Avatar

Untitled

@lady-firestorm

Anonymous asked:

how do the centaurs sleep? and how do they stretch after a good sleep?

Ok this is one I’ve been wanting to cover for a while and my cooldown sketches got out of hand, so buckle up and enjoy the picturebook!

The easiest options is exactly what you think, the flop. In a home, thick carpets or tatami-like mats would provide at least some sort of cushion for the horse-half and various sized cushions and pillows to lift and support the top half. And they CAN sleep standing up, like horses, but it does require both a special harness/corset and practice. And it’s not very comfortable for anything deeper than a doze or catnap for most, so it’s mostly reserved for bad situations, naps, or guard duty.

Most common are recliners, or ‘hammocks’. Easy to fold and carry for cultures on the move, or make fancy for the city-folk they are probably the most ubiquitous of centaur furniture. A simple adjustable A-frame supporting some sort of flexible fabric-ish sheet for the top half to lean against and sleep. Usually paired with some sort of large blanket or padding on the ground to lay the horse-half on!

When you don’t have no fancy recliners, your herd will do! The preferred sleeping method of closely bonded herds is to simply rest on your buddies cushy backside! Roaming bands can often form long chains of sleeping centaurs with the unlucky first taur either on guard duty, sleeping sprawled, or with the group’s only hammock.

Mix and match to your character and herd’s personal preference!

Also stretchies!

Avatar
Avatar

I finally did it! I finished the thing!

Hoo boy it’s like I completely forgot how damn hard the process of animating is. But hey, I got to the end eventually.

Anyway, please enjoy this short animation of Jester casting Spirit Guardians, modeled after Sailor Venus’ Love and Beauty Shock attack sequence.

being a female means needing to see 10 different doctors to get a proper diagnosis because they always think you’re exaggerating and/or lying

define proper diagnosis. I mean, does that just mean the diagnosis you want?

no :) it means going to 10 different doctors who disbelieved your symptoms until the 11th found cysts on your ovaries :) which may mean infertility :) sit on a cactus :)

I call bullshit

Of course you do. Like the first 10 doctors. 😒

I call bullshit on the story. If you think you have an issue you should see a specialist not just your PCP.

Like the 4 “specialists” I saw for the crippling numbness in my face and legs I had for over a year while they told me it was “stress”? When it was finally found that I had scars on my brain and spine? Those “specialists” we’re male neurologist who wouldn’t give me an MRI because “women stress too much”. Go fuck yourself.

MY SPINE WAS BROKEN FOR 2 YEARS BECAUSE MY DOCTORS TOLD ME I JUST HAD BAD CRAMPS AND REFUSED TO TAKE XRAYS. FUCK YOU AND YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. WHEN WILL BOYS REALIZE THEIR EXPERIENCES ARENT STANDARD???? I ALSO LOVE THIS IDEA THAT YOU CAN JUST GO TO A SPECIALIST WHENEVER YOU WANT LOL IF OUR PCP DOESNT BELIEVE US WHEN WE TELL THEM OUR SYMPTOMS THEY ARENT GONNA REFER US TO A SPECIALIST YOU FUCKING MOLDY WALNUT

My parents began noticing something large in my throat, saw a specialist….Guess what? Told me to lose some weight..even though I wasn’t overweight. I would have my period for weeks at a time. Was told that it was teenage hormones and stress.

Two fucking years later I attempted suicide they ran a battery of tests as required and bam! They find out that I have untreated Hashimoto’s. The “thing” was a goiter. Possible symptoms of an untreated thyroid disease is the goiter, unexplained weight gain, and depression. All they had to do was test my blood, but they said young people don’t have thyroid problems. 😒

-Allie

Ten years ago, my mother—who is a pretty tough cookie—started feeling both ridiculously wired, anxious, and incredibly emotional. Every doctor she saw told her she was going through early menopause, even though she was still menstruating. Her health declined to point where she was barely sleeping, losing weight, and crying constantly, which was a huge red flag because my mother never cries. Finally, she went to see another doctor 2.5 hours away who referred her to an endocrinologist. And what did the endocrinologist say? He diagnosed her with one of the most advanced cases of Grave’s Disease he had even seen, and said if she had gone just a few more months without being treated, she could have FUCKING DIED. 

