the first day in august - carole king
It's a different kind of hurt when you've been trying to keep yourself together throughout the day and you succeed in doing so, maybe with a few cracks here and there. But the second your head hits the pillow at night, tears start leaking out and you're scattered in pieces all over again.
I choke on my own tears
My visions blurred
And my chest heaves for air
Fuck I hurt tonight.
“I want to stay in your heart forever even when I’ll never get to spend a day laughing with you again. I’ll build a bonfire inside the happiest memories of us. You and I will keep each other warm in the oblivion of our togetherness. I will never know what song is your favorite ever again, but you sing sweet songs in my heart and I melt every night in the lullaby of a hope lost. You are my greatest hope, breath, and dream. You are the reason why the moon says “Hello” in my bedroom window because she knows “Goodbyes” are only for those who love with their eyes and darling I loved you despite not knowing how blind I was for you were the angel that whispered, “Let there be light” in my eternal darkness. and let there be stars in my scars and let there be laughter in my tears and let there be loveliness in all my love. You are God’s loveliest blessing sent from the heavens above. Someday, in a sweeter time, you and I shall meet in the sky for I’ve heard that’s the best thing that happens when lovers who lost each other die. and while I’m alive, there’s nothing else to live for except for these words: I hope you’re happy.”
— Juansen Ryne Dizon, I hope you’re happy
“I don’t know what living a balanced life feels like. When I am sad, I don’t cry, I pour. When I am happy, I don’t smile, I glow. When I am angry, I don’t yell, I burn. The good thing about feeling in extremes, is when I love, I give them wings. But perhaps that isn’t such a good thing, cause they always tend to leave and you should see me, when my heart is broken. I don’t grieve, I shatter.”
— Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey
“Take a shower, wash off the day. Drink a glass of water. Make the room dark. Lie down and close your eyes. Notice the silence. Notice your heart. Still beating. Still fighting. You made it, after all. You made it, another day. And you can make it one more. You’re doing just fine.”
— Charlotte Eriksson
“I was quiet; but I was not blind.”
— Jane Austen
“Remember: not everyone has the same heart as you.”
— Unknown
Bittersweet memories.
"you'll remember those moments with grief, sorrow and regret. But as for me, they're my most treasured memories."
"maybe we feel empty because we leave pieces of ourselves in everything we used to love."
My morning routine hasn't changed yet, remember? You used to tease me, trying to pull me out of 'my own world' as you used to call it. I make a cup of coffee, black. You weren't fond of coffee, said it is too bitter. Then, I start writing my thoughts down.
You told me that one day I'll write a story about us. A story that'd make every soul wish the love we share to itself. That was your idea. And I was spending days with you. Memorizing every moment I get to share with you, hanging on every time I held you, every laugh I heard, every smile, look. Every shred, fraction of happiness we ever had.
I wondered if I would ever be able to contain this all in a book. I would've written about our love, I would've written about the high dream, the gentle touch, the lost whisper of my name. I would've done it. I swear. I would've done it all for you. For us.
But what use is it now? My promises are kept in vain. You're gone. You went away, by your own choice. I would never be able to write a line, a poem or a novel about love, about us. Because there's no us, not anymore. I could write about anything else, but my mind wouldn't be in it, neither would my heart.
You are gone, but my love remains there, the same. I write poems of love, with traces of sorrow attached to it. Love is far too beautiful to come without a price. You told me that one day, I'll write a story about us, never thought it'd be a story about heartbreak, a lost love. A story that'd make every soul grief for us.
The Lost Weekend (Billy Wilder, 1945)
“I still hope somehow you’ll be mine again.”
—
“If she sends you a song, listen to the lyrics. She’s talking to you.”
—
“I wish you knew how bad it fucked me up when you left.”
—
Jumpsuit, jumpsuit cover me.
Moon Signs:
Aries: Understanding the world through the palms of your hands. Touching everything that is tangible. Internal temper-tantrums that make your blood run hot. Struggling to contain your emotions; being outraged one minute, and playful the next. A secret adrenaline junkie. Being addicted to doing things the hard way. Becoming passionate about new ideas too easily. Becoming passionate about new people too easily. Falling in love quickly and roughly. Looking through eyes that watch the world burn, manic and breathless. You are the infinitely relight-able fuse at the end of a firework, or a bomb.
Taurus: A slave to familiarity. Possessing a dragon hoard consisting of antiques, or the things in which you treasure most. Speaking before you think. The lavish romantic; lover of good times and calm surroundings. The pursuit of pleasure. Slow to forget, slower to forgive. Unfamiliar with compromise. The Aphrodite of love, and the Dionysus of luxury. A social butterfly, yet undoubtedly loyal. A distaste for messy emotional outbursts; being naturally self-contained. Guided by the firm, steady hand of desire. You are the lady and the lord, peaceable and regal and charming in all things.
Gemini: Feeling with your mind, being frustrated with emotions you can’t logically understand. The uncontrollable urge to interact with others, needing intellectual stimulation in order to function. Studying a billion different subjects in one day. A lover of literature, or just simply the words of people. Distancing yourself from emotion, never really knowing how you ‘feel’ about an issue. Always the Devil’s advocate. Constantly trying new things; needing change to keep both of your personalities happy. You are the mental immigrant, comfortable only when you’re foreign.
