wayne family adventures moments that i love dearly (pt. 1?)

roy harper? he's so chill about it too like damian you're struggling with making friends here's my advice i love jason

he's so sparkly

each of their faces gets me every time

jason just looks annoyed

dick just looks apologetic, like batman will be pissed at him

damian looks downright angry

tim, poor tim looks so uncomfortable

he's just cracking some guys skull!! (i love jason)

this is my favorite quote in history

bart is so flash, like hes just vibing and not at all caring about how stressed his friend is about him being there

he's the angsty one not jason

After several posts and headcanons and theories, I have come to a conclusion: Dick and Jason have a more or less similar relationship to Steve and Bucky. Think about it.

The “Golden boy” and “sweetheart” who is constantly praised and looked upto, yet only the other one truly knows how feral the other is cuz they knew them long before shit hit the fan and they KNOW that chaotic gremlin hasn’t gone- it’s just been better at not getting caught.

IMAGINE:

Jason coming back from the dead just to hear everyone talking about Dick as if he’s a God, and stopping himself from dragging his brother down there cuz only ONE of them has put people in hospitals, left every criminal with PTSD and Jason aint it. Sure, he’s making up for it but Dicks got a fucking head start.

Jason being the only one who can see right thru Dicks bullshit and is full aware of chaotic-feral-no-self-preservation-don’t-believe-me-then-WATCH Dick fucking Grayson. It’s why during operations he loves pairing up with Dick cuz the guy has sheer unconventionality and Jason is HERE for it.

Some new hero: Oh my god Nightwing’s so calm and always knows what he’s doing!

Jason *flashbacks to last night when Dick tried to cook pasta and ended up blasting his bathtub and frantically calling Jason over while the pasta kept exploding in the background and he didn’t want to piss off Alfred*

Justice league: Nightwing always knows the right things to do, and knows how to act in every situation.

Jason *thanking god his mask was on so no one could see him dying cuz before he died Dick had literally stolen the Batmobile and allowed Jason to joyride; was also the same person who taught Jason how to hit clean cuts and decimate any opponent by any, and I mean ANY means necessary*

New teen titans: Gah Nightwing is so professional!!

Jason *remembers when Dick yelled “want some GROUND for your coffee DIRTBAG?!” Before throwing sand in their faces and absolutely demolishing them by fighting dirtier than Jason had seen anyone*

And Dicks grateful cuz Jason’s the person all his guard crumbles in front of. One who knows what he’s thinking, knows the real him. Someone he doesn’t have to pretend in front of, and would help him no matter what happens, even if he gets a earful later.

Jason’s the mother hen, and Dicks the idiot who would throw himself in danger every chance he gets.

It’s also why all the OG teen titans and Jason both meet up for tea just to talk about Dicks shit and silently agree to form an alliance. It’s their bonding point and now they hang out a lot too.

Dick has a feeling something’s going on, but he’s too afraid to ask.

I'm tired of everyone filling up for Bruce, you know what I want to see??

People filling up for Nightwing.

Henchmen 1# in bludhaven: Not wanting to scare you or anything, but has Nightwing always been on steroids?

Henchmen 2#: Oh c'mon pussy it's just Night–

Henchmen 2#:

Henchmen 2#: WHY HE HAS A GUN?

Tim: Can we stay with you tonight?

Dick: Both of you? What happened?

Damian: Someone was playing with an ouija board and cursed the whole Manor.

Tim: Jason wasn’t any help. He doesn’t know how to banish spirits, so he’s just throwing salt at them yelling “does this look like a hotel to you!?”

Sometimes when Dicks just too tired to deal with the batfam’s shit he starts encouraging them.

================================

Surrounded by gang members and caught in the crossfire between two gangs

Jason *pulling out a gun* : I’m gonna fucking obliterate all of them

Nightwing: Go right ahead

Jason: .. you serious? I’m not playing Dick I WILL shoot every single one of them in the head

Nightwing: sure.

Jason:

Nightwing: What you want me to start? Okay.

Jason: .. Dick why the fuck do you have a gun? DICK STOP LOADING THE GUN-

================================

At a stakeout waiting for the proof before intervening

Tim: Why can’t we just force a confession instead of waiting for him to crack?

Stephanie: Ooo or threaten him with blackmail so bad he starts crying!

Duke: Guys *eyes point to Dick sitting in a corner*

Stephanie: Right.. party pooper

Nightwing:

Nightwing: Okay got it.

*heads out*

Duke: No Dick wait! We were joking!

Stephanie: drama queen just needs a minute sunshine- wait is that him approaching the target?

Tim *who’s seen this happen before* *panicking knowing what’s gonna go down* : OH SHIT ABORT-

================================

Being stuck with a very annoying henchmen who won’t stop talking

Damian: .. Can we simply shut him up?

Nightwing: whatever you wanna do

Damian *narrows eyes*: I can’t ruin my katanna for this

Nightwing: *hands him knife*

Damian:

Nightwing: And remember, the most effective place to silence someone without causing them excruciating pain and also temporarily depriving them of air is right here *points to a small area on the neck*

Damian: ..

Nightwing: .? Go on?

Damian *putting it away* : .. no..

================================

It works a 1000 times more effectively just because either all of them are bluffing or they’re scared Dick’s not.

an ask request, jason in comfy clothes! jason stuck in the wayne manor cause he sprained his ankle or something. he's wearing dick's old sweater

BONUS a very tiny roy

BONUS BONUS damian wearing jason's sweater that belongs to dick

Dick: Hey, Jas- why the hell are you wearing a bucket hat indoors?

