BITCH I WILL FUCKING CUT YOU

YOU’VE ANGERED THE WRONG FANDOM

You’re going down punk, just you FUCKNG WAIT!! You will learn that this fandom is far worse than you will ever want to know. We may seem soft and shy, but we’re just being NICE! We can be cold, cruel, mean, and make you suffer and wish you had never said what you said. We can send you into the farthest most empty reaches of the galaxy, summon demons to our disposal to make you suffer, and make you feel the feelings that we experience, and don’t fucking think for a single goddamn second that’s easy! The amount of emotions that would boil inside of you would literally kill you. So keep your motherfucking distance and we won’t hurt you, so stay the hell back, asshole. If you so much as insult us one more time, we will bring firey hell upon you and bitch slap you into oblivion. Your move, dildo.

We know how to kill a human and hide the evidence. Your body will never be found, and that is a promise.

You do realize a majority of the fandom are 20 somethings right? or at least in college. We can find you, kill you, and make it look like you killed yourself. Don’t try us :)

Shut up. We can exorcise a demon from you faster than Dean and Sam, believe me you need it. We can toss you into a supernova, never to be seen again, or banish you to the end of the universe where you would explode to create a new one. We can murder you and destroy all evidence of you ever existing. Basically- D-O-N-T-C-R-O-S-S-U-S

This is like finding a lost family heirloom you’ve been hearing about

finally….

important relic from the Tumblr Dark Ages

@hellsitegenetics

String identified: TC CG CT

’ AG T G A

’ gg , t CG AT!! a tat t a a ta at t . a t a , t ’ t g C! ca c, c, a, a a a a a at a. ca t t att t t ac t gaa, t a t a , a a t g tat c, a ’t cg t a g ga c tat’ a! T at t tat ta . tcg tac a ’t t , ta t ac, a. c a t t, g a tc a t . , .

t a a a t c. , a tat a .

a a at t a a tg gt? at at cg. ca , , a a t . ’t t :)

t . ca c a at ta a a a, t. ca t t a a, t aga, a t t t t cat a . ca a t a c tg. aca- —T-C——

T g a t a ’ ag at

a….

tat c t T a Ag

@tgtc

Closest match: Clavelina lepadiformis genome assembly, chromosome: 6 Common name: Light-bulb sea squirt

I don't know if you've ever been to Paris before, but I recommend going. Normally, I would not have gone, but I made a really rich enemy on IRC and he spent a lot of money to have me kidnapped and brought to his home country. While I was there, I got to try a bunch of restaurants (they're hostage-takers, not barbarians) and came away impressed. Something was missing, though, and herein is my genius idea.

In Paris you can get any kind of food. Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, Thai: and it's all good. All of it. You literally can't find a bad restaurant. At one point, I walked into a convenience store and got a plate of one-Euro nachos that made me cry at the beauty of the arrangement.

Everyone around me was taking this for granted. Having lived there for years, their quality threshold had crept invisibly upwards until nothing could impress again. They needed something to re-calibrate their sense of truly bad food. That's where I came in. After I got kicked out of the country, I decided to come back with some investor support. I can burn cereal, usually by roasting it gently with a blowtorch on the top of an old gas can. Investors were easy to find.

Our first week of opening was tremendous. Hardened Parisians were discovering their first taste of truly incompetent food. The novelty of it all had captured them. There's just one problem, though: after making an entire lunch rush's first of poorly-cut toast in reheated canned soup, my cooking skills began to improve from sheer experience. The complaints began to change tone. You got too good, they cried, you're not the same bad chef we once loved. Again, I was deported.

I looked out the window of the plane as it left De Gaulle, staring down onto the beautiful streets of Paris. Down there, I imagined, real gourmets were now eating food out of trash cans out of desperation to recapture what they had experienced with me. If there is one nice thing to be said, I now have two Michelin Stars here in my homeland of Canada, where my consommé-and-grilled-cheese recipe is now so much better than most of our restaurants that it made the Prime Minister Herself come and spit in my face for ruining the economy, before awarding me an Order of Canada. It's not the same.

String identified: 't ' t a , t c gg. a, t a g, t a a a c C a t a t t a a a gt t ct. a t, gt t t a c taat (t' tag-ta, t aaa) a ca aa . tg a g, tg, a g a.

a ca gt a . C, ta, aa, Ta: a t' a g. A t. ta ca't a a taat. At t, a t a cc t a gt a at - ac tat a c at t at t aagt.

a a tag t gat. ag t a, t at t a ct a t tg c aga. T tg t -caat t t a . Tat' ca . At gt c t t ct, c t c ac t t t. ca ca, a atg t gt t a tc t t a ga ca. t a t .

t g a t. a aa cg t t tat t ctt . T t t a a cat t. T' t , tg: at ag a t c ' t -ct tat at ca , cg ga t c. T cat ga t cag t. gt t g, t c, ' t t a a c c . Aga, a t.

t t t a a t t Ga, tag t t at tt a. t, ag, a gt atg t ta ca t at t cat at t a c t . t c tg t a, a t c ta a Caaa, cé-a-g-c c c tt ta t taat tat t a t t c a t ac g t c, aag a Caaa. t' t t a.

