Avatar

L. Catala on Tumblr

@lcatala

L. Catala (they/them), aspiring writer, fantasy, horror, language, history, movies, music, biology, nihilism, France; speaks EN and FR

Pinned

Introduction

Hello, I am L. Catala (they/them)

This is the place I am currently most active at, but you can also find me on: Bluesky Soundcloud Youtube

About me:

I am an aspiring fantasy writer living in France (I write in English), born in the mid 80s, aro/ace, agender, nihilist, suspected ADHD and autism. My interests include linguistics (which I have a BA in), movies, comics, mangas, SFF novels, music — I dabble in digital music production (you can listen to tunes I've made on my Soundcloud) — biology, astronomy, vulcanology, physics, dinosaurs, calligraphy, board games, video games, philosophy, theology, metaphysics…

My first language is French, but I am more or less fluent in English (minus the accent when I speak), have various degrees of limited familiarity with other Romance languages (Italian, Spanish, Portuguese, Catalan…) and with German. I am currently studying Persian.

Favorite movies: 2001 A Space Odyssey, The King and the Mockingbird, Harakiri, Alien Favorite writers: Tamsyn Muir, Seth Dickinson, Jeff VanderMeer Favorite webcomics: Aurora, Gunnerkrigg Court, Tiger Tiger, Space Boy, 3rd Voice Favorite video games: Undertale, Hyperlight Drifter, LIMBO, In Stars and Time, Cave Story

Principal music genres I listen to: classical/ancient/traditional/art music (including non-western: iranian art music, hindustani classical music, gamelan…), jazz, new age/ambient, film & video game soundtracks, old rock & pop, death & indus metal, dark synthwave, noise, experimental…

---

Some of my work that I've posted on this site:

---

Since 2019, I have been working on a fantasy novel currently under the codename of [Cor Tenebrarum]. It is meant to be a standalone adult dark fantasy novel, as well as xenofiction (non-human protagonists), with experimental prose. It's about a designated hero cursed by an unreliable mentor, rebelling and looking for a way out of a meaningless quest, even if that means seeking the help of the very threat they were supposed to destroy.

It's like the xenofiction of Adrian Tchaikovsky meeting the unhinged realities of Jeff VanderMeer and the formal experimentations and sink-or-swim worldbuilding of Tamsyn Muir.

See also this moodboard I made for it:

After years developing the characters, themes and language of the book, I am now finally in the detailed outline phase, after which I hope to start the first draft soon.

Avatar
Reblogged

Apologies if you've answered this before, but is Skifree an early liminal horror game?

Avatar

More of a parallel evolution.

A lot of early video games didn't have defined end points, instead simply continuing either until something structural broke because the developers didn't expect anyone to get that far, or until the game's difficulty curve mechanics went off the rails in a way that rendered further progress impossible – for example, a game where the baddies get faster with every level eventually reaching a point where they simply teleport directly to the player's location as soon as the level starts. These failure points are colloquially known as "kill screens".

Many contemporary liminal horror games are playing with similar ideas, often directly inspired by the creators' childhood experiences with video game kill screens. The notion of there being some inherent boundary built into reality beyond which the rules that are necessary for human life to exist break down pre-dates video games by a fair span, of course, but "what if real life had a kill screen?" is a very handy metaphor, and many liminal horror games make good use of it.

SkiFree, meanwhile, is parodying the phenomenon of video game kill screens by having a literal kill screen – i.e., a specific point in the game's progression where a big hairy monster just randomly shows up in an otherwise monster-free game and eats you.

Avatar
Avatar
Reblogged

Honestly, I think a big part of the myth of the "universal" tabletop RPG just boils down to people who do character creation but never actually play, and thus genuinely don't realise that "this system can construct a game-mechanical model of the character I have in mind" and "this system is amenable to actually playing them the way I imagine them" are two very different propositions.

One thing I wonder is how much the Rules For Everything carried by GURPS and later by D&D3 did to harm the concept of universal TTRPG, because I remember this period in the 90s where the idea of a universal RPG was more along the lines of "we give you a simple, very streamlined system and we trust you to fill in the blanks according to your needs" — and sure that doesn't avoid the problem of the assumptions made by the creators of the system, but that seemed like an approach that was more honest about the work the end user would have to provide themself to make it work, while providing a much more flexible framework to do so.