Also, it turned out that her thyroid levels had been moving out of the normal range in a progressive pattern for years, but nobody bothered to look at her past test results until after the diagnosis. They would just do a test, see that it was “in the normal range” and leave it at that. She could have caught it before she even had symptoms, instead of basically being accused of having hysteria. 

i had a brain aneurysm/hemorrhage ten years ago, doctors still tell me im faking my disability BECAUSE YOU CAN TOTALLY FAKE LIMITED MOVEMENT OF THE LEFT SIDE

My sister had intercranial hypertension which was causing headaches, dizzy spells and loss of vision, and you know what the hospital told her? She was being a hysterical girl and making it up. A few weeks later she spent roughly a month in hospital and had several lumbar punctures to relieve her RECORD HIGH spinal pressure that was causing so much strain on her brain and optic nerves she was being sent blind.

Everytime I see this post (and it’s been a good 5/6 times), it has different stories and experiences of women who have been horribly mistreated by doctors and it just blows my mind that this is so big. It’s absolutely disgusting how terribly women are treated in the medical world and something needs to be done about that.

Avatar

my friend lea had back pain, then pain in her legs and feet, and then numbness. despite seeing 7 different doctors over 2 years, by the time they found the cancer it was inoperable. chemo and radiation didn’t work. the cancer spread. she died and left behind a 5 year old daughter.

Avatar

A few years ago I would go through spells where I literally could not stand on my own and I couldn’t get out of bed. I would be freezing and too weak to eat. I would keep having heart palpitations as well. I got up the money to go to a clinic and they told me it was just stress and to basically just work on chilling out. I saved up money for a few weeks to do this and I pretty much get a “chill out” from them. As time went on it got worse, most noticeably the heart palpitations were happening almost constantly. I went again to a different clinic and was told it was normal and that it was probably stress. They did no tests, and they told me it would “just go away”. Two weeks later I ended up collapsing going down some stairs, and at the hospital it was discovered that I had such severe anemia that my heart could barely keep up with trying to get enough oxygen to my body. I had developed left ventricular hypertrophy (my heart muscle is too big) and because of them ignoring me and dismissing me I’m at a much higher risk of heart attacks and stroke now.

I went to the doctor with severe intermittent pain in my upper right stomach area that was so bad I had to miss school. Despite the fact that my period has been on a regular 3 month cycle for years, and I still had two months left until my period, my doctor told me it was period related cramps and or indigestion. 2 months later I’m in the hospital getting my gallbladder removed. It was so obstructed that there was gangrene developing my my system.

So…everyone who’s given me shit for that one post (about medicine and equal treatment and shit) can just read this because I’m sick of defending my case.

i know this post is already long but here’s a pretty good article about how gender bias in medicine is quite literally killing women. it focuses a lot on heart attacks but it applies to all areas of medicine

I straight up got told I was making up some of my symptoms. Got laughed at and told “no that’s not what’s happening”.

“Many women take years to get chronic illnesses diagnosed. People with autoimmune diseases, over three quarters of whom are women, take 4.5 years on average to get a diagnosis. Endometriosis, a disease that causes pain during sex and painful periods, takes 9.28 years to diagnose on average.”

THE AMAZON TRIO 

So, Sailor Moon is one of my biggest and oldest obsessions. I suddenly had the idea of making the Amazon Trio into monster stats for D&D. I based their abilities as closely as possible to the abilities they had in the original anime. 

If you would like to access exclusive homebrew content, please pledge to My Patreon!

**These characters were created and belong to Naoko Takeuchi**

For Your Consideration

Emo: The world is broken, and I'm sad because there's nothing I can do to fix it.

