Cooking With Tumblr: "Why Are We Here? Just to Suffer?" Edition

Tumblr, I come to you as a woman on the verge of fulfilling her destiny. Thanks to a viral poll by @relientk, the newest meme on Tumblr is vanilla extract, specifically the act of using too much of it. Pure vanilla extract is, of course, expensive and also strong in small amounts. Who among us has that much vanilla extract on hand and is foolish enough to attempt this?

Me.

For personal reasons, I have a lot of vanilla extract in my apartment. It was here before the meme, and it will be here after. I had all the ingredients for the horrible poll cake except for milk, so I went out and bought some milk. It is three in the morning and very cold outside. Why am I doing this now instead of waiting for the poll to finish? Two reasons: the first being how fickle the internet in burning through memes, and the second being that five days gives my better judgement enough time to convince me not to do this.

Will God stop my sinful hands before the cake makes it into the oven? Let's find out!

Mise en Place

Here are all the ingredients in their Tumblr-approved quantities. No, your eyes are not deceiving you! That is indeed a teacup of vanilla extract. I laid everything out in twee little teacups to try and lessen the blow of this culinary affront to man about to occur in my kitchen. The baking powder is in a souvenir shot glass because I ran out of twee little teacups.

The exact measurements come courtesy of @princessmuk, who carefully adjusted a white cake recipe (LINKED HERE!) to the proportions of the poll. The percentages at the time she wrote her addition (left) are only negligibly different from the percentages now (right), so there's no need to adjust.

I've cut the her quantities in half because even I have limits, but the cooking time, temperature and everything else will match the recipe she based her post on.

Okay.

Tumblr, I'll be frank with you. This does not look, feel or smell like cake batter. For those who didn't read princessmuk's post, I'd like to inform you that the source recipe is called "Simple White Cake". This is not white, and nothing about this can be called "simple".

That said, I've put it in a buttered and floured cake pan and am baking it for at least 40 minutes in a 350 degree oven. I don't know off the top of my head how the poll will affect the cook time because I'm very tired, but I will be checking the internal temperature just in case. Now, all there is to do is wait!

The Moment of Truth

My entire apartment smells like vanilla. It's not unpleasant, but it is definitely apparent. After fifty minutes, I opened the oven and found what appeared to be a firm enough cake. After cooling it in the refrigerator, I removed it from the pan and laid it on a plate.

Physically? It doesn't seem that bad. There's a distinctly crispy-looking crust around the rim. While it's certainly denser than most cakes, it springs back when pressed and feels fully cooked. My kitchen thermometer read an internal temperature of just over 200 degrees Fahrenheit or 93 degrees Celsius. Many had predicted it would become an amorphous, soupy sludge due to having nearly twice as much liquid as necessary, but the batter was still thick enough to form a cohesive solid mass.

But how does it taste? Without further ado:

Tumblr won't let me insert the video directly, because of course it won't. I should also preface this by saying that this is the first and only instance of my face and voice on the internet, so if you misgender me I will force-feed you the rest of the cake.

With that out of the way: it's honestly not that bad??? Is it good? No. Of course it isn't. It's a cake with several dozen times' more vanilla extract than required. But is it inedible? I honestly can't say that it is. I should point out for those uninformed that vanilla extract is a tincture, meaning that the active ingredient is dissolved into alcohol. In this case, 35% alcohol, the low average alcohol content of gin and dark rum. Minors have actually gotten drunk by drinking vanilla extract. That overwhelming bitterness you associate with the ingredient? Part of that is the vanilla itself, but most of it is the alcohol that typically evaporates away in the oven. Because of that, the cake is bitter but not overpowering.

The texture alone is actually quite pleasant. Its texture is best compared to that of banana bread, with a rich, heavy moistness and a slight chew along the rim. Its thin shape and density makes it ideal to be eaten by hand. I personally enjoy bitterness to the point where I'd seriously consider this palatable if the sugar content was at least doubled. It wouldn't be better than a regular piece of cake, but it would be good.

To those that feel disappointed, I express my sincerest apologies. Even I was legitimately hoping for some sort of Cake From the Black Lagoon that would explode in the oven and taste like paint thinner. To remedy any disillusionment, I will end this culinary journey in hubris with a poll. Thank you.

“trans men don’t experience misogyny because they’re men thus cannot experience women’s oppression”

I hate to tell you this but even cis men experience misogyny if they step a toe over the line of what our incredibly sexist society sees as “proper” for a man. You really don’t think that a man with interests or expression the world sees as “female” aren’t treated with violence?

“would you say that of other privileged groups? do you think white people experience racism?”

