Twitter users will not survive the winter
holding my own face in my own hands and screaming “there is no connection without an open heart! you must be brave! you must be honest! you must be true!” in the mirror
Tumblr, buddy, listen to me. This is an unprecedented opportunity. You can snap up all of the pie here, and become defacto internet goodguy easy. All you gotta do is... drop the nsfw ban. Unambiguously. Announce that dicks are back on the menu. You want people subscribed the blogs? You want people to actually use your Post+ function? Porn. Let us use it for porn. The youngins aren't joining this site anyway, you're not competing with tiktok. The vaguely horny 20-40 demographic though? You can have that. You can have all of that. Think about it.
"nothing is real atoms never touch each other youve never touched anything in your life" ok. well when i pet my dog he is soft and when he licks my hand it is wet and that is far more real to me than whatevers going on at an atomic level
Anonymous asked:
What's your stance on the issues?
on every single one?
discourse 100% speedrun
communion wafers are not cruelty free. they fucked that boy upppp
i think tumblr urls in the old superwholock fandom style are like those old household appliances that got discontinued because they had asbestos or uranium or whatever in them - maybe you have a beloved cousin or old high school friend who still has a dean-and-loki-in-the-tardis and sure it's not great but what are you gonna do, make them get rid of it? come on, that's katie's url, she's had it forever, it's fine. but if you find someone that has a brand new castieldrinkingteawithsherlock then something dark is afoot. they have regulations against making any more of those. you should be able to cut tumblr users open and count their rings like trees. i bet some of you got horny reading that last sentence
really hate that cishets take annoyance or dislike to mean affection or attraction. it really bothered me as a young girl who didn’t like boys, every time i said they bothered me straight people would say “aw they have a crush!” biting you
in a parasocial relationship with the sea
she is all uncaring mouth but i'm giggling and twirling my hair over being swallowed whole
segamascot
No you're not
I imagine not knowing the context behind this doesn't make it any less funny
my friend asked me to pretend to be her boyfriend because her parents are homophobic af but they ended up hating me so much that they were glad when she said she was gay task failed successfully
okay so
- be a goth. conservative christian parents don't approve of goth men. show up to their house wearing all kinds of satanic symbols if you can
- know more about religion than the parents. they'll try to introduce you to christianity because you don't exactly look like a christian but your dad's an ex priest and has a phd in theology so *cracks knuckles* you'll correct them on every little mistake they make
- call your fake girlfriend every annoying petname under the sun. i'm talking about babu, shmoopie, snuffleupagus. when you run out of annoying english terms of endearment call her shit like "my liver" or "my little cabbage" (actual greek terms of endearments but the parents won't know this they'll just think you're annoying :3)
- to continue this, talk to your fake girlfriend in the most high pitched annoying voice possible but talk in your regular voice to everyone else
stare at her older brother's ass for just a little too long- have an annoying laugh. think of sybil fawlty but a stereotypical villain playing a church organ in his castle
- let them quote bible verses to you. then ask "so when were those two destroyed for sodomy?". it's very funny to do this when judas kisses jesus, and it's even funnier when you've just corrected them over a minor mistake in church history
- ask WHY abraham was begging for sodom. it doesn't make sense to you why a good christian man would go and beg for tha-
- be over possessive of your fake gf (dont really do this, it's just an act)
go and fuck her brother in an alleyway.the parents won't know about this so it's an optional step- use words no one knows the meaning of. do this without realising because you always talk like that
- just be yourself! that's enough on its own to make them despise you tbh
yes
i kissed him on the lips infront of his parents and claimed it was the usual greek greeting between men is that enough for you
Are you…. Are you secretly dating her brother OP?
yes
I wonder why
Show up again to admit to dating the brother, but dress like a typical suburbanite and act like you've never met the parents before. Absolute power move.
asdgfgsjfh im totally doing this
want an update?
ofc you do
but i'm too tired to write all of what happened down right now so instead try to imagine the most awkward situation you've ever been in.
now multiply the awkwardness by 100
first of all i'm just gonna show the difference in what i was wearing
an example of what i would wear as my friend's fake bf:
and as my boyfriend's actual bf:
when my bf and i showed up his dad did such a double take
sooo yeah my bf told his parents he's gay, they looked surprised but told him it was fine... then they shared a look of pure horror (seriously, it was like they had just found out they're in the matrix) and said
"and uh. why is...he here?"
i went and introduced myself like we had never met before and said i was their son's boyfriend
:3
i've never seen two people look more angry before but they weren't gonna say anything because they had other family members over
the family members who had never met me before and therefore knew nothing about the fake relationship thing started asking me what faith i am. i said i was raised protestant, though i'm not very religious now, but that's something i want to change. i had never mentioned anything about being a protestant before and i had said several times that my family was greek orthodox but gaslight gatekeep girlboss
aaaand then the awkwardness began. those were probably the most awkward minutes of my life (we didn't stay for long because i thought the dad was gonna hit me [he probably was. i saw him clenching his fists several times]) and i don't think anyone has ever looked at me with such murderous intent as my bf's parents
update two electric boogaloo ig
i have a girlfriend now🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️🏳️⚧️
oh youre bisexial? name two of every thing
god said this to noah
byordinarymeans
Would that I could turn back the hand of time and warn the onion staffer who penned this piece. “Is it worth it,” I would ask. “Is it worth it?”
truly a cultural reset
This is the third bottle in an hour.
This is what the people wanted, isn’t it?
ISN’T IT?
- Two heroes loose on the hospital SERIES -
bones added an extra scene with izuku saying that the public was lied to about the students' involvement in the battle. they were told there was no students on the main battlefield fighting shigaraki. it's a little thing, but is also genius. really emphasises how shady as fuck it was to draft children into an operation like this and hpsc KNOW that.
They’re minors and their parents weren’t even told. THEY weren’t even told. They just showed up and BAM it’s a war the adults organized.
It pissed me off so much.