Marine Iguana
Unbothered. Moisturized. Happy. In My Lane. Focused. Flourishing.
Source: pangeen
I'm an adult
You're a dumbass who the fuck says something like that
a few months ago my friend called me and told me she was moving back up near me from 7 hours south in the middle of nowhere and asked if i would help her because she couldn’t move the furniture by herself and the town was so small there was no moving company (there were actually only 5 or six businesses in the whole town including both restaurants) and she had no one else down there to ask.
And even though money is pretty tight for her, she told me I could name my price if I would help her, because it was so far away.
I told her she was a dummy for thinking i would take her money but that i would accept the traditional helping-a-friend-move price: a meal (i know she would feel wrong about herself if she didn’t do something for me in return, that’s just how she is) Tradition suggests pizza and beer, we opted for enchiladas and a margarita.
we crashed on the floor of the empty place and left back north in the morning - when we got back to the city three more friends met us at her storage place (the place she was moving into wouldn’t be vacant for a couple months) and we started to move all her stuff up to a storage room on the THIRD FLOOR (because large city storage places be like that)
we had just taken the first box out of the truck when the (only) lady working there walked by and told us they closed in an hour and twenty minutes, and she couldn’t stay even a little late because she had to get to her other job.
One hour twenty minutes. To completely un-jenga a large uhaul and re-tetris it back into a similar sized room on the third floor.
We all just, shared a look, took off hoodies, and got the fuck down to business.
It was actually.. I still cherish look we passed around. The tiny eyebrow quirks and chin nods. The eye glints. The bigger breath we each took as we prepared to kick it up several gears. That moment of wordless connection, when we all just silently agreed that we were damn well going to do the impossible and didn’t even waste the time it would take to say anything, just got to it.
And we did it too. Finished with exactly two full minutes to spare. And then we all went for dinner and drinks to celebrate. And my friend’s friends that came to help? Two of them were acquaintances/friends of mine already. Like I lived with one for a year a decade ago sort of thing. But this experience? Brought us all closer. Made myself a new friend too.
And the friend i helped move? She and I are closer than ever because of it.
When i left our storage success diner to go home, she asked me again if I was sure i wouldn’t take any money.
I said “I ever tell you when I was 22 I went down to Hollywood to try that scene out? Anyway ten months later, when I just couldn’t do it anymore, and needed to come back, I called one of my best friends and said i can’t do this anymore i need to come back. You know what he said? He said: I’ll be there tomorrow. Not how much will you pay me, not what do i get out of it, not will you be able to cover my gas, just: I’ll be there tomorrow. Okay? You’re my friend. If you need help, I’m going to be there”
If helping someone move ruins your friendship, you’re doing at least one of those two things very wrong.
Absolutely incredible work, lads
Can you imagine being the disgruntled low-level WOTC employee staring at the word “mindflayer” in this Creative Commons document and being screamed at to get it up already because the company is actively bleeding out on the floor and your cursor is hovering over the button and you just. know. you know in your bones. that
a) Never again in your life will you have the chance for this kind of god-tier ninth-level casting of Malicious Compliance
and b) if you are running things at Wizards of the Fucking Coast and are still stupid enough to keep going after being asked “Are you sure?” you deserve absolutely everything you get
dog time AKA the only reason i've been managing not to overwork myself
death of the author except when its funny
exactly what someone who regularly turns into a dog would say
im having a genuine blast this is like a gender reveal party to me
*Makes comic about yourself becoming a dog* "Tumblr has made me into a hound" ?????????????????
yeah that's exactly what happened, what's the confusion
You made the sandwich.
yeah and i'm sharing it with you all, yum!
It's called playing the straight man
no, it's called missing out on the fun! who's making you do this? because it's not me, and if you peek in the notes it's not anyone else either. for some reason you have inflicted the task of keeping a straight face onto yourself. and honestly, there is absolutely no need for it. and yeah, it's stupid, and silly, but then again, we are on a post of an ms paint doodle about turning into a dog, so seriousness was never part of the premise. come be silly with me!!!
ok but "Who is Cecil?" You know that podcast you like? Yeah that one? Would not exist without Cecil Gershwin Palmer. I'm dead serious. Podcasting as a genre would be completely unrecognizable if Cecil Baldwin, Joseph Fink, and Jeffrey Cranor did not pop their pussies so severely. They're to fiction podcasts what Star Trek is to film Sci Fi, or what Lord of the Rings is to Fantasy. They pioneered the pod. What did Mob Psycho do? Exactly. Cecil was a game changer. And he was gay. Say thank you.