I mean sometimes they do yeah. I know a white guy with monolid eyes and zero known Asian ancestors and he absolutely experiences anti-Asian racism on a fairly regular basis because people think he’s mixed Asian/white. I know a woman who was told throughout her life that she was Native as an adoptee with no known history or background who experienced incredibly violent amounts of anti-Native racism until she discovered as an adult through DNA test that she is 100% white. I know white people who tan incredibly dark in the summer comparatively that are constantly accused of being mixed race and experiencing racism due to that, usually anti-Mexican racism perpetrated against white people with Greek or Italian ancestors.

Their ability to make it stop by saying “hey, I’m white actually” only goes as far as the person enacting violence on them is willing to believe them. They still have to live with the trauma and physical scars from the altercations. We live in a racist world and thus there will be violent people who force all others to pass a whiteness test and eliminating or harming the rest.

Got an ask that I just block/deleted but it was basically “so you think cis people experience transphobia!?!?!?!?” and uh

If you think cis butches don’t experience both transphobia and misogyny and homophobia for daring to be women who break gender roles while still holding onto their womanhood you’ve sorely misunderstood just how bad butches have it in this world sorry. If you don’t think cis queens experience transphobia and homophobia and misogyny for daring to be men who break gender roles while being loud and proud about it and still holding onto their manhood then you’ve sorely mistaken just how bad they have it in this world as well.

Not to mention all of the cis men who wear dresses and skirts and makeup and nail polish and heels simply because they like them who experience all of these things. All of the cis straight women who simply just exist but something about them doesn’t pass society’s “woman enough” test, leading to them being caught in bathroom bills and sporting rules and being attacked by people who mistake them for being transgender or gay.

Just like how straight people experience homophobia to such a degree that they literally beat their children out of any potential deviance from rigidly upheld gender roles and let politicians make jokes on national TV about how they’d drown their pre-teen kids if they came out as LGBT. Do you really think a straight kid still figuring themselves out hears that and doesn’t internalize that homophobia? Doesn’t rigidly hold themselves to some impossible standard so that no one could ever possibly think they’re gay? You don’t think straight teenage boys who maybe don’t pass some bully’s straightness test are getting the shit kicked out of them for “being gay” when, surprise, they aren’t? You don’t think all those kids being attacked by their priests and coaches and teachers are being told “this wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t gay” when they’re literally not gay? Do you know how many straight kids had close calls at my school that famously expels all gay kids, because someone made up a believable enough rumor? Do you know how many of them still got their shit kicked in even though administration ultimately decided to let them stay?

All bigotry is violent and all bigotry catches people it doesn’t “intend” to and hurts them as well. It doesn’t matter what someone’s label is, or if they even have one. It matters if the person enacting the violence is doing it because their victim didn’t pass whatever “acceptable enough” test they didn’t know they were being subjected to.

Everyone is at risk. Oppression doesn’t care what your label is. Some people are more visible targets than others, and as a result those people are the more common targets. That doesn’t mean no one else experiences it.

My first post to reach 2k without people clowning in the notes I feel so proud

“trans men don’t experience misogyny because they’re men thus cannot experience women’s oppression”

I hate to tell you this but even cis men experience misogyny if they step a toe over the line of what our incredibly sexist society sees as “proper” for a man. You really don’t think that a man with interests or expression the world sees as “female” aren’t treated with violence?

“would you say that of other privileged groups? do you think white people experience racism?”

I mean sometimes they do yeah. I know a white guy with monolid eyes and zero known Asian ancestors and he absolutely experiences anti-Asian racism on a fairly regular basis because people think he’s mixed Asian/white. I know a woman who was told throughout her life that she was Native as an adoptee with no known history or background who experienced incredibly violent amounts of anti-Native racism until she discovered as an adult through DNA test that she is 100% white. I know white people who tan incredibly dark in the summer comparatively that are constantly accused of being mixed race and experiencing racism due to that, usually anti-Mexican racism perpetrated against white people with Greek or Italian ancestors.

Their ability to make it stop by saying “hey, I’m white actually” only goes as far as the person enacting violence on them is willing to believe them. They still have to live with the trauma and physical scars from the altercations. We live in a racist world and thus there will be violent people who force all others to pass a whiteness test and eliminating or harming the rest.

Got an ask that I just block/deleted but it was basically “so you think cis people experience transphobia!?!?!?!?” and uh

If you think cis butches don’t experience both transphobia and misogyny and homophobia for daring to be women who break gender roles while still holding onto their womanhood you’ve sorely misunderstood just how bad butches have it in this world sorry. If you don’t think cis queens experience transphobia and homophobia and misogyny for daring to be men who break gender roles while being loud and proud about it and still holding onto their manhood then you’ve sorely mistaken just how bad they have it in this world as well.

Not to mention all of the cis men who wear dresses and skirts and makeup and nail polish and heels simply because they like them who experience all of these things. All of the cis straight women who simply just exist but something about them doesn’t pass society’s “woman enough” test, leading to them being caught in bathroom bills and sporting rules and being attacked by people who mistake them for being transgender or gay.

