I’m afraid of Americans

This is super real.

Completely accurate.

@pre-successful America exposed. 

It’s hilarious watching non-Americans react to this with fear because I read it just nodding along like “yes, in fact this is How Things Are, there you go”

If you ask an American how they are and they respond “Super.” that means they want to die

ACCURATE

If they say they’re peachy it means they’re tired of existence

If they say “Living the dream,” it means “please kill me, I hate my job so, so much.”

also “that’s a great question” means “I have no freaking idea”

if asked “how are things going?” and they reply “its going” it means theyre in the middle of a mental breakdown

Everyone always wants to talk about Hook or Pan. Everyone always wants to debate which one is good and which is evil - who we’re supposed to follow and who we aren’t. The Peter Pan mythos has pretty much shrunk down to nothing but Hook and Pan (Hook, SyFy’s Neverland, Pan, OUAT, etc). Occasionally Tinkerbell factors in (Hook, Disney’s Tinkerbell, OUAT, etc). There’s one character, however, that always gets sidelined - which is puzzling since they are the main character of both the play and the book. That character is, of course, Wendy Darling.

Peter Pan is Wendy’s coming of age story. Wendy who decides to run away from home. Wendy who realizes that she must grow up - and that there’s no shame in that. Wendy who sees Peter as deficient and sees Hook as empty and decides that, no, she doesn’t want to be a part of that. Wendy gets the adventure she’s always wanted and she turns away because she realizes that it’s lacking. She’s the only one who truly sees the hollowness of being young forever. Barrie even says “You need not be sorry for her. She was one of the kind that likes to grow up. In the end she grew up of her own free will a day quicker than other girls.”

People always debate on who the hero is. When they learn that Peter could be horrid they assume it has to be Hook. Of course, the answer is that neither of them are the hero. Wendy is the hero of the story. You’re not supposed to be like Peter, who kept every good and bad aspects of being a child and can’t tell right from wrong. You’re not supposed to be Hook, either. He let go of everything childish and loving about him and became bitter and evil. They’re both the extreme ends of the scale. You’re supposed to fall in the middle, to hold onto the things about childhood that make it beautiful - the wonder, the imagination, the innocence - while still growing up and learning morality and responsibility. You’re not supposed to be Hook. You’re not supposed to be Peter Pan.

You’re supposed to be Wendy Darling. 

Tick season is already in full swing and it’s going to be one of the worst years for ticks and lyme disease. Make sure your pets are on flea/tick/heartworm prevention and get your dogs vaccinated against lyme!

The sun is shining and the grass is green in minnesota today, what a lovely beginning to the impending TICKPOCALYPSE

Remember to cover yourselves appropriately if you’re going places with lots of wildlife! Ticks are dangerous for people as well as pets!

I’ve always heard to avoid long pants because ticks are easier to notice and remove when they try to climb a bare leg, but I think it’s a matter of preference tbh.

What you really need is to use a good repellant made for use in tick heavy areas. I’m not talking citronella essential oils, I mean a real repellant like Deep woods OFF that uses DDT. Spray it on your shoes and inside your shoes. You would be surprised how many ticks start in your socks and work their way up. I have had waaaaaay fewer guests on me after spraying my shoes as well as my legs.

If you want to get REALLY serious you can treat your hiking gear in permethrin, or get permethrin treated exercise gear. It’s a very potent, effective substance that kills ticks and other parasites on contact. It’s present in some flea and tick treatments for dogs. But the kicker is, permethrin is also VERY toxic to cats, so if you have a cat and you feel like you need permethrin treated gear, you MUST keep the gear where kitty can’t get it.

Friendly reminder to stock up on tick meds for your pets, and repellent for yourself! This year is going to be a BAD one.

ALWAYS check yourself after a hike, or any trip outside. Wear bright clothes so it’s easier to see ticks on you, and make sure to do a full-body check when you’re done. This includes checking your hair line and under waistbands or underwear (last tick I found on me was on my butt, and I had been hiking with pants and a long shirt on…trust me, check under your underwear).

