Constant thinking

CHECK OUT THESE TALENTED DOGS.

my family is so. fucking weird and resistant to talking about anything. when i was a small child i asked my mother why she had a lot of gifts and things where people called her by another name and she like. didn’t give me a straight answer? it was her Hebrew name. like that’s literally it. that’s all u had to say 

great-great-grandma cohen refused to tell her younger children that they were related to her two eldest children

my family didn’t tell me about part of my actual name until i sent away for my social security info to get my driver’s permit in my junior year of high school. i have an entire middle name that no one ever felt the need to mention to me

i had to google my own brother to find out why we don’t talk about him anymore

one morning in seventh grade my mother was driving me to school and asked me if she was too overprotective. i told her “yeah, sometimes.” then she casually, calmly went, “maybe it’s because you were almost kidnapped as a baby”

she didn’t even elaborate until i asked her to explain

(my father later confirmed that i was, in fact, briefly stolen as an infant)

my mom just dropped this information on me for the first time and was then like “bye honey have a good day at school”

no one knows great-grandma ruth’s real last name 

this is some Lemony Snicket shit right here

please, keep this powerful totem of perfect protection with you at all times

this completely went over my head as a kid

i remember this and thinking “of course it’s his nose! what else can it be?”

but he didnt even say that… i made it up…

exposed

Pretty simple solutions.

How much you wanna bet these are college kids

i both worshiped him and was absolutely terrified of him

can we just skip to the part where I’m about to marry the love of my life and I’m financially stable and happy & all this shit is behind me already

I’d love to relax but it’s just not realistic

me: *is replaced* me: hahaha thats ok as long as ur happy :) :) :) :) :)

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENTS

Colonel- one of the nature center’s best ambassador birds- was extra chatty today.

Important very Regal Squeaks

that’s it that’s the entire series

Video: Dogs Demonstrate 5 Types of Hugs for Valentine’s Day

Can y'all believe that Adele kanyed her own damn self because she knew that the Grammys were too freaking racist to give Beyoncé what should’ve been hers for such a groundbreaking and monumental album like honestly I would die for both of them but Adele and I both know Beyoncé deserved that award

who has a car i will pay u $10 to run me over