why can’t i be beautiful. why was i born to be so ordinary.

“noo my parents didn’t abuse me! they just accidentally made me lose all my faith in myself and caused me to feel like a worthless failure who’s never gonna be good enough to survive, and they might have hit me but it might have been just once or twice so it doesn’t count, right? they just happen to worsen my anxiety and depression constantly but I’m sure they don’t mean it!! I’m sure they have no idea how much I’m suffering and I don’t want to throw such harsh words as “abuser” around because they might find out I said such a thing and get angry, and it generally doesn’t end well for me when they’re angry! I also have bunch of holes in my memories and blurred events I’m not even sure happened in which I get hurt but who knows if I just made those up! Better be safe and assume I’m making things up and overreacting! I know if I confront them and ask them if they knew they hurt me they’re going to tell me I’m just being hysterical and imagining things for attention! They just really think they’re right! I need to keep in mind I’m indebted to them for feeding and sheltering me, god knows that was tough for them! They had a rough life too, they don’t need me accusing them of being abusers as well! Maybe it would be easier on them if I just died-“

These are the thoughts of child abuse victims. If your parents comments make you feel worthless and like a failure, they’re abusive. If your parents worsen your depression and anxiety, they’re abusive. If you’re scared of your parents they’re abusive. If they used violence to control you even once, they’re abusive. If they accuse you of being crazy or making things up when you confront them on hurting you they’re abusive. If they made you feel indebted for simply not letting you die on purpose, they’re abusive. If they forced you to focus on their lives and their perspective of you to the point where you can’t even acknowledge your own pain, injuries, and your own point of view, they’re abusive. If your parents make you feel like it would be better if you had never been born, or if you died, they’re abusive.

People with no childhood trauma is so confusing like what do you mean you cried to your mum and she helped you?

For any kids:

abuser: spends years meticulously isolating, grooming, trapping and sabotaging victim to the point where they don't know they're abused, blame themselves, think abuse is just normal, feel no confidence about any of their skills, have no one and no way of survival if they escape, and they're aware their lives are threatened if they try

society: well why didn't the victim just leave if they didn't like it :/

May you find someone who is gentle to you. May you get a person who sees you and figures you out, only to be consistently kind and understanding to you. Someone who finds it easy not to prod you where it hurts, and to respect that some things are uniquely painful to you. Someone who has the patience for all of your triggers, without trying to fix them. Someone who lets you take all of the steps in your recovery on your own, but cheers you on, on every step of the way.

i'm just a shell of a person. i have no desires. i don't want to do anything. get attached to anyone. leave my house. live. just want to physically fade the same way my mind has.

child: develops a mental illness or/and a trauma disorder from the years of parental abuse

parent: I will simply force the child to hide the symptoms and pretend I had nothing to do with it! That is what a good parent would do. Oh, and I will keep abusing them and making it worse.

I feel so poisonous. Sometimes I swear I can feel the poison snaking through my veins, polluting the air, tainting the water, absorbing into the food... everything I touch feels dirty. Disgusting. Repulsive.

Like me.

I was a bad daughter, a bad sister and a bad friend, so I'm not worried that they forget me quickly, I just hope they don't change their minds when they find me with my veins cut or hanging from a bridge

And every single day, the thought of dying.... with my music playing, alone in the darkness, body riddled with scars... becomes an easier concept.

it’s kind of alarming how many times this week I thought “I should just kill myself.“

Everybody around me has some kind of dreams, goals for the future.

When I look at the future, it's just an empty darkness.

There is no future for me because there is no hope. I am falling deeper into the hole and I am not getting out again.

Found on Facebook.

[lostandoverwhelmed]

Álszent

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A hegek a karodon...

Ma már te is tudod,hogy nem megoldás ha vagdosod magad,csak pillanatnyi könnyebbség érzést kelt benned de ugyan olyan szar marad minden így nincs értelme bántani magad ...

healed self harm scars do not need to blurred/covered or tw'd and u cant change my mind