I find it so deeply fascinating that there are medieval and possibly even ancient texts (I can't remember specifics rn but I definitely saw one from early medieval Europe recently) that are like "oh if only I lived in an earlier age when there was literal magic in the world"

I feel like nowadays people project that back ONTO the middle ages, but even back then they were like "there used to be magic and now it's gone"

its magic turtles all the way down etc etc

temporally universal complaints (traced back at least 2000 years):

"kids these days just aren't working hard like they used to"

"young women sure are dressing skimpier than when I was growing up"

"it's so sad the age of magic in the world has passed"

Average British Fantasy Author of the 20th Century: Born in Hong Kong, raised in Singapore, Kingston and Oxford, he kissed his first girl at the tender age of 38. He spent 23 years obsessively writing notes for his epic masterwork, the Sword of Gormenlia series, with elements drawn from Indian mysticism, Arthurian mythos, Surrealist poetry, Victorian racism and Radical beliefs[?]. He died in Cyprus where he owned the world's most beautiful houseboat.

Average American Fantasy Author of the 20th Century: Born on the border between Ohio and Montana, Wizjeremiah VanderMcDercken, better known by his pseudonym John "Wizard" Whiteman, was raised in a ghost town and was the only citizen of his county who could read. At the age of 14, he stole a car and drove 30 hours straight to New York City to send his first story "The Alien was Really a Man" to Astounding Stories, for which he was paid a whopping 12$. A string of successes followed, including "The Man was Really a Robot" "The Alien was Really a Wizard" and "The Wizard is Really a Man When You Think About It". He harassed Samuel R. Delany for twelve years over a mild criticism of one of his now out-of-print novels. Died in Yonkers where he had a condo.

Average Canadian Fantasy Author of the 20th Century: Born just outside of Toronto

Average French Fantasy Author of the 20th Century: Despite publishing over 170 novels over a period of fifty years, no one outside of France, or indeed within France, knows who Jean Messac is. Left on the steps of a convent in the south of France, he soon learned to hate the nuns, the books in the local library, Parisians, Americans, specifically the citizens of Syria, the Dominican Republic and Bulgaria, the French literary establishment, Regionalist writers, Sartre, De Gaulle, Casimir, anyone who appeared on TV, Radio, Newspapers and Photographs. He lived in a shoebox gifted to him as a joke from André Breton. He was a high school teacher and wrote for a variety of magazines and publishers, was institutionalized three times and was a Majdanek survivor. His books have all been translated in Russia and Japan following a popular JRPG adapting his saga "Pox-Children of the Kamchadals". He died in the same city where he spent his entire life at the age of 64.

Avatar
Reblogged

Stained Glass of Lesbian Jesus for easter, but I forgot easter was yesterday

It's hard to deal with certain truths in life. For example – and I'm sure there's other ones, but I can't think of any right now – there is not enough time to drive every piece of construction equipment ever made. Even if you started as a baby, which the well-meaning nannies of society don't allow to operate heavy machinery, you'd still be finding obscure kinds of specialty cranes even as the doctor pulls your life-support plug in front of your horrified children, who are all named after oddball kinds of telehandlers.

As adults, we feel the need to make compromises. Maybe we only try the most popular kinds of construction equipment. Stick to Bobcats, even. A whole world of attachments means you'll never yearn for cranes again! This kind of specialization is important to making sure that society can actually function, sure, but once in awhile we all drive past a combine harvester on the highway and go "that could have been me." It still can.

What I've found is that the stress of collecting makes the experience worse. You can spend your time seeking out a whole punch-card of construction-vehicle experiences, and stress yourself out. Or: you can simply allow yourself to hot-wire whatever equipment you find at a given abandoned construction site in the middle of the night. Let the universe decide what fun you're going to have. Steamroller? You bet. That weird truck thing that paints lines on the highway? Don't look too closely at the first couple miles on Number Seventeen, but I figured out the controls eventually. Looks pretty good, if I do say so myself.

Spontaneous discovery also means you're opening yourself up to new experiences that you never would have expected. For instance, I didn't know that the local dog-racing track had a little tractor for flattening out the dirt. If I had sneered at it, I would have missed the fact that it was one of those cool old 70s Cub Cadets that I always love to drive. Geared pretty well to escape the cops, too, although they got me when I came back to the track later that night to try the parking lot sweeper. Taught me my lesson again: don't try to force it to happen. Being predictable is how they catch you every time.