Remove ticks as soon as you find them, and keep them in a small container or bag (heads completely squished) for identification purposes just in case your bite looks iffy later on. Clean the bite site thoroughly. Be on the look out for any flu-like symptoms, rashes, or red rings around the bite site like a bulls-eye (note: a slight red ring right afterward is normal, see below for what “bad” looks like). Usually if you get a tick off in the first 24 hours you’ll be ok, so long as you didn’t agitate the tick, but if you notice anything abnormal go to the doctor ASAP. If your tick was engorged when removed, be especially on the lookout. It’s always better to be safe than sorry when it comes to the nasty diseases ticks can carry.

Remember: if you’re buying tick preventatives for your pets, make sure you get one that’s meant for them. Don’t use dog-specific medicine on cats, or vice-versa, and make sure you get the correct weight range for your pet. Failure to do so can lead to serious complications for your pets. If you’re not sure what you should use or what’s safe for pets, contact your local veterinarian and ask. If your pet is bitten by a tick and displays any abnormal behaviors or symptoms of sickness get them to your vet as soon as you can and bring the tick with you.

This has been your tick safety reminder post for the season.

Reblogging for both human tick safety and the note that permethrin is really deadly to cats.

LONG PANTS, and then TALL SOCKS and TUCK your pant legs INTO your socks. And WEAR A HAT. 

As someone who’s natural habitat is ‘in a thorn tangle in the woods’, I know how to keep these little bastards off of me. 

when Beyoncé yells “WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I IS” in the second half of Don’t Hurt Yourself

Icarly was fucking terrifying

Sam knocked out a female heavy weight wrestler in one move, after directly asking her “Hey I’m pissed wanna throw down” and getting consent. She was 100% prepared for combat at that moment.

Freddy Hacked into a military computer, made a youtube video that could permanently damage your eyes, and also turned a toy gun into a functional laser gun.

Spencer had the gift of pyrokinesis which went off at random and this was treated as only a medium inconvenience.

Carly was able to manipulate all 3 of these people, one of them being her legal guardian. Sam and Freddy were said to be able to argue indefinitely, Sam even getting into a fight with her mom for so long the therapist who forced them into conversation nearly went insane.

Yet Carly could just say “Hey guys shut up” and they would stop talking right away.

Didn’t they have a rival who was pretty much just a straight up supervillain?

Fucking nevil

This works on Netflix’ level too! 

can you even imagine being the villain chef in ratatoullie. like you’re running this restaurant and its not doing too well since the last chef, this world famous cook, died of sadness a few years back. you’re franchising the restaurant overseas and it’s not really helping your restaurant’s reputation but at least you can keep it open and make some money.

but then like, this mess of a guy shows up and he’s got a letter that says he’s the son of the previous chef and owns the business. the statue of limitations for the will, which makes you the official owner, passes in a few weeks and this guy is showing up right now, after years of you running the place. you hide this information in the hope that the deadline will pass and your life won’t be ripped to shreds by this. 

and the same night he’s hired (by your staff, without your permission), a rat shows up. you have the new guy kill it because the last thing you need to deal with is a health code violation. but it doesn’t go away. You start to see it everywhere, like a ghost. in the kitchen. on the street. probably in your dreams. You see it’s shadow out of the corner of your eye, and it’s always with the new guy, like he and the rat are plotting together. it’s a symbol of all your fears and anxieties. You try to prove that you’re not crazy, but nothing comes of it. And like, just when you’re starting to accept that you are, in fact, hallucinating, you go into your office, and you see this

so like, the rat, which you now know is real, steals your sensitive documents and gets you fired from your business. you have to stand by now and watch the trash guy’s fame play out, knowing he’s pulling off some sort of willard situation. is it one rat? dozens of rats? every night you dream of rats, and every morning you wonder if hoards of them might come for you. your life is plagued by rats, and you haven’t even seen one since that day in your office.

so you stalk the rat man. maybe you can do something about it. you find out that linguini is nothing but the puppet and the rat is running the restaurant it stole from you. you call the health inspector, the only person who’s going to take a rat seriously, but even they barely listen. you even manage to trap the rat and put it in your car, but later you find your car totaled, the front completely smashed open by a gargoyle that fell off the roof of a building. the rat is gone.

you go to the restaurant. you will find the rat. you burst into the kitchen. it’s like all your nightmares burst into reality at once. there’s thousands of rats. they swarm you, bound you, gag you, and throw you into the closet. right next to the health inspector. 

this is you. it’s apparent you need to rethink your life a little. 

