Stalking Tumblr for interesting things.

happy glorious 25th of may

I AM SO ANGRY AMETHYST IS RESISTENT TO THE OCCASIONAL BATH BUT THE GEODE CRUST CERTAINLY ISN’T LITERALLY MINERALS BREAKING DOWN BY BEING PULVERIZED WITH HOT WATER IS HOW GEODES FUCKING CRYSTALIZES IN THE FIRST PLACE AND YOUR TAKING A GEODE THAT BIG AND TURNING IT INTO THE PERMANANT WATER CONTAMINATE AND BACTERIAL CESS POOL THAT IS A SINK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU NEVER GONNA USE TOOTHPASTE OR FUCKING SOAP SO IT DOESN’T EAT A HOLE THRU THE BOTTOM OF YOUR FUCKING SINK YOU GODDAMN GOON WHY DON’T YOU JUST MAKE A STOVE OUT OF CARDBOARD OR A DOOR OUT OF TISSUE PAPER??? WHY DONT YOU MAKE PIPES OUT OF FUCKING SMARTIES CANDY OR TABLE LEGS OUT OF PLAY DOUGH FUCK YOU BUDDY IF I WALKED INTO A PLACE AND HAD TO CLEAN A BATHROOM AND SAW THAT SHIT I WOULD BREAK YOUR FUCKING SKULL OPEN WITH A STEEL PIPE

I’m guessing you’re a geologist?

Geologist or the person who does 95% of the cleaning in their household, take your pick.

when I'm just walking around and something makes me screech to a halt and my eyeballs shoot out like binoculars and I gotta drop everything to take photos

ugh yeah that's the good shit

After months of research and development and market testing and perfecting the first item I feel confident selling online, I have realized... that it is an incredibly niche item that only a specific subset of absolute nerds would want to buy, and I will have to do a ton of explaining the basic idea over and over again before people generally get what it is I'm even selling. RIP me

Long story short: I'm selling embroidery patterns. You stick them on fabric, embroider them, and wash the pattern away to leave your embroidery shining in solitary splendour.

Long story long... here goes.

i know we're all sick of self-care being a marketing tactic now, but i don't think a lot of us have any other concept of self-care beyond what companies have tried to sell us, so i thought i'd share my favorite self-care hand out

brought to you by how mad i just got at a Target ad

OP this is EXCELLENT

Collection of Raw Quotes WITH Sources

There have been a few posts compiling what has been seemingly dubbed “raw quotes” from various sources. These quotes may be collected from tumblr shitposts, fanfiction, various forms of modern media, or classical literature and it is rare to see an actual source attached. Therefore I have and continue to put myself through an excessive amount of pain to create an ever growing collection of those quotable quotes complete with sources. (Published 5/29/2020. Updated 1/11/2021. Updated 7/2/2021 with dates and archived links. Updated 7/7/2022. Current count: 115 quotes)

Keep reading

Collection of Raw Quotes WITH Sources

There have been a few posts compiling what has been seemingly dubbed “raw quotes” from various sources. These quotes may be collected from tumblr shitposts, fanfiction, various forms of modern media, or classical literature and it is rare to see an actual source attached. Therefore I have and continue to put myself through an excessive amount of pain to create an ever growing collection of those quotable quotes complete with sources. (Published 5/29/2020. Updated 1/11/2021. Updated 7/2/2021 with dates and archived links. Updated 7/7/2022. Current count: 115 quotes)

