Korg: What are you, homophobic?
Valkyrie, literally bi: Yes.
Valkyrie: June's over, fruit boy.
Y/N: Can people be allergic to Russians?
Wanda: What? No, why?
Y/N: Natasha. Everytime I'm around her, my palms get all sweaty, and I feel really warm, and my heartbeat and breathing get uneven.
Wanda: Your–
Y/N: I think I'm allergic to her.
Wanda: Oh my god.
Peter, overhearing, while doing his coursework: Palms are sweaty, knees weak arms are heavy-
Tony: Happy pride!
Tony: Almost 11 years ago I made out with a girl behind a bar.
Tony: Thought she was hot as shit.
Y/N: I will assume this relates to pride.
Tony: Yeah, ends up she was actually a twink named Andrew.
Y/N: HI?!
Tony: We were like, "oh, awkward". Sorry, dude. Not like that.
Tony: Let me buy you a beer tho.
Tony: Make up for it.
Y/N: How'd that go?
Tony: He didn't finish it because we just started making out behind the bar again.
Tony: Ends up I was like that.
Pepper: Goddamn it, the printer broke while printing out Tony's birthday invitations.
Y/N: Well, what are they supposed to say?
Pepper: "Tony's birthday".
Y/N: So, what do they say instead?
Pepper: "Tony's bi".
Y/N:
Y/N: Works out either way.
FUCK. honestly just FUCK. We missed a very important day yesterday.
bastardbat
what was yesterday, cat?
I’m not missing it this year.
My meds have worn off and this is probably a really stupid question but what does, "Y/N: Afab? No. I think some firefighters are alright." mean? Again, sorry if this is super obvious, I'm just an idiot who's genuinely confused.
Hi! Not an idiot at all, here's all you gotta know:
Afab = A female at birth.
ACAB = All cops are bastards.
So the reader, confused, thinks it means 'all firefighters are bastards'
Natasha: Give me the remote control.
Yelena: Give me a reason why I shouldn’t set you on fire.
Y/N: You mad?
Natasha: No.
Natasha: *Ignores them for hours*
Yelena to Natasha: Can you be a fucking hater with me for a second?
Loki: It's okay dude, I'm not becoming evil, muhahaha.
Loki: Sorry, I mean 'haha'.
Loki: Don't know what happened there muhahaha.
Loki: Sorry, I mean-
(During a widow family dinner)
Natasha: Y/N, what are you doing?
Y/N: I'm eating because I'm very uncomfortable.
Natasha: You love not being nice to people.
Yelena: I don’t love it, I’m just really good at it.
Tony to Steve: I have feelings for you.
Tony: Not telling you which ones.
Yelena: The universe has a sense of humour and I can respect the commitment to the bit but girl, please.
Natasha: Romance? That's gross, I want all of it.
Rhodey about Tony: His cunty behaviour and eyes have captivated me.
Yelena: I wish I had a father.
Yelena: WAIT!
Yelena: I DO!
Y/N: You do?
Natasha: Sadly.
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Natasha: They think I'm mysterious, meanwhile I don't know how to process my emotions.