Goth: The world is broken, but there's an odd beauty in the dark parts.

Punk: The world is broken, and I am angry, and I am going to fight to fix it.

Ska: Maybe the world is broken, but I've got a fucking trumpet.

Magic girl: the world is broken, but if I love it enough, I can fix it.

The RNC sent me a notice of official census material that was actually a fundraiser for the republican candidates running in the midterms. The paperwork was presented as being an official document required to be filled out by law, but it was patently false. This is corruption. This is meant to deceive people into giving data and money to a political party under the guise of nonpartisan census data. This undermines trust in the census, local government, and the democratic process. This is beyond disgusting, and I’m mailing back the form to tell the RNC how I really feel about their bullshit.

Signal boost. LOOK OUT FOR THIS BULLSHIT!

I got this shit, too, and fuck them.

This serves double duty for poisoning the well by creating mistrust of the actual census taking efforts.

#taztober day 20: Istus

Avatar

[ID] A line art drawing of Istus, sitting knitting a large scarf, a smiling on her face and tears streaming from her eyes. Istus is a woman with long curly hair, wearing a high collared sheer shirt with long sleeves,  a low cut vest over top, circular earrings, and a large halo behind her head. She looks very proud, and a speech bubble has her saying ‘You’re going to be amazing.’ [end ID]

Some old dudes, from that one podcast

[image description: several drawings of John and Merle. John is a pale-complexioned older human with short gray hair, thick eyebrows and high cheekbones. Merle is a fat dwarf with brown skin and, in the first few line drawings, short wavy hair and a long braided beard adorned with flowers. John’s face is drawn with four expressions: alarmed, angry, with a slight smile and devastated with tears running down his cheeks. Merle is doodled shirtless and in four poses: alarmed as flames surround him, smiling with his chin resting in his hand, holding a chess piece and looking upwards thoughtfully, and angry as he says, “Kiss my ass, you sanctimonious bastard!”

the next two drawings show John and Merle, respectively, in full color. John’s pale skin and black suit are streaked with fine lines of neon color. His eyes are black with white pupils and he’s holding a hand to his chest, looking stunned as he says, “…What happened to your eye? Gods, what happened to your arm?” Merle is shown with brown skin, longer pink hair and a longer pink beard adorned with flowers. One of his arms is made of wood and he’s wearing an eye patch, glasses, and a green tunic. He’s smiling and saying, “I was gonna say, what happened to your complexion?”

The next two drawings are of John from the neck up, with unblemished skin. In the first, he’s asking, “Is there a name for what I am?” In the second, he looks furious and his hair is disheveled as he says, “Existence, Merle, life? Is horrible. To exist, to live, is horrible.”]

This animation took so long to do, and all because my computer wanted to crash ninety times while I was animating.

Credit for the designs goes to Carey Pietsch, content and voices belong to the McElroys. Animation is all me.

Fun fact: my guinea pig is named Jenkins

just boys bein boys

When they talk about boys being boys, this is the kind of dumb ass, 4-guys-sharing-1-brain-cell nonsense they should be referring to.

“Okay that’s cool but how do they plan to deal with stopping…?”

“…”

“Ah. I see. They didn’t.”

Temples are built for gods. Knowing this a farmer builds a small temple to see what kind of god turns up.

Arepo built a temple in his field, a humble thing, some stones stacked up to make a cairn, and two days later a god moved in.

“Hope you’re a harvest god,” Arepo said, and set up an altar and burnt two stalks of wheat. “It’d be nice, you know.” He looked down at the ash smeared on the stone, the rocks all laid askew, and coughed and scratched his head. “I know it’s not much,” he said, his straw hat in his hands. “But - I’ll do what I can. It’d be nice to think there’s a god looking after me.”

The next day he left a pair of figs, the day after that he spent ten minutes of his morning seated by the temple in prayer. On the third day, the god spoke up.