Closest match: Petrosia ficiformis genome assembly, chromosome: 12 Common name: Stony sponge

(image source)

i made a lady based off of this fish

here’s her mowing the lawn

happy boops boops day, all

I'm not a prayin' man, but the night I found out my at-the-time-fiancé had been sending sex horny nasty horny sex asks to my friend on THIS VERY WEBSITE, I sat in the car in the parking lot of an abandoned church and watched a family of deer play in the snow, and it didn't quite feel like a sign because that part of Pennsylvania was mostly deer and abandoned buildings and snow, but it felt nice, and once the tears stopped, I looked down at my phone and my other friend had sent me a text that said, "HE'S TRYING TO CHEAT ON YOU ON THE ONE DIRECTION IMAGINES WEBSITE?" and I realized that life is all about your curated experience. A real choose-your-own-adventure deal. I have never seen someone post about One Direction on here in my life.

String identified: ' t a a' a, t t gt t at-t-t-acé a g at a t T T, at t ca t ag t a aa cc a atc a a a t , a t 't t a g ca tat at aa a t a aa g a , t t t c, a c t ta t, at a t a t a tt tat a, "' TG T CAT T CT AG T?" a a tat a at cat c. A a c---at a. a t at ct .

Closest match: Leptodirus hochenwarti genome assembly, chromosome: 6 Common name: Cave beetle

(image source)

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

I always need this on my blog.

String identified: a t at? at, t “t” t c a tta t tg at. tt t, a ’ at at gt tat at gt. t a, act, t . t, a ag a a . t t a g at g a a a a at c t t a t ac a c a a. ca tat a , t t a g g t at t ta. t a: ’ a t. t t a: t a at t t t. tat a a a t t tcg gt gg tat ct, cat a gtg c t t’ . a a t, t t gt agt. Tat a, t a AT AT A CG CAC gttg at at t t gt, a t tt cac cg at ta a ga cat ca. a at t tg a a cg a? t . T a tt g A T G TG T CG CA T TTC CT. at a t, ’t ta t a t t gt a cg ac. a ca’t a cat t a, a ’ t a cg ca. t t t tat’ t’ , c tat T CG A t ta a t catt a a t tat a t. A g at , a? a ca’t g atg, ca ’ tt ’ t a t a at t tat a t t a tta, t t ca, ’ at: a a ’t at t cg c t c. a cg tt t t t a tt at a t a t G t . t ta a t tat. ca at at T a t at c, t a, t a A ’ GT AC T GG T T GACA A C. . c a A T’ T GG T A A T T CA CG CAAT T C AT T T A AG A G ’ T CG C C T T T’ T AT CG AA CT. t t tg a cg ac a. A ’t cg t ’ at t t t a -g g. AA T A T T CG T. A. TAT’ C CG C AT G AT TG. A T GG T CG TTA GA T GT T T AC TGT, T T A T TAT’ T T GT A G TT.

at’ tat? a t t t t t? T AA C? ’T AT T CG T TG A TA, A ’T AT A T A CA. t at a t. cc: ’ t t tg tat a a t t , a ag t tat, a a . AT A “T AT T T A ”: A cg ? ’T T CG CT AA. a a a t t a , T AG A A T AT A CCT T C AT. Tat’ g a ca a ag t a a cg c t t . A T TC’ GG T A A AC GT A A A T T GA, T T, GA A C, C. aa ga t t . at t ac a. T’ ca cg A. A . g. a’t c c a , t ’ cg g . at t t ? G a .

aa t g.

Closest match: Hibiscus tridactylites genome assembly, chromosome: 19 Common name: Narrow Leaf Bladder Ketmia

(image source)

AMAZING ANIMALS BIOLOGY FUN FACTS

It's only natural to ask questions like this when encountering such a disgusting creature, but rest assured- it's quite harmless!

Meet the hampter.

Hammers are Europe's largest species of insect. They are mostly found in plains, mountains, parking lots, underpasses, the savannah, landfills, trees, and shurbs. They are heavily endangered because they are too stupid to drink water if it's not in a water bottle manufactured for small animals. But evolution has produced a remarkable solution: a female hamper can lay thousands of eggs every day! Most of her young will die of dehydration, but the sheer numbers of hamspers makes it inevitable that at least some will find a water bottle and thus survive to sexual maturity.

Hapster biologist Dr. Lexapro Beaufort said in an interview, "I know of them. They like to sniff around in the dirt for seeds and grass and discarded cigarettes. They like to dig holes in the ground. They were not created by the same God that created everything else."

They can even be kept as pets! One proud hamser mommy had this to say. "Yeah, mine is named Keith and he fucking sucks. He just hides in a hole and only comes out when he hears me rattling my adderall prescription."

Wow! Truly the hater is the fascinating creature of planet earth.

