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If there’s wet dreams then there’s probably wet nightmares
just-shower-responses
pussy so good i got scared For the rest of my life
How is Westminster a real place
late night sausage rolls got me actin criminally and disorderly
Peeing
Again with this
are you mad at me?
Knock it off
Huh, must've been the wind.
you block ‘liberally’ you say? Well I block marxistly. Just one of the many ways in which I’m better than you
Anonymous asked:
What 5 things do you like in a girl?
I was told that “each of my fingers” is too vulgar of a response
you may notice i use the phrase "my beloved" frequently. this is because i am in love with the world and everything in it. hope this clears things up <3
girl help the pessimists found me
"girl help i am staunchly refusing to realise my own naivete in a world almost completely made up of things that couldnt care less about me or are actively exploiting me"
Girl help the pessimists are mistaking an inherently meaningless universe for an inhumane and joyless one rather than recognizing the opportunity to make one’s own meaning and joy and to spread those things to others
EVERYONE PRAY FOR OUR BROTHER CHUM NO. 2,719,584 AND WISH HIM A SPEEDY RECOVERY
Me getting my booster shots
my washing machine on sundays
Me getting fucked up the ass
Tumblr staff: ten options is enough for polls, right? No one needs more than that on a regular basis.
The average tumblr user: Hey guys which element of the periodic table do you think is the most fuckable?
Posting hole
left a snail trail on my bosses desk
for moments like these i turn to bounty paper towels. bounty brand paper towels are the quicker picker upper; theyre quilted and twice as absorbant as the leading ordinary brand. so when youve got something that needs wiping up quickly, reach for bounty