“You should go to a temple in the city,” the god said. Its voice was like the rustling of the wheat, like the squeaks of fieldmice running through the grass. “A real temple. A good one. Get some real gods to bless you. I’m no one much myself, but I might be able to put in a good word?” It plucked a leaf from a tree and sighed. “I mean, not to be rude. I like this temple. It’s cozy enough. The worship’s been nice. But you can’t honestly believe that any of this is going to bring you anything.”

“This is more than I was expecting when I built it,” Arepo said, laying down his scythe and lowering himself to the ground. “Tell me, what sort of god are you anyway?”

“I’m of the fallen leaves,” it said. “The worms that churn beneath the earth. The boundary of forest and of field. The first hint of frost before the first snow falls. The skin of an apple as it yields beneath your teeth. I’m a god of a dozen different nothings, scraps that lead to rot, momentary glimpses. A change in the air, and then it’s gone.”

The god heaved another sigh. “There’s no point in worship in that, not like War, or the Harvest, or the Storm. Save your prayers for the things beyond your control, good farmer. You’re so tiny in the world. So vulnerable. Best to pray to a greater thing than me.”

Arepo plucked a stalk of wheat and flattened it between his teeth. “I like this sort of worship fine,” he said. “So if you don’t mind, I think I’ll continue.”

“Do what you will,” said the god, and withdrew deeper into the stones. “But don’t say I never warned you otherwise.”

Arepo would say a prayer before the morning’s work, and he and the god contemplated the trees in silence. Days passed like that, and weeks, and then the Storm rolled in, black and bold and blustering. It flooded Arepo’s fields, shook the tiles from his roof, smote his olive tree and set it to cinder. The next day, Arepo and his sons walked among the wheat, salvaging what they could. The little temple had been strewn across the field, and so when the work was done for the day, Arepo gathered the stones and pieced them back together.

“Useless work,” the god whispered, but came creeping back inside the temple regardless. “There wasn’t a thing I could do to spare you this.”

“We’ll be fine,” Arepo said. “The storm’s blown over. We’ll rebuild. Don’t have much of an offering for today,” he said, and laid down some ruined wheat, “but I think I’ll shore up this thing’s foundations tomorrow, how about that?” 

The god rattled around in the temple and sighed.

A year passed, and then another. The temple had layered walls of stones, a roof of woven twigs. Arepo’s neighbors chuckled as they passed it. Some of their children left fruit and flowers. And then the Harvest failed, the gods withdrew their bounty. In Arepo’s field the wheat sprouted thin and brittle. People wailed and tore their robes, slaughtered lambs and spilled their blood, looked upon the ground with haunted eyes and went to bed hungry. Arepo came and sat by the temple, the flowers wilted now, the fruit shriveled nubs, Arepo’s ribs showing through his chest, his hands still shaking, and murmured out a prayer. 

“There is nothing here for you,” said the god, hudding in the dark. “There is nothing I can do. There is nothing to be done.” It shivered, and spat out its words. “What is this temple but another burden to you?”

“We -” Arepo said, and his voice wavered. “So it’s a lean year,” he said. “We’ve gone through this before, we’ll get through this again. So we’re hungry,” he said. “We’ve still got each other, don’t we? And a lot of people prayed to other gods, but it didn’t protect them from this. No,” he said, and shook his head, and laid down some shriveled weeds on the altar. “No, I think I like our arrangement fine.”

“There will come worse,” said the god, from the hollows of the stone. “And there will be nothing I can do to save you.”

The years passed. Arepo rested a wrinkled hand upon the temple of stone and some days spent an hour there, lost in contemplation with the god.

And one fateful day, from across the wine-dark seas, came War.

Arepo came stumbling to his temple now, his hand pressed against his gut, anointing the holy site with his blood. Behind him, his wheat fields burned, and the bones burned black in them. He came crawling on his knees to a temple of hewed stone, and the god rushed out to meet him.

“I could not save them,” said the god, its voice a low wail. “I am sorry. I am sorry. I am so so sorry.” The leaves fell burning from the trees, a soft slow rain of ash. “I have done nothing! All these years, and I have done nothing for you!”