Keep reading

Reading a thing about rabbits vs hares ( @gallusrostromegalus‘s conversation) and I kept coming back to the forest. Back in the day of the 80s and 90s my family moved a lot from farm to farm while my father worked a job in a nearby city. For eight years we lived in Lanark County, Ontario. There is a reason, I believe, so much of Charles DeLint’s early work is centred there. Let’s just say… mushroom rings? Don’t step inside. But across the road from where my family lived was a large lot that had been a farm with a house and everything, converted into a pine farm. Trees in rows. Rust coloured needles covering the ground, giving the interior a look of a floor with endless pillars. Already, you see, you know things feel weird.  The first tree in the forest was a massive maple sitting at the edge of one of lots of trees. Big twisting, writhing limbs with leaves and bark you could lose a hand in. Only. Every spring when I walked by it would be filled with green and… clicking. I was told later it’s not common or something but someone needs to go find that tree and tell all the porcupines in it that they’re unusual. Because like spikey rattling fruit of owies and musk, they filled that tree. Silence but the sound of their quills (which at sufficient numbers is just… eerie as all hell). They’d watch you. Fill a tree and watch you.  I once counted to twenty before I stopped. I don’t even know where they came from or where they went. But apparently porcupines grow on trees. And then there was The Tree. As I said in monocultures like a planted pine forest there’s a kind of weird sense that you know This Isn’t Natural. But this one block of trees older by a little bit and more established. It was darker with only random spears of light hitting the rust or blood (after a rain) needled ground.  Except. There was an apple tree. It had long limbs that grew in gnarled curves and clutching branches parallel to the ground, spreading out more than up. Enough so it created a break in the canopy and light would spotlight it. Only. For the few leaves and the command of a clearing of it’s own, with a few sickly saplings that would try to grow from under it.. the bark of this apple tree was black. Like jet black. So, again. A forest of lines stretching out of sight. Floor of rust and blood needles, level as if made. Bone-white needles still on branches except. Where a black apple tree snarled and gnarled and twisted limb to throttle a patch of light from the forest. And it was always a kind of dim light. Like it should’ve been brighter but it never was. While the forest around it was pitch. Every single time I approached it all I could think is. We aren’t the only things that have gods. And demons. And beings from Outside. I was always convinced in the forest with the porcupine moot, where a black apple tree grows untouched, trees have their gods and I’d met one. I’m not at all sure it was kind. But I bet it was fair.

I got this comment on a story from my Other AO3 Account this morning.

(Info redacted because I prefer keeping these accounts separate but no one follows me on the side blog I have for that account.)

The story was posted almost a year ago and is relatively “popular” by my average statistics even though it has tropes and themes that are big turnoffs for a lot of people (hence separate accounts). This popularity is undoubtedly because it’s a Marvel Loki story and that fandom is massive.

So there is obviously an algorithm or a bot scrubbing ao3 statistics and leaving this comment on fics that meet a certain metric with the main character of the fic inserted into the comment.

I had a little time to kill this morning so I decided to investigate further. And y’all this is so predatory. Come on this journey with me. It made me mad. It may make you mad.

First, if you go to Webnovel’s website, you HAVE to choose between male lead or female lead stories before you can go any further. WTF?

And that’s weird, but this gets so much worse. This is basically a pay-to-read site that has different subscription models. Which… okay BUT! The authors don’t get paid! Look at that comment again. They’re promising a supportive and nurturing community, but zero monetary compensation. It’s basically, “post your stuff here so we can get paid and you can get… nice vibes?” I mean look at this Orwellian writing:

Using the phrase “pay-to-read model” in the same sentence as “qualitative changes in lifestyles for authors” deliberately makes you think that you can get paid and maybe even make a living on this website. But that’s not actually what it says and authors will not receive one red cent.

Oh but wait, the worst is still to come. In case this breaks containment (which I kind of hope it does) this is where I mention that I’m a lawyer in the US.

I don’t do intellectual property or copyright law but I do read and write contracts for a living. So I went to look at their terms of service. It was fun!

Highlights the first, in which Webnovel gets a license to do basically whatever they want with content you post on their site. This is how they get to be paid for people reading authors’ writing without paying them anything.

Highlights the second, in which Webnovel takes no responsibility for illegally profiting off of fan fic. This all says that the writer is 100% responsible for everything the writer posts (even though only Webnovel is making money from it).

Highlights the third which say that by posting, the author is representing that they have the legal right to use and to let Webnovel use the content according to these terms. So if a writer posts fan fiction and Webnovel makes money from people reading the fan fiction, and the House of the Mouse catches wise, these sections say that that’s ALL on the writer.

