Anyways all boys who joke about rape are ugly
I’ll keep reblogging this until people stop defending rape jokes
Not to be “that guy” but everyone who jokes about rape is ugly
Tbh this is the one time I’ll support the “it’s not just men” because everyone needs to cut this tf out
reblog this post if you:
no one will know which one it is!
what does this post say my reading comprehension turned off halfway through
don’t worry about it
Reblog if you’re the epitome of mindnumbing terror.
I’m about to have a fun afternoon.
So my trainer’s bf cheated on her. She broke up with him. He’s holding her stuff hostage until she agrees to talk with him. Which she refuses.
She trains; for free mind you; three college linebackers, a college wrestler, two martial artists, a body builder, and… wait for it…. a Navy seal. We’re gonna go get her shit for her.
This should make for an interesting story.
So everyone who commented on this being like the avengers, you are absolutely right. That’s what all of us had in our heads as we were rolling over to dude’s house. But I’m very proud to say, this ended without violence.
Arrival:
So the super friends all jumped into one of the linebacker’s explorer and headed over to dude’s house. Ok the squad: you all know me, but the other martial artist is a little wirey hapkido guy, the linebackers are all giants (an estimated combined weight of I’d say 750-800lbs), the wrestler looks like an escaped gorilla, then the navy seal looks like your average guy but something about him is unsettling. Really unsettling. Unfortunately, the body builder had to work. Anyway, we send the Hapkido guy and the wrestler to the door first and dude answers, screams at them, and then slams the door in their face. Then the giant linebackers head over and they ring the door bell again. Lo and behold, he was much more polite, but still denied access. Finally, me and the seal join the fray. I casually make my way towards the front of the group, but the seal decides to CLIMB THE BANISTER. We all just turned and started at him completely shocked when dude answers the door. He looks at this weird mismatched group of relatively threatening individuals and one guy perched on his banister like batman. He was like “FINE. Go take what you’re looking for.”
Retrieval:
So we’re all walking through the house gathering what we think are her things and putting them into two boxes. Mind you. We are completely guessing. We didn’t even tell her we were coming, therefore we had no list of items.The only one really being productive was Hapkido, who was legitimately looking for stuff. The linebackers were just randomly picking up furniture, turning it over, and putting it back down. Just showing off how strong they were. In case the numbers game wasn’t enough, I guess they were letting him know they could break him if they wanted to. The seal was just shadowing dude in his own house. Walking behind him, not saying much, just being creepy. Then there’s me. Who was causing general mischief…. He said to take what I was looking for, that’s what I was looking for. Ahaha and the wrestler made a fricken sandwich. Because “you guys look like you have it under control, and I’m a sucker for egg salad.” We were in and out in 15 minutes.
Delivery:
So the autobots rolled out and headed towards homegirl’s spot. She was conveniently outside when we rolled up. We got out and she was like, how do you all even know each other. The truth is, we don’t. She sent us all an email once and didn’t blind copy us all. She vented to all of us about dude holding onto her stuff and we started emailing and that was that. We told her that we went to see her ex. “OMG what did you say to him?” Nothing. We’re not messenger boys. We’re delivery boys. And we gave her her boxes of stuff. She went through the first box and said that was most of her stuff. Then she got to my box and asked “Wtf is all that shit.” So I explained that I took all the batteries out of his remote controls, his deodorant, the light bulb out of his master closet, every pair of dress socks that I could find, the laces out of his running shoes, and all the toilet paper in the house. The guys just looked at me and kind of nodded like they were impressed. She then unexpectedly started CRYING and thanked us. So you have this group of meat heads all standing awkwardly with this weeping trainer. It was quiet for a second when the seal was like “So…. chipoltle?” And we all got burrito bowls.
What a great day.
This is literally the most beautiful and thrilling tale. Start to finish.
I am almost in tears I am laughing so hard. This is beautiful. I can’t believe you took all the toilet paper. I’m dying. Help. It sounds like the start of a joke: two martial artists, a wrestler, two linebackers and a Navy Seal walk into a Chipotle.
I have reblogged this a dozen times and I will reblog it a dozen more.
This needs reblogging. I’ve read this before, but it’s still priceless.
I don’t reblog this amazing piece of human cooperation, assume I’m dead
IT’S BACK!!!!!
Some make this into a comic!!!