“Shush,” Arepo said, tasting his own blood, his vision blurring. He propped himself up against the temple, forehead pressed against the stone in prayer. “Tell me,” he mumbled. “Tell me again. What sort of god are you?”

“I -” said the god, and reached out, cradling Arepo’s head, and closed its eyes and spoke.

“I’m of the fallen leaves,” it said, and conjured up the image of them. “The worms that churn beneath the earth. The boundary of forest and of field. The first hint of frost before the first snow falls. The skin of an apple as it yields beneath your teeth.” Arepo’s lips parted in a smile.

“I am the god of a dozen different nothings,” it said. “The petals in bloom that lead to rot, the momentary glimpses. A change in the air -” Its voice broke, and it wept. “Before it’s gone.”

“Beautiful,” Arepo said, his blood staining the stones, seeping into the earth. “All of them. They were all so beautiful.”

And as the fields burned and the smoke blotted out the sun, as men were trodden in the press and bloody War raged on, as the heavens let loose their wrath upon the earth, Arepo the sower lay down in his humble temple, his head sheltered by the stones, and returned home to his god.

Sora found the temple with the bones within it, the roof falling in upon them.

“Oh, poor god,” she said, “With no-one to bury your last priest.” Then she paused, because she was from far away. “Or is this how the dead are honored here?” The god roused from its contemplation.

“His name was Arepo,” it said, “He was a sower.”

Sora startled, a little, because she had never before heard the voice of a god. “How can I honor him?” She asked.

“Bury him,” the god said, “Beneath my altar.”

“All right,” Sora said, and went to fetch her shovel.

“Wait,” the god said when she got back and began collecting the bones from among the broken twigs and fallen leaves. She laid them out on a roll of undyed wool, the only cloth she had. “Wait,” the god said, “I cannot do anything for you. I am not a god of anything useful.”

Sora sat back on her heels and looked at the altar to listen to the god.

“When the Storm came and destroyed his wheat, I could not save it,” the god said, “When the Harvest failed and he was hungry, I could not feed him. When War came,” the god’s voice faltered. “When War came, I could not protect him. He came bleeding from the battle to die in my arms.” Sora looked down again at the bones.

“I think you are the god of something very useful,” she said.

“What?” the god asked.

Sora carefully lifted the skull onto the cloth. “You are the god of Arepo.”

Avatar

Generations passed. The village recovered from its tragedies—homes rebuilt, gardens re-planted, wounds healed. The old man who once lived on the hill and spoke to stone and rubble had long since been forgotten, but the temple stood in his name. Most believed it to empty, as the god who resided there long ago had fallen silent. Yet, any who passed the decaying shrine felt an ache in their hearts, as though mourning for a lost friend. The cold that seeped from the temple entrance laid their spirits low, and warded off any potential visitors, save for the rare and especially oblivious children who would leave tiny clusters of pink and white flowers that they picked from the surrounding meadow.

The god sat in his peaceful home, staring out at the distant road, to pedestrians, workhorses, and carriages, raining leaves that swirled around bustling feet. How long had it been? The world had progressed without him, for he knew there was no help to be given. The world must be a cruel place, that even the useful gods have abandoned, if farms can flood, harvests can run barren, and homes can burn, he thought.

He had come to understand that humans are senseless creatures, who would pray to a god that cannot grant wishes or bless upon them good fortune. Who would maintain a temple and bring offerings with nothing in return. Who would share their company and meditate with such a fruitless deity. Who would bury a stranger without the hope for profit. What bizarre, futile kindness they had wasted on him. What wonderful, foolish, virtuous, hopeless creatures, humans were.

So he painted the sunset with yellow leaves, enticed the worms to dance in their soil, flourished the boundary between forest and field with blossoms and berries, christened the air with a biting cold before winter came, ripened the apples with crisp, red freckles to break under sinking teeth, and a dozen other nothings, in memory of the man who once praised the god’s work on his dying breath.