So that’s a little skeevy to start off with but the thing that is seriously shitty and made me make this post was that these assholes are coming to ao3. They are actively recruiting people in comments on their fan fiction. And they are saying they are big fans of the character you’re writing about and that they share your interests.

They are recruiting fan fiction writers and giving every impression that you can make money from posting fan fiction on their site and hiding the fact that you absolutely cannot but they can make money off of you while you try, deep in their terms of service which no one but a lawyer who writes fan fic and has some time to kill will read.

I see posts on here regularly from people who don’t understand how this stuff works, don’t understand that they (and others) can not legally make a financial profit from fan fiction. And there are tons of people who will not take the time to dig into the details.

Don’t deal with these bastards. Fuck Webnovel.

Dear sweet gods above and below and sideways. Where is my Nopetopus?!

Never ever EVER give anybody worldwide rights to anything of yours. EVER. Gaaaaaaahhhh.

(There are also about ten other things wrong with that contract that are BAD EVIL HORRIBLE NOISOME AND VILE. But if I get started enumerating them right now, before I do something about my blood sugar, it'll turn me into a pissed-off person for the rest of the day. Sweet THOTH on his e-bike but these people are fucking shameless.)

(starts rummaging around on the desk for the text of the Excommunication Curse against the Reivers to pronounce it against these schmucks)

..GAAAAAH. :/

Lil bit eepy with the tism god bless

Bonus:

Commission for @fizziepop (OhMyGala)!

Zim going sicko mode

He’s sulking about something I guess.

Don’t ask me what I’m doing I don’t know neither

my roommate bought a VR headset at a flea market. it’s got no company name on it, except for a stylized logo no one can figure out. She tried to get it working but couldn’t, so I’m taking a look. It’s got warnings about lasers on it and it says “for testing and development only, not for resale”. It’s got weird padded sections that go over your head, not just over your eyes. 

I think I’ve read this mind control story. I’m about to get hypnotized into being a mindless drone, aren’t I? 

No one can figure out what this logo says 

You know, I was 100% joking, but there appears to be a weird magnet in the forehead section. Fortunately magnets can’t influence the brain OH WAIT WHAt’S THIS WIKIPEDIA LINK HOW DID IT GET HERE I AM NOT GOOD WITH COMPUTER 

why does it appear to have lights around the eyeholes? why would you shine lights in the face of the user? that seems counterproductive. 

It’s got cameras inside the headset. Guess where they aim? 

Right in your eyes, of course. 

The lights around the eyes look broken to the naked eye. 

BUT IF YOU USE A CAMERA… 

Oh look, it’s invisible to the naked eye. I’m sure that’s fine. 

(this is for iris tracking)

So I can’t figure who it’s for, there’s no names on this thing. This is the only info, Model A00, Serial Number 6701D00608. 

So it is a mystery! it may be forever a mystery. 

It seems to be some kind of prototype/test mixed-reality headset. 

Some cameras: MD102AA (2x) & MD101BA (1x) There’s a CPU in it: An ADSP-Analog Devices BF592, 400mhz Blackfin. That can’t be the main CPU, though? Storage: SDIN8CE4-128G (128GB eMMC) Connectivity: QCNFA324 WLAN/BT module & a QUALCOMM PMI8994 802.11ad wifi chip, nRF51822 bluetooth chip (why all three? I don’t know) Graphical processing unit: Intel Movidius MA2150 Myriad 2 Vision Processing Unit RAM: Samsung K3RG2G2 (1-4 gigabytes. I can’t be sure)  The battery back (on the back of the head) has a date on it: 2016.06.15. 

No company names on the PCBs. 

The screen is an AMS596DU01, the same as from an Nexus 6: An 1440x2560 5.96″ AMOLED. It’s cracked, which is probably why it was tossed in ewaste 

It looks a little like this -

Could that be it?