Just like how straight people experience homophobia to such a degree that they literally beat their children out of any potential deviance from rigidly upheld gender roles and let politicians make jokes on national TV about how they’d drown their pre-teen kids if they came out as LGBT. Do you really think a straight kid still figuring themselves out hears that and doesn’t internalize that homophobia? Doesn’t rigidly hold themselves to some impossible standard so that no one could ever possibly think they’re gay? You don’t think straight teenage boys who maybe don’t pass some bully’s straightness test are getting the shit kicked out of them for “being gay” when, surprise, they aren’t? You don’t think all those kids being attacked by their priests and coaches and teachers are being told “this wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t gay” when they’re literally not gay? Do you know how many straight kids had close calls at my school that famously expels all gay kids, because someone made up a believable enough rumor? Do you know how many of them still got their shit kicked in even though administration ultimately decided to let them stay?

All bigotry is violent and all bigotry catches people it doesn’t “intend” to and hurts them as well. It doesn’t matter what someone’s label is, or if they even have one. It matters if the person enacting the violence is doing it because their victim didn’t pass whatever “acceptable enough” test they didn’t know they were being subjected to.

Everyone is at risk. Oppression doesn’t care what your label is. Some people are more visible targets than others, and as a result those people are the more common targets. That doesn’t mean no one else experiences it.

My first post to reach 2k without people clowning in the notes I feel so proud

Once the results are done, I'll multiply 255 to the decimal version of the percentage, and see what color we make!!

Here's the result!! A nice lookin color, good work everyone!

i believe we've reached a consensus

Do autistic kids "grow out" of their autism? Why does it sometimes seem like there are so few autistic adults?

For Autism Acceptance Month, I covered this topic in this comic to help explain this disconnect! YouTube | TikTok | Instagram | Twitter

The Onion pulling zero fucking punches.

Every person need to be taught disability history

Not the “oh Einstein was probably autistic” or the sanitized Helen Keller story. but this history disabled people have made and has been made for us.

Teach them about Carrie Buck, who was sterilized against her will, sued in 1927, and lost because “Three generations of imbeciles [were] enough.” (A decision which still has not been reversed)

Teach them about Judith Heumann and her associates, who in 1977, held the longest sit in a government building for the enactment of 504 protection passed three years earlier.

Teach them about all the Baby Does, newborns in 1980s who were born disabled and who doctors and parents left to die without treatment, who’s deaths lead to the passing of The Baby Doe amendment to the child abuse law in 1984.

Teach them about the deaf students at Gallaudet University, a liberal arts school for the deaf, who in 1988, protested the appointment of yet another hearing president and successfully elected I. King Jordan as their first deaf president.

Teach them about Jim Sinclair, who at the 1993 international Autism Conference stood and said “don’t mourn for us. We are alive. We are real. And we’re here waiting for you.”

Teach about the disability activists who laid down in front of buses for accessible transit in 1978, crawled up the steps of congress in 1990 for the ADA, and fight against police brutality, poverty, restricted access to medical care, and abuse today.

Teach about us.

Hey runners (and walkers)! Thought this might be helpful :)

Shoelace Voodoo

The heel slipping one is awesome if you have to wear orthotics because it stops them from slipping round inside your shoe

Oh! I’ll have to try this

oh my god. oh, oh my god. the wide forefoot one… oh my god bless you you beautiful hero

Ian’s Shoelace Site – https://www.fieggen.com/shoelace/ – is the page for all these lacing patterns and more.

He’s got specific lacing advice for skates and tall boots and there are decorative patterns and I recently relaced my skate shoes for both a wide forefoot and less friction on the laces so it’s easier to tighten and loosen them but he also has lace-locking patterns so that shoes stay exactly as tight as you laced them the first time and it is just a VERY GOOD website.

Like. I’ve been buying shoes the wrong size because it’s often hard to find wide shoes but the lacing pattern for a wide forefoot means that my big hobbit feet actually fit into the previously too-tight running shoes and sneakers I had.

If you can’t find a place on your blog for Patrick Stewart in a bathtub dressed like a lobster, then your blog probably doesn’t deserve such majesty anyway.

It has returned to my dash and I cannot fight the compulsion to reblog…

the patrick lobster appears only once in a thousand years, reblog for good luck

I turn 30 next month so here’s what I learned in my 20s:

—don’t work for startups, they’re always one ‘innovative idea’ away adding ‘sell your kidneys on the black market’ to your job description.

—keeping a collection of basic OTC medicine on you will save your life one day. I recommend Advil, Imodium, and TUMS.

