In the dog world, humans are elves that routinely live to be 500+ years old.

“They live so long…but the good ones still bond with us for our entire lives.” 

“These immortals are so kind we must be good friends to them”

My heart wtf

Not gonna lie, this fucked me up a bit.

POV Fantasy slice of life book when?

“Now I am old. The fur around my muzzle is grey and my joints ache when we walk together. Yet she remains unchanged, her hair still glossy, her skin still fresh, her step still sprightly. Time doesn’t touch her and yet I love her still.”

I like how Trump supporters keep saying that they hope liberals flee to other countries if he wins

like imagine that

going to another country to take refuge when it is no longer safe to live in your own

what a concept

Well looks like Trump was right about one thing, Americans are jackasses.

and he fucking did, and they fucking did eat every piece of shit that propelled out of his mouth

let me be quite clear about something

also if yr a trump supporter hit that motherfuckin unfollow! block me bitch! block my entire family! please! i never wanna see u or hear from u again!

tweet of the year

…oh…my…god…

Me in 2015: Lmao Donald Trump is running for president what a joke

Me on election day:

excuse my harsh language but you stupid idiot fucks who voted third party or didn’t vote had better be enjoying your fucking weak sense of philosophical superiority

when i say “unfollow me if you support trump” im not saying it ironically. no, seriously, if you support trump then i dont want your disgraceful ass to be in any way associated with my blog. get out.

trump supporters are getting mad keep reblogging

i cant believe its daylight savings time and i havent seen the “hello its me your cousin oskaar from iceland” video on my dash yet you are all slackers

i guess i have to do all the work around here dont i

how is it that I have never seen this

please i beg you do yourselves a favor and watch cousin oskaar from iceland

This is so much better than I was expecting. Holy shit.

HOW HAVE I NEVER SEEN THIS?!

not to be dramatic but prince zuko’s redemption arc is the greatest storyline in all of literary history

15 Twitter Jokes Everyone Should Read

reaper texts sombra asking if he can borrow her toaster oven. she sends him three emails, but only one of them has the correct code that takes him three weeks to decipher. the code leads him to a countdown. when the countdown finishes in 15 hours, it links him a map. he hikes to the coordinate, a mere 20 minutes to the parking lot of a local grocery store. he unravels a small note tucked under a rock. it says no

Watch: President Obama is officially out of f*cks to give

if this gets 100,000 notes, then we, a gigantic swarm of bees, will personally fight donald trump

Liked and reblogged.

I’ve seen Black Mirror I know this would work

So I got this ad on youtube...

It’s for U.S. Cellular, specifically advertising how great their streaming service is. You can even , the guy in the ad says, stream hours of grass mowing.

And I go… “wait a minute…that sounds weird…why hasn’t this ad ended yet?”

And I look at the bottom. 

the ad is seven hours long.

UPDATE

i’m half an hour in

the guy’s come back a couple times. his mower broke down and he went to get more gas. he came back and started it up again, drove around a few more times making comments about it being fun and “you still watchin? weird.” After a bit he took out a ruler and started measuring the grass.

He pulled out a book and a lawn chair and started reading, but he just left and said he’ll be back soon

he brought out an umbrella but it fell over so he left and came back and tried to fix it but it completely broke so he stalked off, dragging the chair behind him. i’m loving this.

HE BROUGHT OUT A HAND-HELD UMBRELLA

he’s really getting into the book

He put away the umbrella and book and stuff and now he’s measuring the grass again.

HE’S GONNA PLAY CROQUET

the sprinklers turned on…i’m two hours into this thing

more compelling than real tv tbh

what the living fuck. we’re so glad people on twitter called this out for what it is

Why the fuck was he trying to kiss this girl on the mouth? A kiss on the cheek is a pretty standard political maneuver, but this is just gross. That poor kid. Also, has he ever picked a kid up before? You don’t hold them by their butt. -V

because he’s a fucking pedophile that’s not an exaggeration he’s literally going to court for raping a 13 year old