My 4yo: *points to the label on my tea bag* what does that say?
Me: it says “over 300 years of experience”. It means the people at twinings have been making tea for 300 hundred years.
Her: *dramatic gasp* they haven’t even died?!
Me: *whispering* tea vampires…
Immortalitea.
You may live forever, but there is a steep cost.
Well, maybe not forever, you can still be killed, but you can live for Oolong time
My ancestors, watching me dump an entire stick of cinnamon, two cloves, an allspice berry, and a generous grating of nutmeg into my tea, sweetened with white sugar and loaded with cream, while I sit in my clean warm house surrounded by books, 25+ outfits for different occasions, and 6 pairs of shoes, in a building heated so well I have the windows open in mid-autumn:
Our daughter prospers. We are proud of her. She has never labored in a field but knows riches we could not have imagined.
I like this so much better than the idea that our ancestors would be embarrassed or ashamed of us for being “soft” or some crap like that.
My ancestors, watching me stuff my face with fried chicken while studying: She eats like an imperial concubine and can afford to study like am imperial scholar. WE MADE IT
She eats like an imperial concubine and can afford to study like am imperial scholar
My ancestors watching me use my stand mixer while living in a small apartment and attending university: Thou hast kneadeth bread in FOUR hail marys??? FOUR??? And thou ist poor as a churchmouse, yet liveth in a fine cottage with four pounds butter and fresh berries in thy larder!! And two featherbeds! And thou attendeth the King’s college, as a lord!!
My ancestors being like:
Look at this fine young lady! She can paint she can sew and embrody, she sings and read
And without a wealthy father to pay for that, plus she is florid in the body! She doesn’t know hunger!
We did it!
Me: /wearily studying/
My Ancestors: TRULY SH— what? They? A little unorthodox, but reasonable I suppose. TRULY THEY PROSPER, FOR THEY LIVE IN A DWELLING WITH MANY ROOMS AND ONLY THEIR SPOUSE TO SHARE IT WITH! THEY HAVE DOGS WHO DO NOT PERFORM A FUNCTION! THEY HAVE MANY BOOKS AND DO NOT HAVE TO SPIN THEIR OWN YARN! THEY BATHE AT A WHIM WITH GENTLE SOAP FREE OF LYE! OUR DESCENDANT BRINGS HONOR AND PRIDE TO OUR LINEAGE!
Me: /yawns and sips my coffee/
My Ancestors: /cheer wildly/
Me: *hunched over at my desk nursing a headache.*
My Ancestors: “Truly, we prosper; see here, our infirm descendant need not even work on her poor days, but has the luxury to rest as she sees need! A doctor attends to her illnesses; her clothes are warm and free of pests; she cares for exotic and dangerous animals within her own home! We have found the height of luxury!”
Me: *treats myself to a pineapple and a bunch of bananas*
My Georgian ancestors: ZOOTH SHE HAS BOUGHT A PINEAPPLE! NOT MERELY BORROWED ONE! TRULY SHE HAS ACHIEVED FAR MORE THAN WE COULD KNOW!
If Edward came to, saw Carlisle’s face, and then went LOVER instead of FATHER, how do you think things would’ve turned out? Same same but different? Or does Edward’s innate creeping scare Carlisle off?
Caveat
Edward did go LOVER instead of FATHER. However, Edward's a seventeen-year-old boy from a very heteronormative time who I highly doubt would suspect what his sudden devotion of Carlisle's glorious face implies.
So, Edward said, "Ah, yes, this is my father"
And proceeds to be fucking weird about it for a hundred years.
The other caveat, is even if Edward did suspect this is not the norm of how people view directly related family members (or remembered his own feelings towards his biological father who died not too long ago and who Edward lived with for most of his life at that point) I doubt he'd be comfortable acting on it in any way or even admitting to it.
Edward's already this hideous, deformed, man-eating gargoyle and being what he'd view as a sexual deviant on top of that would not be something he'd want to admit to.
Which leads us to...
The answers.
Edward Hates Life, the Universe, and Especially Carlisle
Edward is turned into a demon by this beautiful demon whom he doesn't really remember. The guy says Edward's family is dead, Edward's mother asked Carlisle to do this, and they now must leave.
And the man is causing weird rumblings in Edward's nonexistent stomach.
Clearly, this man is Satan.
Edward is deeply suspicious of his sudden feelings, his man-eating circumstances, his sudden misery and in an effort to loathe himself a little less chooses to loathe Carlisle.
Carlisle and his perfect charade where he acts so stupidly perfect. Stupid sexy Carlisle.
Edward and Carlisle proceed to have a very tense relationship where Carlisle realizes that Edward loathes him entirely.
Sooner rather than later, probably long before Esme, Edward says, "Fuck you and fuck your starvation diet" and leaves to eat murderers and rapists.
He doesn't come back.
Carlisle doesn't turn anyone else.
Edward Wants to Die of Mortification
Here, Edward's a little more open to the idea that he's in love with glorious, perfect, Carlisle Cullen. That face, that ass, that saintly disposition.
He tells himself that Carlisle must surely feel the same way. After all, after three centuries, Carlisle turned someone and it was Edward whom he had never really spoken to.
Surely, this is a mutual attraction!
Edward, being Edward, gaslights himself via his gift into believing Carlisle's totally into him. Carlisle watches Edward's face when Edward's not looking, he once thought that Edward's uncommonly attractive. Clearly, he turned Edward to be his lover and is too shy to make a move!
Edward waits for Carlisle to make a move. Then waits. Then continues waiting...
Then Carlisle turns Esme.
