Crumble to Bits of Song

the thing that really cheeses my cake about flies getting in my house is they clearly don't want to be there anyway. like at least the ants trying to steal cereal from my pantry had a goal and a plan. you are just here because you're too stupid to use a window twice

Thinking about him (Stephen Sondheim with two broadswords)

does anyone else feel me. can anyone hear me in here.

do you see the issue now

Something to ponder

To whom it may concern.

yall i swear to god if a bitch says her pronouns are she/her then her pronouns are she/her

my close friend from uni was a cis girl who had the audacity to wear pants and cut her hair short and like nobody at this school, a place OBSESSED with ‘respecting everyone’s gender identities,’ would call her ‘she.’ after MONTHS of this she started wearing a fucking pronoun pin to work and i dont even think that fixed it. me, im sorta androgynous; i have shaggy self-cut hair and go by a neutral name, but i always say my pronouns are she/her, and people ive worked with for months and have introduced myself in front of fifty times will STILL reflexively say ‘they’ for me. i respect the progressive circles i run in, but this IS evidence of misogyny. people’s definition of “woman” or “girl” is so narrow and high-maintenance that even the tiniest deviation from the norm gets you forcibly defeminized. but it’s a compliment, right? like who would wanna be a girl anyway?

replacing an inescapable gender binary with an equally-inescapable gender trinary is stupid 🩷

50.000 dollars on the Emmy campaign? That's such an absurd waste of money!! Those funds could have gone towards licensing Seal's "Kiss from a Rose" three more times, and there would still be enough left over to make another episode of D20 On a Bus. Truly flushed that money down the drain...

Has anyone considered using a bottle opener on the rim of a glass? I've outlined some of the benefits below:

Let me know when you've had time to review my proposal.

"you are annoying about x & y" okay. this is the being annoying website.

yeah and they’re good games so like??? i will speak

wait

I have never felt so old in my life I'm not even 32 yet

"I asked chatgpt-" NEXT TIME DON'T. ask ME choose ME, I can misinform you. I do it with love and affection

Don’t treat me rough treat me really niceys

A fun but admittedly petty thing I do is when I see a post on social media where someone is saying “God bless Trump!! Pray for Trump!!”and suchlike, I comment, “Amen! Psalm 109:8-17!” And depending on the platform I’ll get likes/hearts/prayer hands emojis etc. but I’ve been doing this for months and so far no one has actually read the verse, I don’t think. Lol.

When you're a kid you just take trees for granted. Then when you get to be an adult you realize that a fully mature tree cannot be created in an amount of time that fits in a convenient landscaping timeframe for love nor money nor all the powers of science. Then you realize that people are very very very cavalier about chopping them down

Fun fact: the guys at our college’s geology department prop out the doors with their samples. I totally understand why but as someone whose work with samples is necessarily super delicate and sterile it fucks me up so bad

lol idk if you watch nautilus live at all but watching them process bio & geo samples side by side evokes exactly this Thing (the descriptions are gold too… “here are the 30 steps we use to preserve bio samples, and as for rocks, well, we let them dry, bag them, & put them in the Rock Box)

Good to know there’s enough Biologist Salt™ to go around

Paleontologists occupy a weird and highly uncomfortable slice of this Venn Diagram

in my own experience with geology most precautions with samples are to preserve the life and safety of the geologist, most of the rocks are fine. 

i am continually reminded of one of my colleagues, who wanted to collect a sample of gypsum on a field excursion but was too lazy to take off his backpack and get his rock hammer. so he said “eh, it’s soft enough” just fucking punched the rock until a piece fell off like it was fucking minecraft

does this on your dash

we're having sex and you pull out at the end to discover your cock is entirely gone, dissolved (ive digested it like a pitcher plant). bye!

You'd unfollow me for my pitcher plant pussy post? After the beautiful night we shared???

WASNT A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT. PESIS IS GONE.

I can think of one funnier option...

No tech CEO or NYT bestselling novelist will ever match the creativity of a humble French postman who decided on a whim to spend thirty-three years building a surreal, majestic palace with the bricks and mortar of his dreams.

I get that sex and drugs are fun but even im like. at least have a 3rd thing. at least one more hobby. you can have a 3rd hobby. this isnt a purity thing this is a some of u are fucking boring thing.

rock & roll

girl i just walked into that one like a coyote with a painted tunnel