It's occurred to me I have posted a few times about my book without linking it. So, I'm linking it.
Trade-off is about a Venom-esque symbiotic alien who may or may not eat people and an enchanter who wants to marry a dragon, but gets cockblocked by her mother, who is also a dragon. He's probably the most normal person in this book.
STOP! are you operating on an arbitrary set of terms and rules known only to you? have you created an ultimatum or specific if/then scenario for someone else without communicating it to them? have you considered making a decision and calculated all the consequences and potential reactions to those consequences and consequences for those reactions before you actually made the decision? it may be time to say some words out loud to another person!
I think of this post constantly so I made a graphic to send to other people
[ID: a graphic displaying the above text. End ID]
The worst part is “testing the waters” to see how they would react to saying the words out loud and they 100% confirm that your calculations were correct and no matter what you say or do, the outcome looms in the background like an immovable, unstoppable god
that is such an immense unfathomable mood
what’s your favorite part about being a tumblr user?
Informing the world that you use Tumblr. It’s my best “putting your money where your mouth is” joke.
nice shoelaces!
Thanks! I stole them from a man
What is this man’s occupation?
Oracle of Delphi
i never know how explicit to make the sex scenes in my books. do i placate the ppl who think that saying the word ‘cock’ is basically porn or do i write for my fellow degenerates who want all the horny details
*taps sign*
u know what ur so right
Reblog to grope your mutuals
(only if u want ofc!!!)
(i do want, very much)
(i mean... bet :3)
don't know who needs to hear this but sometimes trans women on the internet will be kinky. and sometimes you just need to deal with that and ignore the reaction society instilled in you to condemn anything other than vanilla sex as deviant and wrong
I think OP is me from another dimension but yeah
But if you want to have sex with men, why didn’t you just stay a straight woman?
Because I’m not a straight woman. I’m a gay man.
Can’t you just be a lesbian?
No, lesbians are attracted to women, and I am not.
But men have sex with women!
Men have sex with men too. Have you not heard of being gay?
But gay men like cocks.
You got us there. We sure do.
Gay men don’t like pussies.
Some do. Mine gets some pretty positive attention. I mostly bottom, so.
Aren’t men disappointed you don’t have a cock?
Oh, suuuuure, yeah. “Aw, man, I have three holes to choose from instead of two! This is terrible!” said no top ever.
And anyway, I told you, I have a bunch of cocks to choose from on top of being a bonus hole boy. They’re there as needed.
But you can’t be the top.
Sure I can. I just put on a harness and strap on a cock or two, and I go to town.
In the mid-2000s there was a brief fad in Australian government messaging where they went out of their way to insult the public as much as possible.
This fad eventually died out after the tourism board attempted the same style of messaging in the UK, causing a minor scandal which led to the head of Tourism Australia, Scott Morrison, getting the sack.
The first time we drove past the “don’t drive like a cock” sign, my mum looked at it was immediately SO confused - after all she’s a good semi-conservative Christian woman. My brother and I knew it right away but for the next half hour she guessed literally EVERY other word for cock (don’t drive like a rooster, chicken, hen, chick, bird, fowl, poultry) trying her goddamned hardest to make the sign make sense until my - at the time - eleven year old brother got fed up and yelled COCK at the top of his lungs from the back seat.
My mum was FURIOUS - we weren’t even allowed to say “heck” - until she realised he’d just been telling her what the sign was, and for the rest of the three hour trip our good semi-conservative Christian mother proceeded to amuse herself by muttering “cock” under her breath and giggling like a teenager every time she did.
We still bring it up every now and then. So that particular advertising campaign has been making my family laugh for over a decade.
This one was always my favourite, though:
Reblogging to make sure this excellent story is seen
This is a dumb joke, but it is also my most liked thing on twitter
"No Daddy I don't want it"
"I don't care, you're mine and I'll use you how I want"
*safeword comes out*
"Oh baby I'm so sorry what's wrong? How can I help? Are you okay? I love you, you're safe, I'm here. I promise."
Since some people don't seem to know how CNC works
this is tommy needy drinky:
and this is a tommy needy drinky tweet:
i need to find other tweets with this same exact energy. i don't know why they just fuel me on a sick level somehow