It’s back
Oh my god xd
This is my favorite story on this website
This is the greatest story ever
Also feel free to include a description of what you think it’d look like if you reblog 😁
A - Ethereal
B - Miracle
C - Sparkling
D - Celestial
E - Beautiful
F - Magical
G - Shining
H - Dramatic
I - Twinkling
J - Royal
K - Elegant
L - Imperial
M - Lovely
N - Angelic
O - Resplendent
P - Dancing
Q - Evanescent
R - Wondrous
S - Heavenly
T - Divine
U - Iridescent
V - Dreaming
X - Glorious
Y - Alluring
Z - Ephemeral
1 - Diamond
2 - Blood
3 - Love
4 - Starlight
5 - Lunar
6 - Rose
7 - Heart
8 - Aqua
9 - Cosmic
10 - Midnight
11 - Twilight
12 - Rainbow
13 - Lightning
14 - Venom
15 - Butterfly
16 - Flame
17 - Dragon
18 - Fairy
19 - Ice
20 - Galaxy
21 - Velvet
22 - Snow
23 - Spirit
24 - Rebel
25 - Soul
26 - Serpent
27 - Tiara
28 - Blossom
29 - Crystal
30 - Nightmare
31 - Layer
January - Flash
February - Kiss
March - Burst
April - Beam
May - Convergence
June - Storm
July - Blaze
August - Fist
September - Shower
October - Scythe/Blade (your choice)
November - Shot
December - Embrace
Wondrous venom blaze!!!
Beautiful spirit shot ,,,,,which sounds like a kind of hard liquor
Heavenly lightning storm!!!!! How appropriate
Ethereal FLAME FIST
Royal Galaxy Blaze
Magical Snow Convergence 😄
So….. an aneurism? 🤨
I guess????? I don’t know I’m a little worried 😂
I can’t stop laughing! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 I have a wee bit of a heckin’ concern, wondering what a “wondrous blood burst” would end up looking like 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I’m worried of what it will feel like 😂😂
Ethereal Cosmic Storm
Shining Blood Flash
Lovely Spirit Burst
5. Bombard them with asks like it’s nbd
6. Do not stop until you become one of the popular blogs™
7. Fake it till you make it
8. Message them relentlessly about their work
9. Compliment them till you run out of adjectives
10. Act cool
11. Be nice
12. Write well
13. Make bad puns all the time
14. Invest time and effort into crack!ships
You guys forgot the most important one:
15. BE YOURSELF.
16. ofc celebrate demon pox
17. Make posts on how to be popular while trying to become popular blog™
18. Reblog everything the Popular Blogs make even if you know they won’t see it
I may not be a perfect person but at least I have never yelled at an employee in a store
reblog if u never did
If I ever yelled at a store employee I would cry for like a week tbh.
I’d be unable to live with myself if I ever did
So like my best friend is dating the guy that I like and I’m torn between proud and slapping that bitch ya get me?
Where are those woke white people at!?
The amount of notes this doesn’t have bothers me…
Tumblr has 30-50 million active users. Why does this not even have 1 million notes?
I have over three thousand followers and so far only two reblogged this I’m disappointed
✊🏽✊🏾✊🏿#BLM
Black Lives Matter
NASA engineers monitor the Curiosity rover’s actions. All seems normal until the little robot suddenly changes its course. The scientists attempt to correct it over and over until they suddenly receive a transmission from the rover
“Will save Oppy”
Can we get an F for Opportunity
F
F
F
F
I would like…. to take this moment and remind everyone that @mostawesomepineapple fancasts Shawn Mendes as Julian
So I made it my mission to find THIS cursed image:
These 3 always go to bed like this. (via sirmakoto)
My heart
ok but
that’s the cutest freakin’ thing I’ve ever seen
This gives me life
• Use the hand you write with.
• Make a fist with your thumb outside, not tucked inside. If it’s tucked inside your fist, when you punch someone, you might break your thumb. The thumb goes across your fingers, not on the side.
• Don’t be like in the movies—don’t aim for the face. Face punches don’t usually stop people, and you can miss when they duck their head or break your hand on their jaw. If you want to get away quickly, or end a fight, aim for the chest, or the ribs. If you really want to do some damage, e.g., you’re being attacked, aim for the throat, which will make it hard for your attacker to breathe for a hot minute.
• When you punch, you want to aim and hit with your first two knuckles. Not the flats of your fingers, and not your ring or pinky knuckles, which can break more easily. You can use your weight, if you’re on your feet, to add wallop, and spring into a punch with your feet and torso.
Useful information, esp. if you haven’t taken self defense.
