ACROSS THE SPIDERVERSE + the onion headlines (2/?)
aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall
Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.
Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I'm fine, I wasn't planning on smiling at him
This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.
Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I'm confident I can stay out of the gorilla's way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it's all over.
It's not just about the physical danger either, it's about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he's actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance
They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.
if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes
Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.
Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.
this is too good to leave hidden in the replies
fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard
alright so during into the spider-verse's introduction to peter b. parker, we see his wedding, and he stomps on the wine glass right? this is a jewish wedding tradition, which makes this version of peter parker jewish (further confirmed in interviews -- however, i believe this is enough by itself). it's a nice nod to the jewish roots of the character.
we get to see a bunch of peter parkers throughout the spider-verse films, and none of them have any explicit religious associations like peter b. parker. except for one!
here we have gwen stacy's peter parker and aunt may, from earth-65, saying grace over a meal. from my understanding, this is generally a christian practice -- in judaism, we prefer to say short prayers before eating, and save the long, in-depth ones for afterwards. so to me, this was a clear example of the character being coded as christian. i was a little disappointed that they didn't make peter parker jewish here too, but since across the spider-verse discusses variants and the differences between instances of the same person between different universes, i interpreted this as a continued commentary on peter parker's ethnicity -- although he was initially jewish-coded and one of his two creators, stan lee, is jewish, this is often erased, especially in more modern interpretations of the character.
and then i remembered that this peter parker also literally turns into the lizard.
and y'know what? good call on that one guys.
Ok I’m really curious
I’m sorry who in their right mind would call that anything but a puppy cup. It’s a fucking puppy cup. Who’s out there calling it a fucking fluffy cup.
……..I do…………
Ok I feel the need to specify that these are roleplay blogs for a furry webcomic and that this poll takes place within said furry webcomic. Their world is entirely furries. None of these are real names for kiddy cones. The joke is that since it’s a world full of a bajillion different species with a bajillion different terms for their kids that they don’t have one specific name for the cone. Am I making sense.
ah you see I see this post on my dash with no context and I think perhaps people just have insane regional names for ice cream cones that I have never heard
Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse + text posts
caught you containing multitudes bro lmao i love every glittering facet
favorite person at the dyke march was the woman who was clearly actively at work, unloading a catering van(?), but who stopped working while the march was going by so she could just hang out of the van’s side door and go “haha hiii, hiiii” at all the butches going by
This guy and the guy with the screaming plant are on the opposite ends of the same spectrum of mad science.
Me when I'm in a "give your child the worst name imaginable" competition and my competition is any millennial couple
In related news I met a kid with older sisters named Kelly and Molly today (normal, fine names) and I'd like my lovely followers to take a guess as to what the youngest's name was
Great guesses! Some were pretty close! Unfortunately,
Okay. Round 2, submitted by my friend. A real baby born this year to actual millennial parents. She is a girl. Her name starts with L and is six letters long. Put guesses in the tags.
Good ones, gang! However,
It’s finally happened.
After almost a decade on this site, I found another Tumblr user in the wild. I stopped to tie my shoe with rainbow laces this morning outside the silversmith at Colonial Williamsburg, and I heard it.
“I like your shoelaces.”
Oh. Oh no.
I responded the only way I could. “Thanks.” And then I reluctantly added, “I stole them from the president…and if that makes sense to you, I’m very sorry.”
The poor man, in full Colonial dress, stared at me for a long moment. And then burst into laughter. And said, “I haven’t thought about that in YEARS and this has never happened to me before.”
Yeah. Me neither. Not until today.
Tumblr rite of passage. Achievement unlocked.
@victoriansecret I found your friend!!!
THIS IS AMAZING
“what if people transition and then regret it?” ok. let’s do that with everything. no more straight marriages until the heterosexual divorce rate is below the detransition rates
full res image to share 💜
Hey you good? you reblogged this like three times now.
10 actually i think
loudly going "YOU'RE GOOD YOU'RE GOOD" to myself to ward off the memory of every embarrassing thing i've ever done
weeping willows and wisterias and roofs or tents made from greenery have always felt so mysterious and special to me. a magical little world where you are shielded and hidden away
like this
these are all the same sort of animal. do you understand.
these are all small skittish creatures that love to bite and are found in drawers of garages and classrooms. they’re all related and in the same small biter family. weird little kids who play with them while they’re distracted and have empathy for them can tame them and become these beasts companions
Thank the Lord someone understands
I really think that we need to be at peace with the idea of people posting online for attention. Literally every free piece of media from shitposts to art is being made for the very human need for attention and that's healthy and okay. It's not harmful behaviour to make funnyman shitposts for attention. I love my useless internet clout points actually
'You're just posting that for likes and reblogs"
That's the whole point dipshit
Do you guys think I make wizard themed shitposts to realign my chakras or something