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Kyka

@kykafitzdinguss

So I’m cleaning out my photo album and I see this

Because yes, this is a dog google how could you tell?

I love caves as a horror theme but I HATE when there are things in the caves. Horror writers utterly ruin cave stories by not realizing that the cave itself is the monster.

It’s fine when caves are a gateway that something is coming through, or the cave is somehow alive and malicious, or if the only monster is what the narrator brings in with themself, but I hate hate hate when writers expect me to be creeped out by spelunkers being menaced by creatures that live inside the cave.

my beloved mutual, I agree that every labyrinth needs its minotaur

but the horror of a labyrinth from the perspective of Theseus is nothing like the horror of a labyrinth from the perspective of the Minotaur… a cave is horrifying because the Earth built it to contain you

“A cave is horrifying because the Earth built it to contain you

So I was fully on board with both sentiments, cave as the horror sounds cool and monster in the cave is cool, and then comes that line and holy shit that is a new horrifying thought.

I think I’ll put it in a story somewhere

It’s a thought I always have while caving. Looking into a naturally-formed chamber or hallway that has never seen the light of day is eerie—there’s a reason specific chambers end up with architectural names, like “the ballroom” or “the great hall”. The resemblance to human habitation and artefact is uncanny… sprawling, incomprehensible structures in crude mockery of buildings and cathedrals and dungeons, as though designed by some awful alien intelligence that had only dreamt of human needs. Inhospitable doll-houses, lightless, windowless, with oubliettes and dungeons and poison winds and air that robs the breath from your lungs. We refer to our ancient ancestors as “cavemen” but they were no more adapted to the labyrinthine darkness than we are today—we did not spring from caves but from the treetops and savannas with the sun and stars above us. A cave is a mouth, a throat, a digestive system. It is just tempting enough to draw us in—cool and sheltered and beautiful, but it has no real will to sustain us. Green things do not grow in caves. Even the other predatory creatures that shared our caves fell victim to them, when they slipped or strayed or wandered too deep.

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Love that he also types like an old man

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smolbeanholland

His name is spelled Jonathan.

His birthday is September 4.

His age was estimated at the time he was found in 1882. This species matures at around 50 years old and he was past that age, so he might be older than 189 but we will never know.

He lives on a South Atlantic island, Saint Helena (aka the place Napoleon Bonaparte lived until his death in 1815) where he’s well taken care of by the governor of the island. According to his vet, he likes listening to tennis.

The average lifespan for his species is 150, but he’s super healthy aside from cataracts in both eyes and possible loss of smell.

Jonathan has a mate, Fred, who until recently was thought to be female. Fred is male.

His species (which is a subspecies of Aldabra giant Tortoise) are on the endangered list with only about 80 recorded worldwide. However, many giant Tortoises currently hold the record for longest living land animals with a few others’ ages ranging between 175-250 years. So Jonathan still has a while to go!

Here’s Jonathan (on the left) in 1882 upon his arrival to the island:

(photo courtesy of Guinness World Records)

Jonathan has lived through both world wars, the Russian Revolution, 39 U.S. presidents, 7 British monarchs, the creation of the typewriter, the completion of the Eiffel Tower, the coronation of Queen Victoria, the release of the first postage stamp, the building of the first skyscraper, the first photograph of a person, the first lightbulb, and the first powered flight.

According to Wikipedia Jonathan is still alive as of this writing 10/21/22, and as of 2022 is the oldest tortoise of recorded age ever, the previous contender having died at 189 in 1966.

Old gay tortoises. This is the best

I had a very long dream/dream sequence and i only remember parts of it but it sure was a wild ride so i’m putting all that here, watch out tumblr!

Someone stole a ring-pop from a child, which i only knew because someone asked me to help them (i was the mayor of new york) with killing a ladybug, it was a perfectly normal ladybug but her (the girl being attacked) was standing right under the sign where the candy part of the ring-pop had been stuck and because there was a sign across the street that would periodically flash blue or red it would light up the ring pop perfectly so the ladybug would see it (also for some reason i found out the ladybug was attracted to the color red so it only “attacked” when the red light was on.

For some reason even though i had figured out the root of the problem i just left the ring-pop there where i found the ring-popless little girl monologuing about the tragic loss of her ring-pop (she was like six).

I got her back her ring-pop but while i was running to get it i saw a lolita goth chick with split dyed hair (blonde and black like melanie martinez) also she had the face of that girl who’s the cover of Brooklyn Bloodpop (don’t know if i spelled that right).

Anyways i found her and was about to arrest her (for some reason not only was stealing ring-pops a criminal defense bug i, the mayor, was able to make arrests?) but then the dream ended.

twitter changing their logo to doge really solidified how much of a garbage fire of a website it has become.

Oh and they changed it to doge because Elon is currently facing a TWO-HUNDRED AND FIFTY EIGHT BILLION DOLLAR LAWSUIT for scamming investors with dogecoin and he’s trying to bury search results for it. Because he’s the most pathetic man on Earth

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Really Important News – This lawsuit is higher then this dumpster fires networth (according go google at least). If he ruins he’d have to surrender more money than he has, liquid or otherwise–in otherwords, he’d be ruined and would either have to sell his companies to pay or declare bankrupcy, either option would be hilarious so– Likes charge reblogs cast.

Happy ace day!! Hooray!

Edit: Hi, I am once again emphasizing this isn’t a dig at people who enter relationships for physical attraction! The joke is on the fact this option will likely fly over the heads of people who dont experience sexual attraction and suchs!

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the idea that your friends won't like you if you're too weird is wrong you just need better friends for example one time I told a friend whenever I was losing my mind I laid down on the floor under my desk and stared at it until I was better and next time she visited me she taped a bag of salami snacks to the underside of my desk with a message saying "going insane all by yourself, handsome?" which I only saw months later when I had a breakdown. that's friendship.

If you can't be weird and honest with your friends, you don't have friends. Keep looking. I promise you they're out there somewhere.

not a dream

a friend and I were talking about how far away we are from one another and he was like, it's not that far so I sent him this, because, yes, we're far away

and he replied with

Meanwhile, American Tumblr has no idea what is pictured in this map.

[Image ID: A picture of a map showing the distance of 9,314 km (around 5788 miles) between Japan and Croatia. /.End ID]

Hope that clears it up for everybody!

You gotta use schools per depression

poll:

LETS SETTLE THIS

i need a HUGE sample size for this one so i’m making this shit last a week and i need people to rb this if you can.

[Image description: A tumblr text-post, edited erasure-poetry style to read, "absolutely obsessed w pan ppl absolutely / absolutely obsessed w non binary people"]

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absolutely obsessed w pan ppl absolutely absolutely obsessed w non binary people

I feel so included (pan)