Middle-aged magical girl.

She's been defending the Earth since the early 90s and she's very tired.

My name is Tominaga Haruka. I was chosen by a magical talking animal, and for the last 29 years I've been Earth's one and only... Wonder-Sparkle Princess.

she's been fighting the same villains for three decades and they are also tired of it. Most of them aren't giving it their all. Half of them are in a groupchat they've added her to where they schedule their evil plans to make sure they don't interfere with each other, or more importantly, with *her* Xalkrax the space demon from outer space decided to attack the city when she was taking her vacation time once, and now he's dead, because even the power of friendship and redemption can't save you if you interrupt her rare vacations

Demon Queen Eluria: Gonna fill the city people's hearts with hatred on thursday to cause mayhem and discord.

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: Can't, got a PTA meeting.

Demon Queen Eluria: Friday?

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: A birthday party.

Demon Queen Eluria: Damn. How about I fill just the mayor's heart with hatred then?

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: That'd be redundant, lol. Maybe fill his heart with a desire to fix the fucking potholes?!

Demon Queen Eluria: LMFAO love you, bitch. Stay strong.

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: You too, gurl. How's the husband? Still dead?

Demon Queen Eluria: Yep. Thanks for that, btw.

Wonder-Sparkle Princess: Don't mess with my time off :p

Why are people tagging this '#wonder sparkle princess' like that's a thing and not a name I made up exclusively for this post?

if you as a normal tumblr user go around flagging posts for mature labels you are A Fucking Cop

The most fucked up bit of lore about Kemono Friends to me is how animal girls can literally be born from dead remains. Imagine being an animal who was dead for thousands of years only to suddenly come back with human sentience and now you’re wearing thigh highs

Actually tbh coming back from the dead with the most killer absolute territory is kind of a win ngl

you don't like bajo? 🪕? plunk plunk?

damn ok owned

Putting this on the highest shelf until you promise to use it responsibly.

they call it self checkout because i look at myself in one of them gay little cameras and leave

non-it/its users need to get their shit together fr

ok time to elaborate.

earlier today i was talking to someone and i mentioned one of my friends, and said 'yeah it was saying-' and before i could finish my sentence she interrupted me and went "it?" as if i'd misspoken. when i said "yeah, it said-" she looked at me as if i'd like insulted her or something and went "why are you calling your friends its? don't you mean they?"

i pretty much just went "nevermind" because that's not worth it (and no i'm not misgendering a friend for someone else's "comfort" like wtf) but the issue is

this. happens. every. time.

you tell someone else you use it/its? they look at you like you're fucking insane. 99% of the time they will refuse to use your pronouns because it's "offensive" to them (yknow what else is offensive? purposely misgendering me when i literally just told you my pronouns). when you talk about a friend who uses it/its pronouns, 99% of the time the other person will try to like. correct you or stop you even though they don't even know who you're talking about.

"well they/them is gender neutral too so just use th-" no. my pronouns are it/its. they/them is not it/its. they/them is misgendering.

"but it's gender neutra-" okay and? if dude said he uses he/him and you used they/them that's misgendering. why is it okay when it's it pronouns?

"but it's offensive to refer to people as-" bitch i am literally referring to myself as it/its. i am telling you directly in plain words that these are the pronouns that make me comfortable. i don't give a fuck what you think of them they are my pronouns

at this point i settle with they/them because i'm just done having people look at me like i said a slur when i tell them what pronouns i'm comfortable with.

shrimpin aint easy....

Shrimp babi....

i tend to be cautious about bothering cats but I think it's important to remember that some pretty extreme cat bothering is still within the typical bounds of cat social life

Somebody made a Steam game where you can really play the fake games from those mobile game ads

a commission in which rainbow dash has auditory processing issues

the concept of a freakshow never fully went away. nowadays people collect posts/screenshots of disabled/mentally ill people literally just Existing Online and put them on their accounts with the intention of displaying them for people to hurl abuse towards. And they think that this is a Normal and Moral way to behave and carry themselves.

Also? TLC shows are often freakshows rebranded to be inspoporn or "these are obviously freaks but we're HELPING them". I'm a literal bearded woman and had a TLC show producer reach out to try and make a show about me in 2018. See also: British tabloids and reality shows. They're even more aggressively obvious that they're into freaks. Freakshows are everywhere in modern media.

The whole “how the hell does this predatory creature get enough sustenance” thing that plagues fantasy and sci-fi occasionally gets so absurd it loops around into being funny, like the scene in Star Wars when the Millenium Falcon is flying through an asteroid field and gets swallowed by a worm.

I could complain about that, but I could also conclude that the supply of reckless space pilots flying into asteroid fields has been consistent enough for the past few million years for animals to evolve to prey upon them.

Who knows. Maybe there are enough adventuring parties roaming about the Forest of Doom to increase the available biomass at their trophic level in order to sustain tertiary consumers like giant spiderwolves...

“You’re going into the Catacombs? No one survives the Catacombs! Many an adventurer has tried!”

“Uh, how many have tried?”

“Enough to form an entire ecological niche for species specialized to prey upon them!”

“Oh. That, uhh, that is a lot.”

“Right? It’s pretty fascinating actually. I’m writing my thesis on it right now.”

Dungeon Meshi (2014 - present), Kui Ryouko

one of the tabs open on my computer is this video and I think I might have a problem. I never close the tab and every time I look through my tabs during the day, I watch it again and link it to somebody to make them suffer

Thank you Brazilians for your service in making sure I know these lyrics

“I preferred to adopt two male cats so that they would not have kittens but they adopted a kitten from the street 😅”

World map with New Zealand in the center