—those little single-use glasses cleaning wipes are 1000% worth the money

—overly self-depreciating jokes just make people uncomfortable, wean yourself off of them

—you can buy dehydrated mini marshmallows in bulk online and they’re a godsend for hot cocoa

—people don’t care if you have fidget toys on your desk they just want to play with them

—try to go to bed BEFORE the existential ennui kicks in

Also drink water and eat a plant

This is all GREAT. I turned 40 last week, so permit me to add what I learned in my 30s:

Speaking from my 50s:

Our son Sam has told us that the D&D art file we use for a screensaver on various devices bothers him.

Because it makes him frustrated that he can’t look at some of them longer. He wants to know what is happening in some of them.

I told him that is one of the reasons we play Dungeons & Dragons, so we can go find out together, in our collective imagination.

Not really D&D related- but I feel compelled to add to this that not only are these GORGEOUS pixel arts- they are also in fact not animated. There are no frames used. There’s no extra pieces of art. Just one layer.

These pieces are so old that they stem from a time where animating cost way too much memory and/or only 256 colors could be used at one time, so the motion is achieved by ‘color cycling’. Half the available colors would be reserved for that very color cycling. It’s mchecking bonkers, please go watch this video if you feel like learning the technical details of how these artworks were made! They were screensavers that would match the actual time of day that you were in. Somehow. Just by cycling color palettes. Wild shit.

(Especially relevant time stamps for color cycling: 5:50, 9:55, 37:26, at 49:54 he gets into the technical side of HOW this even works)

Yup.

I’ve always enjoyed how they depicted some of the landscapes at different times of the day/weather/season.

Like these two areas. Daytime and nighttime at the village by the waterfalls.

And the high mountains hidden by rain in one and visible in the other.

These are by Mark Ferrari!

You can find his gallery here, including options to view the scenes at different times of day some with sound: http://www.effectgames.com/demos/canvascycle/

ଘ(੭ˊ꒳ˋ)੭✧ for anonymous

I meant to make this meme ages ago when pride month was still on but yeah gé (pronounced gay) is the Irish for a goose.

IT’S FINALLY PRIDE MONTH, TIME TO REBLOG THIS AGAIN.

BE GÉ DO CRIMES

Every day i think about those black musicians whose songs were made into covers by white people and now everyone thinks that these are the originals. Youtube comment sections are full of people like "is this what it feels like to find out you're adopted?" instead of celebrating and promoting the original creators of the songs.

Gloria Jones - Tainted Love

Little Eva - Loco-Motion

Martha & The Vandellas - Dancing in the Streets

James Ray - I've Got My Mind Set On You

Big Mama Thornton - Hound Dog

Robert Knight - Everlasting Love

Erma Franklin - Piece of My Heart

The Family - Nothing Compares 2 U (written by Prince)

The Supremes - You Can't Hurry Love

The Supremes - Keep Me Hanging On

The Top Notes - Twist and Shout

Lord Creator - Kingston Town

The Paragons - Tide is High

Commodores - Easy

And here's an entire playlist with songs by black artists covered by The Rolling Stones:

Sometimes life is like this tunnel. You can’t always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you keep moving, you will come to a better place.

there’s got to be at least one trans woman named eve out there whose deadname is adam. and she’s the funniest person to ever grace this earth with her presence.

I feel so appreciated :3

WE FOUND HER!!!!!!!!!!!!

Flower Shop AUs: the crash course no one asked for

Alright my dudes, I worked in a flower shop when I was in high school and I’m here to bring you some potentially useful information for all your flower shop AU needs. this is all my own experience, take it with a grain of salt, etc etc etc.

a list of things a person might do while working in a flower shop (if you need to just have ambient activity or whatever):

“front of house” work: 

“back-of-house” work: 

little details (idk maybe for someone to notice about the florist character?): 

If you use any of this/if this is helpful, feel free to let me know/tag me! I’m @navigatrix on AO3 :))

Thank you, OP: speaking as a writer I love dispatches from reality 

I am really happy that other people are getting the word out on sharks.

Everyone is always saying that they are scared of sharks and don’t want to help them.

But, this is a serious issue.

Sharks aren’t he only ones who are affected by the actions of hunting and shark finning, but the entire ecosystem.

So everyone, PLEASE REBLOG!

SAVE OUR SHARKS!

I luckily haven't had to deal with much chronic pain or hand pain yet, especially with regards to baking (crochet is another story). That said, these look like some pretty solid tips! There's also some in the comments section.

As this link nears five hundred notes, I'm just... very quietly touched at how many people are sharing it. Whether they need it themselves (or think they will someday), or know someone else who might need it, the fact that all of them are sharing the sentiment of "I want the people who love doing this thing to be able to keep doing the thing that they love" is... yeah. It makes me happy.

—

What Queerness Means To Me « Tranarchism (via docasaur)

I’ve chosen this as one of my first posts as it’s important to me that people understand what I’m talking about when I use the term queer.  

(via hollyloveholly)

This this this