Are you trying to kill your mother? Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse (2023)
Culture lessons.
As someone from Spain, I’ve always thought that Spanish teachers in the US should be trained about this. Just like any other Spanish or French or English anywhere. What’s closest to you is what should matter.
There is no wrong way to speak Spanish. It makes no sense for someone in the US to learn “vosotros” when that’s on the other side of the fucking world, having Mexico right under y'all.
argh i want to make something for my bf but i need one of those fuckin. eye screws or whatever
these bitches
you mean this?
i literally posted a picture of what i was talking about???
you mean this?
You’ve just arrived on a seemingly untouched planet covered in vast jungles and other varied terrain. You found a message, carved in stone. According to your universal translator, it reads, “This is not a place of honor… no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here… nothing valued is here.”
The human of the crew turned pale. “We need to go,” they said urgently. “We need to go right now!”
The rest of the crew’s blood (for those who had blood) ran cold. Humans are from a death planet. If this message could scare a human, it must mean something terrible.
“We shall return to the ship immediately,” said lieutenant O'tek, trusting his human’s intuition. “Quickly,” he added.
The crew hurried back to the exploration pod, the more anxious members of the crew wondering what the significance of this message was. Rae, the human, didn’t explain on the way back, but the Tri'bax'i members of the crew, who had remarkable eyesight, could see the small hairs covering the human’s skin were raised, an instinctual response to danger.
When the exploration pod docked in orbkt, lieutenant O'tek turned to Rae. “You should report this to the captain. Please explain what we saw and why it was dangerous.”
The human was still tense. “No. Everyone who was on world needs to go to medical bay and get checked out. Immediately.”
“Very well. But could you please explain why?”
“That message. It’s an old human message that means danger. Danger you can’t necessarily see. Danger that can affect your health with just one exposure. It was first used for nuclear waste.”
O'tek’s red skin paled until it was almost pink. He had heard of the ‘nuclear wars’ the humans engaged in that nearly destroyed their planet in antiquity. He had heard of bodies being incinerated in a split second and illness that was incredibly painful and had no cure. Such were the horrified whispers about humans in the galaxy.
“Everyone to the medical bay. Now.”
The exploration crew didn’t need to be told twice.
Doc Jones, also a human, was surprised to see ten crew members arrive at once.
“Lieutenant! What can I do for you? What is going on?”
“We saw a sign carved into a rock,” Rae explained when the lieutenant indicated for them to speak. “The nuclear waste message. Nothing else. No life. No animals. Just an empty jungle.”
“Fuck.”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, everyone in isolation,” Doc Jones said, quickly mentally assessing the situation. “Lieutenant, get on the comms and explain to the captain that everyone is out of commission for two weeks. I’ll get the scanner ready.”
One by one, the crew members were examined. None showed any signs of anything wrong. The two weeks of isolation didn’t produce any symptoms. But the humans were tense for long after the ship left the mysterious dead planet. Some mysteries are better left unsolved.
that’s It
This Is my favorite of em’ all
this made me laugh so hard
my friend liz downloaded some free audio software a few months ago to do something and now every time she joins a call a female voice says “trial. trial.” and liz doesn’t remember the name of the software or know how to stop it and she doesn’t want to
my friend liz had her spotify account hacked and literally didn’t realize for a year until I was talking about my decade in review playlist and she looked at hers and it was all brazilian music and she was like oh this explains why I would go to sleep listening to classical music and wake up and it’s playing trap. and also why there are like 30 playlists on my account that I didn’t make. she just thought spotify was like that
hand to god at some point my friend liz managed to fuck up her install of Portal so bad that it was displaying minecraft textures
like she’s bringing me dead mice
tonight she very carefully explained that there’s been a screw rattling around in her laptop for months but today it stopped which means it’s wedged on something and then the image on the screen started sliding sideways but she rebooted three times and now it’s fixed. and then an hour later she dropped from the call
went to miami to recover father sotirios. and made some new friends.
these animals... they are wise. I recruited them to avenge my dear brother. I was then escorted out of the sea world.
Better than the 1596 Marseille dolphin exorcism I suppose.