Who is Frodo? Who is James T Kirk? Who, pray tell, is Clark Kent? How quickly we forget.
My favorite “humans are space orcs” idea is that trope where aliens kidnap some humans for their zoo, except it ends up like Jurassic Park. And the poor Alien Humanologists who were invited to the park are like:
“You mean you locked up a pack of curious, highly competitive persistence predators with NO enrichment in the enclosure? You FOOLS! If you had bothered to throw a basketball or half a box of Legos in there, KE-X9 would still be alive!
“Well of course they climbed the retaining wall! Did you think to study their evolutionary lineage AT ALL?”
The humans would find a way to use the basketball and legos to escape. I mean one time a guy somehow escaped from a prison in Mexico without breaking any laws so his escape would be legal so honestly given enough time the Jurassic park situation is inevitable.
Jurassic Park would be awesome, but now that I think about it I also kind of love love the idea of humans as the alien zoo equivalent of those octopuses that climb out of their tanks and wander around taste-testing other exhibits or throwing sub-par shrimp at handlers.
Like they’re totally unable to figure out what’s happening because the cameras keep going out, but every night things get moved, or stolen, exhibits are disappearing, WHAT IS GOING ON, they’ve moved facilities twice and it’s still happening, are they haunted, are the ancestors angry, WHAT IS HAPPENING!?
And then a weary humanologist is all ‘… your humans are getting out’.
“That is impossible.”
“They’re getting out.”
“That enclosure is COMPLETELY SECURE.”
“And yet somehow they’re getting out.”
“THE HUMANS ARE NOT GETTING OUT.”
“Oh yeah? I bet you twenty glarks they’re getting out. Stay after closing time with me and I’ll show you.”
*next day*
“… the humans were getting out.”
“… why did they keep going back in, then?!”
(In a deeply embarrassed mumble) “They said they weren’t going to escape until they finished their behavioural experiments. Uh. On us.”
birdarts-deactivated20230517
Moon cat moon cat
why do so many teenagers follow me. you know i do drugs right.
advice for teens: don't do drugs and drive, don't do drugs with people that don't care about you or people you feel responsible for, don't do drugs for the first time in public, and don't do drugs for the first time alone. also tbh i would recommend not doing anything stronger than weed or alcohol until you're above the age of 18. also nicotine isn't as good as you think it is. addiction is real and seek help if you find yourself leaning on a substance to clear your head/relax more than, like, twice per week. stay safe.
telling teens not to do drugs doesn't work. practical advice like this is so important.
In addition to "don't do drugs for the first time alone", preferably do it with somebody who stays sober and who has experience with what you're taking.
Life lessons.
I had a group of undergraduate students who almost always did their readings for the day, but on this one particular day: they hadn’t. They all said they had midterms to do and chose a class to not do the work for and it was mine. Lesson plan scrapped, I needed to quickly come up with something to do, and all I could think of was this post.
So I gave it a go.
Our lesson for the day was on historical re-enactments and why people did them. My students, having not read their assignments, couldn’t understand why anyone would want to engage in a re-enactment and didn’t understand the point. So I set them up with this game, explained the rules, told them they had 45 minutes to make the largest group without a witch in it, and let them go.
Within thirty minutes they were getting loud enough that I was worried I’d need to tone it down because I didn’t want to bother other classes. Some students went full in character, they created elaborate backstories, they improved their way through the entire thing and in the last five minutes had created an entire imaginary community based on this elaborate tale they’d created and were damn near ready to commit murder, screaming “she’s a witch” and splitting into two distinct groups with a lot of hand grabbing and pulling to get people into the right group.
When I told them the truth, they were stunned speechless. I reminded them of the rules: all they had to do was make a group without a witch in it. I never told them someone would be a witch, and they presumed someone would get the role. Similarly, the salem witch trials presumed that there were witches and invented them in their group.
They told me after we did our wrap up that they had been learning about the witch trials in other classes, but had never understood why anyone would actually believe in witchcraft. They were shaken, not only by the realization they were about to throw hands with their fellow students, but that all it took was someone in authority to imply something was so.
The “re-enactment” helped them to understand something that just reading about the trials hadn’t.
And, it also helped them to understand why some people do engage in historical re-enactments. They all admitted to having A Lot of Fun and that it was something that gave them a chance to just play and engage and do something they’d never done before: actually experience the history they were studying (sort of).
It was an excellent exercise, and I’m grateful for this person for writing about it because it worked so well for our class.
