME MACHINE” AND “WAR OF THE WORLDS” BY H.G. WELLS

THE FIRST MODERN OLYMPIC GAMES

THE DISCOVERY OF HELIUM ON EARTH

… Okay. I believe you. But like… how?

NINTENDO WAS FOUNDED IN 1889 AS A CARD GAME MANUFACTURER AND ALL THOSE OTHER THINGS HAPPENED IN 1890 OR LATER

WHAT THE FUCK I THOUGHT DRACULA WAS EARLIER WHAT THE FUCK

YOU COULD WRITE A DRACULA FANFIC WHERE DRACULA TRAVELS TO JAPAN AND BUYS A PACK OF NINTENDO BRAND PLAYING CARDS AND IT WOULD BE HISTORICALLY ACCURATE. SAME DEAL FOR SHERLOCK HOLMES.

No no no no no!

Don’t write fanfic!

Those things are in the public domain!

You can legally write, publish, and sell a Dracula book where Dracula travels to Japan and buys a pack of Nintendo brand playing cards!

Same deal for Sherlock Holmes!

what if you write a book where dracula and sherlock holmes travel to japan at the same time and reach for the last pack of nintendo brand playing cards that they both wanted

october moodboard