In 1596 dolphins were infesting the port of Marseille. Back in those days, y’see, dolphins didn’t have the cuddly image they enjoy today. They were pests and were causing damage.
So the cardinal of Avignon sent the bishop of Cavaillon to do something about them. In front of a huge crowd, the bishop sprinkled some holy water into the waters of the port and told the dolphins to begone. Whereupon the dolphins indeed turned tail in terror and fled, and were never seen again.
Still not as dramatic as Saint Bernard excommunicating the flies though.
What happened to the flies?
Saint Bernard of Clairvaux built a monastery in 1124, but it was plagued by flies. So the good saint promptly excommunicated them. By the next day the flied had died in such quantities that they had to be shoveled out.
Still not as nutty as the Basel rooster trial though.
*everyone in unison* um what rooster trial?
In 1474, a rooster in Basel did the heinous and unspeakable act of laying an egg. As everyone knows, an egg laid by a rooster will hatch into a basilisk (or cockatrice).
So to avoid the creation of a cockatrice (or basilisk), the rooster was tried, found guilty, and burned at the stake along with its egg. A huge crowd was present.
The “rooster” in this case was likely a hen that had developed male characteristics (it happens).
Still not as properly legal as the Savigny pig trial though.
Ok, clearly you want an excuse to talk about the pig thing, and I now DESPERATELY want to hear about the pig thing, so PLEASE tell us about the Pig Thing.
In 1457 a sow killed Jehan Martin, a five-year-old boy in Savigny. For that crime she was put on trial and judged guilty, and sentenced to be hanged from a tree.
Her piglets, however, were judged to have been innocent of the murder, and so were returned to the owner, with the caveat that he had to surrender them to the law if they were later found to have eaten any of the boy.
Not to be confused with a whole bunch of other, similar porcine trials.
I won’t mention the 1454 excommunication of eels in Lake Geneva then.
the seaquarium of miami banned me from visiting for life if anyone even cares.
sorry for exposing your tags but this is hilarious
OP, I hope you don’t mind me making an addition:
When I turned 17, we ordered a cake at the grocery store for my party, as we’d done many times before. If you wanted something written on the cake you’d write it into a section of the order form. We requested, very simply, “Happy Birthday Courtney”. When we went to pick it up the day of the party, this is what we got.
The bakery employees had absolutely no explanation for this. The order form, attached to the box, very clearly did not contain any of those extra names. Whomever had done the writing was no longer in, so there was no one to ask how this had happened. The fact that the name ‘Juan’ is misspelled bewilders me to this day. (I’ve never seen ‘Miley’ without the E, either, but it’s believable that someone might spell it that way.) Did this cake slip in from an alternate universe where I’m one quarter of a set of Hispanic quadruplets? Dyslexic Hispanic quadruplets, maybe?
This cake became the focal point of my party. At least two of my friends regularly called me ‘Courtney Mily Jaun Pablo’ for years to come. My siblings and I still reference it sometimes, eleven years later. It is probably the funniest thing ever to occur at any birthday celebration of my life, and may well remain so for the rest of my days.
I love a botched cake.
love a funny cakewreck
Batman: Widening Gyre (2009) #1
my favorite responses
thanks
posting this panel was a mistake on my part
"Cecil would want Sans to win" "Sans would want Cecil to win" you fools. you buffoons. Cecil would want his husband Carlos to win
You can’t convince me that games like this, hopscotch and skipping rhymes, aren’t some sort of spell. It’s like witchcraft 101 for all the little girls out there
Yao dancers, Lianzhou, Guangdong Province, Southern China:
“Our culture is very precious. And for example, the dances and songs we sing don’t have scores, they can only be passed down by word of mouth, to the next generation. It’s important for the young to know them, before these arts are known by others.”
Wow, I didn’t know cultures other than in the Philippines did dances with bamboo poles, that’s awesome!
In the Philippines, there are two main dances involving bamboo poles. One is the singkil, which depicts a story from the Maranao epic poem Darangen. In the story, a princess and her attendants get abducted and a prince goes to save them. The bamboo poles represent the various challenges they had to get through. Here’s an example:
The other one is the Tinikling, which has more rural post Spanish colonization roots, and it’s often staged as a town festival where the dancers attempt increasingly fast and complicated moves to wow the crowd.