Avatar
Reblogged

Reasons I have seen webcomic authors publicly cite for cancelling their comic mid-storyline:

  • Too busy  
  • Lost interest  
  • Increasing age gap between characters and author made it difficult to relate  
  • Did the math and figured out that completing the planned arc with their current update schedule would take 150 years  
  • Ostensible author actually a fictional persona that’s now being retired, and they didn’t want the comic linked to their real identity  
  • Realised that the way they’d written the central relationship wasn’t emotionally genuine (note: this was a hobbit porn comic)  
  • The comic’s readership contained too many lesbians  
  • Converted to a religion that regards all representational art as a form of idolatry  
  • Broke up with the person the protagonist was based on  
  • Outed as not actually Japanese  
  • Imprisoned for manslaughter  
  • Aliens

This post bubbles back up in my notes or DMs every few months with someone insisting that the third-to-last entry must be me either misremembering or deliberately misreporting that one Marvel Comics editor as a webcomic artist, and I don’t think a lot of contemporary readers properly understand just how common it was circa 2000 for white twentysomething webcomic artists to racefake as Japanese. Like, that particular entry happened more than once!

Avatar
Reblogged
There are legends of people with the gift of making music so true, it can conjure spirits from the past…and the future. This gift can bring fame and fortune. But it also can pierce the veil between life and death.
Avatar
Reblogged

I've been all over this world. I've seen men die... in ways I ain't even know was possible.

MICHAEL B. JORDAN in SINNERS (2025) dir. Ryan Coogler

Avatar
Reblogged

I'm still on a high from seeing SINNERS 😮‍💨

The Storytelling.

The Music.

The Cinematography.

Give Ryan & Michael their flowers NOW!!!! 👏🏾👏🏾🙂‍↕️

The mention of a certain guitarist …. brought this shit home for me! 😩

annnnnd THAT scene gave me chills. They did that fr!

Can’t wait to see it at the IMAX.

Avatar
Reblogged

HAILEE STEINFELD in SINNERS (2025) dir. Ryan Coogler

"You keep dancing with the devil, one day she’s going to follow you home.”
Avatar
Reblogged

No snare may hold me / Spring postcard 2023 Surviving so much abuse in my life, I relate to the unicorn tapestries through being a different beast held captive by unkind hands. My full beauty must be allowed to be open and wild, and no snare, fence, or rein may hold me for long. This design is available as a gold foil postcard with matching vinyl sticker for those who sign up for my mail tier during March 2023. PATREON

eleven year olds need book series filled to the brim with violence and crime. it's like enrichment for them

if your childhood favourite books don't make you look back and go "man i should not have been reading that, what the fuck" then you're doing it wrong

Avatar
Reblogged

Do you think ethics are just an attempt at being a healthier form of selfish?

In one of your Detail Diatribes where Batman confronts Catwoman and tries to stop her from killing Falcone, you highlighted the fact that his reasoning was not to protect her father, but to try and save her. Ever since, some very strange ideas about the nature of selfishness and selflessness have been rattling around my head.

It only started coming into focus when I tried to put into words why it was a bad thing that D-16 killed Sentinel Prime. My best answer right now is because it made D-16 into Megatron. Orion wasn't trying to save Sentinel, he was trying to protect the cybertronian people. Maybe if Orion focused more on saving D-16, they wouldn't have lost their friendship and all of Cybertron would be better for it. Of course, in the end, Megatron was the deciding factor in making himself, caring more about his pride than his current identity, but this highlights a strange selfish quirk in sustainable selfless behavior.

If you are purely selfless you suffer from spending more of yourself than you have to give. If you're too selfish you can't maintain the human connections that are a requirement for being a complete and healthy person. It leaves the best options as being selfless to make your environment an easier one for you to live in. Where your actions for others are repaid by the selflessness from your community. Or, being selfish with your charity. Taking care of what you care about because their well being positively contributes to your own.

To be fair, the opening sentence now looks like an incomplete thought. It probably should be asking if you think ethics is just an attempt at being a more healthy form of selfish and selfless. Really, just asking if ethics is meant to make you better at being a person, which seems like a question that can answer itself. Still, it feels like an important insight to highlight that to be ethical isn’t about how much of your own life you're willing to sacrifice. It's hard to be a good person when you're not a person anymore.

Avatar

This is a fascinatingly deep question, and I'm very tickled that our two touchpoints in it are a transforming robot tank and Batman.