The wizard of Oz’s entire solution to having a political rival in the West was ‘oh I’ll just send this random 15 year old to assassinate her’ what

Dumbledore

OH SHIT

fuckin wizards. idk

there it is

This goes to the people that never had a romantic relationship with someone and feel like they are behind everyone else.

You are not strange.

I am 24 and yet haven’t had a single relationship that went farther than friendship. And it’s alright.

I am a beautiful girl. I am funny. I am sometimes a little bit weird, but most people are. What I am has nothing to do with my relationship status. I am lovable and so are you.

Chances are you just haven’t met the person you are capabel to love yet. Chances are that somewhere on this planet there is someone who will love you the way you are.

Chances are the world has made you believe that romance is nessessary to feel complete. And that’s a lie.

I was looking for that kind of love my whole life. I had several people being in love with me but I couldn’t be with them because of a simple fact.

You can’t force yourself to love. And sometimes it isn’t meant to be.

Nobody gave my sister a badge or a trophy for being in a relationship in high school. Sometimes the relationship itself is the trophy. Sometimes it’s worse than staying alone.

I know (because I used to think that way too) that being in a relationship as a teenager seems to be the most important thing. But it isn’t. Care for yourself and learn to love yourself before you worry about your relationship status.

Sometimes you might feel alone and weird but nothing is worse than being in a relationship you didn’t really wanted in the first place, just so you could say: I am in a relationship. In the long run you will break two hearts this way.

You are not just a half. And there is nobody to complete you. You are already complete.

Don’t feel sad but look happily into the future and be open for what might come. Maybe you find love at 25, maybe at 50, maybe in different ways than you have expected. There are a million other things awesome about this life :)

I just saw that this post got a lot of attention and it’s making me happy that it seems to help so many people and that so many people relate to it :’)  We’re all cool beans, my friends ^^ Nothing wrong with us!

I just finished babysitting my friend’s children, and she has most definitely mastered the no spanking/alternative discipline route. I always talk about taking it because I don’t believe in abusing children, but I’ve never personally seen it in action by a Black parent. Her children are 2 and 5 and they are the kindest, nicest toddlers I’ve ever met. They listen to her because she’s their mom and they automatically recognize she’s important and she gives them what they want (love and affection and rewards). In return they like to clean for her and give her artwork and cuddles all of the time.

To get them to listen to her, she makes sure to listen to them and what they’ve got to say instead of telling them to shut up all the time. The 5 year old asked her a few months ago why you can’t eat food that was on the floor after picking up food on the floor, and she explained it calmly and clearly. He asked 4 other questions after that and she answered all of them. He was satisfied and happy with the answers, and ever since he hasn’t done those things. She lets them gush and gush about Hot Wheels or Team Umizoomi and engages with them and counts with them and everything, so they never feel alone or neglected enough to not want to obey.

My friend lets them make mistakes by themselves on the rare chance they don’t listen so they can learn from them and let that be punishment enough. For example, the younger one we’ve been telling not to go near the dog cage because he doesn’t like dogs. He went near it a while ago, got his hand licked, freaked out, and hasn’t been anywhere near it since. The board on the wall that she uses has a column for each boy horizontally, and vertically are all the traits she wants them to have, like being nice, listening to her and their teachers, eating their food, cleaning up, having manners, etc. They get a sticker whenever they do it for the day, and they lose all their stickers when they break a habit. That’s enough punishment for them, so they don’t break it.