I’ve also seen more modern adaptations of Filipino dances, here’s one for the Tinikling - it makes me happy to see our historical dances integrated to present day!
oh thank GOD tumblr did its thing. I saw a reposted uncredited video on tiktok and did some googling only to discover that a lot of cultures have variations on this, and I wanted to learn a lot more! it’s so nice to see the comments here.
Is it acceptable to say “my life has gone down the drain and I’ve lost so much weight stressing out because Thanos snapped my cats and also I’ve been heartbroken can you please commission me because vet Bills teeth Bills health Bills G-d I wish I was dead”
Happy pride you guys I was almost homeless again yesterday, if anyone wants to help out a brown trans guy who has chronic pain keep him and his disabled parents off the streets you are all in my heart for the rest of my life
Useful information ! Reblog ASAP
I always thought it was weird when I got a refill they gave me an entirely new one when it’s literally built so you can remove the actual medicine
MAILING ADDRESS
Town of Tusayan
P.O. Box 709 | 845 Mustang Drive
Tusayan, AZ 86023 PHONE +1 (928) 638-9909
Mayor Craig Sanderson
mayorsanderson@gmail.com
Vice-Mayor Becky Wirth
tusayan.rwirth@gmail.com
Councilor | Brady Harris
Tusayancouncilharris@gmail.com
Councilor | Al Montoya
almtusayan@hotmail.com
Councilor | Robb Baldosky
robb@tusayanaz.com
if you don’t have time to write an email, here’s a pre-written letter: https://pastebin.com/Cc3YBWYA
just copy, add your name, and send the email to a town member!
Please do! Corporations are the biggest criminals of climate change, environmental damage and pollution. Capitalism is rooted in destruction.
Summer means poor children are not getting 2 free meals a day at school so if you’re able, please consider donating to your local food bank.
This is so helpful for anyone that needs it!
BOOST!!!!!!
TO!
America is the world’s largest terrorist state.
Up to 200 children separated from their parents at the U.S.-Mexico border are being held in this tent city outside Tornillo, Texas:
just in case anyone doesn’t already know what it looked like, this is the aerial view of auschwitz I:
feel free to compare that to the pictures above.
oh hey guys remember that time i and almost every other jewish person i know was like “trump is literally going to make concentration camps” and all the white christian people were like
“it’ll be fine”
“That’s what Checks and Balances™️ are for :))))”
“It can’t happen here this is AMERICA”
”We just need to survive the four years until Kamala Harris”
Like….not to be r u d e but 1) you were wrong and 2) there are mass protests on June 30th and if you actually care about this country your ass had better be there.
More info on locations here: https://act.moveon.org/event/families-belong-together/
Right now it’s 45% yes and 54% no with a 1% undecided!! Please vote!!
In other news, it is now not only morally acceptable but the morally correct thing to do to pirate the fuck out of Adobe’s software line.
Jobandeep Sandhu, an international student from Punjab, India who worked as a truck driver while going to school, was arrested and could soon be deported for “working too hard,” his lawyers claim.
“I was totally broken,” Sandhu said, describing the moment of his arrest.
On Dec. 13, 2017, while driving a commercial vehicle between Montreal and Toronto, Sandhu, 22, was pulled over by an Ontario Provincial Police (OPP) officer at the side of Highway 401 for a “routine traffic stop,” a report said.
A few moments later — and with little explanation, he claimed — Sandhu was arrested, handcuffed and placed in the back seat of an OPP squad car.
A police background check showed Sandhu had no criminal history at the time of his arrest.
What he had done, however — and what a review of his driver’s logbook revealed that day — was exceed the maximum number of hours an international student in Canada is allowed to work each week.
But working full time was the only way he could afford to stay in school, Sandhu said.
“I never lied,” he said. “I didn’t kill anybody. I didn’t rob.”
“My only crime is that I was working,” he said.
Lol so you’re going to charge us thousands of dollars per year to go to school, and then try to deport us when we work over our hours to pay for ourselves. International students really have the shitty end of the stick here.
we owe literally no one more on this planet than the woman behind fantasy name generator
her name is emily and and she runs it all by herself
everyone say thanks emily!!!