My personal opinion is that ethics and morals are not reflections of some universal truth of Justice and Goodness, as they are often framed, but are instead best-practice guidelines on how to function in the big, messy world without causing undue suffering to yourself and others. A facet of this is determining, case by case, how much you need to prioritize yourself vs how much you can afford to help others - in the framing you've proposed, selfishness vs selflessness.

Taking the specific examples we're focusing on - two cases where someone attempts to prevent a revenge killing for the benefit, not of the victim, but of the avenger - I think they reflect this worldview, that the killing is not seen as some innately universally-judged evil act that must be prevented for its own sake, but that the act of killing will harm the killer in a way the person trying to stop them doesn't want to see.

For Catwoman, committing premeditated murder wouldn't solve any of her problems in any way that arresting Falcone and having him legally unraveled would. It'd just park a first degree murder charge on someone who'd up til this point only dealt with petty larceny, and it would potentially weigh her down with misery and regret as she grappled with the trauma of taking a life.

For Megatron, killing Sentinel Prime wasn't a bad action because he deserved to live. They just spent that whole fight scene tearing through enemies. They're warriors on track to spend the next four million years killing each other; the whole "taking a life" ship has already sailed. The problem is that Sentinel is a symbol and a structural part of the political narrative in the founding of the next stage of Cybertron's society. If the first thing the new regime does is bloodily avenge itself on the face of the old regime for the personal wrongs it did them, that proves that the only thing they care about is personal satisfaction of their individual desires - just like Sentinel. Meet the new boss, same as the old boss. If they can instead take a step back, think of the good of Cybertron as a whole, enforce a rule of law and a fair system of justice that applies equally to everyone, even on someone they personally loathe, that would signify integrity and credibility and the hallmark of wise, just and fair leadership capable of setting aside personal feelings for the greater good. It's not about Sentinel; it's about whether the satisfaction of killing him is worth the price of enforcing forever that personal vendettas are more important than the well-being of the people of Cybertron. Which makes it really obvious which one Megatron is going to pick.

My hottest take, and I mean this very genuinely, is that most of the human perception of what constitutes goodness and justice is one thousand percent based on vibes, and is extremely susceptible to narrative reframing. We see an unsympathetic victim (Sentinel Prime, Falcone) who has gleefully caused suffering to innocent people (so judged because they are framed sympathetically, not because we've actually enumerated their lifelong actions to determine they've never done anything wrong) and we feel (feel) that it would be right and just for them to suffer consequences (emphasis on suffer) because that would balance the scales on this vibes equation and that would make us feel like justice had been served. Would this suffering lead to any material good? Not inherently. Would it heal the victims? Not usually. Would it remove the source of the problem? Categorically not, what with how negative reinforcement works (or rather does not work.) It also wouldn't do anything about the other people empowered by the same system to be just as shitty in just as many ways that just happen to be offscreen from our POV. But it feels fair. So what is justice, if it reduces down to "I want them to hurt for the hurt they've caused me"? If it can be sated with a spectacle or distracted by a long nap and a good joke to let the feeling fade? What purpose does this justice serve if it is devoted wholly to the satiation of a bone-deep chordate-brain hunger for Retributive Violence rather than towards actually ensuring that the lives of those harmed are healed and supported and built up again after being broken down? (This is the entire core character arc in The Batman, btw, I'm not just monologuing for no reason here. He calls himself Vengeance for a reason, and the reason is he's doing Batman wrong)

That feeling - that white-hot burning core of Righteous Fury - is the unexamined heart of many systems of morality that focus, not on doing good, but on exacting satisfying retribution on Bad People Who Deserve It, categorized as People Who I Can Hurt Without Feeling Bad Myself. It's a very tempting concept for people who have suffered at others' hands. That feeling, that powerful instinctual understanding of "that's unfair," is incredibly strong. In my opinion, most systems of ethics are built, not around relitigating what is Good and what is Bad per se, but in trying to shape and curb that bone-deep, unbelievably powerful desire to rend the flesh from the bones of your tormenters.

But I mentioned that feeling is susceptible to narrative reframing. This is, as I understand it, a huge part of lawyering. Tell the story of what happened using true events and adding no falsehoods, but highlight the parts that make it feel like your client is the one who is being treated unfairly. They're not an unsympathetic wrongdoer who you can punish without personal moral stain - they're a loving spouse, a parent of three adorable children, they have a really cute puppy, they donate to charity, they're a wonderful conversationalist, a kind friend, etc etc. All those things can also be true of people who do terrible things, but thinking about them defuses that White Hot Core by making us sympathize with the sympathetic parts of them.