“Hello, God of Every Humble Beauty in the World,” called a familiar voice.

The squinting corners of the god’s eyes wept down onto curled lips. “Arepo,” he whispered, for his voice was hoarse from its hundred-year mutism.

“I am the god of devotion, of small kindnesses, of unbreakable bonds. I am the god of selfless, unconditional love, of everlasting friendships, and trust,” Arepo avowed, soothing the other with every word.

“That’s wonderful, Arepo,” he responded between tears, “I’m so happy for you—such a powerful figure will certainly need a grand temple. Will you leave to the city to gather more worshippers? You’ll be adored by all.”

“No,” Arepo smiled.

“Farther than that, to the capitol, then? Thank you for visiting here before your departure.”

“No, I will not go there, either,” Arepo shook his head and chuckled.

“Farther still? What ambitious goals, you must have. There is no doubt in my mind that you will succeed, though,” the elder god continued.

“Actually,” interrupted Arepo, “I’d like to stay here, if you’ll have me.”

The other god was struck speechless. “…. Why would you want to live here?”

“I am the god of unbreakable bonds and everlasting friendships. And you are the god of Arepo.”

I reblogged this once with the first story. Now the story has grown and I’m crying. This is gorgeous, guys. This is what dreams are made of.

This is amazing!

I reblogged the first story.

I never expected the follow-ups. They were beautiful.

I was not expecting to cry that hard.

I can't get over this little girl.....pretending to be long dead while someone digs up her body out of the ground. The jewelry laid out beside her...the hair clips....this is everything

I LOVE this she’s not even pretending to be an archaeologist she’s pretending she’s the long-dead mummified remains of a Celtic princess who’s been excavated by an archaeologist I’m living for it

I will never be half as cool as this girl already is

Avatar

yesterday after my procedure, while i was waking up from the anesthetic, i:

1. told every nurse and doctor that i loved them

2. dmed a bunch of my friends and told them i loved them

3. tried to @ everyone in my private discord server to tell them i loved them, failed, couldnt figure out how to ping everyone, and then sent a bunch of messages saying that i loved everyone

4. called picks twice to tell her that i loved her

5. while walking inside the house, barely able to stand and with bf holding me up, saw two people working on the house next door, said hi to them, told them i had surgery, and tried to tell them i loved them before bf dragged me inside. 

6. told my doctor, who i have to see next week, to his face, that i loved him

7. tried to call bf’s mom to tell her that i loved her, bf stopped me and told me she was at work. i then begged him to text her. 

i’ve come to the conclusion that i should not be allowed access to my phone while waking up from anesthesia and my mouth should probably be taped shut. however, the nurse who was taking care of me told me that i was her favorite patient of the day and she liked me a lot. she then put me in the car and i rolled down my window and went “bye i love you have a good day” and then begged bf to take me to mcdonalds so i could have a cheeseburger. 

Avatar

how could i forget about the tweets i made

also here’s some of the dms i sent my friends

Image
Image
Image

i really should not have my phone until anesthetic wears off. 

Avatar

okay since this got some notes i wanna add some context to the cheeseburger thing since imo it just makes this whole thing funnier:

the procedure i had done was a colonoscopy/endoscopy. basically, my doctor knocked me out so he could shove a camera up my butt and another down my throat to try to figure out what’s going on with my stomach. if you don’t know, the preparation for this procedure is both rough and pretty disgusting.

for 24 hours, you’re on what’s called a ‘clear liquid’ diet, meaning you cannot have any solid food at all. the best you can have is broth. or jello. except i dont really like jello so instead i drank broth and tea all day. then in the evening you have to drink this utterly disgusting liquid for a few hours and i wont get into that bc it’s even more disgusting. but once midnight hits after 24 hours of clear liquid diet, you cannot have anything at all. not even a sip of water. nothing. and my procedure was around 10-11. which meant that i had not had solid food in about 36 hours, much less anything filling or with nutrients. 