String identified:

A A G A A G ACT ” C t, at t at?” ” t a ?” " at t a t?" ” t t ?” ” t t c ?” t' at a t a t t c t g c a g t g c at , t t a - t' t a !

t t a t .

a a ' a g t c ct. T a t a , ta , a g t , a , t a a a , a , t , a . T a a a g ca t a t t t at t' t a at tt a act a a a . t t a c a a a t : a a a ca a t a gg a ! t g at , t t a a t ta t at at a t a at tt a t t a at t .

a t g t . a a t a a t , " t . T t a t t a g a a ca c ga tt . T t g t g . T t c at t a G t at c at t g ."

T ca t a t ! a a t t a . " a , a t a c g c . t a a c t a att g a a c t ."

! T t at t a c at g c at a t a t .

Closest match: Leucoma salicis genome assembly, chromosome: 3 Common name: White satin moth

the reading comprehension on this site is awful. the true power is in the demon blade. that's how it kills everyone.

String identified:

tgt a?

ta ag! t a, t a at a a g t a

a t t ag t a

t ag c t t a. t t t a. tat' t .

Closest match: Octopus vulgaris genome assembly, chromosome: 15 Common name: Common octopus

Next up in the torment nexus: weed gummies that kill you

Some people are taking "Nobody in history has died of a THC overdose" as a challenge.

Love the people in the notes like "this would fix me" bestie this thing would dissolve your brain into a fine mist. You would discover the kind of mental illnesses Freud could only dream of. Forget meeting the Hat Man this is what turns you into the Hat Man. This is worse than that torture drug that makes you expirience 600 billion years in a second. This is the secret to honest to god shifting. The fucking MK-ULTRA era CIA would tell you to dial it back if you showed them this thing. This is the closest humans have ever come to making a physical manifestation of a bad idea. The only thing this is fixing is fixing to turn you inside out.

String identified:

t t tt : g tat

a tag " t a a TC " a a cag.

t t t "t " t t tg a t a t. c t ta c a . gt tg t at a t at t t t at a. T ta tat tt g tat a c 600 a a c. T t ct t t t g tg. T cg -TA a CA t t a t ac t t tg. T t ct a a c t ag a ca atat a a a. T tg t g g t t t.

Closest match: Furcifer pardalis isolate Fpa_1 chromosome 9 Common name: Panther chameleon

i do.

In Super Mario 64, positioning Mario underneath the lowest rotating platform on the bottom of Tick Tock Clock at the highest clock speed will result in the platform continuously squishing Mario for extremely brief periods, without actually harming him.

Main Blog | Twitter | Patreon | Small Findings | Source

"Hogan's Alley" is one of the few microgames in WarioWare, Inc.: Mega Microgames that is impossible to play indefinitely even with perfect (not humanly achievable) inputs, as it simply starts lacking a win condition after a certain point.

The footage is of the game being played in single-game mode, after clearing 40 rounds, slowed down by a factor of 3 to both reduce flashing and to allow the event to be seen more clearly. Note that the cardboard cutouts, which are supposed to turn around and reveal which one to shoot (with criminals being the correct targets), simply do not fully turn around before the microgame ends.

This makes it impossible to shoot the correct one because internally, the "correct one" does not even exist at that point, as the winning condition is only assigned to the cutouts after they fully turn around.

Main Blog | Twitter | Patreon | Small Findings | Source

In Super Mario World, only red, yellow and blue Baby Yoshis appear as standalone entities. While green Baby Yoshis exist in the game, they are treated merely as an intermediate stage between releasing a green Yoshi's egg from a block and it growing up into a green Yoshi automatically immediately after.

If the game is modified to allow green Baby Yoshis as standalone entities, they exhibit peculiar behavior when the camera is scrolled to reveal them, as shown in the footage. Note the Baby Yoshi eating the Koopa Troopa, seemingly lunging at Mario during this, and then disappearing entirely. The event is slowed down and zoomed in on the bottom for easier viewing.

Main Blog | Twitter | Patreon | Source: twitter.com user "Kaizoman666"

Winning entry in a 2014 Nintendo Japan contest to make a Yoshi's New Island animation in Flipnote Studio 3D.

Main Blog | Twitter | Patreon | Small Findings | Source

To conserve space on the cartridge, Super Mario Bros. does not save information about every individual background tile in a level separately. Instead, common tile arrangements are represented in the code with a single object each, which allow them to take up a fraction of the space that storing each individual block's coordinate would.

In addition, if some of these objects are placed near each other, they will use a mathematical function called convolution to affect each other's shape to produce an object that is a combination of the two. The footage shows two staircase objects being dragged around in a level editor. Note how when they approach each other, they modify each other's shape, allowing the developers to create even more unique tile arrangements at even less cost.

Main Blog | Twitter | Patreon | Small Findings | Source: twitter.com user "IsoFrieze"

Unused early Wiggler design found in development files for Super Mario World.

Main Blog | Twitter | Patreon | Small Findings | Source: twitter.com user "thelx5"