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in prepetual trial mode

@kityana / kityana.tumblr.com

i think it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking 'oh well obviously Alfred is the only normal one in the Batfamily'. do not be fooled. Alfred may have a calm & professional exterior but this is a man who's been going along w Bruce's buck-wild nonsense for years. this is a man who could leave and have a normal life whenever he wants to. this is a man who has, almost certainly, killed before and will kill again. this is a man who is choosing in the 21st century to work as a butler. this is not a normal man.

~5.5k words, T, 19th century au

“A gentleman of good fortune, healthy, middle-aged, longing for a companion to share the finer things in life, to enjoy with me nature and culture in general and sailing and the theater in particular (as my assistant has cruelly denied accompanying me any longer). [...] I seek an equal in spirits, the other half of my orange, a peer to share with me the journey of life—ideally a sailor with a pep in their step and a sparkle in their eyes.” *** Ed answers a personal ad in the newspaper, but has a hard time figuring out if Stede's intentions are what he thinks they are – and whether Stede is aware of it.

For the OFMD AUpril day 16 prompts: Hotel – Dating App Ad – 19th Cent.

Thanks to @blakbonnet for betaing and to @dickfuckk for providing historical sources and insight (and enabling my wip addiction) 💖

episode 7 has a missing scene where after they agree to be co-captains and they've had their nightcap ed turns to stede and is like

"lucius told me you did this for me"

and stede is afraid even without fully knowing why, caught out and embarrassed and ready for rejection and ed continues like -

"it was cool. no one's ever planned a thing like that for me. but listen. listen."

and stede is listening, ready, waiting -

"i hate nature. i hate nature so fucking much. plants are fucking diabolical with their roots and vines and snakes that look like vines and god forbid all the fucking insects so listen. listen. don't ever. take me outside again. not on land. we could have had a nap man."

and stede is now trying not to laugh because he is taking this seriously, ed is communicating a strict boundary with him, but his voice is sulky and he's gesticulating and the look on his face -

"right, quite right, it is a bit - undignified -"

"abso-fucking-lutely. totally outside our fucking dignity, to be tromping around like landlubbers."

"but napping, really? i thought you would be looking for an adventure, is all?"

"psh. what's more adventurous than a nap on this fucking couch, mate, on this ship? you ever tried to sit down for ten minutes, get a good nap in? 's like all the problems in the world come rushing in the second you try for a nap."

"you know, i've never considered it in that light. it would be a bit of an adventure, trying to find enough peace and quiet for a nap, wouldn't it?"

"that's what i'm saying!"

and thus many adventures in competitive napping (aka napping together but its not gay its a competition we swear) were had.