Kiley Rae(:

im sorry if the fact that I know 1.7 languages is threatening to you

i know 2.4 languages…

ok thats great maybe keep that to yourself this isnt the language olympics

my ceiling fan has been clicking for months now and im starting to think the clicking is morse code intended to subconsciously reprogram me to be sad and tired all the time

Sounds like the ball bearing s are starting to go.

Yeah get a load of this guy over here. Dr. Knows Shit About Ceiling Fans. Let me tell you a bit about my background. I’ve had the ceiling fan since I was in the 5th fucking grade. I may have lost the remote for it years ago but believe me I know this baby inside out. I don’t know what the fucking a ball bearing is. I’ve never seen one and frankly it sounds like bullshit. Believe me when I tell you, I don’t have any patience for people who come into my life pretending to know shit about what goes on in my life. Think for a fucking moment before you come to me with this pedantic nonsense about ball bearings. Have you ever been to my house? seen my ceiling fan? I sincerely doubt it because I haven’t had friends over to my house since the Bush administration. Thats a very narrow window of time in which you could have seen my ceiling fan. And even then you probably hadn’t completed your course at the fucking ceiling fan academy. I worked at Home Depot for almost two years and I can tell you I spent my time in the department with the ceiling fans. I actually spent most of my time in the garden and patio section, but believe me, we had fans out there, big industrial ones. They kept us cool and I never heard a single fucking thing about a ball bearing. Please get fucked.

IM FUCKING SCREECHING

what the fuck is this

The one hour version is just as rad

penny for your  thoughts @stephenmcfeely

i cant believe this. i cant fucking believe this. i meant to send this to my boyfriend but instead i sent it to my boss right after i told her i was quitting all i wanted to do was make an inappropriate cookie joke but no i got mixed up texting two people at once and literally sent a picture of a chocolate chip cookie captioned “ooh she thique” to the fifty year old suburban mother of two of whom i have nothing but a strictly professional relationship with. after knowing me for almost a year and a half as a hard working and respectable employee this is the last thing i will ever say to her i can never go back to that shop again all because of this god damn cookie blunder What have i Done

Gymnastics

me trying to impress boys at the club

I’m impressed

I’m just cookin pizza!

# WHERE WOULD THIS HAVE GONE IF HE HADNT SMACKED HIM

Reblog this picture of me holding a Family Size box of Honey Nut Cheerios? I’d really appreciate it.

How can I say no to such a great photo and such a polite request?

i will always support this post

@mooserattler back on my dash!

Why isn’t this at a million notes, yet, Dante???

I’m not sure. Hey lovely people who have taken me over half way to a cool million! If you’d like to reblog again, I’d love that, if not, I still love you, and hope you’re having a great day. I’m gonna go do some stand up tonight.