Lexi

Is it ok if i swear?

yes fish, i will allow you to swear

f

yes go on

im nervous

so my uncle is a priest and apparently can’t deny when i ask him to bless something so i now have a blessed laptop, blessed loaf of bread, and blessed underwear. 

i just asked him to bless this post and he did 

This post is officially the most holy post on Tumblr.  Use it to banish sins from your dashboard.

nominated for 4 academy awards 

If we didn’t have eyes, we would be unaware of colour. What if we’re missing some part of reality because we don’t have the organ to detect it?

we opened at 11 this morning. i watched an old man literally pry the fucking sliding doors open at 10:43 and stand there just staring into the empty store and my coworker & i were like sir. for the love of fuck

I worked in a restaurant for while and a woman climbed past an A board sign, ignored the sign on a the door saying the opening times and trotted on in. When told we were not open she asked why the door was unlocked. My manager explained that it has to be unlocked when people are in the building to comply with fire regulations. Which lead to my favourite exchange with a customer: Woman: But there are no people in here. Manager: Madam. The staff count as people. Woman: That’s ridiculous. *Storms out*

“The staff count as people” has me dead

Look at her lil smile! They are the cutest

Achievement hunter and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

My game froze when the dad was trying to teach the son how to talk and I cancelled the action but they’re dying now because of the glitch and I’m quite upset

Happens to me whenever the kids have to go to school, just about every single sim day

Uh, Minnie, I have something to tell you…

youd be scared too if a 6 inch tall naked human sprinted across your floor

Had a dream where I was sitting in a dark office and reality felt really altered and strange and there was just a fishtank illuminating the room and then this fuckin fish looked at me and grinned with human teeth and in this super deep voice said “you’ve been here awhile, better wake up before you forget how to” and I fuckin woke up in a cold sweat

Dude I think you went to hell

NO

WHY IS IT IN THE SAME KEY

I am crying omfg

If the devil has a pitchfork and the grim reaper has a scythe, is agriculture a major industry in the underworld?

Watch cowspiracy on Netflix and I think you'll get your answer