so glad that he came out 🤗 we need more lgbt representation in the senate 🏳️‍🌈

#ted cruz #this post is satire #lgbtq #i hope he keels over and dies sometime in the next 5 hours #credit to my friend for making this

kleosvarietyblog

realdonkeykong

A good friend of mine sent this to me today, and I believe I have an explanation:

So the Mario RPGs often make reference to events in the platformers, meaning we can safely assume that the Marios in these two game types are the same guy. HOWEVER, this does not hold up when talking about the PAPER Mario games, due to the existence of Mario and Luigi: Paper Jam, which canonized Paper Mario as a separate being, along with Paper Bowser, the Paper Toads, etc. The important thing here is Mario. These two characters, being separate entities with their own lives and histories, can coexist as pure and sinful. Mario is a holy man, but the paper has sinned.

But that's not all.

Let's talk about HOW exactly Paper Mario dies. Late in the game's story, he, alongside evrcery other playable character, is ambushed and killed by a dark wizard. Dimentio, to be precise. Now, we know for a fact that Dimentio is the most objectively evil of all the villains in Super Paper Mario, so it is not a stretch to assume that he commands some form of hellish power. That being said, I would posit that the only reason why Paper Mario is sent to hell is due to his method of demise. He was killed by a hell wizard! Of course he'll have a hard time going to heaven! Not to even mention the fact that every other character goes to hell, too! Bowser, I get. But Peach? LUIGI??? Never.

The final nail in the coffin here is that, about halfway through the chapter, Mario and the gang actually do manage to get into heaven with little to no problem. How do they do this? Through the power of a Pure Heart. They are cleansed of the evil energy which Dimentio imbued them with, and are thus transported to the Overthere.

TL;DR Paper Mario and Regular Mario are different guys, and neither of them are sinners. Dimentio just hit Paper Mario with this:

mochilorddrakeinferno

Okay, so at the risk of being the "um, actually" guy, I have a few notes here. 1. Jaydes explicitly says that the heroes are not dead and thus were not murdered by Dimentio at all, just teleported into the Underwhere, which we know is possible because a dimensional door was opened into it and the Void can consume it. The afterlife just is a dimension, and they were all sent there, alive. 2. Paper Jam actually says the opposite. They are different universes that have experienced events so similar that the two versions of the same characters come up with the same plans at the same time. The Paper Mario games occur in the book, but they are clearly intended to be reflections of events that occur in the main Mario's world as well. The pocket universe of the book is treated as a copy of Mario's universe with paper inhabitants, and it can be presumed to copy its history for the same reason. Simply put, Paper Mario and Mario aren't really very different people at all. 3. Plenty of dialogue from Bonechill and the Shaydes tells us that the Underwhere is essentially a waiting room where all souls that have died go to wait before they come to Jaydes (and/or Grambi, Bonechill says he judges sins too, but his exact involvement is unclear), who decides where exactly they will end up going. What you have *done* in life is the judging criteria, not how you died. Also Dimentio only ever uses dark magic after getting the Chaos Heart, nothing suggests he could use it before then. He also doesn't even "kill" you with dark magic, that would be a regular attack even if it weren't just a teleportation flair. 5. They got into the Overthere not because of the Pure Heart, but just because they walked. Also Peach was sent there to start with, which breaks this notion anyway.

Hopefully this was helpful in explaining some of the mechanics of the afterlife, and the nature of that chapter's events. For the record, even despite the inaccuracy, I do wish Supper Mario Broth had clarified the truth in an edit or later post rather than deleting it, because it was really funny.

realdonkeykong

This is amazingly comprehensive, and I thank you very much for the addition!! It's been a while since I played SPM, and my memory is a little fuzzy, so the clarification is super appreciated. I do absolutely love, however, that hell is the default for people in the Mario universe. *Maybe* not forever, but you definitely have to wait there for a while.

Also, having it be a teleportation spell on Dimentio's part makes "go directly to hell" even more appropriate.

@stvksn on ig

An older favourite of mine, the end of many a DRG game

kleosvarietyblog

realdonkeykong

kndn-v

one tired night i made this meme on discord and it gets me every single fucking time there's something about it that activates the funny receptors in my brain

kleosvarietyblog

realdonkeykong

aodhanjam-blog

I just realized something

In the most recent update, deep rock added the jetty boot game machine. But something was bothering me about it.

Why did it come pre-installed with highscores, and more importantly, pre-installed with Lloyd at the top of the leaderboard?

Then it hit me.

Jetty boot is 5 credits to play.

You know what else is 5 credits?

The fucking tip machine

We've been feeding this mans gaming addiction and we didnt even know it

kleosvarietyblog

realdonkeykong

zagreus

cackling at this, can NOT believe it's a real, actual quote. it reads so much like one of those clickhole pieces

kleosvarietyblog

realdonkeykong

mortalityplays

"how do you just know this" is a question I get asked a lot, because I tend to be someone who can contribute unusual facts or insight on whatever topic a casual conversation turns to, and I never know how to answer because "I pay attention" sounds rude and isn't super actionable. but that is really it, I just take an active interest when I encounter something curious or unusual.

like recently one of my friends linked me a funny paragraph from a very badly written erotic novel. it was so bad that I thought "I wonder if this is real", so we looked up the book it was from and learned it was a vintage horny housewife type story by someone who wrote a lot of shitty cheap porn back in the 80s, all of which now seems to be completely out of print.

in the course of googling the author, I discovered that one of their works had been cited in a 2004 court case over a prisoner's right to keep erotic novels in his personal library after the prison confiscated them. a bit more googling turned up the case details in a legal database. the guy had received the books by mail and kept them, among others, in his cell. the prison seized them, citing a policy against prisoners having pornography. his lawyers argued that 1. erotic novels are distinct from pornography because they have artistic and expressive content beyond the depiction of sex acts, and 2. since he received them by mail they are therefore protected under his constitutional right to freely access non-disruptive information from outside the prison. I don't know if he got his books back, but he won his case.

then we googled the defendant and found out he was in prison for helping a woman to drug and murder his boss (who she lived with), mutilate the body with acid and dump him in a ravine.

anyway my point is, take an interest. that's how you learn weird stuff.