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“The spaces between my fingers feel even more empty without your fingers filling them. Your absence has a funny way of making itself known constantly. I don’t know how to cleanse myself of this desire for your presence, so I clad myself in my usual armor. I wear my best fake smile, my defense against questions about my well-being that I never give honest answers to. It’s not perfect. I can never seem to find any material strong enough to protect against my thoughts of you. They attack my heart and mind with things like the warmth of your embrace, and before I know it, my outer shell is crumbling just like my insides. I know that this isn’t forever, that I only have to bear the cold until you come by again, but the lack of your heartbeat is impossible to ignore. Being without you never gets easier.”

“let’s not allow distance make us strangers to each other. let’s make distance our chance to grow stronger the same way flowers do. flowers need light to blossom but the sun is so, so, so far away from here and yet, they grow up to be the most beautiful, strong and everlasting form of stunning grace and spectacular steadiness this world could ever embrace. let’s imitate them.”

(cc, 2019)

“Please don’t keep finding your worth on things that are painful to hold on to.”

“Now that I’ve lost all hope I always want less. I want less small talk, less friends, less noise and less commitments. I am making space for more authentic conversations, more real relationships, more time for solitude and more moments of freedom.”

“You say you love rain, but you use an umbrella to walk under it. You say you love sun, but you seek shelter when it is shining. You say you love wind, but when it comes you close your windows. So that’s why I’m scared when you say you love me.”

“Yes, I was infatuated with you: I am still. No one has ever heightened such a keen capacity of physical sensation in me. I cut you out because I couldn’t stand being a passing fancy. Before I give my body, I must give my thoughts, my mind, my dreams. And you weren’t having any of those.”

“You only really wanted me when your life felt empty. And I wanted you in rush hour traffic, a room full of people, even through all the noise.”

“How long they choose to love you will never be your decision.”

(cc, 2018)

“We mature with the damage, not over the years.”

“Acting like you don’t care is not letting it go.”

“Isn’t it fucking terrifying that no matter how many promises they made, no matter how long you’ve been together, someone can get up and walk out of your life without a second thought and you have to carry on living because the world doesn’t stop for any of us”