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@kethamine / kethamine.tumblr.com

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kethamine

You know, people keep saying "just be yourself and the right people will gravitate towards you" and I always thought it was utter bullshit until I actually started

like

being my-fucking-self (or at least TRYING to, you know - kinda hard after 33 years of masking and pretending and WELL, fake it until you make it, I guess)

and

fuck.

FUCK.

(John Wick's voice) Yeah.

They do gravitate towards you.

kethamine
  • Tried the Bradshaw benchmark this week AS PRESCRIBED/RX'd because I have no regard for my own well-being. Was completely humiliated, but the fact that I managed to open the 6th round before the time cap REALLY made me happy. Bradshaw is just a bunch of RX exercises I am still unable to perform, so, yeah, that's a victory.
  • New Push Press PR of 115lb.
  • Tried the Peg Board for the first time. Managed to go up ONE row of holes. I AM COMING BACK FOR YOU, BITCH.
  • Increased my Snatch Balance PR from 35lb to 55lb.
  • COMPETITION TRAINING STARTED TODAY. AND I'M DEAD. This is going to be FUN. We tried the Helen benchmark and I proceeded to the WOD. 2h of training involving 40 x 65lb Snatches, 60 jump boxes, 1200m run, 3000m row, kipping pull-ups, 16lb kettlebell swings AND ab-mat sit-ups (I THINK 120 sit-ups, but I am not sure). Today was intense and it feels amazing and I really, really, really need to push my cardio.
  • I ALSO MANAGED TO RUN 5K AGAIN! At an awful pace? YES. I am still trying to get 5k UNDER 30min, but considering that it has been over a month since I was able to run this far, well, another victory!
  • Also learned that I CAN JUMP TO GRAB THE BAR. The lowest bars at the box, at least. I always thought it would be way too high for me, but I was wrong. I really hope there will be some kind of platform at the competition so I can jump into the bar instead of resorting to the rack step.
kethamine

Ok, but Calacreda said

"He gets the tube back to Chelsea and for the first time in his life, he is aware of people’s eyes on him: quickly, aimlessly, neutrally, but they rest on him, however briefly. He is seen. He is part of the city and its skyline and its people. He is physical, and individual. And for the first time, the thought brings him comfort."

and

"pleasure flowering from roughness like iridescence in an oil spill"

and

"Human. Ha. Is that what you would like me to be? Am I a human wrapped in corrosive steel, or am I an emptiness wearing a man’s skin?"

and

"This red string looks an awful lot like intestines."

AND I CAN'T STOP FUCKING THINKING ABOUT ALL OF THIS. The way fan writers can carve their words into your brain and live rent free on a three-story penthouse there is absolutely insane. I love fans.

AND this whole work is one of the best uses of the English language I have ever come across throughout my life. The way Calacreda uses their (I am not sure about preferred pronouns here, so I am going with the neutral option) words to evoke imagery and PAIN and the way they develop the narrative is artistry in its finest. And if you're into Eruri, dark stuff, and AMAZING aztion scenes, you should definitely check "Kraków" on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/40801350/chapters/102235206

There's also a whole dialogue between Hange and Levi that brought me to tears, but I'll let that be a treat for those that venture into the story.

#I have never been the same since I read the words PLEASURE FLOWERING FROM ROUGHNESS LIKE IRIDESCENCE IN AN OIL SPILL#and THIS RED STRING LOOKS AN AWFUL LOT LIKE INTESTINES can be applied to so many strings in my life so fucking accurate#I need Kraków carved into my eyelids burnt whole into my brain#EMPTINESS WEARING A MAN'S SKIN#really THE WRITER THEY ARE HOLY MOTHER OF JESUS#calacreda my beloved#kraków#krakow#eruri
kethamine
tatakaeeren
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tatakaeeren

Shingeki no Kyojin The Final Season | New Key Visual

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kethamine

I, for one, was not expecting to cry my fucking eyes out at 6 a.m. on a sunny Sunday, but this is the ultimate Attack on Titan experience. You forget about the MAPPA panel and then it hit you in the back of the head with a baseball bat swung by an Ackerman. I am not ready for this.

See you later, Eren.

#shingeki no kyojin#attack on titan#i for one welcome death#i'm still stuck at bauklotze during kanketsu-hen this is too much
kethamine

I've been feeling extremely alone because I am missing so many of my favourite characters. It is a weird feeling, like missing a friend you are used to having by your side all the time. Just as I said I am mourning a beloved relative for the second time with the complete wreck that Star Wars became. And I absolute admire the power a writer has to create characters that are so compelling that they feel alive and concrete and a legitimate company for those in a time of need. They are familiar. They feel like comfort. And they are not dead - for they will never die, made immortal through fanarts, fanfics, memories, metas, rewatches, etc. - but this longing aches and I can't pinpoint why. And I think this is what is missing from most of the entertainment being made nowadays, especially those Hollywood-made: they lack realness. They lack life. They lack compelling characters burning with life and being faithful to their own building. And so, I keep ignoring most of the new franchises being thrown at me and I keep coming back to those characters that I already know and that I hold dear, knowing that 1. they will always be conserved as they are in the amber of my memory, even though new shows can and will try to erase who they actually are (yeah, Star Trek and Star Wars, I am fucking talking to you), and 2. even if said show is over, I can both rewatch and rely on fans to keep it going forever.

This was supposed to be a rant, but it became a love letter to fans. That's why you fucking plan your script and your trilogies, JJ Abrams.

[Just wanted to let it be known that I am missing Buddy Daddies and their daughter, Saezuru Tori wa Habatakanai and the trauma, Attack on Titan and its perfection (because I am still unable to rewatch the Kanketsu-Hen without crying my lungs out), Deep Space 9 and the queerest Trek ever made, Our Flag Means Death and the queerest cast I have ever seen, and Daddy Din Djarin and his kid, you know, Grogu Djarin. I am also missing Kraków!Levi and Kraków!Erwin and this is why I fucking love fans so fucking much. Fan artists are the best people in the planet.]

kethamine

Star Wars, once again, managed to go from a source of hope and joy to causing a knee-jerk reaction way too similar to a traumatic-induced response. I really have no idea how bad you have to be at managing a franchise to achieve the same extreme reaction in the same fandom in less than 10 years. The Force Awakens and every wrong message and mischaracterization it brought caused me to run from Star Wars for almost 6 years. And they managed to do the same once again with The Mandalorian. Every single new movie, series, whatever they announce makes me want to throw up. It's like having to mourn a beloved relative for the second time. I hate what has become of Star Wars. Disney is a cancer and it will kill every franchise we love.