Edward tries to tell himself Carlisle just felt bad for this lady. She died a horrible death and he's just that nice. Then he realizes that Esme's in love with Carlisle.
And Carlisle still isn't making a move.
Edward now wonders if Carlisle's building himself a harem. He feels jilted! Betrayed!
He finally confronts Carlisle.
Turns out, Carlisle is in deep denial and claims he does not see Edward as anything more than a son. In fact, he says Edward is actually a little too young for him and had circumstances been different he would have not turned him at seventeen.
Carlisle's just not attracted to him.
This makes things... awkward.
Awkward and terrible as there's Esme, also in love with Carlisle, and certainly not giving up her feelings anytime soon. And she's older than him and clearly an adult, more mature, and a woman...
Edward has to leave.
Edward goes off on his rapist eating journey, is miserable, but I doubt he can come back as the idea of Esme having married Carlisle in his absence, returning to that, haunts him.
He lives miserably.
stiles: i have a hand job for you later ;)
stiles: *hard job
stiles: ha, autocorrect
derek: stiles, this is a verbal conversation.
Hermione cries when she finally moves out of Grimmauld Place, after the war, into her own home.
“I can’t believe I’m gonna have to find a new couple to cockblock.” she sobs and Harry’s eyebrows shot up as Ron groaned.
“What—“
“I have already told you this a million times! The beds are just too big! It’s totally platonic!”
“Uh, yeah, total friend cuddles,” Harry mutters quietly a ‘friend snogging, too, I guess’ but it goes unheard.
Twilight au where everything is the same but the vampires can lizard crawl up and down walls like Dracula
Everything is the same except in the meadow scene Edward crawls up and down the trees like a lizard while hissing, "SEE, BELLA, I AM TERRIFYING!"
Or Jasper going after Bella in New Moon via the walls and Edward chasing him.
sometimes i think about how my all-girls catholic school’s idea of a PE class was to pair two girls up, teach us how to dance tango (one of the most sensual dances) for a whole sem, and have us perform it as an exam with one girl wearing a dress and the other girl wearing a coat and tie and how theyre still completely baffled on why almost half of their students are gay
so conversion therapy works but only in one direction huh
One of my favorite scenes from Letterkenny
This show hurts my brain
Can’t blame you, it’s like a shakespearian comedy about nothing, sped up, with the Middle English replaced by equally obfuscatory Albertan slang.
Excuse you that ain’t Albertan that’s the wrong coast. It’s Ontario slang.
Fucking live it
What if i told you this is the funniest thing i have ever seen
I keep seeing people say that killing off Jane was misogynistic and that they fridged her, but I really don't think that's true. They didn't bring Jane back for Thor's character development. She didn't really change him or motivate him. She made him happy and her death hurt him, but it didn't further the plot or his character arc. She was in this movie for her. This was the conclusion to a character arc that was abandoned years ago. She was in Thor's movie, but she wasn't a part of his story. She was her own story, and she lived and died on her own terms, and I think that's so much more powerful than letting her disappear like she did after TDW with only two brief, vague mentions of her afterward.
Children are often a plot device, with tropes like Child in the refrigerator or Child in distress. And often Marvel forgets that their movies are actually watched by parents *and* their children. Not in Love and Thunder.
We are given those two tropes but then, the children are given voice (in the form of Axl, but some other kids too), encouragement and quite literally the power to fight. They are allowed to say "we are scared" and "we are children". When the big bad comes to speak to them, he is just menacing but never touches them, never even comes close (he did have a daughter their age after all).
And they fight the way children fight, some aggressively and more hero-like, but some like princesses and faeries. It makes adults smile but what would it feel to be the kind of little girl who likes princesses to see yourself defeating a big bad by being a playful princess?
It is heartwarming and funny to see how a child uses their teddy bear as a weapon because we all know teddy bears protect us when we sleep and make us feel safe in unknown environments, but isn't it the same Thor does with his weapons?
It is an ongoing joke about Mjolnir and Stormbreaker that he speaks to them, treats them as people (and they actually react too, they have opinions), but isn't it the same thing children do with their favourite toys? Don't you speak with your doll? Doesn't it feel like she can understand you? The teddy bear scene would be mocking childhood innocence if it weren't for all the times Thor feels deeply about his toys (and well, if they didn't give it powers).
It is a movie for children, with teachings for children. It also shows you that you can be loved and accepted no matter what. Even the child in the refrigerator lives and has someone who cares about her.
And sure, there is mention of an orgy but any child invested in Greek Mythology has read worse (specially coming from Zeus).
So yes, making children a part of it all is my favourite thing about this movie. Only because of this, I think it's superior to many others despite its many flaws.
that moment when you realize that one of the korg people in the zeus scene was sitting on a throne of scissors cause rock beats scissors has me rolling XD
I havent seen enough posts to address the fact korg married a guy named dwayne... Whos is made of rocks. He married dwayne the rock.
we really devolved as a society when we stopped using fully painted pictures on romance novels and started using cheap photoshop instead
case in point
this is a Hell of a downgrade
worst crime capitalism ever committed was eliminating Horny Oil Painter as a viable career option.
So great news actually the horny oil painter style is starting to make a comeback with millennials who’re into adult romance novels, but not in the way you expect!
Anna Moshak is the artist!
Once again monsterfuckers are creating the bright path for humanity
i got an insulated metal water bottle recently after using plastic ones for years and oh my god ice water is so addictive. this shit SLAPS i get so excited to drink water thats crazy
coward
I want more villains who care about their henchmen. I wanna see the bad guy fly into a rage because the hero hurt their very favorite bungling goon and it was nearly his birthday.
