Kiss me Hardy! Kiss me quick!

I found a tiktok that has the same energy of a vine and I’ve been in tears over it

i know i am in my twenties but respectfully nobody i went to high school with should be getting married. it stresses me out. we r only twelve yrs old

I’m 31 but this still applies

You know what they say, you snooze you lose. And it looks like, you snost and you lost.

i am a big fan of being in bed.

the bed fandom is dying. repost if youre a true sleepyhead

call me soft or whatever but i find it so incredible that people manage to keep themselves alive. like you’re paying rent?? maintaining relationships?? going to work?? every day single day?? in this economy?? on the mental diet we’ve all been raised on?? the effort you must be putting into your life simply by living it is olympian. and it is impressive

When i had breast reduction surgery, i got into the OR and got put on this table that looked like a flat crucifix (arms out so they could get to the girls), and i said ‘god, don’t nail me down’

they put the mask on my face and the nurse said ‘no jesus treatment today’

and the last thing i said to her was ‘jesus with some big ass titties’ and then passed out. 

Not *quite* an anesthesia story but, I had a stage 1 melanoma removed from my left breast when I was about 15. They drugged me but didnt put me completely under for the surgery and I was basically laying on a table with a single tit out the entire time in front of a 60ish year old surgeon, his 30ish year old resident, and some nurses. While I don't remember anything, according to my mom, who was scrubbed up and sitting in the room at the time, when they were prepping "the area" (my boob) for surgery I remarked "I think you're supposed to buy me dinner first." About halfway through the surgery I allegedly started singing "I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt" and they had to stop for a minute because the assisting nurse was laughing so hard. After the surgery, one of the nurses asked how I was feeling and I apparently said to her "Fabulous. I think I just made it to second base with a doctor?"

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (2022), dir. Rian Johnson.

after years of study it has become clear to me that this is the certified scale by which my life abides

It's called "plus size" because it's a plus when a girl is that size :3

apple bottom jeans — this is a reference to the apple that was eaten from the forbidden tree of Eden

boots with the fur — this references the way Adam and Eve had to clothe their nakedness once they had eaten from the Tree

the whole club was lookin’ at her — traditionally it is Eve’s fault for succumbing to the temptation, and most scholars blame her and future women for original sin

she hit the floor — this is a reference to the snake, who was cursed to crawl in the dust

next thing you know — the Lord immediately responded to kick them out of the Garden of Eden

shawty got low, low, low, low, low, low, low, low — this represents the way humanity fell from grace and gave in to temptation, and was repelled from the garden

well then, random tumblr user, you will be happy to know that he did, in fact, see it

tweet here

sometimes self-care is consuming a piece of media for the 174th time

kentuckygender is when you aren't a girl but you still are somehow a horse girl

[id: a tweet by (caps) JOON (end caps) @/thisjoon. it reads: 'Asked my mom why i stopped martial arts when i was a kid and she said she saw "a great darkness in my eyes". end id.]

fav part of stardew valley is when the bachelors/bachelorettes will say just the most fucked up random shit unprompted and then refuse to elaborate. like harvey what does this mean. harvey. harvey is everything alright. you've told me this three times in the past week with no follow-up harvey im getting concerned

what day is it

always fucking some day or another around here