Bitch

They sold their soul for that talent

boss texted me "i appreciate you staying out of the drama in the office"

i literally have no idea what she's talking about

Then you’re doing a fantastic job at it.

A family of cheetahs sleep with the forest guard every night. When the Forest Dept. heard about it, they decided to check the veracity of the claim by installing a CCTV camera. This is what the camera recorded! Just amazing.

Kitties will be kitties 🐈‍⬛

"everybody experiences that" says mother who has the same symptom of the same mental illness

My deepest darkest fantasy is that I collapse on the street and I am rushed to the hospital. They perform a bunch of tests and find out I am severely deficient in some kind of vitamin. Then I start taking the vitamin and I become the happiest cleverest person alive because all my problems were caused by this one deficiency

Moreover, everyone gathers around to be tremulously compassionate and discreetly admiring: all this time, you lacked the Vitamin? And yet you persevered?

Bro wake up its 2002, lets get a gamecube for $49

Australian Federal Election 2001: Pranksters follow around Prime Ministerial contender Kim Beazley in an attempt to sneak fake microphones into news footage

Follow for more Batshit Moments in Australian Politics

This is a documented thing! It occurs most often with hearts but can happen with any transplanted organ. It's called 'cellular memory' and I wrote a whole paper on it during my freshman year of uni. It's also why some transplant recipients experience new preferences, thoughts, and sometimes behaviors their donor was known to have. Like favourite foods or drinks, subtle changes in personality (like becoming a bit more daring, etc), and more. It's usually temporary as the organ adjusts to its new person's preferences, experiences, habits, etc. It's fascinating and awesome and I would love to study it in-depth someday.

Which is why I want all of my organs upon death given to the same person. Hostile takeover from within.

I'm just trying to figure out what situation would require multiple organ transplants all at once.

Doctor: well the bad news is that all of your everything is fucked. The good news is that someone with an odd final request just died

Computers are very simple you see we take the hearts of dead stars and we flatten them into crystal chips and then we etch tiny pathways using concentrated light into the dead star crystal chips and if we etch the pathways just so we can trick the crystals into doing our thinking for us hope this clears things up.

How does it feel to be the most Galaxy Brained person in this entire thread

Well that certainly belongs on the post

Season 8, Episode 20 - Tax Fraud

i miss vhs tapes and cds i miss feeding my computers and tvs yummy treats. now theyre eating nothing. theyre being born without mouths

Not to be a drooling socialist cuck, but if a full day's labour can't purchase three square meals, 24 hour's worth of rent and utilities, a fraction of a month's clothing budget, and a reasonable portion to be saved for when you can no longer comfortably work, what the fuck are we doing shit for

I was today years old when I learned that sean astin l i v e d the plot of mamma mia

so for those who are asking it basically went like this:

around the time of his birth sean astin's mother patty duke had three highly publicized affairs with three different men: desi arnaz, jr., michael fell, and john astin

most people at the time believed desi to be sean's father, but patty released that john astin was actually sean's biological father. this seemed to be confirmed when patty and john got married and stayed that way for thirteen years.

when sean began to hear rumors that his actual biological father might not be john, he reached out to both desi and michael and formed close relationships with both of them

later he took a dna test that confirmed that michael fell was his biological father, but he remained close with all three men, citing john (the man who raised him) as his "true father."

Master Frodo, here we go again

would y’all ever date someone with the same name as you?

I’m sorry for adding directly to a post but I went to a wedding once where the groom’s name was Loren and the bride’s name was Lauren and at the end the officiant was all “introducing Loren [surname] and Lauren [surname], husband and wife” and the entire assembled lost it

also sorry for adding on but at my high school there was a Dominic and a Dominique who were dating and everyone just called them “Dom and Dommer” which is honestly the funniest shit ever

david tennant's acting choices in utopia haunt me

glad to see i'm not the only one

People I met for a few moments that live in my head forever.

Behind every hot 20 something you will find a deep twilight obsession

This is the dude that hired the clown

i love that you can just say “this is the the dude that hired the clown” AND EVERYONE IMMEDIATELY KNOWS WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT.

dentists will splash some water in your mouth and youll think "oh a nice drink of water i was parched" just for them to suck it back out with their wretched little tube. disingenuous behavior

Sharing this post with my friend who is a dentist. Will report back.

“no matter how badly you think you’re doing it, someone else has done it a lot worse and been fine” is applicable to a wide, wide range of things and i say it to myself all the time

"bigger idiots than me have done it" is a phrase I live by