That feel when your FP doesn’t answer right away…

Topic: Borderline and the Romanticization of Favorite People

It is no active surprise to me that people wish to romanticize the idea, the act, the state of having a “favorite person." For those who are unaware, a favorite person is someone who is people with borderline may idolize, depend on, rely on, and it is not a choice. What people without borderline personality disorder seem to be unaware of is that having a favorite person is not glamorous in any way. There is an inherent level of dependence that comes with having a favorite person. There is a lack of care for your own personal boundaries to make them happy. There is the brain’s reliance on them for your personal happiness. There can be active jealous when you see them with other people, or hear them express feelings of happiness when talking with other people. So many people act as if this is "romantic”. The abandonment issues are not seen as debilitating, they are not seen as tormenting, that they can make people suicidal. They are seen as “caring, loving” and that the person just needs “reassurance and love”. That is not what needs to happen. Reassurance is wonderful but it is not the cure for having a favorite person. The “cure ” is to actively work on boundaries, changing attachment styles, and that takes so much work. It can be hard, you can relapse, you can actively hate yourself during that process. It will also not stop you from gaining a favorite person in the future. Something else that is not talked about is when people with borderline are not in the know about someone being their favorite person, however their favorite person is acutely aware of this. This can and often will lead to a lot of manipulation. You have someone who would actively do anything for you, and that level of power and control over someone can be addicting and intoxicating even for the most morally pure of people. People with borderline are at higher rates of being abused than being the abuser, and yet this is actively overlooked when talking about favorite people. Another point to add is that favorite people are not inherently romantic. It can be your best friend, your partner, your parent, your cousin, your teacher, your tutor, anyone you have contact with. If your brain can rely on them for emotional stability, they can become your favorite person. The process of having and working on removing connection to a favorite person is painful and can be traumatizing, especially if your favorite person is also your abuser. **The act of pretending that having a favorite person is debilitating needs to end.**

I’ve been having this one fp for around 5 months now and I swear it should be classified as an extreme sport

I never saw anything harder than having to deal with that shit

me: hiii :)

my fp: hi

me: shit they didn’t put a smiley face at the end oh my god they must hate me oh lord now i have to block them on everything and cry for 3 hours oh my god oh my god they literally hate me i talk too much… okay i have to unblock and apologize for being too clingy… but then if i apologize then they’re going to think i’m even MORE clingy. oh my god i need to drop off the face of the EARTH. i’m so mad why don’t they love me???? wtf wtf ???? i need to confront them for talking to other people and only saying “hi” to me. why didn’t this go how it was going to go in my head? i had it all planned out???????? they’re supposed to be perfect WHY DIDN’T THEY REPLY THE RIGHT WAY?

TW BPD / FP TALK

let me explain how i would describe having a fp / bpd episode

- i literally had a panic attack over eye contact and micro details that no one could notice, and because they (my fp) talked to someone else more than me. They also left me persuaded they despite me more than absolutely everything

- had a whole breakdown but by breakdown I mean emptying my entire soul on the floor crying n balling my eyes out without any possibility to breath or calm myself down for a whole hour (it’s long when stuff like this is happening) because they asked a question to someone they didn’t ask me

- got absolutely the drunkest of my life because of that breakdown or something else but close to that

- am absolutely delusional like it is absolute delusion

- impossible for me not to think of them for more than like 10 minutes (2 minutes MAX. at my worse like I’m not exaggerating) and by them I mean their whole person, presence, voice, personality, mimics, colors I assigned them with, their expressions, their shadow, silhouette etc

- I feel like it’s EATING me alive it hurts my head so much

- I have delusional thoughts and attached over them

Anyways there’s WAY much more believe me but I’m tired good night

[id: a light yellow userbox with a pastel blue border, and pastel blue text that reads “this user has bpd and feels the constant need to change themselves to please their fp.” bpd is in all caps. on the left is an image of lumine from genshin impact. /end id]

No amount of guilt or wishing you could do things differently will change the past. It’s okay to forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made and look to your future.

WOULD LEAVING REALLY BE EASIER NOW? 

I want a baseball bat so badly, I'd put stickers all over it and use it to destroy shit violently when my rage becomes too much <3 <3

YOUTUBE

THESE ARE VERY IMPORTANT BOUNDARY SETTERS

Establishing boundaries is necessary.

this are very useful :)

when tumblr gets inevitably deleted lets all go on one giant google doc

“and the universe said…”

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close. - pablo neruda

Here’s the first half of slides from my comic class on Lettering! 

Rest of the slides: https://gingersnappish.tumblr.com/post/616487287636803584/the-rest-of-the-comic-lettering-slides-first

@darkwingsnark

I just want to remind everyone how affordable buying food from indigenous tribes is. I live in a major city and I was able to purchase and ship (15) pounds of fish from back home to myself for cheaper than I could buy it from a grocery store here in the city. Yeah, shipping has its own environmental factors but I was able to support an indigenous owned business while also getting my groceries at a lesser cost. (Buying in bulk is always a good idea if you’re planning on having something shipped to you)

Some tribal owned grocers that ship:

Bow and Arrow (Ute Mountain)

Native Harvest (White Earth)

Red Lake Fishery (Red Lake)

Wozupi (Mdewakanton Dakota)

Ramona Farms (Gila River)

Tanka Bars (Oglala)

Indian Pueblo Store (Pueblos)

Twisted Cedar Wine (Cedar Paiutes)

Ute Bison (Ute)

Seka Hills Olive Oil and Vinegars (Yocha Dehe Wintun)

She Nah Nam Seafood (Nisqually)

Sakari Botanicals (Inupiaq)

Honor the Earth (?)

Nett Lake Wild Rice (Anishinaabe)

Passamaquoddy maple (Passamaquoddy)

BONUS: coffee :)

Yeego Coffee (Navajo)

Spirit Mountain Roasting (Yuma Quechan)

Birchbark Coffee (Anishinaabe)

Thunder Island Coffee (Shinnecock)

since my writing post was received pretty well, i though i’d make other, to give some insight on the racism in the film industry and why it’s still a big problem now as it was in the past. 

THIS RIGHT HERE

You guys are dangerously close to realizing specifically what kinds of people they keep from voting and why.

I want to drill this into everybody’s head:

Oh and we have privatized prisons which allow companies to actually make money off of keeping people incarcerated 

Here’s what’s really perverse: prisoners, who cannot vote, still get counted in the U.S. Census. The more prisoners a county has, the more representation it gets, even though the prisoners cannot vote. See how that works? The more black and brown people they lock up, the more government resources and political representation they get. Even though those prisoners have no say and cannot vote.

If county-A has a population of 50 voters but no prisons, and county-B has a population of 50 voters and 50 prisoners, the county with the prisoners gets more government funding and more political represention. This is sometimes called “prison gerrymandering” and it is used in redistrictring.

Not so fun Fact: Southern states that reliably vote for Republicans also have the highest prison population in the United States. (source). So mass incarceration is a double whammy. It’s both a form of voter suppression and a tool to strengthen white people’s political power.