the other thing is, i’ve had this procedure done before. and the EXACT SAME THING happened. i don’t know what it is, but every time i wake up from anesthesia and am told i can have real food again, my still half knocked out brain goes “CHEESEBURGER” and refuses to even comprehend that other food exists. 

i had spinal surgery in august and had to fast for about a day. the exact same thing happened. AS SOON as i woke up from my major, hard surgery, i begged my doctor for a cheeseburger, in between telling him that i loved him, while i was still in the post-op recovery room, before i was even transported to my hospital room. 

for some reason, every time i wake up from anesthesia, my brain can only feel two things– “i love every person who comes within 2 feet of me” and “CHEESEBURGER”. it’s like after not being able to eat anything prior to the procedure, when i wake up, my body’s like “hmmmm i haven’t had any food in 24 hours… i should have something nutritious. what’s the most nutritious thing i can think of? oh right, a cheeseburger.”

This made my entire week.

Avatar

Laura: “You want any more of this? [bursts into a vibrant rendition of Maureen’s verse of Take Me or Leave Me from Rent] Oh, we dropped some!”

REMEMBER SKIP-IT FROM THE 90’S

image

my weapon of choice during school yard fights 

DnD campaign but the only weapons are 90′s toys @riskpig

Distance weapon: those sky dancer propeller toys.

Avatar

I’ll allow it.

I have but two words:

Are those a weapon or piece of armor?

Party walks into the inn to rest and the pub looks like

Avatar

Perfection.

I ride into battle on one of these

Animal Companions

Fresh combat

Monks have to use these

Avatar

Wizard’s Spell book

Avatar

Warlock Patrons

Archfey

Fiend

Celestial

Great Old One

The undying

Avatar

THE B A R D

It got better since I last saw it

This is so weird bc being born in 1997 I saw all these toys… old, dirty, and faded by the sun

it’s so weird to think of them as new and current toys rather than the relics of a bygone age

Currency

Avatar

Dungeon:

the party embarks upon a laser quest

So. Today in class we assigned Macbeth roles to students to read. When I asked the class who wants to be Lady Macbeth, a young man raised his hand. I kind of stared at him like “Lady Macbeth,” and he nodded like “I know what I’m about ma’am.” So then the student who ended up as Macbeth raised his hand and said “HE’S THE ONE, HE’S MY WIFE!” So I said “yeah sure why not,” and the entire class period they were blowing kisses to each other and winking at each other, and every now and then Macbeth would say “I’m the luckiest man on Earth” and Lady Macbeth would put a hand to his chest, and be like “BABE!”.

I just stared at them, knowing that they CLEARLY have never read ‘Macbeth’ before, so… all this lovey dovey… I don’t know if I have the heart to tell them the truth.

Update:

  • Macbeth is absolutely willing to fucking throw down for Lady Macbeth. Has already threatened a wall, a desk, a few students, a textbook that was neither his nor Lady Macbeth’s, and me
  • Lady Macbeth is enjoying the attention and has begun to use this new connection to his advantage. I’m starting to suspect he’s read ahead in the play.
  • Macbeth is going to end up living in detention at this rate.
  • Macbeth has no idea that he is the tragedy of the story. Claims to be the hero of the play, fails to see the irony in this
  • Macbeth slowly scooted his desk across the classroom to hold hands with Lady Macbeth. He was not subtle.
  • Macbeth has proposed on several occasions. Lady Macbeth just laughs and says they’re already married.
  • Macbeth’s girlfriend is in the class with them and is “totally not jealous or anything just thinks this whole fucking play is a waste of time”
  • Lady Macbeth should probably be a theatre major at some point, he fucking rocked Act V scene I
  • Other teachers and staff are emailing me about the “lovely lords”. Lady Macbeth now refuses to answer to anything other than Lady Macbeth and is always very upset when people don’t call him by his proper title.

THIS is what “boys will be boys” ACTUALLY means