recently i got accepted to a computer science program.
with this degree i hope i can find a way to support myself... but i also have a lot of fears like, “what if i can’t pass the math courses?” “what if i don’t understand the languages they want me to learn?” “will i really find a job that i like, instead of one i can just tolerate?”
it’s too bad, because there’s already a lot of things that i know i would love to do! but it’s almost all creative stuff, and art doesn’t pay enough money to live off of unless you have hustle or luck, and i dont have either of those things. my body is not strong enough to work crunch time in game dev, and art is too much work to trade for only a teacher’s salary or less. i would have to live in a big city and care about what rich people like in order to work in fashion. with this, maybe i can find remote work, or work for a nonprofit, or even emigrate to another country. in particular, i used to spend a lot of my free time as a young person designing web sites, so maybe i could do something like that, or apps... it’s a shame to have to learn a new skill set when i already have such powerful creative skills, but those skills aren’t valued like STEM skills.
i don’t need a lot of money to be happy, but because of the way healthcare works in america, you need a lot of money just to be secure. my medical history gives me a lot of serious fears about the cost of my healthcare in old age.
anyway, wish me luck. i hope i can still find time to make stuff when im not doing this other thing... you’ve really got to make hard choices in adulthood. i wish i’d had someone around to help me make them before i got this far.