@theshitpostcalligrapher Were you first?

not quite! I sell the print sure, but @worddevourer wrote the post around five years ago

so unless this photo is a re-upload of an even OLDER post, who knows

Oh that’s why I’m suddenly getting a new wave of notifications on that post.

well hey it means that if people buy more prints, you get more pizza money from your cut so wins all around

oh for those on mobile the prints look like this:

if you buy them as a gag gift for a pal and include a gift note I WILL cover the final line with it as a visual gag

my writing fundamentally changed forever ten years ago when i realized you could use sentence structure to control people’s heart rates. is this still forbidden knowledge or does everyone know it now

?????? *raises hand* I’ve been writing for years and don’t know this trick by these words! do tell?

Okay, so a few people have asked for me to cite the dark magics at them, and i’m super happy to share because it’s my favorite thing ever. 

so, let’s see if i can explain this the same way that i learned. read a sentence out loud. you come to a full stop when you hit the period, and you take a normal, breath. but, when you hit a comma, you take a slightly longer pause. and when you hit a dash - you take an even longer pause. 

this is a natural rhythm that we pick up when we’re first taught to read; we do it without even thinking. but when you start to think about it, you realize that it can become a tool.

think of your heartbeat. a period is badump. a comma is badump-dump. and a dash is thump badump. one breath. a longer breath. two breaths.

that means what you read automatically affects the rhythm of your breathing and your heartrate. which means that you can control the amount of physical tension your reader feels… by altering your punction and your sentence structure.

for fast paced scenes, you use short sentences. a lot of hard stops. mostly periods, with just a few comma’s thrown in for the full breath. your reader’s heartrate accelerates. their breathing is slightly and unintentionally, on their end, quicker. you hit the dramatic ending of the scene - and your reader’s body phsyically feels the gasp, the breath of fresh air, of these longer sentences.

now, read that paragraph again ant take note of your natural pauses, and how it subtly affects your breathing. 

the same thing can be said of comma’s and dashes. while they can be used as a breath of fresh air, they can also cause a new line of tension as they lead your reader to hold their breath. during this section, you should use longer sentences; breaking up the harshness of the pauses by using variations of punction. read this paragraph out loud from the start and take note of how long you go between pauses and full breaths. 

and then, comes the biggest trick.

the hard stop.

the paragraph.

because while the periods, commas, and dashes are variations on a short stop, the paragraph is a hard stop. you take a full breath. you pause for a moment, then move to the start of the next paragraph.

which means you can create an entirely new sort of dramatic tension. read the sentences that are in bold. see how you take a naturally longer pause at the end of each paragraph?

see how it makes you feel? 

how it makes you breath different? 

how doing it once, twice, or three times creates a different line of tension? 

this little magic trick can be used to cause a reader’s heartrate to speed up during a fight or chase scene. it can be used to cause their breathing to slow down during moments of dramatic tension, sorrow, or softness. and it can be used to create hard breaks that add a new level of physically felt emphasis to your written work.

i hope these examples make sense! it’s my favorite writing trick!

i always forget my grandma used to be a clown so it caught me the fuck off guard when she saw this

and no hesitation saying “oh it’s that creepy clown- oh he’s drinking that’s against clown code”

1. ARE YOU NOT GOING TO EXPLAIN YOUR GRANDMA’S PAST CLOWN CAREER? 2. WHAT’S CLOWN CODE??????????????

Clown code.

I call a lot of y'all clowns but it turns out that’s too good for you since even they live by a code.

My grandmother didn’t allow her clowns to participate in a PSA back in the 80s because it would have violated The Code. They got actors to scab the roles anyway. My father long resented to loss of Ad revenue and publicity, but my grandmother was the sort of lady who would not sacrifice the dignity of the Clown for any price. Remarkable woman. It’s an open question as to how much the whole debacle contributed to the closure of her Clown College, but I suspect she wanted out of the game by then regardless.

The older I get, the more respect for clowns I have, and I am not being sarcastic in the least.

When he panned the camera over to that TITANIC redcedar...

A very curious octopus.

Watch this and be blessed

“Why he smoosh my head??? Wait smoosh my head again.”