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Tumblr. Is. Lif.

@laurenstall1ngs

I love bands. Easily obsessed. I love you like Mike loves pizza.
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halles-comet

I decided to make a couple more “John Mulaney quotes as minimalistic lyric posters” because I find myself hilarious. 

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youngsamberg

wait a second

jess is a bad boy who does magic tricks

and reads

i thought this said jesus

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spark-circuit

“Here’s the thing about when, uh, a group of guys play UNO… over and over and over and over and over again. The second time it plays, your immediate thought is not ‘Hey someone’s playing UNO again.’ It’s ‘Hey, UNO is a lot longer than I first thought’. The third time it plays you’re thinking ‘maybe someone’s playing UNO again’. The FOURTH time it plays you’re thinking ‘WHOA. Someone just played UNO FOUR TIMES or at least, someone played it TWICE, and it’s just a really long game!’”

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thewongal

the 👏 best 👏 time 👏 to 👏 wear 👏 a 👏 striped 👏 sweater 👏 is 👏 all 👏 the 👏 time

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I think sometimes people forget how vital comedy can be. It isn’t just good for a laugh, it can cure sadness, anxiety, depression, and in my case, save lives. Like over the summer, I was so violently depressed that I went for days without getting out of bed but then I started watching The Office. This sounds silly, but it gave me a reason to get up in the morning. It gave me motivation to get out of bed and go to my jobs. Beyond that, it taught me a lot about relationships and what healthy relationships were vs unhealthy, all while making me laugh. It literally lifted me out of one of the worst times of my life emotionally, and by the end of watching it, I didn’t feel so hopeless anymore. This has happened to me multiple times with different comedians, TV shows, and movies. Comedy has saved me time and time again just when I start feeling bleak about the world. Comedy is so, so important. It’s beautiful.

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youngsamberg

Andy Samberg plays “Was At My Wedding Or Possibly Killed Tupac” with Billy on the Street

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bisexualgambit
What she says: I'm fine
What she wants to say: I wanted to tell you one story. Uh. This is the story of the best meal I’ve ever had in my life, okay. Happened when I was eleven years old in Chicago, IL where I grew up. I went to a place called the Salt & Pepper Diner, uh, with my best friend John. We walk into the diner one day, and they had a jukebox there, okay? And the jukebox was three plays for a dollar. So we put in 7 dollars and selected 21 plays of of Tom Jones’s What’s New Pussycat. And then we ordered and waited.
Here’s the thing about when, uh, What’s New Pussycat plays over and over and over and over and over again. The second time it plays, your immediate thought is not ‘hey someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again.’ It’s ‘hey, What’s New Pussycat is a lot longer than I first thought. The third time it plays you’re thinking maybe someone’s playing What’s New Pussycat again. The fourth time it plays you’re either thinking ‘whoa someone just played What’s New Pussycat FOUR TIMES or at least someone played it twice, and it’s a really long song.’ So the fifth time is the kicker, alright?
Now, John and I we’re watching the entire diner at this point, alright? Most people have gotten wind as to what’s going on. And we’re staring at this one guy and he’s sitting in like a booth with his stupid kids jumping around, and he’s like staring at his coffee cup like this, and he’s been onto us since the beginning. And he’s sitting there, and his hand is shaking, and he had this look on his face like, aw, like he had just gotten his thirty day chip from anger management. And he’s staring like this, and the fourth song fades out. It’s dead quiet. Then, I don’t know if you know this, but the song begins very quietly…
BWAAAH BWAAAAAH WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT and he goes GOD DAMN IT and pounds on the table, silverware flies everywhere, and it was fantastic. But a word about my best friend John and what a genius he was because when we first walked into the diner, okay? When we first got there and I’m punching in the What’s New Pussycats alright? I’ve punched in like 7 at this point then John says to me ‘hey hey hey before you punch in another What’s New Pussycat let’s drop in one It’s Not Unusual.’
Oh yes. That is when the afternoon went from good to great. After seven What’s New Pussycats. In a row - It played seven times. Suddenly - Dum da dum, IT’S NOT UNUSUAL and the sigh of relief that swept through the diner. People were so happy. It was like the liberation of France. You know for years scientists have wondered can you make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jones’s It’s Not Unusual and the answer is yes you can. Provided that it is preceded by seven What’s New Pussycats. It’s true. Dead honest.
And on the other hand. When we went back. Holy shit. It’s Not Unusual fade out. It’s dead quiet. BWAAAH BWAAAAH WHAT’S NEW PUSSYCAT people went insane. People went out of their minds. No one could handle it. No one could handle it. And they were surrounded by this seemingly indifferent staff that was just like ‘yup some crap as always.’
They unplugged the jukebox after eleven plays. And that was the best meal I ever had.
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racetrak

“yeah we were just waiting for the shoe to drop”

“we were waiting for the shubert….. to drop”

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muststudy

How do I stop procrastinating?

  • close this tab, turn off your phone, pause netflix, put your distractions in another room if possible
  • get up and jump around a little, stretch your muscles!!
  • write a to do list (quick and concise- no messing around!)
  • change your environment if you can
  • take your earphones out unless they’re absolutely necessary (music is great but it is a distraction!!! this sucks, i know!)
  • go have a pee, wash your hands with cool water, splash some on your face (cold water, not pee)
  • get a glass of water, eat a fucking apple
  • gET OUT YOUR BOOKS
  • GET A PEN AND SOME PAPER
  • DO YOUR FUCKING WORK!!!
  • nobody can stop you from procrastinating except yourself
  • be PROACTIVE and do it yourself!!
  • you can stop procrastinating by stopping procrastinating!
  • rip off the band aid and just do your fucking work
  • YOU HAVE TO FORCE YOURSELF
  • you can chill later- you’ll feel 6000000% better about letting yourself relax once you’ve actually done some work
  • seriously, you just have to do it
  • stop now!!!!
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busymarina

15 things I tell myself when I don't want to work/study

1. You are very lucky and privileged to have access to almost unlimited knowledge and you should appreciate that. 2. Be one of those rare people who step over their insecurities and succeed. 3. Only 5 minutes. Only today. (Repeat it 5 minutes later and every day). 4. You will know what to do as soon as you start. Ideas never appear from inactivity. 5. Make yourself proud. 6. One hour every day doesn’t feel much but it’s 365 hours a year. You can’t not succeed after so much work. 7. It’s not supposed to be easy. Nothing good is easy. 8. If you had a child to look after, you’d make them study because you want them to accomplish something. Don’t you love yourself? 9. “Everything you want is on the other side of fear” George Adair 10. Every mistake increases our chance to make progress. 11. If you give up now, you’ll have to return to this later anyway but from the very beginning. 12. Let the process be your result. 13. Every moment you thought your fears would suppress you has become the time you made it. 14. Maybe you think you can never find something to use your skills and mindset for. But if you continue investing in what matters to you, it will find its way out there. 15. I allow you to think globally. You have a right to the boldest dream.

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dimedog

“I wish I had the time to do that.”

- me, a person who definitely has the time to do that but also has terrible time management skills and most likely to just spend 4 hours getting absolutely nothing accomplished instead of the hundred other things I could and should be doing