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the wee lezzer

@kyoshisaidfuckcolonizers

BLM | Mostly an ATLA blog with some other stuff | Julia | 22 | she/her | lesbian

personally i think there should have been at least one episode where sokka collects aang and zuko and is like, “looks like we’re running low on supplies.  time for a GUYS-ONLY field trip.  three days of hunting and fishing and polishing our swords.  y’know, manly warrior stuff.  (aang, sotto voce: actually sokka i’m a vegetarian as you know–)  you girls have fun sitting around braiding your hair and talking about your crushesand then the entire episode is just zuko and sokka lying around by a river, plucking blades of grass and staring up at the stars confiding in each other their deepest feelings and most secret insecurities while aang braids flower crowns, and whenever the screen cuts back to katara and toph and suki, they’re fighting and screaming and hacking away at river pirates and evil spirits and legions of assassins and hired mercenaries with swords.  you know, as girls do.

and when the boys finally drag themselves back to camp (they stayed up way too late discussing what true leadership really means and whether or not power always corrupts)  they find suki and toph and katara lounging around with black eyes and fresh bruises and bloodstained weapons and sokka shrieks, “what were you guys DOING while we were gone???”  and karata just shugs innocently and says in her sweetest voice, “oh, you know.  just girly things”

they are absolutely still wearing the crowns and they don’t have a single fish to show for their efforts

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i did it

you know what i DO want to talk about? that scene on top of the truck where nona’s arguing w varun, and varun asks “do you love?” and nona says, “yes - no yes. i don’t know what it means. i say it, but i dont know what it means. did i ever know what it meant?” which is truly heartbreaking to hear from a character who’s spent the entire book up until now loving most everything she lays her eyes on with nearly reckless abandon.

and fifty pages later - after paul’s birth (pyrrha saying, “it’s not love, what you’re about to do. it’s a mistake.” being almost immediately replied to with, “the perfect friendship, the perfect love.”/”life is too short, and love is too long.”), and kiriona’s interrogation (”okay. different question – do you love her?”), a near constant barrage of “what does love really mean?” and “what is love?” and “what would love make you do?” “what lengths would you go to for love?” when she’s already struggling with the idea of knowing if she’s felt love at all - she very nearly gives in to that despair, the lack of certainty that she knows what her feelings mean and that she’s allowed to feel them. she’s mourning, and she’s not able to reach pyrrha through her grief, and everyone else she’s with is more broken than she’s ever seen them before. but then paul reminds her of noodle. and nona, in a moment of lurching panic, decides to live, if only just to save noodle.

to me, that’s a devastating moment of raw, human love. it’s like that moment in alien (1979) where ripley’s about to abandon ship, and then goes back when she realises jones (the ship cat) is still on board. nona was ready to let them all die, hopless and lost and sad, every one of them– but noodle, a sweet yet unimportant pet, is what brings her back.

and i think that’s what make’s paul’s statement of, “it’s done, it’s finished. you can’t take loved away.” hit as hard as it does. she’s just had this crisis of faith in her own personal belief system of loving-things-for-the-sake-of-loving-them, only to have it reaffirmed, and is now facing the abyss of personhood, facing returning to a self who was hurt and was deeply angry, going so far as to say, “i’ll be different…and palamedes – i won’t love him…i won’t love anything, i won’t know how.”

paul says, “don’t worry,” (even though she just explained why she was worried), “we loved you too,” because maybe nona’s right and she won’t know how to love anymore, but she needs to know that she did. she did love, and she was loved, and there was never a doubt in anyone elses mind that she loved them fully and completely and genuinely. maybe she thought she was faking it, maybe she thought she was just making it up, but it was real, and now it’s done, and no one can take it away. no one.

pyrrha dve is a bastion of irresponsible sex and i dont have to agree with it but i do respect it

will never get over her and presumably g1deon thinking that kid was theirs. you were just rawdogging the enemy huh? ungloved while fucking the most dangerous woman youve met in your life? alright

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The corpse looked at her in such mute, helpless appeal—spoke to her in her first language—that Nona did not have to think about what she did next.

And my first official Nona feelings explosion manifest as a request for my beautiful friends who kept me best company as I was losing my mind

i WILL defend Kiriona being a total ass to everyone in NtN because Gideon spent her entire life just watching those damned skeletons and wishing that the bones would show her any kind of acknowledgement. and then Gideon went to Canaan House and she made her first friends ever, the first people ever to show her the kind of love and tenderness that she had needed her whole miserable life, and then she died.

and when Gideon came back, practically the first thing she learned is that her mother, who she had spent her whole life dreaming about, hated her. like, suprise!!! you weren’t just despised & hated after birth, but also before and during!! her mother thought of her as a parasite and a bomb. just a key to a lock that Gideon had never given a shit about.

and THEN!!! Gideon gets swept off in the River and she comes back as a corpse and the first time she sees her friends again, the first friends she ever had, all they can talk about is using her body – not even her as a person, just her meat and blood – for the same end as her mother wanted. just a key for the lock on that same damn door. like, yeah, Cam & Pal & crew thought she was gone and they wouldnt have any way to know that her soul was there. but also, their first words in her earshot were about using her and the first thing they did to her was try and violate her corpse. so basically. Kiriona deserves to have her villian era.