Cancer: Omnipotent in regards to emotions. Fearing change, and hating superficiality. The unexpected jokester. Moods that change faster than the weather. The emotional hoarder; fears throwing away anything at all. Falling into their own pain like a well and drowning themselves in it. Adopting all types of people into your ‘family’. Their own worst enemy. Offense taken towards indifference. The passive-aggressive problem avoider who leaves a trail of crumbs for their partner. You are the sea witch, who has the depth of the entire world contained inside of her, threatening to spill out.
Leo: Praying to the stars to make you one of them. Wanting to burst from a lack of affection, or attention. Hands that flail dramatically while telling a story. Needing confirmation that somebody really does love you, and feeling terribly vulnerable because of it. Wanting to shout your love, and hatred, from the hilltops- like an actor in a bad movie. Smiles that make people believe in heaven. Being painfully defensive when someone hurts your pride. Acting kingly or queenly when a situation gets uncomfortable. You are the physical embodiment of the sun, come down from the sky to bring light to Earth.
Virgo: Secretly enjoying the little things that you’re appreciated for. The woman who hides behind the fan to avoid unwanted attention. Routines biggest cheerleader. The best counselor you will ever encounter. The fine eye that takes a sledgehammer to their own self-esteem. The original skeptic. Raised eyebrows at those who put their faith blindly. A face of apathy, and a mind of curiosity. Surrounding yourself with invisible barriers, hoping that somebody finds a way through them. You are the analyst, struck the hardest by your own discerning eye.
Libra: Inevitably becoming the mediator in all conversations. Deep-seated desires to mold your life into the perfect balance of both Yin and Yang. Debating an issue for so long that everybody around you groans. A refined, attractive aura that makes you seem doubly gracious. The war for peace. Falling in love so, so young. Always feeling fickle. Having to have the last word. Finding your own strength through other people. Feeling so intensely vulnerable because of your uncertainties. You are the gentle judge, who will not cede when staring into the eyes of unfairness.
Scorpio: Not accepting any gray areas in life, living in a world of black and white. Emotions so intense that your teeth chatter, even while your face remains stoic. Living a secret life as a private investigator. Feeling raw when you fall in love, because of how deeply it cuts you. Being horribly satisfied with your obsessions. Internally burning down everything you once knew in order to be reborn. A phoenix in your own right. Looking into the mirror in order to confront your own demons, seeing dirty words stamped onto your forehead. You are a white flag on fire, spitting in the face of surrender.
Sagittarius: Mr. Brightside and the lover of open space to roam. Feeling gagged by routine, like a dentist has her hands down your throat. Throwing yourself off of the cliff towards possibility; getting taken advantage of. That deep-seated desire to leave an impression on people, like goose pimples after a gust of cold air. Being a little too honest. Experiencing highs and lows that make you seem like you’re more than one person. Naturally enthused. Always searching for something. You are the mistress of experience, bold and wild and feeding off of the knowledge of the unexpected.
Capricorn: Seeming to be cool and steady, even when you feel like screaming. Possessing a deep, undeniable need for security- in all areas of life. Dreaming of building kingdoms with your bare hands. Being embarrassed, but pleased when somebody compliments you. Being too hard on yourself, and experiencing black moods because of it. Hiding your sensitivity behind biting, but nonetheless amusing sarcasm. Wanting to feel worthwhile in the world. Having a deep desire, and drive, to make something of yourself. You are the Titan Cronus, learning the lesson of the finiteness of mortality.
Aquarius: Growing up and just feeling ‘different’. Loving all things messy, except emotions. Rejecting negative emotions because you hate feeling jealous, or fearful. Compassion through philosophy. The starry-eyed professor, mad scientist, or general genius. Becoming so immersed into your own goals that you forget your reasons for said goals. Attracting all types in the eccentric crowds. Lovingly charming; struggling early on to find the medium between humor and offense. You are the electric shock of innovation upon society, bold and sharp and drastic as hell.
Pisces: The unrivaled mental space cadet. Intuition resembling psychic affinity. Caring for others so deeply, that their emotions make you feel like you’re underwater. Seeing pieces of yourself inside of everybody else. Being so excited for the future, you lose the present. Empathizing with everyone. Having secret worlds to retreat to, when reality is too awful. The natural performer. Being slightly jealous of mermaids/men. Loving everybody just a little bit. Having your heart broken more than once a day. You are the holy ghost, filled with divine love for all, and longing even more so.
zodiacmind
Zodiac Fears
1. Aries: Separation/detachment. 2. Taurus: Change. 3. Gemini: Being alone. 4. Cancer: Feeling unloved. 5. Leo: Being ignored. 6. Virgo: Disorder. 7. Libra: Anything extremely unbalanced/making a wrong decision that’ll destroy their life. 8. Scorpio: Failure and inadequacy. 9. Sagittarius: Being controlled. 10. Capricorn: Being misunderstood and not being good enough. 11. Aquarius: Being locked in. 12. Pisces: Upsetting others and rejection.