Krow

some of you need to make your bed and have a shower with a soap that smells nice, and then sit in a chair near the window and have tea with milk and read a hardcover book and see how your creative block is after that tbh.

i'm not saying creative block isn't a real or difficult phenomenon. i'm saying creatives have a tendency to neglect themselves physically and emotionally in favor of manic bursts of productivity. a little softness and clean sheets and a bagel will go a long way. make a playlist and light the fancy candle you've been saving for a special occasion. life is a special occasion.

Always a good reminder.

it’s ninety-nine degrees outside, four fuck-thousand percent humidity, and my husband was like, “i’m gonna go for a bike ride.” and i was like “why. no. why. don’t put us on the news like that. local fool collapses on unnecessary journey. don’t do it.” so he says he doesn’t want to “hide in the house” because the sun is shining. bruh. honeybruh. “the sun is shining” does not cover it. its hot outside. its motherfucking hot as fuck outside. our outdoor plants have been crying into their hands all week. whole cars are melting into the sewer. our fucking patio umbrella developed sentience to ask me for lemonade this morning

@robotmango, you need to work for the weather forecast - this was both hilarious and so vivid it made me stand up and get some iced tea.

this is a great idea, thank you. here goes. my audition tape for the weather channel. dearly beloved. we are gathered here today to have a fucking funeral for the outdoors. it had a good run, with all its creeks and clouds and shit. pretty great. now it’s ten-thirty at night but still ninety-two asshole-sweating degrees and humid as fuck. everything is hot and slimy, like being a “borrower” that got trapped inside a bottle of shampoo and then accidentally microwaved. you can see on my doppler radar that nothing is moving around out there because everything is probably dead. the only alive thing is the mosquito currently trying to drill a hole in my leg. no surprise that all the shitbag mosquitos are fine, since the thermostat of hell is always at the devil’s preferred temperature. this forecast has gotten away from me a little, but in conclusion fuck the sun

my most recent strategy for dealing with executive dysfunction is that when I catch myself lying in bed thinking “I want to be doing the productive thing, but for some reason I’m still just lying here, wtf is wrong with me” I start mentally screaming until I get up. 

I don’t mean screaming AT myself, I just mean screaming. Like, a battle cry, or a tantruming baby. The goal is to fill up my brain with “AAAAAAAAAAA” until I am vertical. I can’t articulate WHY it works, but so far it’s working for me!

Oh, Correct

when i was a kid i used to respond to the "glass half full/half empty" question by asking how the liquid in the glass got there in the first place. nobody ever gave me a chance to explain my reasoning so i'm doing it now

if you have a glass and it has some liquid in it, up to the halfway line, whether it is empty or full depends on what happened before the question was asked. if you started with a full glass and poured half out until only half remained, the glass is half empty, because if you continued pouring it would be fully empty. however, if you started with an empty glass and poured liquid from another container into the glass up to the halfway line, the glass is half full because if you continued pouring it would be all the way full. logical, no?

i was 13 years old when somebody finally told me it was supposed to be some kind of optimism/pessimism thing. i always thought it was a riddle that nobody let me solve

Okay but that actually goes really well with the metaphor. How did you get to where you are right now? Have things gotten better or worse? Does it seem like the trend is continuing?

Nobody's really an optimist or pessimist all the time, your outlook depends on the situation and how you arrived there.

sometimes instead of a horrid little monk, divine visions of lesbians dance in my head dispensing wisdom

i told my friend’s dad that he was hot (it was in context with the conversation, he was complaining that he was feeling old, etc), and he said a very genuine thank you and the conversation moved on to other topic, my friend was now talking about something else entirely when his dad goes

“i think if i were born in your generation i might have been bisexual”

and friend got kinda mad at me lmao

Fuck his dad

my dark twisted secret is i always use my turn signals whenever possible because i believe they were included in vehicles for a reason. i’m a bit of a freak this way. a weirdo

many funny and true things going on in the notes. but also

what the hell is going on up there.

RIP yahoo answers

*firebombs your dashboard*

1 k notes and no death threats yet

They got rid of the user icons.... hell and hatred on planet earth

Two of my mutuals have reblogged this post and both times I thought I'd simply scrolled back to my own reblog of it because no one's got a damn face anymore

here's your fucking feedback @staff

list of problems the removal of icons causes:

list of problems solved by removing icons:

here's some more feedback: maybe when you run an a/b test you should, idk, actually have a feedback form people can fill out about it somewhere

hate how any mention of being on knees is immediately assumed to be sucking dick. because maybe theyre eating pussy. did you even think about that? no you only think about yourself

Graffiti was an extremely common form of relaying curse diagrams in the Greco Roman world. The inherent magical nature of the written word combined with both the abstraction of visual art and the nigh-ritualistic act of physically imposing words on a public surface are all common elements of western magic historically. Graffiti is not inherently magic, but it is semiotically ripe for the occult.

I do enjoy posting nonsense though. Gotta keep folks on their toes.

straight trans people arent "a waste" actually. straight trans women arent "cursed" with attraction to men. straight trans men arent "predators" who transition to male privilege. yall have GOT to be normal about straight trans people

*touching his extremely defined six pack* who did this to you.....

*gently lifting a cup of water to his lips* it's going to be okay. *choking back tears* just a few more sips and then we'll get you a sandwich...

if u feel the first cramp and think "i dont need a painkiller yet, itll pass" ? that the devil speaking, take that painkiller immediately

It's a lot easier to prevent cramps from getting bad than to stop them once they already are. Take the medicine sooner and use the heating pad sooner rather than later.

This is true of pain medication for ANY condition. My mom drilled this into me back when she worked as an O.R. nurse: Do not wait until the pain is bad. If you know it’s going to be, get ahead of it. First cramp? Medicate now. Twinges of a headache? Medicate now. Pulled your back and you know you’ll feel it later? Medicate NOW.

good news, the transphobes are slowly running out of places to eat <3

these people are fucking deranged