Headcanon that in the new good future where Marty McFly never has his accident, he does become a famous musician, while still going on time travel adventures with Doc, and then when the internet comes along, people on forums and message boards start discovering and posting photos of people in the past who look eerily like famous rock star Marty McFly, and as time goes on, “Marty McFly is a time traveller” becomes one of the biggest and most long running memes on the internet.
When Doc finds out he freaks out and panicks and makes blog posts (because of COURSE Doc runs a blog) talking about how UTTERLY RIDICULOUS the idea of a time travelling rock star is, which the internet finds hilarious and only makes the meme spread more.
Marty meanwhile thinks the whole thing is the funniest thing ever and is just wheezing at every new forum or jokey article about it, and directly addresses the meme in interviews, bringing up this “crazy conspiracy” that people have, until eventually he can just say things like “well of course I am a time traveller” or “oh you like my hat? Thank you I got it in the 1910s”, and people just crack up, and Marty cracks up too because no-one realises that he’s not even lying.
When Marty starts doing this Doc’s blog posts get even more annoyed and passive aggressive, saying things like “even if time travel WAS possible, a SENSIBLE time traveller would KEEP OUT OF THE PUBLIC EYE and not just TELL EVERYONE LIVE ON TV”
Eventually a secondary meme starts up where people start joking “Doctor Emmett Brown is a time traveller himself and that’s why he’s so worked up about it” and Doc very nearly just deletes his blog and throws his computer in a skip.
@elbiotipo Then you should follow me, for mORE QUALITY BTTF HEADCANONS (or don’t, it’s up to you)
OH MY GOD! THIS! THIS IS PERFECT! :D
preserving for posterity this comment on a “this is a great way to conceal that you’re a time traveler” post with a PFP that i’m pretty sure is the first Doctor.
while i can’t in good conscience recommend it watching spn does in fact unlock both the biggest part of the map on ao3 and the funniest part of the map on tumblr
my good bitch you reblogged the post from inside the house
10 or 11 little ducks have been spotted crossing the dash board
I hate, hate, HATE the term “affordable housing.” I hate that we’ve normalized it. I hate that we just accept that the majority of housing, a basic human right, is unaffordable to much of the population. Housing should be affordable as a baseline. If rich people want to add arcades and gold-plated hot tubs on top so be it, but everyone, everyone, regardless of income level, should have access to a clean, comfortable home with enough light and space to make life worth living.
Honestly my memory of the Planet Earth series is so grand due to all the hype and all the first of it's kind footage and watching it back a lot of that is true, but watching the film diaries along with it is wild in retrospect bc instead of these hyper-funded crews with infinite time you get like...
Here's Jeff he sat in a hut for 8 days waiting for a female bird of paradise to arrive so the male he's been stalking will do a dance for her. Here's a dude we made him climb a giant guano hill with bugs in it and he's begging the director to say their shot is okay so he doesn't have to climb it again. We put this guy with a fear of heights on a hot air balloon with a Frenchman and they promptly crashed into a tree.
It reminds me that all this amazing one of a kind footage was made by a crew of nerds with awful luck and just makes it better tbh. One of their tents caught fire one time. Their car broke down while following some hunting lions and they realized "oh hey it'd be pretty easy for the lions to eat us right now". Incredible.
They are casting strange rituals
Humans will make art out of anything and everything.
Source: reddit.com
Every reblog i add another icosahedron to the pit (srry it's a pool i didnt have a pit)
we got one (i wont do this with every reblog i promise i've annoyed enough people today)
we're up to 6 now. do i include my own reblogs?
theres 20 now... they are having a great time
55 now... it's almost filled up the bottom. will there be enough room?
STOP REBLOGGING THERES TOO MANY (495)
look at this. look what you did. the pool is full. you cant even see most of them. whats gonna happen if more get added (686)
i ran out of white ones so theres some green and blue ones. also the ground may be cracking under the pressure (852)
ah fuck it broke it's spilling out the bottom now. you've ruined the illusion it's all in a void look you can see the skybox and everything :( (1133)
We gotta start taking "child having an absolute meltdown in public" not just as a circumstance to be compassionate about, but as the valuable opportunity it is.
I personally like to close my eyes and pretend I'm the one who's screaming.
Scream for us all, little nugget.
Every time a child screams or cries out of nowhere I intentionally say “me too” or “couldn’t have said it better myself” or something similar before the parent can try to apologize.
OUR MELTDOWN
[Image ID: communist bugs bunny meme. end ID]
...You know what, I’ve been trying to motivate myself to go and study, and this is just what I needed.
On the other hand, I have questions
TikTok is a hell deeper than even Tumblr but Queen Astrea is a glimmering beacon of joy