next tumblr update they're removing the posts

There are little romance subplots all around me irl and I don't have the time to turn any of them into novels

Today I went to my favorite Italian restaurant and was seated at the table nearest the kitchen. We noticed a change to the menu. The list of pastas had been replaced by just "pasta of the day." We asked what the pasta of the day was. The waiter told us it was a mystery. So we ordered it, and when it came it was pasta with eggs and bacon, and I was so surprised and delighted by this unexpected whimsy that I started to clap. And then I noticed the chef watching me from the doorway and smiling. He had clearly come out wanting to see what people's reactions would be.

I'm not saying I love the chef or that the chef loves me. I am saying that is a seed with which to grow a romance that I don't have time to write.

Romance seedling of the day:

Tonight I went to a party and a woman asked me my name.

"Anna," I said.

"This confirms my theory," she said loudly, to the entire room. People stopped to listen. "ALL Anna's are drop dead gorgeous!"

I felt v flattered. I asked for her name.

She flashed me a grin. "Anna."

Irl, do I love her and does she love me? No. But this is the seed of another romance book I don't have the time to write.

I was miserable. At a parade! All of my friends were drunk and misbehaving and smelled of rancid tequila. I felt alone and about a million years old. The sun was glaring daggers into my eyeballs.

And then! At this parade! A very large beautiful man I didn't know! Saw me squinting! Said, "I'm can block the sun for you" and stepped in front of me. My sun-blindness cleared into a vision of his gentle smile.

He was a mathematics professor! Very sober, soft-spoken, kind. Did not insult my drunk friends but also stood carefully apart from them. The perfect balance.

Do I love him? No. But he's a romantic hero in a book somewhere in the multiverse.

reblog if you’re gay, shy or a fucking idiot

they should solve gendered awards by adding a third award for best lgbt performance but there's no definition of what makes an lgbt performance so theoretically this category includes straight actors playing gay, gay actors playing straight, all non-binary people, and anything that just has a little bit of Vibe. obviously this barely solves the problem and creates a lot of new problems while also being offensive and the twitter discourse would be hell but it would be entertaining to me and therefore worth it.

[ID: a text conversation.

person 1:

person 2:

person 1:

/end ID]

“this female character was such a bitch” don’t care + didn’t ask + i’m holding her hand right now and you’re not

• An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching the television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.

• A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

• A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

• An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.

• Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”

• A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.

• Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.

• A question mark walks into a bar?

• A non sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.

• Papyrus and Comic Sans walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Get out -- we don't serve your type."

• A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

• A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

• Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.

• A synonym strolls into a tavern.

• At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar -- fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.

• A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.

• Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.

• A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.

• An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.

• The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.

• A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.

• The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

• A dyslexic walks into a bra.

• A verb walks into a bar, sees a beautiful noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.

• A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.

• A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

• A hyphenated word and a non-hyphenated word walk into a bar and the bartender nearly chokes on the irony

- Jill Thomas Doyle

A zeugma walked into a bar, my life and trouble.

Moving house tomorrow

Be careful, I’ve heard they’re heavy

Not mine, mine is a

[Image ID: Picture of a lighthouse /End ID]

I love fanfic authors. I read a fic once and the author said they had the friend who is a real nuclear physicist teach them all about this radioactive compound and how it reacts with different materials so that their fic could be accurate. It was smut.

make up wearers are like no man im not addicted i just n

need to do my 30 minute routine before i leave the house every day no yeah i know we're just going to the grocery store and we'll be in and out dont be crazy im not going to do a full face i can live without it at the grocery store for 10 minutes just let me get my concealer i just gotta put on my concealer

if we see each other in public the secret code is this

Your dad is gerrymandering that pizza

happy 108th anniversary to franz kafka’s diary entry noting the beginning of world war i

happy 109th anniversary to franz kafka’s diary entry noting the beginning of world war i

i keep getting notifs of neil gaiman liking good omens related posts and always thought that he was just a fan. i opened his profile today AND FOUND OUT HE WROTE IT????

no because Elle having her “girl walks down the stairs looking beautiful” moment and still looking completely like herself is actually something so magical

no because Elle having her “girl walks down the stairs looking beautiful” moment and still looking completely like herself is actually something so magical