This is incredibly well-understood in fiction. It's the whole reason the tropes Kick The Dog and Pet The Dog exist. When you want the audience to root for a character's destruction, leave aside any of their potential quiet moments of sympathy - their tragic backstory, their cute pet, their adorable relationship with their mom - and instead show them going out of their way to commit some minor act of petty cruelty, say Kicking The Dog. The audience will infer that this badness is 24/7 and they have no reason to curb their enthusiasm for Righteous Vengeance. But if the writer wants the audience to see a spark of good in them, to sympathize, to believe they can be redeemed, they'll highlight one of those small moments of charming kindness, and allow them to Pet The Dog instead.

Neither of these acts, in the grand scale, have any bearing on the morality of this person's actions. A pet dog doesn't counterbalance a razed village; a kicked dog doesn't negate a generous contribution to the local soup kitchen. Goodness and badness is not a linear scale added or subtracted to by opposing deeds. BUT showing them to an audience reframes them narratively, and THAT is what shapes the judgment of the White Hot Burning Core. In the space of fiction, this form of bottom-shelf emotional manipulation is one of the cleanest ways to get the audience to root for the messy destruction of what is ostensibly, in the universe of the fiction, a wholly complex and living person who definitely has reasons for everything they've done, even ones that could be framed sympathetically when shown.

Meanwhile, in the real world, ethics are an attempt to judge what is best in a given situation without trusting the White Hot Burning Core to make the call, no matter how compelling "but it would feel really good though" might seem. They try to give someone perspective, context, other priorities to consider. The White Hot Burning Core might want you to rip someone's arms off for driving slow when you've got important places to be, but Ethics can present a number of compelling reasons not to do that - even if it's just "ripping their arms off will definitely make me even more late." And yes, this can be a balance of Selfishness Vs Selflessness. You are one of the people whose wellbeing ethics is designed to make you prioritize improving even if it feels weird, and when all other things are equal, your own health and happiness can be the deciding factor. In a world with an overarching Moral Force that weighs the goodness of your soul by sifting through every grain of action and intent seeking negativity to punish you for, absolute selflessness to the point of self destruction would still probably be seen as Morally Wrong, simply because the universe is a better place with you in it trying your best.

Anyway, if doing the right thing was simple, easy and painless, we probably wouldn't have so many thousands of years of arguing about what it looks like. Good luck out there everybody 👍

Avatar

Chiming in with my own take on the original ask, feel free to ignore: when discussing altruism, the spectrum of selflessness to selfishness, it's easy to fall into the philosopher's trap of adopting a very rational and neatly bound but ultimately rather pristine and abstract definition of the words we're talking about, drawing logical conclusions from that, and coming up with a seemingly absurd but inevitable hot take — and missing out that this not really what people mean in practice when they use those words.

So the philosopher wants to see the word altruism as meaning "doing something entirely for another person's sake, with no personal benefit", and of course the philosopher is quick to (correctly) point out that this isn't really possible: every voluntary action needs some kind of drive that relates to the self, either in the form of a carrot or a stick — like, minimally, doing a good thing because there's a negative incentive against not doing it ("if I didn't help that person, I couldn't live with myself") — otherwise it's essentially a random, involuntary action. And so the philosopher concludes triumphantly "see, there is no such thing as altruism!" (this is how Ayn Rand fans are born)

But of course that's not how most people use the word "altruism". The "true" definition is far less logical, far more emotional, far more fuzzy at the edges.

When people talk about altruism, they primarily mean the act of helping others in a non directly transactional way, with the intent and benefit to the helper being much less of a direct factor in deciding if an act is considered altruistic — in fact altruism in that view doesn't even have to be a voluntary act ("tax the rich" is a rallying cry for a reason). Intent and benefit are only factored if they run counter to the altruistic act itself (helping someone in order to be able to harm them later, or getting immense benefit from what is an insignificant token gesture). And this is of course going to be weighed differently depending on the kind of act, the kind of person doing it, and the kind of person witnessing and judging it.

The word "altruism" in common parlance is thus really more of an attempt at expressing positive emotions at a pro-social behavior we wish to encourage, that of doing things that benefit others without expecting an immediate and equal repayment from these same beneficiaries.