The darkest leaf turning

I’m not really one to put myself out there, and in person I’m the type to give myself more “me” time than I normally should. Regardless, I felt the need to blog about my life a little. I guess this is a sort of vent/tangent that I’m about to express, so I hope it all makes sense.

Does it ever mind boggle you how someone can influence what you do so greatly? I think with someone who just started living in their 20s, there’s still so much to live and so little time to do it. I found myself eyeing this guy at the gym I go to, and it wasn’t really anything that I gushed over, because he looked way too old for me and I would never think a guy at that point in his life would ever or even talk near my vicinity. I felt almost inferior to him, but he was still nice to look at while I worked out. So I think it was a week ago he came up to me and he introduced himself. I was a bit taken back, almost star strucked. I had put him on such a high pedistal of greatness and attractiveness, the first few words he said to me I naturally batted my eyes at him and blushed like I was some little girl who’s never talked to an older guy before. Mind you, he wasn’t that old, I later found out that he was 26, and well me being only 20, he still was at such a higher place in life than someone half way through college and someone who probably graduated. So he expressed to me that he couldn’t stop looking at me when I worked out so he told me his name was Ben. He didn’t peg me for a Ben, but lately I’ve been changing that. I said my name was Paulina, and I smiled and said “that’s okay!” referring to when he told me about his staring which I sort of realized, but took that out of my head completely because so many people tell me I look 12 so I thought he thought I was younger like more young than he’d want to admit kind of young. Well, to not make this rediculously long, now every time I go to the gym I can’t help but yearn him being there even if we hardly exchange more than like 30 words. When he is there, I become so awkward and almost socially retarded. I think about him quite alot which I hate, because I have the most surity that he would never go out with me on a date. He hasn’t even asked for my number! I find that kind of weird because every guy that hits on me always wants my number and guys who just say can i get your number are guys that are ughhhhhghhghgh like no. So I guess that fact that he hasn’t asked for my number makes him even more desirable. Hm. I’ll be doing cardio and wishing in my head how I couldnt be born earlier so I could be his age and I date the crap out of him. I don’t dwell so much about him, because I never wouldve thought that a guy like him would like a girl like me! I feel I only attract guys with such low expectations in life that getting a guy like that would be near unattainable. He is really something though. i don’t know hardly a thing about him, not even his last name. But oh my oh my he is sexy.