i don’t understand how people get so attractive like wtf take a break it’s annoying 

Sometimes you stop talking to someone because you keep telling yourself that if they wanted to talk to you, they would.

Not the time for a dad joke.

He’s ready.

the time is nigh

Valium skyes | Oleg Smirnov

Sphaerodactylus nicholsi, one of the smallest geckos in the planet. (x)

This is amazing. Look how small it is. It has a heart and a stomach and a brain. And it’s this small

if you ever call me annoying, even if it’s just jokingly, the chances of me ever speaking to you again are slim to none because I’ll be so afraid that every little word or sound that comes out of my mouth will aggravate you and make you cringe and hate my existence

i have no interest in small talk tell me about ur childhood and what ur parents are like and how many siblings u have and if u are afraid of death or if u believe in an afterlife and what ur favorite movie is and if u like romantic comedies or horror movies or action movies and what kind of music u like and why and tell me the bands or artists u loved in middle school but are too ashamed to admit to anyone else

things said in majority of movies:

-“You’re giving up your dream!”   “No dad, I’m giving up YOUR dream.”

"I knew your father. He was a good man."

*girl walks downstairs*

Guy: Wow… you look… great.

why do people say they miss you when they won’t even make an effort to reply or talk to you first, why do people have to be so confusing and contradict themselves, it literally kills me

why are men always spitting all over the sidewalk? do men create more saliva than women and need to get rid of it? are they marking their territory? what’s going on?

They can’t swallow because that’s gay

liking someone’s selfie takes two seconds and it boosts their self esteem by 203948204

halfway through the date i knew i had to ask. i looked her right in the eyes and said “are you a parking ticket? because you’ve got fine written all over you.” she glanced down at her arms. “oh these are tattoos.”