i busted my leg and got a hairline fraction from overdoing my running but i managed to run my last race on thursday and beat my personal record by one minute which was pretty rewarding. the consequence from doing that though was screwing up my fucking leg like i knew that i probably shouldnt have run that race since my leg was hurting all week but i did it anyway and i dont know if it was worth injuring myself for…. im getting back to my body image anxiety because i know that this injury is definitely going to set me back a lot with my fitness progress and my weight and ill pretty much lose the muscle ive worked so hard to gain this entire cross country season and im really sad and angry… im also really afraid to run again after this heals because i might hurt myself again but i know i really want to get back to it as soon as possible but im so scared that i wont be able to be at the level i was at during that last race. im just so angry ugh ive been so health conscious lately and i kind of had a cheat day today all the while thinking about how i wouldnt be able to work out or run off the bad stuff i eat which makes me so anxious and im really angry that it makes me anxious but i cant help it damn it why cant i be happy with myself seriously earlier after i ate something that seemed kind of heavy i was considering on skipping dinner later on but then i caught myself and i was like "i cant think like this its not healthy" fuck im just so focused and worried about what toll this injury would have on my mental and physical health and im mad stressing right now

hazey