When they wake up, it’s cleanup time, or bedtime, she plays what she calls “musical habits”. She puts on a playlist of their favorite songs (it’s like 20-25 minutes) that make them feel motivated, and they should be finished getting ready or cleaning by the time the last song is over. If they’re not, they get a toy from their toy bin taken away or an Oreo from their snack bag taken out (aka eaten by her). But she hasn’t ever gotten to that because they always finish. They don’t even like hearing the consequences lol. And I just wanted to say I really enjoyed seeing good parenting by a Black woman that wasn’t abusive or harmful to the child’s development, it gave me inspiration and hope. Just had to talk about it somewhere.

I wrote this post about a year ago. Since then, I’ve become the godmother to both of these babies, and they are STILL so well behaved. I babysit from time to time. They’re also enrolled in Montessori programs.

She’s now teaching them about mindfulness, Spanish, self care, and cooking. They have little yoga mats and practice breathing in and out with her every morning, and then they do affirmations together. I visited them a while back and they have a new board up! She created a system where they’re challenged with the task to do something nice for each other or for someone else every week. With this challenge they’re instructed to use their listening skills to figure out what that person might want or need, and then figure out how they should react. The only reward at the end of the week is a big hug and some snacks, and every month, she lets them have a movie day if they’ve done really well.

She’s also making them use their words when they’re upset instead of grumbling in silence. Her oldest one was notorious for that. She made up a little saying to remind him: “Mommy can’t help if Mommy doesn’t know.” It’s forced him to explain why he’s upset and that gives them a chance to have an actual conversation about it. Now they talk about ANYTHING. If they don’t feel like talking at that moment and they express that, she’ll lead them to their playroom and turn their favorite show on or let them meditate or draw until they’ve cooled down. She also accepts letters if they just didn’t want to use their words. It was so good to watch.

By the way, I got many messages about this post asking me to ask my friend where she learned these techniques. She said that she wrote down all the ways her parents hurt, hindered, or stunted her developmental growth and then wrote down ways they could’ve approached it better or loved her better. That second list is her guideline. 

I usually see people say they’re never gonna treat their kids like their parents treated them yet end up doing it anyways. So this is encouraging… knowing that it is possible to be better than you’re parents.

If I ever have a kid this is the parent I aspire to be 

One building in France appears to be worth more than entire cities in Syria, Libya and Yemen going by our “world leaders” and social media reactions

dude was legit tryna slide his dick in her cold stainless steel coochie #salute the pioneers

when i saw the headline ‘golf digest helps free man from prison’ i thought it was gonna be, like

“he’s clearly in the background of this golf photo! that proves he wasn’t at the crime scene!!”

as opposed to, like

“this guy in prison sent us his cool golf fanart but we didn’t want to promo a serial killer, so we looked into his case and thought it looked pretty flimsy and probably racially motivated”

(here’s the first article from 2012 and the followup)

this was a fucking wild ride in a GOLF MAGAZINE

“It’s embarrassing for the legal system that for a long time the best presentation of the investigation was from a golf magazine.” OH MY GOD

Some girl in my class was talking about McDonald’s shamrock shakes and this yeehaw dude in cowboy boots said they suck and then he looked me in the eyes and said “what you’re gonna do is go to Arby’s, and get yourself a mint chocolate chip shake.” And he said it with such authority and certainty that I did so as soon as I got in my car

I see your concern y’all but this wasn’t a man telling me what to do. This is a man who had important knowledge and shared it with me. He was aiding me on a quest I didn’t even know I was on.

You fool, that was Arby himself.

Y'all better be going to bed at a reasonable time, don’t make me tuck you in and kiss you goodnight

don’t threaten me with a good time

Last warning before I sing you a lullaby, fucker

tattletales are lawful evil

Yes, Kevin, I brought my Game Boy to school. Did it bring you joy when you told the teacher? Did it satisfy your bloodlust when she confiscated it from me? You are no paragon of virtue. You are a beast. A vile monstrosity who feeds on suffering. The laws of man may celebrate your deeds, but higher powers may say otherwise.

jesus christ