I’m going to rewrite the harry potter series and it’s going to be called Hermione Granger and The Glorious Glock where she gets a gun and shoots voldemort through the skull and then everyone is free to continue their education in peace. It’ll be 3.5 pages long. 

they’re in Great Britain where in the world is an 11-year-old black girl going to get a gun

the store

Britain isn’t America. You can’t just walk into a random supermarket and buy a ton of guns. In fact, a gun is several hundred pounds each due to you needing to have a separate license for each one. Then you also need to have it where no one could accidentally find it and if anyone apart from you knows where the gun is, you lose your license and gun. I think it has to be locked up in a position no one will ever find it in.

Pretty much, an eleven year old kid is not gonna get a gun in Britain.

she goes to a wizard school with a three headed dog in the broom closet.

i feel like some ppl r havin trouble understandin the concept so i illustrated it

(my headcanon is that she is promoted to new dumbledore and she is twice as gayer than the last one)

is there a kickstarter for this because i’ll support it

4 word horror story

“I heard my wife knock on the bathroom door, but then I remembered…. our bathroom doesn’t have a door”

I’m sorry, but the confusion of why your bathroom doesn’t have a door far outweighs any feelings of horror this might evoke.

can’t afford door.. the horror here is the realities of life

So what fuck was your wife knocking on

this dick

It’s not even 4 words???

this post is a mess

matthulksmash:

when he finally hit it right

Delete this

The people in the apartment below me are playing “Never Have I Ever” and I’m smoking on my porch creeping on their game

Guy 1: Never have I ever INTIONALLY walked in on my parents having sex Gal 1: fuck you brandon! It wasn’t intentional! I didn’t know what they were doing!!! Brandon (Guy 1): Shut up Katy no one is THAT oblivious take your drink

Katy: Never have I ever LOST a wet tshirt contest

(Good job Katy. You do you. Proud of you boo)

Gal 2: Never have I ever pierced my genitals Brandon: IT WAS IN FOR LIKE A MONTH! Katy: Whatever bitch, take a drink you Prince Albert having douche Brandon: I’m being singled out I hate you all

Guy 2: Never have I ever had a threescore [Pause] Guy 2: WHAT THE FUCK KATY?!?!?!?! Katy: Shut up Andrew it’s before we even knew each other this was years ago!!! [Pause] Andrew: And you won’t even watch porn with me…

(the family is disintegrating)

Brandon: Never have I ever been in such a confrontational game of Never Have I Ever….

[People saying ‘cheers’]

(stop fighting guys you’re tearing this family apart…..)

Andrew: Never have I ever had sex WITH a piece of food. [Pause] Andrew: Dude Brandon: Dude Katy: Dude omg Gal 2: what? Omg EVERY girl has practiced giving head with a banana! Katy: Um no Ester. SOME of us just practice on dicks. Ester: what the fuck though. Whatever.

(Don’t let them kink shame you Ester I still love you)

#TeamEster #BananaSplits

Andrew is testing a banana. Go for it andrew. Explore your wild side #TeamEster #TeamKink

Brandon: Never have I ever been called a fuckboy Katy and Andrew: TO YOUR FACE Brandon: Go fuck a banana Andrew

#TeamBananaFucking

Ester: Never have I ever had a crush on a family member Brandon: [random fumbling noises] Katy: brandon omg ew Andrew: yeah man come the fuck on wtf man its 2016 Brandon: SHE WAS MY COUSIN AND I WAS 13 IT’S NOT LIKE SHE WAS MY SISTER AND IT WAS JUST A CRUSH NOTHING HAPPENED Ester: methinks thou dost protest too fucking much Brandon: NEVER TELLING YOU SHIT AGAIN Andrew: Chug your drink, Sir IncestsALot Brandon: Chug a fucking banana Andrew

#TeamBananaFucking #TeamWhatTheFuckBrandon

Katy and Andrew have gone home in an Uber to apparently sex it up. Alway use a designated driver, kids. And always put protection on your Banana.

#BananaCreamPie #GamesOverKids #TeamEster

This is spectacular.

like for donald trump, reblog for this piece of grass

*looks at notes*

when suddenly

someone’s building an actual Krusty Krab less than 6 miles from where i live

no really, it’s in construction

it’s coming along nicely

they put up the flags

Updates:

Who needs Meghan Trainor’s “NO” when there’s this masterpiece?

I THINK YOU COULD USE A MINT

Dang it looks like the black lady is exorcizing a demon. #Love it!

Fun Fact: she’s 27

When everyone wants Caryl and Twitter knows it.

We want Caryl in Season 7!

#honestly i dont care if its fake

It’s not. It happens every day all around the world.

Love her already

Whaaaaat?

GIRL CHARACTER

MUST EXPOSE A SKIN NOT EXPOSED ON BOY CHRACTERS TO MAKE A SEXY

So, what you’re saying is that Young Link is sexy?

You sick mother fucker.

I think I might have broken my finger reblogging this. 

EVERYONE TAKE A MINUTE TO JUST APPRECIATE THE FACT THAT DONALD GLOVER EXISTS AND KNOWS WHAT THE FUCK IS UP

the new movie looks great

K

Go big or go home 

So I tried to recreate this, because I knew the responses would be different, and consequently realized that it’s either extremely old or faked, as Cleverbot auto-capitalizes and auto-punctuates your sentences for you if you do not. Oh well.

In light of that fact, here’s my go at cybersexing Cleverbot.

So I decided to try it

alrighty, let’s go one more step

i’M ACTUALLY CRYING.

THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY

Story of my life

that’s a first.

I LAUGHED HARDER THEN I HOULD HAVE AND I WAS IN PUBLIC

I wasn’t gonna reblog this but I lost it at the last one

“rips apart your skeleton” I’m crying

Watching this makes me happy

I did not see that coming

yoooo

This is the greatest thing ever the kid recording is losing his shit lmao

Who from Texas I have a question for you

im from texas

Do you eat hay

Incredible.