I reblogged this once before to add this and I’ll do it again…
keep your wrist straight.
You can also risk breaking your wrist if you allow it to bend. I actually can’t believe this isn’t in there.
Other good pointers:
see that meaty portion highlighted in red? There’s a lot of muscle and fat right there which makes it excellent for striking. Hold your hand as shown and aim for the nose or chin (though I’ve been told in extreme circumstances, doing this to the nose can be fatal but I’ve never really heard if this is true or not) and just aim upwards
Originally in (most) martial arts, you hit the solar plexus because it supposedly contained an important chakra. Now we know that it actually also contains like a bunch of necessary organs that are exposed just below your ribs and is also (roughly) where your diaphragm lives so getting punched there is not pleasant.
-Also, remember that a guy’s junk is not an off-button. Don’t think that you can rely on a swift kick to the balls to immediately incapacitate him in an emergency. Adrenaline and anger can keep somebody going for a long time even through extreme pain, and if you expect to end a fight with a single groin-attack you might be caught off-guard when he doesn’t drop. Certainly go for it if you get the chance, but keep hitting him until the fight is over.
-Draw blood if you can, especially if you can draw it from the face or the eyes. Blood in the eyes is not just a good way to impair your attacker’s vision, it’s also a really good way to freak them out and let them know that they might be getting more than they bargained for by picking a fight with you.
-Elbows and knees are really powerful weapons. Elbows are very sharp and very strong and if you are in close-range they are often more effective than trying to throw a punch.
-Yelling and shouting makes you scary.
Nothing much to add to this, it’s pretty much all there. So. Reblog. Oh, also, it’s really easy to break a nose - go for the eyes too. All it takes to avoid a shot to the throat is tucking your chin. Also, that part about the ear - don’t punch. An open hand over the ear hurts a lot.
Tumblr teaching me how to fuck a bitch up
Also if you fuck up their face it’ll be easier for police to identify the attacker.
If someone gets you from behind and you cant punch them, go for the underside of the upper-arm. A bad pinch there is legit so painful because that skin is super sensitive. Also this cant be stressed enough, if the attacker is a guy then fucking rip his junk off.
reblog to save a fuckin life
Eyes and solarplexus.
This is all great to know
This is painful. I have no words..
I can’t even begin to describe how awful this is
Tumblr will not be in service February 29th, 30th or 31st. You have been given notice, so don’t complain. Service will resume March 1st.
Signal Boost
This is super-important. Tell everyone!
very important!!!!
Source?
Thanks! I’ll be sure to spread this version of the post
Just so you know buds
how is screaming “I wanna suck your dick” to a band member you just met any different from someone catcalling you on the street
Read this Read it again and again
Applies to actors, athletes, and other famous people as well.
Just because you’ve been fantasizing about them forever doesn’t mean that in their eyes, you’re anything more than a very creepy stranger sexually harassing them
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Same goes for YouTube, Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook comments on their accounts. If you’d be uncomfortable if a stranger came up to you on the street and said it, don’t post that shit. Keep your lusting to Tumblr posts, out of the main tags.
This post is making its round again, so I’m reblogging
READ THIS
Of course they are omg
WHAT THE ENTIRE FUCK
this just cannot be real
this is fucking disgusting
So theyre using prison labour camps… this is fucked like
Plenty of companies use prison labor, but like…they don’t brag about it.
Why is this even a thing? What is wrong with this planet?
fuckin MOOD
I love the contrast between the lyrics and the melody this is art
pfffffffft nooooo I didn’t just learn this song on ukulele… at midnight…
This man is my spirit animal
This is so wholesome
Update: he finally got the cat to the vet to see if she had a microchip
I was already on board with his sweet wholesome open-to-love-and-nurturing heart but I was fully unprepared for getting to that last tweet and seeing how off the hook HOT dude is
CAT DAD IS BACK
aww, the kids grow up so fast. ;-;
HHHHHHHH I LOVE CAT DAD!
This is, by far, the single most adorable fucking thing I have ever seen.
I will always reblog hot Cat Dad
This is the best thing in my life
reblog if you believe bi people deserve to have a space and voice.
reblog if you recognize the specific struggles that no people go through.
reblog if you know bi people are more than “half gay, half straight”.
reblog if you believe bi rights and representation aren’t just “catering to straight people.”
reblog if you see us.
reblog if you know we are safe on your blog.
I’m literally bi and its in my url so of course its safe here