Jason, who wanted to copy his big brother's mullet but accidentally lopped too much hair off: Hey, bucket hats are cool, okay?!

Dick: Alright...?

*4 Years Later*

Jason: 'Sup, Ti- why are you wearing a hat indoors?

Tim, who thought Jason's white stripe was cool and tried to imitate it but accidentally bleached way too much hair: Hats are really cool, Jason

Jason: *realises* oh. Oh my god...

*2 Years Later*

Tim: Hey, brat, did you- uh, why are you wearing a hat at dinner?

Damian, who secretly thinks Tim's eyebrow notch is cool and tried to copy it but accidentally shaved off half an eyebrow: Because hats are cool, idiot

Tim: *softly* oh. I get it now...

something clearly went wrong after kid one, bruce

If the Batkids had a podcast XlV

Redhood: YOU GONNA LOOK IN MY– lemme take this shit– YOU GONNA LOOK IN MY EYES AND TELL ME I'M WRONG? AM I WRONG?

Nightwing: YOU ARE (laugh)

Redhood: SUPERMAN IS STRONGER THAN WONDER WOMAN?

Nightwing: HE IS.

Redhood:

Redhood: You're fucking sexist–

Nightwing: I'M NOT SEXIS–

Redhood: You are! ( "I'M NOT" in the background) YOU ARE!

Nightwing: I'm sexist?! I'M SEXIST– (laugh) BECAUSE I THINK SUPERMAN IS STRONGER THAN WONDER WOMAN???

Redhood: Because he is a man–

Nightwing: "BeCAuSe hE Is A mA– He shoot laser. from. his eyes–

Redhood: SO WHAT–

Nightwing: SO WHAT?

Robin: My fucking god. You're both children–

Nightwing: Don't curse–

Redhood: Yeah don't fucking curse– SHE'S AN AMAZON–

Nightwing: HE IS MADE– (laugh) HE IS MADE OF STEEL–

Redhood: This is not even proven– It's a saying–

Nightwing: Hood– (laugh)

Redhood: Don't– Do not fucking "Hood" me–

Nightwing: Hood–

Redhood: Stop fucking touching me– I'm going– I'm going to shoot you.

Nightwing: Hood he is literally made of steel– HE IS–

Redhood: I don't give a shit about what he's made of- She is fucking QUEEN OF THE AMAZONS–

Nightwing: MAN OF TOMORROW!

Redhood: Man of tomorrow my ass–

Nightwing:

Nightwing: Alright (sound of electroshock in the back) You will not–

Red Robin: Put the fucking esgrima stick down– PUT– ROBIN

Robin: Don't look at me, I'm not gonna do shit.

Nightwig, still laughing: You will not disrespect Superman in my house–

Signal: You cannot be fucking serious– NIGHTWING–

Redhood: No let him do it– Do it– Do it pussy–

-

Bruce being so done with life because none of his kids treat their medical files on the batcomputer with the importance it deserves. And the worst part is, he can't tell if it's on purpose or if they're all Just Like That.

Dick:

He loves his eldest son but for some reason, he refuses to do anything but put down estimated recovery times in his injuries folder. It's usually in the range of "2 weeks" to "48 hours" but that just leaves Bruce worrying about what happened.

One time, he put down 3 months and he nearly had a heart attack till his son called and told him Kor'i had dumped him and that this was how long he was going to be wallowing.

Jason:

Is nice enough to tell him what happened but doesn't add the degree of injury.

So he'll put down "stabbed" but won't elaborate on whether it was a flesh wound or worse. Bruce goes grey very, very early after Jason is on the field.

Tim:

Gives him just the location of the injury and leaves him to guess what happened.

Could say "arm" or "back of the head" or, on one memorable occasion, "spleen", but won't say what the heck happened to any of those parts.

Was he stabbed?? Shot at?? Who knows. Certainly not Bruce.

Damian:

Only mentions the retribution he got for any injuries he received.

"It's been handled", "he'll never be able to get the drop on me again" and more often than not, just the word "avenged".

Bruce is surprised he has any of his original hair colour left at all.

Duke:

By far the worst one. He writes down injuries in terms of his own pain scale.

Could write "OW!" or "Not Gucci" or "Better than that time Jason hit me in the face with a TV remote".

Once wrote "Non-fatal" which sent Bruce into a spiral because "holy shit Duke?? What do you mean non-fatal?? Yeah I sure hope your injuries weren't lethal?!"

Cass:

Has never been injured on patrol. Often leaves him question marks in her file which...yeah, fair enough.

bruh if people want me to stop sympathizing with villains they need to stop making the villains the ones who want to change broken systems

Maybe if I was prettier. Or maybe if I was more horrifying actually

Mitch McConnell

“I want to decompose in a bog” well you clearly don’t know the first thing about bogs. Clout chaser

Huge fan of the phrase "get pickled, idiot"

#They’re the same character

jesus christ. fine. ill say it. im sleepy. im sleepy, okay? do you know what being sleepy does to a person? to their spirit? i should be pitied.

What if we ate at Batburger, what then

Every time I think about how public the Waynes are. I get the urge to make a Tabloid front-page.

Today. I gave into those urges. So, here it is!